Chapter Three

Akiko gives Sakura the shot that should keep her from conceiving. It hurts for a moment, a pain as swift and minor as a bee sting. She hasn't kept up with her contraceptive since she lost Ryudo, but after what happened yesterday, it's clearly past time that she started taking precautions again. Sakura blushes when she remembers the day before, how Sasuke took her with all the pent up passion of a man who hasn't had his wife in months. It felt so good, to be touched by the husband she loves. Unwise, certainly, to have unprotected sex, but there's little and less she can do now, except wait.

"There you go," Akiko says. "That should last you until May."

Sakura nods. "Thank you."

She leaves the hospital and heads to Naruto and Hinata's house. The Hokage is busy running the village, but his wife is home with their daughter today.

Hinata lets her inside, smiling gently. When she hears a visitor's voice, Kushina runs into the living room and says, "Pick me up!"

"I don't know if I can," Sakura says, all mock seriousness. "You're getting so big. How old are you now?"

Like most children, Kushina is proud to announce her age. She holds up three fingers.

Sakura looks to Hinata. "Can you believe it's been three years since you delivered this little demon?"

Hinata shakes her head. "Barely," she says.

Sakura takes a seat on the couch. Kushina happily curls up in her lap and falls asleep within a minute. Hinata brings chamomile tea from the kitchen and they drink it while they chat about work.

"How did your last assignment go?" Sakura asks. "Naruto told me he was worried about you."

Hinata taps her teacup with fidgety fingers. "He worries too much," she says. "Everything went fine—but it's the last mission I'll be taking for a while."

Sakura frowns. "Why?"

Hinata smiles, but she looks more apologetic than happy. "I—I'm pregnant again."

"Oh. Congratulations." There's a moment, just a moment, in which she feels a brief stab of jealousy. But then she pushes it away and says, "That's great news, Hinata. I'm so happy for both of you."

"Thank you," she says, placing a protective hand over her still-flat belly.

"How far along are you?" Sakura asks.

"It's early days," Hinata says. "Just eight weeks."

"The morning sickness must be awful," Sakura says. "Mine was terrible at two months."

Hinata nods. "It's worse this time than with Kushina."

"Are you and Naruto hoping for a son?" Sakura asks. "A baby brother for this one here." She kisses the top of Kushina's head. The girl sleeps on, thumb tucked safely in her mouth.

"We'll be happy either way, of course, but I have a feeling it's a boy," Hinata says. She reaches over to pet her little girl's silky hair, and the tenderness of the gesture, so motherly and full of love, almost hurts to watch.

Sakura stays quiet all through dinner, but while they're washing dishes she asks, "Did you know Naruto and Hinata are having another baby?"

Sasuke shakes his head. "No, I didn't."

He isn't sure how to react to this news. For the most part, he's glad for his friend, but there's a side of him that can't help but feel envious. How is it fair that Naruto and his wife are allowed a second child when he and Sakura lost their one and only?

"Good for them," Sasuke says, and he leaves it at that.

Sakura looks at him suspiciously, as if she knows exactly what he's thinking—and she probably does—but she's kind enough not to pry.

He washes a plate, rinses it, and hands the dish to Sakura, who dries it and puts it away.

"I got my contraceptive shot today," she says briskly. "It was my first since before—since last year."

"Then yesterday, we weren't safe?" he asks. He hasn't had his own shot since he and Sakura decided to try for a child. There's something like dread settling in his stomach. Sasuke keeps washing dishes, almost mechanically. Soap, scrub, spray, over and over.

"It was only one time," Sakura says. "So hopefully there's nothing to worry about."

He nods, numbly, and hands the next clean cup to his wife to dry. We're not ready for another baby, Sasuke thinks. Not when they're still recovering from the loss of their first.

"I'll go to the hospital and get my shot tomorrow," he says.

Later, in bed, Sakura rolls him onto his back, straddles his hips, and looks at him with the kind of warmth he has so desperately missed. "I'm glad to be home," she says. "That hotel was lonely."

Sasuke plays with the bottom-most button of her pajama top. For once, she's wearing her own clothes to bed instead of his. "I'm happy you're back."

They kiss softly, shyly, like two people unsure of each other and the boundaries of their relationship. Sakura tastes like the rice wine she drank at dinner, and it reminds him of the first time they had sex, after his twenty-third birthday party. He asks if she remembers that night, and Sakura laughs. "As if I could ever forget," she says.

He wants to make love to his wife, but Sasuke is hesitant to initiate that kind of intimacy with her again. Yesterday was a mistake, in more ways than one. He doesn't want to revert back to the kind of relationship they used to have, one based on sex. Fragile as things are right now, he could see them sliding right back into old patterns if they're not careful.

So when Sakura slips her hands beneath his shirt, Sasuke catches her wrists and says, "We should take things slowly."

She escapes his grasp, keeps touching him, leans down so that her mouth is only a breath away from his. "Why?" Sakura asks.

When she's this close to him, offering herself, he can't help but kiss her. Still, Sasuke has the presence of mind to break away after a moment and say, "Because our marriage is more than this."

"Okay," Sakura says, and she pulls back, but he can tell from her tone that his rejection has hurt her.

There's a part of her that wants to be pregnant again. Sakura knows this is foolish, that her marriage is too broken to withstand the stress of a new baby while they're grieving over Ryudo. But she misses the weight of growing life in her belly, the tenderness she and Sasuke shared as they discussed names, as they considered their son's future. So no matter how many times she tells herself that another child would be a complication, not a blessing, Sakura can't help but hope anyway.

She and Sasuke are barely talking, and when they do speak to one another their conversation is stilted, awkward, or cold. Sakura wants to fuck her husband, to forget their problems and find solace in the sweetness of his kiss and the warmth of his hands on her body, but Sasuke seems determined to abstain from sex until they've made some progress toward mending their marriage. She isn't entirely sure why he's doing this, but Sakura retaliates by sleeping in nothing. Cuddling up to him, naked as the day she was born, and watching him squirm. It's mean, certainly, but she doesn't especially care. Sasuke can refuse her all he wants, but she isn't going to make it easy for him.

He lasts ten full days before he finally asks, "Why are you doing this, Sakura?"

It's midnight, and she's almost asleep, nestled close to Sasuke, completely undressed.

She smiles, smug and satisfied by the strain she hears in his voice. "I think that should be obvious." Sakura kisses his chest, lips lingering over his heart, and says against his skin, "I miss fucking you."

Sasuke's breath catches and his body goes tense. For a moment, she thinks she's won, that his resolve has broken, but then he turns on his side, away from her.

"Fine, ignore me," Sakura says, as hurt as she is angry. "You've always been good at that."

He does nothing, says nothing, but she's too used to his silences to be surprised by this.

"Damn it, Sasuke. Don't shut me out. Please." She places a hesitant hand on his shoulder and waits for something, anything, but he only remains still and silent.

Sakura gets out of bed and grabs her favorite pillow.

That gets his attention. Sasuke sits up and asks, "Where are you going?"

"The guest room," Sakura says. "That's where I'll be sleeping until you remember how to be a man."

She doesn't even make it to the door. Sasuke pushes her against the wall, hard enough to knock the breath out of her, but Sakura doesn't care, because his mouth is on hers, hungry and furious. His hands are rough, fingers bruising the round of her hips, but the pain feels like victory. Sakura drags her nails down his back, bites his lip. They kiss like this, more a battle with their bodies than any expression of love, until Sasuke picks her up and carries her back to the bed. He drops her to the rumpled sheets ungently, climbs in, and pins her hands above her head. Sasuke has never manhandled her quite like this, with such obvious frustration. Maybe it should scare Sakura, but it doesn't. If anything, his loss of restraint excites her.

"Is this what you want?" he asks, and she can tell from the tightness of his speech that he's trying to keep his voice steady, to maintain some semblance of discipline. It's a wasted effort, because Sakura knows that she's broken through that fine self-control he takes such pride in.

She wraps her legs around his waist, and it doesn't matter that Sasuke forgoes the foreplay he usually indulges in, because she's as wet as she's ever been in her life. He fucks her, one hand still trapping her wrists together, the other gripping her thigh so hard that she'll have marks there in the morning. Sakura doesn't care, though. Not when he's thrusting into her like this and he's looking at her so fiercely, dark eyes full of some kind of passion, a violent lust that thrills her. He doesn't stop until he's made her come twice. Only then does he let himself go.

But he isn't done with her yet. Sasuke wakes her twice in the middle of the night, first to tease her with his hands, then to fuck her again. By the time he lets her rest, the windows are lightening with dawn's approach, and Sakura feels sore and hard-used, but still aching with want.

Faint bruises encircle Sakura's wrists, color her hips and thighs, and Sasuke feels sick with himself. He hadn't meant to mark her like this.

"Sakura," he says, and he gently shakes her awake.

"Sasuke?" She blinks at him blearily, rubs her eyes. "What time is it?"

Sunlight filters in between the blinds, golden and bright. Sasuke lies close enough to her that he can see the flecks of grey in her pale green eyes, could count the freckles dotting the bridge of her nose if he wanted to.

"I'm sorry about last night," he says.

"Well I'm not." Sakura stretches and says, "I loved every moment of it."

He tries not to pay attention to the way her nipples are peaked, but it's difficult. "I bruised you," Sasuke says.

She shrugs. "So? That's nothing to heal. It'll take me all of a minute to fix."

"That's not the point," he says. "I hurt you."

Sakura bites her lip, then says, "Maybe I wanted you to hurt me."

Sasuke frowns. "That doesn't make any sense."

"Desire doesn't have to." She touches his chest, traces the characters of her name there: Uchiha Sakura.

He catches her hand, stilling her fingers. "Do you regret marrying me?" Sasuke asks.

Sakura looks away from him. She doesn't say anything for so long that she really doesn't need to answer at all.

"I see," Sasuke says, and he's relieved that his voice sounds even. No matter that he feels like his heart has stopped in his chest.

"I don't know how to feel about us right now," Sakura says.

"Do you still love me?" he asks. He brings her hand to his mouth, kisses her knuckles. A simple tenderness that he can't quite keep himself from indulging in.

"Nothing could make me stop loving you," Sakura whispers. She brushes his hair out of his face with a simple fondness that makes his breath catch.

"We can get through this," Sasuke says. "We just need to be patient."

"I want to stop feeling this way." Sakura sniffs, wipes at her eyes. "I'm sick of being sad and angry all the time. I want to be happy again, but I don't know how."

"I know," he says, and he pulls her into a hug, kisses the top of her head. "I know."

"Is this how you felt?" Sakura asks. Her words are small and quiet, but he's close enough to hear them anyway. "After you lost your family?"

"Something like that," he says, and now he might as well be a little boy again, hurt, scared, and alone. "Their deaths were so unfair I could barely breathe for it."

"I wish there was a reason he died," Sakura says, and now she's crying against his chest. "Even if it was my fault, at least then I'd know why it happened."

He holds her tighter, buries his face in her soft hair, and breathes in the clean scent of her shampoo.

"I don't know how you stand it. Living with that much loss," she says. "I couldn't. I'm not strong enough."

Sasuke shakes his head. "That's not true. You're the strongest person I know."

Sakura laughs, but it doesn't sound like she finds anything funny. She pulls away from him, brushes away her tears. "I need to get ready. I've got a shift at the hospital soon."

"Right," he says. "When will you be home?"

"Midnight, maybe a little after." She gets out of bed, and he can't help but admire the beauty of her, bare under the morning light. Small breasts, narrow waist, strong thighs. Blush pink hair and fair skin, just waiting to be touched.

Maybe she sees something in the way he's watching her, because Sakura says, "I need to shower. Care to join me?"

Accepting her offer is unwise, Sasuke knows, but it's too late to take back last night, and even if he could, he doesn't think he would.

They fuck almost every day now, and Sasuke initiates their sex nearly as often as Sakura does. She understands what this is: a distraction from their problems, a pleasurable diversion that allows them to set aside their anger and their grief for a little while. Like a bandage over a wound, it's something to keep the bleeding under control, but it isn't doing a thing to heal the injury.

It reminds Sakura of the days when she let Sasuke use her. When she was so desperately deep in one-sided love that she allowed him to fuck her however and whenever he wanted without demanding anything else. Only this time he's the one who wants more, and she's the one who doesn't know how to give it.

Sasuke hasn't taken a single mission since he returned from the Earth Country and found out that she lost the baby. He's trying to stay for her sake—for the sake of their marriage—but Sakura knows her husband, and she can see when he's growing restless. He hates being confined to one place for too long, and it's been months since he left Konoha.

"You should go," Sakura says at breakfast.

"Excuse me?" he asks.

"You should talk to Naruto. Take a mission, go somewhere." She sips her hot tea, then says, "I know you want to make up for being gone when I lost the baby, but imprisoning yourself in the village isn't going to do that. And I can tell you're sick of being here."

"What makes you think that?" Sasuke asks.

"You're always looking out the window, like you want to be somewhere else," Sakura says, "and your nightmares are getting worse."

He leaves two days later, his travel cloak around his shoulders, for a mission he tells her nothing about. She gets Naruto to admit that it's S-class, very dangerous, and in the Water Country.

It's their Sunday lunch at Ichiraku, and her friend promises, "He'll be fine."

"I know." Sakura takes a bite of her soft-boiled egg, then says, "Sometimes I think there isn't anything Sasuke can't handle."

"The bastard is pretty strong," Naruto agrees.

"How's Hinata?" Sakura asks, "And the baby?"

"Both good," Naruto says, smiling softly.

Sakura still hasn't had her period, but it isn't due for another day or two. She could have taken a test, but some part of her was too afraid of the answer—whatever it might be—to do that.

It doesn't much matter though, because in the middle of the night she wakes up cramping, and when she goes to the bathroom, she finds her underwear stained with red.

I'm not pregnant.

There will be no baby, and Sakura isn't sure whether she is more relieved or heartbroken.

Author's Notes: Thank you for all the reviews, favorites, and follows that the last chapter received. You guys are the absolute best!