After spending a sleepless night staring at the ceiling above his bed and wondering what the hell he'd been thinking when he'd kissed Hermione Granger, Remus still had no conclusion.
It had been an accident at first, he could admit that. Hermione had not meant to kiss him. He had practically tasted her surprise. Perhaps that was it – her taste. Even with her lips closed, he had tasted her in his mouth. It had been glorious. No other woman had tasted too sweet, so pure, like Hermione.
But that wasn't enough for him to completely lose his head like he did.
Maybe it was her smell. She didn't cover herself with perfumes like every other female in Hogwarts. With his heightened sense of smell, it could be nauseating at times. But Hermione…she smelled natural, earthy, and it had hit a certain spot within his brain that had sent him into primal mode. As he'd continued to kiss her, another smell reached his nose – female arousal. She'd become aroused by him and it had inflamed his animal urges.
He was in such turmoil that he didn't sleep one bit. He hated that he had lost control of himself, especially with Hermione. He always had power over himself, with everything he did. How could one girl have him go completely animalistic? He had wanted to consume her. He wanted her taste in his mouth, her scent on his body. He'd wanted to take, take, take. This was not normal behavior for Remus. Women never affected him on such a level.
Tap, tap, tap.
Remus inhaled and listened. What was that?
Tap. Taptaptaptaptap.
Was that…was someone knocking on the portrait to his rooms? He launched out of his bed and went into his sitting room, staring at the door.
Taptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptap.
"Alright!" he called, moving to the doorway. He eased it open and stared with raised eyebrows at the crowd before him.
All the male Weasleys, with the exception of Charlie and Percy, accompanied by Harry stood in the hall.
"Yes?" Remus asked tonelessly.
"Mate," Harry said, looking torn between excited and hesitant. "You're getting married in a few hours."
"I know, Harry," Remus replied cautiously. What did they want?
"We're here to give you company in the meantime," Arthur said gently, giving him a look that told him this man knew almost exactly what he was feeling.
"Come on in," Remus said, stepping back from the door.
The men followed him into his private rooms. Fred and George flopped onto his couch and set a fire in the grate.
"Shouldn't you be at your shop?" Remus asked them, settling himself into an armchair.
"We're taking the day off," George said cheerfully, stacking his hands behind his head.
"It's not every day something this important takes place," Fred said seriously, settling his feet on the coffee table.
Remus sighed. At least he had something to divert his attention from his impending marriage.
"So Remus," Harry said, glancing around the room. "What are you wearing to the ceremony?"
"I have dress robes," Remus said with a yawn. The lack of sleep was going to kill him. "They're hanging up in my room."
Fred immediately hopped up from the couch and went to investigate. Remus had no energy to stop him. As long as he didn't do anything to them, it was fine.
Arthur meandered over and sat in the chair next Remus. He gave him a warm look.
"Nervous?" he asked softly.
"A little," Remus admitted.
"It's a mighty fine thing you're doing for Hermione," Arthur said, giving his shoulder a squeeze.
"You need to gain some weight, mate," George said, eyeing Remus's naked torso.
"I'm working on it," Remus replied defensively. "After years of learning to eat as little as possible it's going to take a bit."
He'd gained twenty pounds since returning to Hogwarts, but it still wasn't enough to make him look healthy. He just didn't like to eat too much.
"Damn!" Fred exclaimed from the other room. Six heads turned to the bedroom door. "These are quite spiffy!"
Fred emerged from the bedroom holding the hanger with Remus's dress robes.
"Are they new?" Harry asked, standing up and taking a closer look.
"No," Remus replied. "They just look nice because I haven't taken them out of the bag in years."
Harry fingered the navy blue material lightly. "When did you last wear them?"
"Actually, I believe it was your parent's wedding," Remus said, causing laughter from the men surrounding them. All except one.
"So," Ron said. "That would be before Hermione was even born."
The room went quiet and Remus rubbed the bridge of his nose. He was not in the mood to deal with love-sick teenagers.
"Harry, Ron," Arthur said suddenly. "Why don't you go to the kitchens and get us some food and drinks?"
Harry, understanding immediately, nodded and pulled Ron out after him. Ron didn't look too happy, but he didn't fight it either. Remus decided to omit the fact that he had a special piece of parchment that was connected directly to the kitchens. He only had to write what he wanted and it appeared within moments. Once the door shut behind them, Arthur sighed.
"I'm sorry, Remus," he said sadly. "Ron's always had a bit of a yen for Hermione."
"I know," Remus replied, letting his head fall back and covering his face with his hands. "That only makes this even worse, and it's not a great situation to begin with."
"You could do worse than Hermione," Bill said, flopping down next to George. Fred took Remus's dress robes back into his room and returned to sit next to his twin.
"Sure, she's bossy and a know-it-all," George said sagely. "But she's mighty fun to look at."
"I've always loved her hair," Fred chirped. "It's all wild and crazy. It's the kind of hair you want to grip in your fingers."
"And she isn't stupid," Bill added. "She's has to be the smartest witch I've ever met."
"And she has those huge brown eyes!" Fred exclaimed. "You could get lost in them!"
"And she's so neat," George said. "Whenever she stayed at our house, her things were always put away in perfect little rows. At least she isn't a slob."
"Why aren't one of you marrying her again?" Remus asked bemusedly. Fred and George frowned at each other.
"You know, that's a valid question," Fred said.
"We should take it up with Dumbledore," George replied.
"Boys," Arthur said tiredly. "Stop being irritating."
"That's like asking the sun not to shine," Bill quipped.
"If you're all trying to distract me," Remus interrupted. "It's not working."
"What's got you so nervous?" George asked.
Remus rubbed his hands over his face once more and pushed himself to his feet. "I thought it was going to a marriage in name only," he said, pacing in front of the hearth. "I thought I'd keep her safe. But now I'm getting letters from the Ministry telling me…"
He stopped. He wasn't sure he wanted to give the twins this kind of ammunition.
"It's only sex, Remus," Bill said. Remus stopped and turned to the other man.
"Only sex?" he repeated. "She's seventeen years old! I've known her since she was thirteen! I'm over twice her age! Doesn't that seem a little odd to you?"
"In my opinion," Bill said wisely. "You're thinking too much."
"I agree," Fred said magnanimously. "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth."
"You people are insane!" Remus snapped.
"It doesn't mean anything," Arthur said reasonably. "You both are adults and can treat the situation with maturity."
Remus decided to just remain silent. Hermione's virginity was her own business. He wasn't going to talk about it. But Gods he wished he could ask for some advice.
He felt completely out of his depth. How could he possible just tear apart her innocence and walk away? It was completely unfair to her, plus he wasn't sure he'd be able to walk away. After tasting her kiss, he couldn't help but wonder – how would the rest of her taste?
Harry and Ron reappeared right about then and conversation was steered to Quidditch. Remus didn't talk much, for his stomach was starting to roll.
Hermione stood outside of McGonagall's office door, wondering what the hell the woman wanted. Hermione was in an irritable mood, for she hadn't slept at all. She'd tossed and turned all night, thinking about the wedding, the wedding night, and the kiss… She tried to think of other things, she really did, but her brain wouldn't cooperate. She'd find herself thinking back to those soft lips on hers, those rough hands on her back…
She was so dumb. It was only a kiss.
The previous afternoon she'd spent a few hours in the Potions lab, hoping the work would help clear her mind. Having to explain to Snape why she needed his classroom after school was out for the day had been utterly mortifying.
He'd looked down his large nose at her, enjoying her discomfort, as she'd stammered about contraceptive potions. To her complete astonishment, he'd not argued with her. Instead he'd waved a hand into the room and stalked into his office. He'd kept the door open, making brewing the second potion, the one for Lupin, a little tricky because she didn't want Snape to know she was making it, but he'd never once come to check on her. She'd cleaned up her worktable and hid the potions in her bag and approached the doorway hesitantly.
"Professor?" she asked in a small voice.
"What do you want now, Miss Granger?" he asked in irritation, never once looking up from the essays he was grading.
"Might I, uh, be able to perhaps use the classroom to brew potions after school hours once a week?" she had inquired while blushing bright red. He looked up and raised an eyebrow.
"So often?" he asked innocently, giving her no doubt that he was enjoying tormenting her.
"The Ministry has told us, that is to say that we're under the law to – I mean we can't-"
"You may, Miss Granger," he said, waving his hand once more at her to leave.
So she had her potions hidden up in her room in the drawer of her nightstand. She'd already taken the contraceptive potion because it lasted twenty-four hours and she didn't want to forget. She'd grab the one for Lupin before the wedding ceremony and ask Ginny to hide it in her pocket for her.
Parvati and Lavender had gone into Hogsmeade that morning, chatting away about the Halloween dance and what they should wear. So far, Hermione had just heard rumors about the dance. Chances were one wouldn't be taking place.
She had wanted to lie in bed a little longer this morning, just enjoy the quiet of the empty room, but an elf appeared with a note from McGonagall asking her to come to her office and bring her dress robes.
So there she was. Her periwinkle blue robes in one hand and the other placed on her hip. She was really not in the mood for this.
She knocked on the door and it flew open. Before Hermione had any idea what was happening, hands reached out and pulled her inside. Strange noises, like squealing, surrounded her. Was she being attacked? The hands tightened around her arms. Was she being kidnapped? Had the Death Eaters found a way to get her?
She shoved the hands off and looked around. No Death Eaters. But from the looks on the faces of the females before her, she thought she might have a better time with the Death Eaters.
"Hermione!" Ginny exclaimed. "This is so exciting! We're here to get you ready! Why didn't you tell me you were getting married? I couldn't believe-"
"Don't smother the girl, Ginny," Mrs. Weasley chided. She turned her cheerful face to Hermione. "Come in and sit, dear."
"Wotcher, Hermione," Tonks yawned. "I didn't find out about this until last night, and there was a unanimous vote that we should be here."
"She needs support!" McGonagall said imperiously. "This is a big day for her."
"Really, this isn't necessary," Hermione said quickly. "I was just going to throw my robes on and-"
"Nonsense," Mrs. Weasley scoffed. "There will be no throwing."
"Unless Lupin gets a little rough," Ginny snickered.
"Ginevra Weasley!" Mrs. Weasley gasped, looking scandalized. Ginny just rolled her eyes and smirked at Hermione.
"Sit," McGonagall said, pushing her into a chair before the large desk. She tugged the blue robes from Hermione's hand and hung them on a hanger, sizing them up. "These are lovely, my dear, but I'm going to change them up a bit. Nothing that can't be put back, mind."
Hermione was about to protest, not seeing the point, but Ginny suddenly was behind her and forced her head to look straight forward.
"Up, I think," she said. "Don't you think so, Mum?"
"Oh yes," Mrs. Weasley replied. "Do one of those twisty things, I love those. It will make her neck look lovely."
"What about a cascade?" Ginny supplied. "She has enough hair and with the curls, it'll look fabulous. What do you think, Tonks?"
"Oh no," Tonks said raising her hands up before her. "I'm not offering any advice on hair or make-up or whatnot. I'm here for the food."
Hermione snickered as Ginny pulled her hair back. She sat silently as the girl tugged and twisted, trying to manage her hair. She decided, just for the sake of peace, she'd let them do whatever they wanted. If she didn't like it, she'd change it.
"I must say, Hermione," Mrs. Weasley said. "You look unusually calm for a girl about to get married. I was terrified on my day."
"Well, I'm sure you just had more time to get nervous," Hermione replied. "I've only had two days."
"You're not nervous for tonight?" Tonks asked, cocking her head to the side.
"Erm, well maybe but it's really not-"
"Remus knows what he's doing," Mrs. Weasley interrupted with a nod. "A man of his age, he should have a lot of experience."
"He's never been with a virgin before," Hermione said quietly. She decided not to tell them that they were going to use the potion to make it as quick as possible. For some reason, she thought that it would be lost on this crowd.
"You're a virgin?" Tonks said incredulously. Hermione nodded. "Wow. I lost mine when I was fifteen."
"I'm still a virgin," Ginny said cheerfully.
"I'm glad to hear that," Mrs. Weasley said, giving her daughter a bright smile.
"You both are making me feel like a slut," Tonks said petulantly.
"From what you've said on occasion, you kind of are one," Ginny said. Tonks made a rude hand gesture, much to Molly's chagrin, and Ginny stuck her tongue out at her.
"There's only one bit of advice for virgins, dear," Mrs. Weasley said gently, taking Hermione's hand. "Relax and breathe, and just remember that the second time is always better than the first."
"At least you'll have good visuals," said Tonks with another yawn as she reached for a cookie on McGonagall's desk.
"What do you mean?" Hermione asked.
"I've seen the man almost naked," Tonks said conspiratorially. Ginny made a noise of interest. Molly looked heavenward as though asking for patience, but she didn't put a stop to the conversation. Did Hermione really want to hear this? "I barged in on him as he was getting out of the shower. I guess he forgot to lock the door."
"And?" Ginny asked, pulling a bit more of Hermione's hair back.
"The man's got no fat anywhere," Tonks said. "He's one of those people that just had natural muscles. He had a towel covering his bits, sad day, but I got to see the rest of him. He's got scars and such, but man! You could do laundry on his abs!"
"He's lost a bit of weight since then, though," Hermione said.
"He's gaining it back," McGonagall replied. "He just needs solid meals, which he's getting here at Hogwarts."
"So you're marrying a nice, hot, experienced older man with washboard abs and a nice paycheck," Tonks said, ticking Lupin's attributes off her fingers. "Wanna trade places?"
Hermione giggled and then winced as Ginny jabbed a pin into her skull. The next few hours were quite enjoyable. Tonks was more than happy to tell some of her sexual exploits, making Hermione and Ginny laugh while Mrs. Weasley and McGonagall rolled their eyes.
Ginny tried to talk Hermione into make-up, but Hermione refused. Tonks said that was smart because it would just get smudged and ruined later, making Hermione blush.
When McGonagall finally finished on her dress and showed it to Hermione, she was lost for words.
The robes were no longer blue, and no longer really robes. It was a wedding dress, pure and simple, but one of the most beautiful things Hermione had ever seen.
"You didn't have to-"
"This is a terrible situation you and Remus are in," McGonagall said softly, standing next to Hermione and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "I want to make the best of it. So you'll wear this, you'll look beautiful, and you'll have as real to a wedding as we can get."
Hermione's eyes filled with tears and Mrs. Weasley offered her a handkerchief. No one stopped her when she collapsed into a chair and burst into tears. What she was crying about – the wedding, the dress, her life – she wasn't sure. But it felt good to cry it out anyway.
The wedding was to take place at four-thirty in some room in the western part of the castle. Hermione had never even heard of it before. She followed Mrs. Weasley, who somehow knew the way, while arm and arm with Ginny.
She still couldn't quite get over her dress. It was pure white, with a low neckline and long sleeves that came to a point in her middle knuckle. The waist was corseted, making her appear to have hips, which she really didn't, and the skirt was full and fell all the way to the floor, even though Hermione was wearing heels. She wanted to appear taller, especially since Lupin was a good ten inches taller than her in her bare feet.
"The ceremony is quite exhausting," Mrs. Weasley said from in front of her.
"Why's that?" Hermione asked.
"All the spells and magic being woven into the pair of you," she replied airily. "The fidelity charms, and the bonding spell. That one is the worst, believe me. At first after the wedding it's really a nuisance, but you'll get used to it."
"Why is it-"
"Here we are!" Mrs. Weasley said brightly. They were outside a pair of white double doors that had to be at least twelve feet tell. "Let's go!"
Hermione suddenly felt faint. She didn't want to go in there. She didn't want to get married. She had a life that she was supposed to live, and this wasn't it. If she ran would she have enough of a head start? Would she be able to hide herself and never be found? If she put her mind to it…
She began to shake, but Ginny and Mrs. Weasley had already gone inside. Tonks turned to her with a grin but saw how pale Hermione had become.
"Now, none of that, missy," she said, walking up to Hermione and grasping her shoulders. "I know you want to run. I know you don't want this, but if you don't go in there and marry that nice man, you're fate's worse than death. Between the two, being a weapon of mass destruction or marrying a guy with a killer body, I'd say the answer is obvious. Yes, it's forever. But there are worse fates."
"But there's a potion! In my room! I have to go get it!" And run like hell, she thought silently.
"Sure there is," Tonks said with a roll of her eyes. "You can get your 'potion' afterward."
"But-"
"After, Hermione Granger," Tonks said sternly. She gripped Hermione's shoulders and steered her to the door. "Now march!"
Hermione stuttered a bit more, but the grip Tonks had on her was tight. Once inside, she shut the door behind them.
Hermione stopped in her tracks and stared around the room in awe, momentarily forgetting her fears. The whole back wall was stained glass. There wasn't any real design to it, just huge blocks of colored glass that looked like they had been thrown up on the wall at random. Late afternoon sunlight shown through it, making the room appear dim with the exception of the bright glass wall and the colored reflections on the white marble floor.
There was no furniture in the room. The walls were white and candles were floating around the people milling about, including the Weasleys, Harry, McGonagall, Flitwick, Dumbledore, Snape, and a short man she didn't know.
Nervously, she looked for Remus and almost missed him completely. She would have if he hadn't turned and saw her and gone still. He was standing next to the short man in front of the stained glass, and he looked amazing. His hair was combed back from his face and with the light coming from the glass the planes and edges of his face were thrown into sharp relief. His golden eyes seemed to glow as they wandered over her, taking in her dress.
Her own eyes took in the sight of him. He was wearing beautiful blue robes that showed off his broad shoulders, though they were slightly big on him, as though he'd lost quite a bit of weight since the last time he wore them. There was some sort of thing around his neck, a white piece of cloth, tied in an intricate knot. Why did he always hide it? What was it about his neck that fascinated her?
The people around the room suddenly realized she was there, for she heard small exclamations, but she didn't pay any attention. She was too busy staring at her soon-to-be husband. Tonks was right; he was good enough to eat.
Her hollow stomach clenched. She really should have eaten something. Her palms felt sweaty and her head felt light again, but she didn't want to run this time.
Dumbledore gestured her forward and she joined him, the short man, and Lupin at the back of the room. Everyone went silent. She could hear her heart thumping madly in her chest and she wondered vaguely if she was going to pass out.
"This is Seymour North," Dumbledore said, gesturing to the little man. "He'll be officiating."
Seymour North gave her a cheery grin and she felt mild relief. He was cute, looking between her and Lupin with nothing more than merriment. Obviously, this man loved his job. Dumbledore sidled away to stand by McGonagall.
"Shall we get started?" North asked jovially. Hermione glanced at Lupin and they both nodded at the same time. "Alrighty then. First we'll do the vows, just repeat what I say, and then we'll get into the spellwork. We'll leave the binding spell for last, because it's rather intense for some people. It might not be for you, but better safe than sorry, eh?"
Hermione grinned at the little man, feeling more relaxed from his friendly manner. The vows went by in a blur. Hermione repeated the words she was supposed to, listened to Lupin's baritone voice as he did the same. They were then told to face each other and raise their left hands, palms forward.
Her hand was shaking and it relieved her to see that his was too.
"Take the rings in your right hands," North said. Hermione took the ring from her thumb and smiled as Lupin took her ring from his pinky. "Well those are good places to keep them safe," North said with a jolly smile. Lupin gave her a conspiratorial smirk that sent unwanted heat to her abdomen. She smiled faintly back.
"Now, together, slide them onto the ring finger of each other's left hand," North continued. She moved the ring to Lupin's finger and watched as it resized itself to fit him on the way down. She moved her eyes from watching him put the ring on her, to her own hand putting it on him. Once they were on, perfectly sized, North nodded. "Now clasp left hands."
Lupin placed his hand palm to palm with hers and slid his fingers between her own. She grinned when she realized his hands were sweating too. They held each other's hand and waited.
"Let's begin with the Fidelity Charm," North said. He retrieved his short wand from his pocket and began to move it around their joined hands. Absently, she realized Lupin chewed his fingernails. She felt a sudden heat in her hand and quickly looked at Lupin. He gave her a reassuring smile and squeezed his fingers around hers.
"Now we have the truly rude little spell that Ministry has told me I must do," North said with a pinched look. "I apologize for this." He swished his wand between them, ignoring their startled looks. What was he talking about?
Her insides suddenly felt like they were squirming. She gasped and twitched, but the feeling was gone as soon as it came. Lupin's eyes suddenly got very wide and he grunted slightly. He glared at North, who looked apologetic.
"Sorry," he said. "It's over now."
"You could have bloody warned me," Remus said lowly.
North, suddenly looking like he was trying not to smile, continued, "Now it's to the binding. For a few moments, you'll be sharing energies and magic. Some people lose their breath for a moment, others feel dizzy. Some people don't feel anything at all! So, take a deep breath and let's finish."
Hermione was suddenly nervous. What did he mean, some people felt things while others didn't? What did it mean if you felt something? What did it mean if you didn't? Lupin didn't look worried, however. He watched the little man as he began a serious of complicated wand movements.
He was saying something, a spell, but she couldn't hear it over the sudden rushing in her ears. Her skin prickled and she involuntarily tightened her grip on Lupin. He looked startled, like her. It was getting hard to breathe. It felt like the energy was being squeezed out of her body. Her head felt faint again and she started to sway on her feet. She was going to pass out, she knew it. She needed air, she needed that energy back or she was going to fall.
Suddenly there was an overwhelming surge of power hitting her like a tidal wave. She gasped as all of her nerve-endings tingled throughout her body. Then it was gone, leaving her light-headed and disoriented. Her legs gave out and she fell to her knees at the same time Lupin did, still grasping his hand.
Unconsciously, they leaned into each other for support to stay upright. Her head fell forward and she found her face pressed to his neck as he lowered his head to her shoulder. They were both breathing as if they'd run miles in a matter of minutes.
"Are you alright?" he whispered breathlessly.
She nodded, though she wanted to keel over and go to sleep.
"I now pronounce you man and wife," North said happily. "You," he tapped Lupin on the top of his head, "may kiss the bride."
She wasn't sure she had the energy to move, but everyone was cheering and it was expected. She let her head roll back and she gazed at Lupin, her husband, groggily. He smiled dazedly and covered her mouth with his own. It was brief, too brief for Hermione's liking but then again, she was in front of all her friends.
He lifted his head as the cheers got louder. He then moved from his knees to him bum and stretched his legs out before him. Hermione followed, he was still holding her hand, and sat next to him. Her skirt billowed around her, covering part of Lupin's legs as she stretched her own out, showing her white heels. The room around them was clapping and whistling and Hermione grinned sleepily. There was a flash as one of the Weasley twins took a picture.
"Drinks!" the other twin shouted. Soon people were crowded around a table that Hermione hadn't noticed in the back. Neither she nor Lupin got up to go over. That would take too much energy. The floor was perfectly nice. Mr. North walked around from behind them and gave them another cheery grin.
"Congratulations!" he announced. "I haven't seen a power surge like that before in my entire time of marrying couples!"
She shrugged, not sure what to say to that, and looked at Lupin, who didn't appear to be paying attention. Mr. North chuckled and moved over to Dumbledore.
"I could use a nap," Lupin said.
"Me too," Hermione replied. He still had her left hand in his, though the clasped hands were resting on his thigh. Their rings winked in the candle light, for the sun had gone down, making the stained glass go dark.
"Well that was pretty interesting," said Harry, walking over and sitting next to her on the floor. He handed her a drink. She didn't know what it was, but she drank it anyway. Harry was looking at her a bit hesitantly, even more uncomfortable than he had been in the previous few days. She wanted to tell him everything was fine, but she didn't have enough energy to care at the moment. She'd do it later.
Lupin's shoulder looked mighty comfortable. Would he care if she leaned her head on it? She did it anyway. If he cared, he'd shrug her off. His shoulder was comfortable. Before she knew it, her eyes drooped and she fell asleep, right there on the floor in her wedding dress with her head on her husband's shoulder.