Yo! Back again! Now i'm gonna rank the pranks.
E-rank - Harmless fun (BOOOH)
D-rank - Painful individual prank. Example: Bear trap in crotch flat edges - High D-rank
C-rank - Little pain, multiple targets
B-rank - ALOT of pain, individual or multiple targets
A-rank - Shitload of pain, multiple targets
S-rank - Limb remover HELLUVA lot of pain. individual or multiple targets. Example: Advanced bear trap in crotch, arms, legs or all of 'em. Razor sharp jagged edges High S-rank. (Invented in this chapter)
You don't wanna mess with 'The Legendary Pranksters'!
On with the story
Wave country; Hotel
Naruto was sitting in the kitchen of his suite scribbling on a piece of paper when Tobi walked into the kitchen.
"What're you doing dude?" he asked while looking at the paper.
"I'm thinking of a new prank." Naruto said not taking his eyes off the paper.
"What kind of prank?"
"S-rank."
"Ooh. S-rank! We don't have any of those!" Tobi said excitedly. "So whatcha got so far?"
"I've been thinking about the bear trap." Naruto said cupping his chin with his left hand and holding the paper in his right. "Imagine it. Super powered and razor sharp edges."
"Oooh. The pain they will feel...OH! I got it!" seeing Narutos questioning look he continued "Razor sharp JAGGED edges!"
"Yes! Awesome!" Naruto shouted and scribbled it down on the paper. "This is gonna rock!"
"But who will we use as a test subject?" Tobi said while entering a thinking pose. "Not Kisame Because he would probably die from the bloodloss."
"I have the perfect test subject." said Naruto while looking out the window.
"Who?" Naruto turned around and smirked.
"Let's go play with the Hebi-Teme."
"Aah! Yes, Orochi-san will surely let us test our new 'Crotch Chomper' on him!" Tobi said as they started working on modifying their new 'Crotch Chomper'.
Meanwhile Orochimarus lair
Orochimaru suddenly shuddered. 'Why do i have a feeling something bad is going to happen to my crotch?' he thought.
Wave
"Completed! Perfection! This is gonna hurt like hell!" exclaimed Naruto and Tobi nodded while admiring their creation. "Now all we need to do is find Orochi-san and test it out." he said and Naruto nodded. "Well let's go then!" Naruto exclaimed and ran out the door with Tobi following closely.
On the street Naruto saw someone he recognized and stopped.
"Oi! Inari! Tsunami-san!" he yelled and waved at the boy and the woman. "Long time no see!"
At first they didn't recognize him and just stared at him but then it hit them. This was Uzumaki Naruto, Hero of the Wave, Kiroii Arashi and one of The Legendary Pranksters.
"N-Naruto-Nii-chan!" Inari yelled and ran up and hugged Naruto and Tsunami followed suit though not hugging him.
"Hello there Naruto-kun. What brings you here to Wave?" she asked.
"I came here to get Zabuzas sword. Kisame, as one of the seven swordsmen of the mist, has the right to choose a new swordsman incase one of them dies so he gave me permission to use Zabuzas sword." Naruto said and smiled until he felt Tobi elbow him in the ribs and point at the scroll in which they had sealed their new 'Crotch Chopper'. "Oh yeah! We have to leave wave for now." And when he saw their disappointed faces he said: "We're just gonna be gone for a while and test our new pranking tool." he said and gave them a foxy grin making Tsunami weak in the legs.
"Well i gotta go now but i'll see you guys later!" he said as he and Tobi started running towards Orochimarus closest lair.which was located just outside of Wave.
Orochimarus lair; just outside of Wave
Orochimaru was sitting on his throne and shuddered yet again.
'There's that feeling again! Maybe i should switch lairs?' But then he shrugged 'Nah! What could possibly happen?'
An hour after that thought Kabuto came flying through the door unconsious.
"WHAT THE HELL?!" yelled Orochimaru and stood up.
"YOOOHOOO!! Hebi-Teme! Get over here! We need to try something on you!" came a voice from the door. "Yeah come on Orochi-san! Help us out here!" came another voice.
'Those voices! It couldn't be!' His eyes widened when he saw the only two people he has ever been scared of; 'The Legendary Pranksters'.
"Oh hell no!" He shouted and started running away. "You're not testing anything on me!" But he didn't get far as Naruto appeared infront of him and clothelined him and knocked him out.
"Now that that's taken care of" Naruto said and leaned over and whispered into Tobis ear "i need you to 'whisper whisper whisper'"
"Good idea dude! I'll go get a videocamera" Tobi said and ran out of the room.
Konoha; 1 week later, Hokages office.
Tsunade sat behind her desk holding a videotape labeled "The Legendary Pranksters' test run S-rank." that she had recieved five minutes earlier. With the tape came a letter from Naruto which she read as soon as she saw his name.
Yo Baa-chan! A tick mark showed in Tsunades forhead at this.
This is a video that you might like to watch. Ero-sennin would like it to. And Kakashi-sensei. Well everyone who hates the Hebi-Teme would like this video but i think Kakashi-sensei would like it the most. Get him to watch it and he might see a familiar face... But don't show it to the Konohamaru corps. Otherwise you can show it to anyone you want. Well me and Tobi better be off. We have to think of some A-rank pranks to use on Kisame and Itachi. MOHAHAHA!!
Ja Ne
Uzumaki Naruto 'The Legendary Prankster'
P.S I might see you soon if things are going to develop the way we think.
As soon as she finished reading she sent for Kakashi, Jiraiya and the Rookie 12.
Fifteen minutes later they were all gathered infront of a TV watching the video.
On videotape
Atext came up The Legendary Pranksters' test run S-rank prank. 'The Crotch Chomper'
When the text disappeared you saw a dark room with Orochimaru sitting tied to a chair and gagged with a beartrap like device attached to his crotch looking really pitiful with a pleading look in his eyes (At this Tsunade and Jiraiya smirked because they had NEVER seen their former teammate this scared!).
Suddenly a voice came from the darkest corner of the room.
"Welcome everybody to 'THE GAME'. I'm your host Uzumaki Naruto" he said as he walked into the light (At this everybody gasped at how much Naruto had grown. He was fourteen but looked like a seventeen year old which the women noticed immediatly and blushed) "And this is my cohost Tobi!" at this another figure came into view. He was wearing the same Akatsuki robes as Naruto and the same hairstyle but his hair was jetblack and he had an orange mask that looked kinda swirled with only a hole for his right eye.
"And we are:" Naruto said and nodded to Tobi "The Legendary Pranksters!" They both said in unison.
Naruto flashed his heartmelting fox grin (It made the women in the Hokages office blush even harder as they saw it) and started speaking again.
"Now folks. You will be the first to witness our testing of our new and improved" at this he nodded at Tobi again "CROTCH CHOMPER!!" the yelled in unison. By this point Orochimaru had started crying while shaking his head over and over again.
"Now this is Orochimaru." Naruto said pointing at Orochimaru while smiling. "He has been so generous to volounteer as our test subject for our new product." At this Orochimaru started shaking his head furiously. "He's a little shy though." Tobi said while slowly shaking his head. "Come on Orochi-san say hello to your dear friends and teammates" he said and removed the gag.
"Let me go you crazy little brat or i'm gonna tear you a new assho-mmph" he said as he was once again gagged. "Tsk tsk Orochi-san. You know that is no way to make new friends." Tobi said in a strikt voice. "Now please continue Naruto."
"Thank you. Now if there's nothing else; LET'S PLAY 'THE GAME'!" He said as Tobi took off Orochmarus gag again.
"Now Hebi-Teme. You see this remote?" Naruto asked pulling out a remote from his robes. "This remote controls that Crotch Chomper you have on you. If i press this button" he said and pointed at the button on the remote "then that Chomper is going to snap shut. Now we're gonna play a little game. If you win, you're free to go but if you lose, i'm going to press this button." he said and once again pointed at the button. "Now are you ready?" he asked.
"No, but i suppose you'll start anyway." Orochimaru said and looked really pitiful in his tied up state.
"Oh how smart you are Hebi-Teme. Well then let's start." Naruto said and started thinking. "Hmmm what to do? What to do?"
"Oh! I got one!" said Tobi while raising his hand like a schoolboy.
"Well then! Go right ahead." Naruto said and let Tobi stand in his spot and gave him the remote.
"Okay, here goes. Pay attention. I was once on a train station waiting for the train to Spring Country when i saw a man with seven wives, every wife had seven sacks and every sack had seven cats and every cat had seven kittens. How many were going to Spring country? You have ten seconds." (At this everyone started counting when Sakura said "That's easy: one was going to Spring Country. He never said that the guy with the wives was going to Spring Country.")
While Orochimaru counted Naruto said after ten seconds. "Times up! What's your answer?"
"2401!" Orochimaru answered quickly.
"Wow! That's fast counting!" exclaimed Tobi. At this Orochimaru breathed a sigh of relief. (And Sakura was really confused.) "But it's wrong. I never said he was going to Spring Country now did i?" he said sounding quite amused.
"Yeah Teme! Weren't you supposed to be the smartest of the sannin?" Naruto said while snorting "I mean Ero-sennin is smarter than that!"
"But... I counted right!" whined Orochimaru.
"Yeah but you didn't give me the right answer. Game Over dude!" said Tobi and pressed the button.
"NOOOO!!!!" yelled Orochimaru, his voice getting higher and higher pitched as the razor sharp Crotch Chomper slowly closed shredding through every little piece of skin or muscle that came in it's way until it was completely closed and fell to the floor. Orochmarus crotch still inside it. With him screaming like a little girl until he was gagged again.
"Dude! It closed to slowly! I told you it had to SNAP shut not just slowly close itself!" yelled Naruto while leaning against Orochimarus crying head.
"Gomen" Tobi said in an apologetic tone. "But at least now we know it works, right?!" Tobi exclaimed.
"Yeah. But if we'd put someone smarter in that chair like Sakura, we wouldn't even have been able to see this. I bet that if shes watched this she figured it out about hmm... three seconds after you asked the question. But even if she was dumb it wouldn't have worked." Naruto said.
"And why is that if i may ask?" asked Tobi.
"She's a girl dumbass! Our Crotch Chompers are useless against her!" Naruto yelled honestly surprised by Tobis question.
"Oh yeah... Well anyway, on with the show! I'm going to show you something that will surprise all of you, but especially you Kakashi." He said as he walked up to the camera "Drumroll please" at that Naruto started drumming on Orochmarus head. "My real name is..." he said as he reached for his mask. Instead of hearing the sound of a drum stick hitting a Top Hat when Tobi removed his mask you heard the sound of Narutos hand smacking Orochimarus head. (As the people saw the face that was under Tobis mask they all gasped) "Uchiha Obito!" he said and smiled. His face looked pretty much the same as when he was twelve except he had an eyepatch covering his empty left eye socket.
"Sorry for hiding like this Kakashi but i needed some time away from Konoha. And now 15 years later i think i might be ready to come back! That's if Naruto here is also ready to come back. You could say that we have taken a vacation from Konoha to clear our minds ain't that right Naruto?" he said as he slung an arm around Narutos neck.
"Yup! But we're running out of time now. We'll just finish off this trash for you guys and then we'll go prank our fellow Akatsuki members. Oh and by the way Sasuke. It's time for you to learn the truth." he said as he removed Orochimarus gag. "Now Hebi-Teme another question that will determine if your death shall be quick and painless or slow and painful: "Who slaughtered the Uchiha clan?" he asked while Obito clenshed and unclenshed his fists. "If you answer truthfully it will be quick and painless." Naruto said with his arms behind his back showing the camera two crossed fingers.
"I did it! Now please just kill me quickly!" yelled Orochimaru (Totally OOC!)
"Sorry Hebi-Teme. But i crossed my fingers. Tough luck." Naruto said as metal started coating his hands. "Obito. You should probably turn off the camera since this is gonna get a little messy." he said and turned to look into the camera. "Don't worry Sasuke! I'm making Itachi pay for abandoning you instead of coming out and telling the truth but he was to much of a chicken shit. Worrying that the Konoha ANBU might kill him. But i'm making him pay by pranking him practically everyday. Obito too. I'll see you guys sometime soon. Ja Ne." and with that the recording stopped.
Hokages office
The room was silent. Everyone were gaping and wide eyed, but no one with eyes wider than Sasuke, Kakashi and Tsunade.
"Itachi didn't kill them." Sasuke said.
"Obito isn't dead" Kakashi said.
"Naruto has the metal bloodline." Tsunade said and Jiraiya nodded.
As this was said they all turned to look at Tsunade.
"'sigh' There was once a clan in Takigakure no Sato (Hidden Village of Craftsmen) that could bend metal at their own will, coat themselves with metal and even form weapons out of said metal making them pretty much unstoppable killing machines." she said and everyone went wide eyed.
"But Tsunade-sama. If that's true how come there are nobody left?" Sakura asked.
"Because they suffered from a blood disease that killed them slowly but surely, dieing at the age of 30-50. But they managed to get kids before they died so the clan never died but somehow the disease got more potent and started killing at a younger age of 10-30. But someone must have gotten lucky and had a baby before dieing. And because of his advanced healing maybe the disease has been neutrilized." she said shocking everyone.
"But Tsunade-sama how come Naruto has such good healing?" TenTen asked.
"'sigh' What i tell you here does not leave this room, understood?" Tsunade asked and everyone nodded. "Okay tell me, how much do you know about the Kyuubi?" and then she started telling them about what resided in Narutos stomach.
After she was done explaining everyone except the adult were wide eyed.
'And i called him a demon whitout even tinking... Naruto i'm so sorry.' thought a teary eyed Sakura.
'I told him that he didn't know what i've been through. He's had it worse than me.' thought Sasuke.
'And i told him he didn't know what it was like having a seal that could not be removed. You really do defy fate with every little bit of your strength don't you Naruto?' thought Neji.
"YOSH! NARUTO-KUNS FLAMES OF YOUTH BURN BRIGHTLY IF HE CAN STAY SANE AFTER ALL THOSE HARDSHIPS!! I WILL RUN 500 LAPS AROUND KONOHA IN HIS HONOR!!" shouted Lee with fire burning in his eyes.
"THAT'S THE SPIRIT LEE!! I SHALL JOIN YOU IN YOUR HONORARY RUN!!" shouted Gai and they both ran out of the office.
"I'll never understand those two." said Jiraiya while scratching his head.
"So that's why our parents told us always told us to stay away from him." said Sakura thoughtfully as they were walking out of the Hokage tower.
"Not my mom. She said she honoured the 4ths wish." said Kiba "Or something like that." He said while scratching his head.
Next day; back in Wave
"Do you think they got the video yet?" Obito asked lying under a tree reading the new 'Icha Icha Nurses' while Naruto was practicing his new zanbatou.
"They should have. I mean the courier ninjas can always estimate how long it will take for a package or letter to reach the reciever, and he said it would take 1 week and it's been 1 week and one day. So yeah i think they've gotten the video." Naruto said as he sat down and pulled out his own edition of 'Icha Icha Nurses'. "But i wish i could have seen Sasukes and Kakashi-senseis reaction when we showed and told themall that shit."
"Yeah... but you can't have everyting in life." Obito said in a philosophic voice.
"Nooope." said Naruto as he drifted off into sleep.
6 months later; gates of Konoha
Three figures sporting black robes with red clouds were slowly making their way towards the gate at high noon.
"I never thought i'd say this but it feels good to be back." said Naruto as they approached the gate.
"Yeah... It's been 3 years for you but it's been 7 years for me" said Itachi in a superior tone.
"I got you both beat! It's been 16 years for me!" exclaimed an excited Obito as they reached the gates.
"Halt! State your names and purpose for coming here." said the guard known as Izumo.
"Uchiha Itachi, Uchiha Obito and Uzumaki Naruto here on Akatsuki buisness." Naruto answered plainly ignoring the guards shocked expression.
Izumo then walked into the guards booth or whatever it is and picked up a phone and dialed a number.
"Tsunade here." came the answer.
"Yeah Hokage-sama It's Izumo at the gate... there are three members of the Akatsuki standing here waiting to be let in." Izumo said. After getting a "I'll be there as soon as possible." he hung up and walked out of the booth. "Hokage-sama will be here shortly." he said to the three Akatsuki members, obviously scared out of his wits. I mean right there standing before him were three good damned Akatsuki members for christs sake.
They merely nodded and looked on in amusement as the guard squirmed under their gazes. Suddenly Naruto had an idea and turned to Obito.
"Hey Obito! I think we just found ourselves a guinea pig for our new nutbuster prank." he said with an evil grin.
That was the last straw for Izumo and he promtly passed out with Naruto and Obito lying on the ground laughing their asses off. Even Itachi allowed himself a small chuckle.
Needless to say Tsunade was shocked to find Izumo and two Akatsuki members lying on the ground when she came with the entire Rookie 12 and Jiraiya as backup. One was foaming through the mouth and two were clutching their sides while laughing hysterically.
"Ahaha! That was a good one dude!" said Obito when he picked himself up off the ground still chuckling alittle.
"Yeah. It's amazing what alittle fear can do to people huh?" Naruto said him also picking himself up.
"Yes that was rather funny actually." Said Itachi with a small smile on his lips. Whenthis was said the pranksters both froze. They looked at eachother.
"Did he just say..?"
"I think he did..."
"But.. he's... Itachi... He's not supposed to say something like that." Naruto said loud enough for Itachi to hear. But to his, and all other presents, surprise Itachis smile only widened.
"It feels good to be able to smile again. I'm back in Konoha now after Orochimaru confessed, i got a shit load of money and i've got the new 'Icha Icha Onsen Desires'. What else could i possibly want?" he asked with his smile still pasted on his face.
"How about a girlfriend dude?" asked Naruto.
"I can't get a girlfriend because you'll just steal her from me!" said Itachi in an accusing tone of voice.
"Aww come on! Don't tell me your still mad about that bartender girl in Tanzaku City?!" asked Naruto in a disbelieving tone.
"...yes..."
"Awwww DUDE! That was two years ago and SHE was coming on to ME and being the gentleman i am i couldn't just reject her now could i?!"
While they were arguing Obito had walked up to Tsunade and gang "Yo! Uchiha Itachi, Uchiha Obito and Uzumaki Naruto here on Akatsuki buisness!" he said and gave them a small wave.
"O-Obito? I-Is that you?" Kakashi asked in disbelief. Obito turned to Kakashi
"Yo long time no see! How's my eye?" he asked in a casual tone. Needless to say, Kakashi passed out on the spot.
"Is that..?" asked Sasuke, pointing at the still arguing Uchiha and Uzumaki.
"What? Oh. Yeah that's Itachi and Naruto... It seems Itachi haven't really forgiven Naruto yet." Obito said with amusement.
"For what?" asked Sakura while staring at the two who were now on the ground initiating a wrestling match.
"Two years ago Itachi was sitting in a bar in Tanzaku City flirting back and forth with the bartender, adn just when he was about to ask for her number Naruto walked in and she totally forgot about Itachi so it ended with her taking Naruto back to her place instead of Itachi. And Itachi has been pissed about that ever since." Obito explained "That plus the fact that Naruto hooked up with some nymphomaniac in a town about fiftyish miles away from here shortly after he left on his 'vacation' and he later hooked up with her in Wave again the night before we created our awesome 'Crotch Chomper'." he said with a smile and all the guys subconsiously covered their crotches with their hands. "Haha! I take it you guy watched the video. Now tell me. Which one of you is Haruno Sakura?" he asked politely.
"Umm that's me" Sakura said raising her hand.
"Aah. So tell me. How long did it take for you to figure out the riddle?"
"Umm three or four seconds..." Sakura said shyly. With that Obito looked really pissed off and Sakura got scared, thinking she did something wrong.
"Damnit! The fucker won again!" Obito said angrily as he reached for his wallet. "100, 200, 300, 400, 450 and 500 bucks gone to hell!"
"Won? What do you mean?" Sakura asked.
"I bet Naruto 500 bucks that you didn't get the riddle within five seconds... And.."
"And I won!" exclaimed Naruto happily and grabbed the money.
"Where's Itachi?" Obito asked looking around.
"I'm down here!" said a very pissed off Uchiha Itachi lying on the ground with a black eye and a very nasty bump on the head.
"You should know better than engaging Naruto in a Taijutsu battle Itachi.
"Yeah, yeah..." said Itachi while picking himself up. Naruto turned to Tsunade, Jiraiya and the Rookie 12.
"Well! I guess i should tell you why we're here!" Naruto said.
Chapter 4 is now done! The longest chapter yet.
R&R LEADER-SAMA!!!!
BYE! 'Disappears in a puff of smoke'