Rage
December 14th 2013
It was a day like any other.
The snow had started to fall, covering the skyscrapers, the busy city, and the streets with a clean sheet of white carpet. I knew that in a few days however, the snow would turn brown and black. Something so pure tainted by humanity. Taking a long drag of my cigarette, I stared out the window, inhaling the sounds of the bustling street below. New York certainly was something during Christmas time, people running around frantically trying to find meaningless gifts. While others pretended that they gave a damn about the poor by giving to some organization—which they'd ignored all year round. In Texas I loved Christmas with momma and Danny, it was the best time of the year. Although we didn't have much, we made do with what we had. I could even recall a time when we got our heat cut off and we all had to huddle around a fire that momma made. Danny refused to go home, he declared us his new family. Deep in memory I chuckled, placing my cigarette in the ashtray on the windowsill.
Of course Christmas in prison was nothing like that. No presents were exchanged or warm season's greetings, just some of the guys watching television or writing letters to their loved ones. Riley and I just hung out in our rooms, since I didn't have family and Riley's mom was very sick and could only take phone calls. It was nice; we spent all our time in bed together just talking about nothing and everything. I can even smell Riley's sweet smell of vanilla and despite his objections he always smelled like it. Some days I desperately wished to get lost in that smell again, to have his silk hair threaded between my fingers as he traced absentmindedly at my tattoos.
Sighing, I crushed whatever was left of that cigarette and started stripping off my clothes. Turning off all the lights in my bedroom I stood in front the window in all my naked glory. Briefly I thought about jerking off, to feel the cold spikes of shivers down my spine as I touched myself, feeling exposed in debauchery. But these days nothing made me hard, except—if I was being truly honest with myself—there was one person that did ignite a fire, I thought had long ago died. In many ways I was desperate for human interaction, a form of connection—a spark of recognition or simulation, for someone to understand and see my pain. For a long time I thought Edward was that person, my twin spirit. Who knew that being hard often outweighed being soft and that hardness would help us survive. It was in that fallacy I found solitude, of course in the end he turned out to be the deranged, corrupted embodiment of his father.
As the long days dragged on I remembered Dr. Carlisle Cullen more clearly, as if he were a painting put right in front of my face, I could almost picture his sincerity for Edward. Since we were kid's he'd always been there, a shadow in the background. Overseeing his steps, his devotion was unwavering and I recalled that at the time we all found it a little disturbing. In the group Edward was a fiery creature, always looking for a fight, never backing down. It was that spirit that at first made me want to break him, but soon after I found it endearing. I'm sure Carlisle was the same way, until he had grown to love the boy as his very own and then snatched him from us like a thief in the night.
I was furious.
Nearly a year after Edward joined our gang we learned that he was being adopted by the doctor. The news hit us like a goddamn hurricane, tearing everything in sight with its vicious winds and I felt the resentment boil in my stomach.
Edward was my best friend.
To have the only stable thing in my life ripped away had broken me. It wasn't long after that, I began numbing the pain with my dick seated firmly inside Peter. It was easier to forget and soon I found it harder to remember. I had built walls so thick that nothing could penetrate.
Crawling into bed I watched as the moon slowly raise, the sky growing darker but the sounds increased as the nightlife was awakening. In my dreams, I saw a mirror image of myself. An angry scar sliced through the right side of my face, permanently disfiguring me, stared back. The old Jasper appeared, taunting me before abruptly becoming what I was now.
I awoke with a scream.
Dawn shone through the window and I rubbed a hand over my sodden face. It was like my usual dreams only this time not of demons and mythical creatures, it was me. Getting out of bed I walked bare-ass naked to the bathroom and turned on the shower. I dressed casually for my day at work with Edward, in simple black slacks and a dark gray long sleeve shirt. I walked out of my room and went into the kitchen, Garrett was there fixing himself a cup of coffee. Without speaking to him I went to grab my own.
"I don't like you."
I turned to stare at him wondering what I did to bring that on. "I didn't know we were tryna be friends?"
"I think you are trash—no worse than trash I think you are the fucking scum of the earth." He sneered.
"As opposed to yer uppity stuck up ass? I'll take bein' scum any day,"
Condescendingly he stared down at me. "I think Edward deserves better than you and if you ever put your fucking trailer trash hands on him again I'll wipe the floor with your ass,"
"Morning," Edward said brightly, waltzing into the kitchen. Thankfully he didn't see me sending Garrett a fixed glare. He offered me a cup of coffee, which he stirred milk and sugar into.
"Mornin'," I mumbled, taking a sip I nearly gagged. It was far too sweet for my taste, so I went to the sink to dump it out.
"Something wrong with the coffee?" Garrett asked, agitation seeping through his voice.
I ignored him.
"If Jasper wants to make it himself let him," Edward said, trying to defuse the situation. Garrett rolled his eyes but didn't say anything after that.
"Are you riding with us to work today?" Edward asked casually.
Garrett snorted. "No, I will take my own car thank you,"
"Fine," Edward said, placing his cup in the sink. "Let's get going Jasper,"
Pouring some more coffee in a thermal mug I took it with me as I pulled on my coat and shoes, then followed after Edward to his car in the parking garage. When we got inside he blasted the heat, mumbling under his breath.
"Garrett doesn't like me," I stated.
Edward gave me a sideways glance. "No,"
"I can see why,"
He scoffed. "He's just being a stuck up little shit about you being an ex-con,"
"Do you really believe that?"
He smirked, pushing the key into the ignition. "Also, he's jealous,"
"There ain't nothin' to be jealous of" I mumbled.
"Right," He said as the car roared to life and we drove to work.
Once we reached work Edward was swamped by people, namely Seth, Tanya and Garrett all chatting rapidly about the case and when to make appointments. The whole thing made my head spin so I just trailed behind them feeling lost and out of place, while Edward barked out orders for them to follow. When we reached his office, Seth and Tanya scurried off to go do what they were told to do, but Garrett stayed, going over Mr. Smith's case. I lingered near the door wondering what Edward had planned for me today, feeling uncomfortable I shifted my feet awkwardly. Judging by the looks I was getting from other people in the office, most of them didn't think I deserved to be here and they were right. I didn't belong in this uppity high-class job, where people had more than two degrees. I was the lowly criminal, put away by lawyers and judges that dubbed me a paedophile before even knowing me. Cautiously I watched Edward transform into a different person, spewing orders, ruthless, with an air of confidence I had never seen before seeing him at his job. Gone was the insecure boy from a small town and in his place was something unimaginable.
Edward had grown up.
That thought never ceased to amaze me, every time I reminisced about our early days in the home. This man sitting behind his desk was powerful, more powerful than I could ever hope to be. Usually resentment would flood my veins like acid, but today there was none. Of course I was still bitter, the chain of events could have been avoided if Edward had testified in court, but I'd started to learn to let things go.
I haven't forgiven him yet.
Some days I feel I will...while other times I wished he rot in the ground for what he did.
"Jas," Edward called, signalling me over to his desk.
Times like now, when the pompous asshole thought he was God. With a look of disdain, I walked over to his desk.
"I want you to shadow Seth for the day, just so that you can get used to the office." Edward announced leaning back in his leather chair. "I will check in every twenty minutes or so, just to make sure things are going well and then we can meet for lunch."
"Edward, you can't afford to play babysitter today. Mr. Smith's Son is coming in today—"
"Fuck off Garrett," Edward barked, picking up the phone he dialed one and called Seth into his office. In record time the door opened and Seth walked in brusquely, his head held high as he approached his bosses.
"You rang Mr. Cullen?" The young man said.
"Yes, I want you to look after Jasper today. Show him the ropes, then report back to me. I expect nothing less than the best from you and you will treat him with respect or your ass is fired." Edward threatened, standing to his feet he stood in front of me. I was startled when he pecked me on the cheek. "You'll be fine," Grabbing his briefcase he exited the room with Garrett hot on his heels.
"Alright, let's get going," Seth muttered disinterested.
Typing on his blackberry as he walked out of the office, I followed after him unsure of where we were going. He weaved expertly through the cubicles, walking faster than I could keep up with. He frequently sighed and I could tell he didn't want to be stuck with me for the entire day.
"So, where exactly did you study?" Seth asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence between us.
"Study?" I asked dumbly.
"Yeah, like go to school?" He said a little agitated.
"Oh, uh—I didn't," I mumbled.
"What?" He suddenly halted, turning around sharply. "You mean Edward just hired you…for no reason at all?"
I shrugged because he did. It wasn't like I was qualified to do anything.
"No shit," Seth said amazed. "I fucking begged for this job and he still wouldn't even consider me until my sister put in a good word. I have two degrees in Criminal Justice and Law yet he wouldn't even put me on his team." He snorted. "Well, if I knew all I had to do was stick my ass in the air to get this job I would have done it," He turned around before I could say anything and starting walking again.
My temper flared and I thought about knocking this kid on his ass, but I was still on probation and this smart-assed kid wasn't sending me back to prison. We reached a copy room, the shelves loaded with paper, and various people coming in and out of the small space.
"Look, I was told to go easy on you or whatever, but even a monkey can do this job," He said rolling his eyes. "Just put those files," He gestured to a box. "Into that box and photocopy them and put them over there." He was pointing rapidly, too fast for me to actually catch anything. "This is how you use the machine, first press this button for on, and then this one for copy make sure they are facing down or all you'll get is a white sheet. This button shows how many you want to copy and I need about thirty two for the board meeting this afternoon. Also, if you could, put them in those blue binders over there, thanks for making my job so much easier." He said slapping me on the back. "Now, I am going to take a much needed, long lunch break. I'll check in with you at about ten to twelve, see ya."
I watched completely confused as he strutted out of the room, leaving me.
Scratching my head, I looked at the menacing copy machines. There were way too many buttons; I wondered what the hell I was supposed to do. Picking up the box he had pointed to, I soon realized that the files were alphabetized. Nervously I tried to go through the alphabet but I didn't get past G, the rest I had never learned. Panic started to rise in my chest as I picked up whichever sheet of paper was closest and placed it on the glass part of the copy machine. I was confused when nothing happened, but then I remembered he told me to push the buttons.
I pressed the big green one, and then another button and I smiled when it started working. This wasn't so hard; I could easily see myself doing this for the rest of the day. Placing more sheets on the glass I was amazed as other sheets came out the other end. Enthralled with the machine I kept putting more and more sheets of paper on it, while placing the copied ones into the box Seth wanted me too. When noon came around there were legal sheets everywhere and I had lost count of the amount of sheets I had put in the box, but I was proud.
"What the fuck?" Seth barked, when he came back into the room, holding a Starbucks coffee in his hand. "What the hell did you do?"
"I, uh," I stuttered, my face flushed. "I put them in the box after I copied them—"
"No, no, no, no!" Seth whined. "Shit,"
He rushed towards the copy machine, frantically trying to turn it off. With shaking hands he grabbed the empty box that had the alphabetized files in it. "Oh shit!"
I felt completely embarrassed. "Look, I uh, did what ya asked—"
"You dumb fuck!" Seth roared.
"What-what?" I stuttered nervously.
"It took me hours to sort through those! These are legal briefs not some fucking play thing! You've ruined them and it's all disorganized, it will take me days to sort through everything you've destroyed in only a few hours!" He shouted, causing a few bystanders to turn and look at us. "Christ, how can you be so fucking stupid? I mean didn't you see they were alphabetized all you had to do was copy them!"
A sharp pang twisted in my gut as he continued to rant about how much of a dumb fuck I truly was. Caught between mortification and rage I stood there, taking all of it because I knew he wasn't lying.
"Back away Seth," A deep venomous voice snarled from the doorway.
"B-but he—" Seth cried indignantly.
"If you want to keep this job, I suggest you back the fuck away," Along with many bystanders Edward stood in the doorway, his hands shoved deeply into his slacks as he glared murderously at Seth. With a loud huff Seth stormed out of the room without looking back.
"Back to work," Edward called, making them all disperse immediately.
Humiliated I stared at him, my heart thundering my chest.
"Let's go," Edward said, walking out of the room. Trailing behind him, I could feel all their eyes on me as we stalked towards his office. When we were safely inside, Edward hastily dialed a number on his phone, speaking quickly he hung up before turning to face me. His face had softened as he leaned against the large desk.
"You're not stupid."
I scoffed, my hands started to tremble at the thought of all those people looking at me, judging me. "This is yer world Edward, this isn't mine."
"Well, you better get used to it because it's our world now,"
When we got home later that day, I was still shaken up. Despite Edward's reassurance that everything was going to be okay and that tomorrow he'd place me in another department I was still horribly embarrassed.
"I'll fire that cunt tomorrow," He growled, when I found him in the living room. Garrett had yet to make an appearance. I later learned that he was spending the evening at his mother's house, which he did a lot these days.
"No, don' it's just gonna make things worse," I argued.
"He treated you with disrespect after I specifically asked him not too. That kind of insubordination needs to be punished."
"I agree with the punishment but firing him? That ain't right,"
"Whatever," He grumbled. "Well, I am famished let's go get something to eat."
"I'd rather stay in—"
"Jasper, come on you've been in New York for little over a month and you still haven't even seen the city! I know this wonderful Steak and Grill restaurant down the street you'll love it."
"I, uh….Alright," I mumbled, grabbing my coat.
The restaurant was nice; we got a booth that was dimly lit. On this particular night not many people were out, so the restaurant wasn't very lively but we enjoyed ourselves anyway. Before the waiter came Edward casually slipped his hand over mine. Instinctively, I wanted to jerk it away as if I had been scalded, instead I just stared at it.
"This isn't a date," I said harshly.
"It is if I say it is," He replied smugly.
I glared at him.
He laughed. "Would you relax? Geez, you're acting like I proposed to you. Do you remember the last time we went out for dinner?"
My lip twitched at the memory. "Yeah, you were so agitated that night, I had no idea why ya started actin' so crazy."
"You dragged my ass out of the restaurant then started to choke me,"
"After ya started yellin' 'bout me bein' a whore or some shit. I had no idea what you were talkin' 'bout,"
He was silent for a moment. "I thought I saw you flirting with the bartender."
I barked a laugh. "Nah, he was just askin' 'bout where I was from, he said he had family in Texas."
"Yeah, I guess it was kind of stupid to get so worked up about that. I mean it's not like you kissed him."
I rolled my eyes at the jab. Apparently he wasn't over the kiss with Peter. Instead I smiled mischievously. "Peter always did taste good,"
He snorted. "You can't be serious,"
Lazily I leaned back in my seat, baiting him. "Completely,"
"I guess he was allowed to have my sloppy seconds,"
I chuckled. "Is that so? Cause, it didn't seem that way when you guys were fightin' over me like the last scrap of meat."
"Wow, if your ego gets any bigger we won't be able to fit you indoors,"
I scoffed. "Well, isn't this a case of the kettle calling the pot black?"
"Bullshit,"
"Come on, just like in the home, you were so goddamn flashy about who you were. That sort of stuck up attitude is what got ya picked on in the first place, ain't it? Things don't change, the scenery does,"
Edward smiled. "You like it anyway. Hey do you remember the time you pissed all over the flower garden? They were so fucking mad at you the next day."
I laughed heartily. "Or when we snuck out, stayed out all night, and when we came back ya were trailing dogshit from yer shoes?"
We both burst into fits of giggles, remembering our days at the home. Once we quieted down I looked at Edward, only to find him watching me back. His face was flushed with mirth and a wide grin. Seeing him smile like that brought me back to the days when he was just my best friend, both lowly creatures taken from our lives and forced to live in a group home. There we were nobody's, destined to live in obscurity. Yet, in each other we found a comradeship, if it wasn't for my lust and deep-rooted affection for Edward, we probably would have been brothers.
However now, all I felt was resentment.
"I guess" Edward said abruptly. "I never really did explain why I was so crazy that night we when we out for dinner. It was a combination of being scared, not taking my medication and Carlisle grounding me. Most of all, I think I was under the impression that you didn't love me anymore," He said sadly. "All at once I felt everything slipping through my fingers, like water, it was all falling apart. I needed to stop it, find some form of control. I saw what I wanted to see because the thought of losing you, literally drove me insane."
The heavy weight of truth to his words, made me cringe inwardly. This type of sickening adoration was completely unhealthy and truthfully it scared me. It wasn't until I saw him attack a police officer, that I realized Edward's infatuation ran bone deep, so far—too far and worst of all dangerous.
I wasn't afraid for myself, I feared for the lives of everyone I came in contact with, because to Edward they were a threat. Uneasy with the sudden turn of the conversation, I looked down at my fork as the waiter approached the table.
"What can I get you gentleman tonight?"
I ordered grilled chicken with a salad and Edward ordered a steak with fries. As we waited for our food I caught him gazing at me, his eyes completive and deep.
"I remember the sex," He said unexpectedly, catching me off guard.
It was a random statement and of course that brought on various visuals of me fucking Edward, over the couch, on the bed and on every surface of that tiny apartment. Taking him like that had been exhilarating, all-consuming and not long after I was drowning in his essence. We had explored each other freely, unobstructed by those who would judge us, just me and him in the safe haven making love until twilight.
I grinned in recollection. "Yeah, that was amazin'…."
"You were my first," He said, hand tightening around mine. "And hopefully my last,"
The emotion behind his words made me feel uncomfortable.
"I can see that I'll have to work for your affection," Edward continued. "Don't mistake this Jasper, I still haven't forgotten about our deal and I will abide by it, but that doesn't mean I can't have you in the meantime."
I hadn't planned on negotiating with the devil, it was out of my desperation that I sold my soul to save Riley's. I had hoped that Edward would be too focused on his quest for revenge to notice me, but of course I was wrong. If I wasn't so blinded by my hate I would have seen how he had manipulated the situation to his advantage. Honestly I didn't care about going back to jail, I just wanted those who wrongfully accused me to suffer.
At first the thought of revenge had been a constant fire in me, painful yet effortlessly disregarded until it incinerated me. It was all I lived and breathed these days, and against my better judgement I listened to that voice whispering deep into my ear, menacing and dark.
It wasn't right that they got to live their lives, while I suffered.
Eight years of my life pissed away, for something that could have easily been avoided.
I knew exactly who testified against me, I remembered each and every one of their faces and knew them all by name. Now they had to pay the price for that and if Edward could grant me this one small satisfaction, then I would be indebted to him.
"I just want Riley safe,"
"Speaking of him I called the prison searching for a Riley Biers, turns out he was released two years ago,"
"I know, he got out for good behavior,"
"Excellent and is he living in Forks?"
I hesitated, wondering if I should trust Edward. "Y-yes,"
"I think a trip is in order," He said, just as our waiter came back with our food.
Puzzled, I glanced at him, wondering what he meant by that. "Whatcha mean?"
"You said you wanted to see him right? Well, then I will take you to him." Edward said simply.
My eyes widened and I felt my heart swell with hope but I tried not to show it. He already knew too much about our relationship, and I knew how envious Edward could be when he felt he was threatened.
That's exactly what Riley was, a threat.
He wouldn't hesitate to eliminate him without even a second thought, the wicked demon within would overpower his judgement.
"Oh, okay," I said slowly. "When..?"
"Whenever you want," He smiled, clearly proud of himself.
Briefly I thought about enticing Edward, allowing him to think that he had won, but I decided to play coy.
"Alright," I said smiling back, it was forced and painful but I endured it anyway.
"First we need to discuss one thing,"
Digging into my food I ate happily, the elation seeped through my veins like pulsating ecstasy—I could hardly contain it. Finally, I'd see the only person who meant anything to me and that gave me hope. Something I thought died long ago, just like the old Jasper inside of me.
"What?" I asked.
"When will be mine?"
And just like that it was annihilated.
"I don' understand—"
"I want you to start sharing my bedroom with me." He stated as if making a business arrangement.
I blanched. "What?"
"Well, it doesn't really make sense for you to have your own room anymore, now does it?" He reasoned cutting a piece of his steak and popping it into his mouth.
I felt my face flush and I stumbled to come up with a logical argument. "I ain't sharin' a room with you we had a deal and after that's done—"
"You said you would be mine, totally and completely so we should start right away. I never break a promise Jasper you know that. Of course I would on no account force you to do anything you don't want to do but I need assurance you will keep your word and not scamper off into the sunset with your jailbait buddy." He sneered.
Glaring down at my food I consciously ignored the fury bundling deep in my stomach. Clenching the fork tightly it almost bent under the force of my hand. Edward was playing games, he knew I needed him to see Riley, just like he also knew I couldn't refuse him. The conniving bastard had planned this. Breathing out slowly I felt so trapped, everything was getting fucked up, like a train wreck on the horizon.
"So we are agreed, you will move in tonight," He grinned haughtily, digging into his food and moaned as he chewed. "Eat up, Jasper I can't wait to get you into my bed."
Glancing around my new bedroom, I saw that there were papers scattered all over a desk, where his laptop lay half closed. This must have been the master bedroom, because it was beyond spacious, beige walls with a velvet black comforter and matching pillows fit for a king. To my left there was a large built in fireplace and a private bathroom, while to my right lay an enormous walk-in closet where Edward had cleared some of his stuff out for mine, which was minimal. Feeling extremely uncomfortable I fidgeted, playing with the string of my shirt sleeve.
"Relax," Edward said from across the room. He was calmly taking off his shirt, eyes blazing with a sultry look, as he stripped down. I spun around hastily trying not to look at his toned chest, which had ripened with age. "I won't bite."
Instantly I felt hot, the shirt I was wearing became far too tight. Sporadic visuals of sensual lovemaking flashed before my eyes and my slacks constricted.
I hadn't been with anyone in eight years.
And now the demon was teasing me, the desire pooled in my stomach like warm liquid. It spread through my hands and body until I was screaming at myself to taste the forbidden fruit. Of course he was goading me; with his sweet scent and flawless features the demon enticed my sinfulness. Nervous energy crept up my spine until my hands were shaking, I thought hard about retreating to the bathroom to change and ignore the yearning but I wanted to prove to Edward that his provoking nature didn't bother me.
To him this was a nice little game, to the victor goes the spoils.
Walking to my side to of the bed I glared at Edward wondering if this was how he imagined things to be? The man he supposedly loved, a bitter shell of what he once was, body mutilated by deep scars that would never fade. Tearing off my shirt I threw it harshly to the ground, my eyes never leaving his, like a raging bull I challenged him.
Un-abashedly he stared at my chest, first in awe and then his face transformed into revulsion. There were three long angry jagged cuts, two under my ribcage and one over my stomach. In the dim lamp my tattoo weaved skillfully up my right arm, disappearing over my shoulder blades before coming down my left arm. The solid mass of muscle and my own strength, wasn't nearly enough to keep the weapon from puncturing my skin and flesh, permanently disfiguring my face.
"Not exactly what ya imagined," I snarked.
He gasped before spinning around quickly. Seeing his neck flush with embarrassment, I shrugged, took off my pants and crawled into bed. Edward soon followed after turning off the light and switching off the fireplace. In the still air of the darkness, with only our breathing to be heard he turned towards me.
"Who did that to you?" He whispered, his voice pained with agony.
"You did."
A/N: I'm a little disappointed with the lack of reviews for this story. Are you guys enjoying the plot development? Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter and to Beanothercullen for being the most amazing beta ever.