Raph's mind drifted back to reality the next noon with a horrible headache. He felt like his head had gone through a major beat down by a hammerhead. Who would've thought Sake could take him down like that? He remembered with his spinning head that he downed more than 3 bottles. The more he drunk, the less image of Joy kept fading in and out of his head. He no longer had any memory beyond the point when they returned. But he could still sense though. There was a faint smell, like perfume. It reminded him of the blond girl, but not in a painful way. That, along with the rocking feeling made him fall asleep at some point. That soothing feeling… Who could have had that smell?

Raph swayed around his room, dodging dumbbells and weights scattering all over but found most of them were lined up against the wall. Whoever brought him back to his room must have also cleaned them out of the way. He swore to himself never take another drop of Sake again. He had some hangovers, but by far this was the worst. Stumbling along the hallway to reach the bathroom, he bumped into his youngest brother carrying all sort of small tubes in his hands.

"Morning Raph… Whoa! You look like you just have a major showdown with the Shredder."

"Ugh… close enough" Raph pushed one hand against the wall to steady himself, letting Mikey pass, but then something hit his nostrils "Whatcha got there?"

"Just getting rid of these perfumes. April got some free samples whenever she goes out shopping, but she never used them, so I took them all to play. Funny though, most of these things are for women. Leo borrowed mine, but accidentally grabbed one of these yesterday."

Mikey walked past him without a second thought, having no idea his last statement cleared up the red clad turtle's mind a little bit. Raph felt his cheeks slightly flushed. So it wasn't his imagination, and it wasn't Joy who carried him back last night either. It was Fearless. Raph chuckled silently. There went Fearless for him. The turtle wouldn't aim for anything less than perfect, yet he made such a silly mistake. Well, at least now Raph knew his brother wasn't a god all the time with a pole up his ass. On the contrary, he found Leo was… quite nice for carrying him. Normally Leo would raid him for drinking too much, but somehow last night he didn't. The last thing Raph needed over his crushing heart and a throbbing head was a lecture from Fearless. He pushed away from the wall, continuing his way to the bathroom, feeling his head a little less heavier than before…

:::

"Kneel, Leonardo."

The blue clad turtle obeyed, staring at his father from across the table. Splinter had suggested lending his ear to Leo's story, so might as well get it over with. The sooner he could get rid of these feelings, the better.

"How long have you had these… feeling, my son?" The rat calmly asked.

"For a long time, sensei" Leo said "I didn't know when, but I think I was aware of these feelings when we took down the Tengu Shredder."

"That is normal, Leonardo" Splinter took a sip from his tea "Any living being, including plant and insect, are capable of… love."

"I… I didn't know that. Even plant?"

"Yes. Plant that is well nurtured will flourish better than those who are not. I have been raising all four of you as ninja in order to survive this world, but I also taught you how to love."

"I know, master Splinter" Leo sighed "But this… this is…"

"Love has many forms, my son. Love for your elder, such as I, love for your siblings, and the one you are experiencing now, is love for a life-long partner, a mate. Does Karai knows about this?"

"She just knew during the party" Leo was taken aback a little by his father's bluntness "She said she couldn't accept my feeling since I was too late. I… I never thought of Karai that way. I wouldn't even dream of... Man! Who am I kidding? Even if she knew she'd never take interest in me. I'm a mutant turtle, and she's a human. I… we could never have that kind of love, sensei. That's just… not fair."

Splinter took all his son's words with a heavy heart. For a long time he feared this day would come. His children were so young, and there're many beautiful things in life that he wanted them to discover, to experience, to enjoy. But they were reduced to living in the shadow, away from the cruelty humankind had to offer. Not all human would harm them, such as their friends, April, Casey, Angel… and the newest Karai and Chaplin, but the rest, including Hun, Baxter Stockman, and worst yet, Bishop, would not hesitate to do so. He could barely contain his tear when Leo looked up at him, with an expression that griped at his heart:

"How can you deal with all this sensei? How can you live… without love?"

"I am but an old rat, my son" Splinter gently smiled "My time in this world dwindles with every passing day. Besides, I have no desire to pursuit such luxury. My only regret in life that this form gave me is that I cannot grant my sons such love. You are all young, you deserve such emotion from a partner. But I'm afraid ignorant people would not see past our appearance."

"I know that, master. It's our lives" Leo's voice had become flat, void of emotion as he realized the ugly truth.

Splinter stood up and approached him. The rat gently pulled him into his arms, letting the warmth from his body flowed into the cold-blooded turtle.

"I would give anything if it means you can feel the love our human friends feel" The rodent let out a long sigh.

"It's alright, father" Leo held him tight "It was just a moment of my weakness. I won't let it affect me."

"No my son" Splinter pushed Leo out so he could look his son in the eyes "I have trained you to be ninjas, shadow warriors. I did not train you to become heartless assassins, emotionless killing machines. It is alright to have these feelings, Leonardo. Remember that. All I ask is that you keep them in check and do not let them affect your ability and judgment."

The blue clad turtle nodded with a smile. He got up, bowed his excuse and left. He felt better now that the boulder had been lifted from his chest. Leo had no idea that Splinter was watching his retreating shadow behind the shogi. The rat was happy that his son had overcome his dilemma, but love could be either a remedy, or a poison. Once one had a taste of it, one would crave for it, one way or another…

:::

Leo was about to reach his room when he saw Raph got out of the shower, a towel hung loosely over his shoulders. The emerald skin's still glistening from all the droplets of water. For a moment none of them said anything, just kept staring at each other. Well, mostly it was Raph staring at Leo's eyes, while the blue clad turtle let his roamed free all over his brother's body. Suddenly, Leo snapped, realized where his eyes were glued to. He quickly masked it with a frown:

"Uhm… Why didn't you put on your gear before you get out?"

"Forgot 'em in my room. But hey, it ain't like we've never seen each other naked before."

True. But not in the way Leo was staring at him just now. What's got into him?

"So… how ya doing with Karai?"

Leo stiffened at that. Why did he ask such a thing? Leo voiced his question, only to receive a shrug:

"I just thought ya might need something ta occupy yer mind."

"I just talked to master Splinter" Leo looked away "Things will be back to normal. Don't worry about it."

"Ri~ight, like I'm gonna buy that" Raph scoffed. What he really meant was 'If ya ever need anyone ta talk to, I'll be here', but somehow, the words coming out from his mouth carried a completely different message.

"Why would you care?" Leo turned back to him, eyes narrowed "You have Joy already, so quit bugging me."

The same went for the leader. He didn't want to say what he said either. He just wanted some quiet time to meditate and renew himself, Raph just went and pushed his button. And judging from the clenched jaws of the red clad turtle, Leo knew he just hit something.

"Leave Joy out of this!" Raph gritted his teeth "Just because ya can't get yer hands on Karai doesn't mean ya can go and take it out on me."

Nobody knew about the fact that he never made it with the blond girl. And the last person he wanted to rub it in his face was Leo, who just also happened to be in the same situation. Yet Fearless was still able to act all high and mighty. Forget being nice and sympathy with Leo, the guy obviously could take care of himself.

"I'm not having this conversation" Leo dropped it, just like he would drop a piece of trash into the bin, and turned to his room "You wouldn't understand…"

"Understand what?" Raph took one step closer, looming over the forest green turtle "That ya think it ain't fair ta not have what ya deserve? That there's no one out there wouldn't scream at the sight of ya?"

"Raph! That's enough!" Leo had raised his voice, feeling even more hurt now that Raph somehow could read him like an open book "I don't need someone's in love like you to remind me about the fact that we are freaks and nobody can love us! Apparently I'm the only freak here!"

That's it! That was IT!

"For the last time…" Raph clenched his fists "Leave. Her. Out. Of. This!"

Leo probably would feel guilty later for pushing Raph's button, for envying the happiness his brother was having. This wasn't something he should do. He knew that perfectly well even as he spoke now. But his heart was already bleeding, what harm can be done more to it?

"Go ahead Raph! Make your move!" Leo cocked his head, taunting his brother "You got your love and I got nothing…"

"WILL YA JUST SHUT UP?"

And before their brains could react, Raph had grabbed Leo's head and crushed their lips together.

Everything seemed to freeze. Leo couldn't even hear the sound of his own heartbeat. His hearing, his ability to move all ceased to function. He could've sworn that even his own heart had stopped beating. On the other hand, the rest of his senses were given an instant boost. Leo could feel the heat emitting from those emerald lips, tasting the saliva dripping from Raph. Above all, he could see those golden orbs that were his brother's eyes burning into his core. He had no idea that on the other end, Raph also experienced the same feeling, in addition that his brain was spinning out of its track. What did he just do? He wanted to punch him! He wanted to punch right in the middle of that smugly face of Fearless! So why? What in the world made his body act that way? Raph pulled back almost immediately. The kiss lasted for no longer than a few seconds, but to them it felt like an eternity. They just stood there in the middle of the hallway, completely speechless.

After what seemed to be a lifetime, they both snapped out of their trance. Leo opened his mouth to raise his question, but Raph already shot past him, completely deaf at his call. The emerald turtle didn't even care if Fearless would stop him. He needed some air… He needed to get out. Leo would like to do nothing more than to sprint after him, squeezing an explanation for the impulsive act, but his feet were glued in place, and word died in his throat before they could make it to his tongue. They had no idea that from a corner, a pair of blue eyes had seen everything from start to finish:

"This is so not good on so many level, dude…"