Ianto was waiting for Jack. It seemed like an eternity of waiting as Ianto turned and looked at the door again.

He was going to kill him. Once more he was waiting. Like he had nowhere else in the universe to be.

The church was old and the ornate stained glass windows threw colour over the proceedings. Ianto growled softly as he looked at the time, the vicar had other things to do.

It had taken so long to get this opening when the rift was quiet and everyone could attend. The most important day this whole year and the fucker was late. Again. Miller's christening had been just as big a fiasco!

All of their families and friends were waiting too. All dressed in their Sunday best as they waited for bloody Jack so the ceremony could begin.

Ianto's feet were killing him and he mentally went through the check list of things he needed to do after the food was set out for the reception.

He looked over at Tosh who was holding Miller in his tiny tux. God he looked edible the sweet little monster. River and the Doctor stood proudly cooing over the bundle of pink that River kept pulling away from the Doctor's excited fingers as he kept pulling at the blanket to coo down at the little princess snoozing while she waited for her Daddy.

With a flurry of midnight blue Jack was suddenly there, pounding down the aisle with his face taut.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Bloody corset!" Jack gushed as he slid his hands down his corseted waist.

Ianto had yet to speak. So shocked was he by the sight of Jack in a full length wedding gown of deep midnight blue with diamantes shaped like stars sprinkled about the hem.

Jack grinned and undulated his hips, making the silk swish and sway. Three inch heels were visible and Ianto opened his mouth but nothing came out.

Gwen stepped around Ianto and handed Jack his flowers. Birds of paradise with white gladioli were clutched in Jack's excited hands as he gushed at Ianto.

"Stop! Fucker, wait for me!" John yelled as he entered as well.

Ianto turned to see a Gypsy style red and gold ensemble complete with red feather fascinator bearing down on him as John ran up the aisle, his garter belt visible as his black stocking legs pumped with his skirts gathered about his waist.

Reaching Ianto he stopped with a gasp and looked at him with horror.

"I told you his would be the best!" John turned to Jack and yelled, then snatched his Lilly of the Valley corsage off Gwen with a pout. "At least I get to say I do first, right?"

Ianto looked down at himself and found a sheer drop royal blue dress with silver thread embroidered with "JIJ" around the hem.

It was strapless and Ianto's DD breasts were fighting for freedom as Jack moaned and ran his hand under one with wonder.

Ianto shrieked with horror as he felt his burdening breasts with shaking hands but John just leered at them while licking his lips.

"Ianto? What's wrong?" Jack reached for him and shook him.

"NO" Ianto screamed as he sat bolt upright in bed.

John had been sleeping on the other side of Ianto and the loud thump announced his meeting with the floor as Ianto pushed him from the bed with a solid kick.

"Sweetness, what was that for!" John howled from the floor as he rubbed his rump.

"I'll give you bloody sweetness you peacock!" Ianto slurred as he lay back down and began to snore again.

"Fuck! Are you okay?" Jack leaned over the now sleeping Ianto to look at John who was pulling himself back into the bed.

"Shit, he can kick!" John said as he gingerly curled back next to Ianto.

"Yeah, I knew that pizza before bed as gonna come back and bite us!" Jack whispered as he tried to spoon with Ianto who snorted.

John and Jack froze with horror as Ianto sat up again.

"If you ever wear that dress again I'll fucking shoot you! Not at my wedding bitch" Ianto snarled then flopped back to the pillow.

"Wedding?" John hissed with wide eyes.

"Fuck! Wedding!" Jack nodded before bursting into laugher which he quickly smothered into his pillow.

Jack and John howled into their respective pillows and shook with mirth as Ianto let forth another tirade, apparently at Gwen who thought her tits were bigger than his and Ianto was demanding a size off.

Owen was not allowed to officiate and if he ever touched his boobs again he'd cut his little weasel fucker-head hands off!