A/N: Yay!! Nine reviews! LOL. Well, I'm still posting this chapter, in honor of everyone who reviews ever. This is for you.
Anyway, enjoy chapter 4. Fashion crimes, false alarms, diet cokes, and Jacob's revenge are plentiful.
CHAPTER 4
Deputy Whitlock-Hale-Cullen and Deputy Brandon (Jasper and Alice)
"Okay, we will answer it." Jasper said into the radio.
"What's the crime?" Alice asked.
"There is this big prostitute corner we have to clean up." Jasper answered.
Alice scrunched up her face. "But they're not dead."
Jasper shook his head. "No…why would they be dead?"
"Well why else would they want us to clean it up?" Alice asked.
"It's illegal." Jasper said.
"But it's their way of making money." Alice began. "If we go around and arrest people for doing their jobs, pretty soon the world will be jobless."
Jasper smirked and leaned over to kiss Alice on the cheek. "Oh baby, always caring for others."
Alice smiled a little. "It's my job."
"There they are." Jasper said as he pointed to a corner, with a bunch of poorly dressed women.
They both stepped out of the car and made their way over to the group.
"Hello ladies." Jasper said in a sexy man voice.
Alice elbowed him. "Stop trying to show off."
Jasper shrugged. "I'm just playing my part in this whole police show thing."
"Is there a problem, officers?" A woman asked.
"Yes, you all know you are doing something illegal right?" Jasper asked.
All the girls looked around. "Standing on a corner is illegal?"
"When you are selling your bodies while doing it…then yes." Jasper said.
Alice leaned into the group. "Okay. Here's what we're going to do. We are going to let you off with a warning, but if we catch you again, then you are coming with us."
Alice smiled satisfied with herself until she finally registered what everyone was wearing. "Hold up!"
Jasper looked towards Alice confused. "What's wrong, does someone have a weapon?"
Alice shook her head and gave every girl standing there a dirty look. "This is a huge crime! I can't believe I almost let it slip away."
Jasper nodded. "See, I knew you would see it in 'the police way'."
"Every single one of you is coming downtown with me." Alice said.
"You think we can fit 7 people in the back?" Jasper asked.
"Oh, we will make it happen." Alice said.
"But I thought you said we were getting off with a warning?" A girl in the back asked.
"Oh no honey, this is too much of a crime to just give out a warning." Alice said.
"What did we do?"
"Fashion crime." Alice said. "I can't believe what you all are wearing! And you call yourselves prostitutes?"
"Yeah!" Jasper said until he finally realized what he was agreeing with. "…Wait, what?"
"I can't let them roam the streets dressed like that." Alice said. "Their skirts aren't short enough, they aren't showing enough cleavage, and don't even get me started on their make up! What would an aspiring prostitute say if she saw them dressed like that?"
"Okay…" Jasper said unsurely. "Well, at least we cleaned up the corner, like we were asked."
"You are all going to jail, where you're going to learn how to dress more like a prostitute!" Alice said as she helped them into the back of the vehicle.
Deputy Cullen and Deputy Hale. (Emmett and Rosalie)
"So Rose, we have handcuffs…want to try them out tonight?" Emmett asked as he traced circles around Rosalie's hand.
"I would like to try them out on a criminal." Rosalie answered.
Emmett smiled. "Like a threesome! I didn't know you were into that kind of stuff…Edward and Bella managed it…okay, well let's find someone and bring them home."
Rosalie rolled her eyes. "No, not like a threesome, more like I want to find someone and arrest them."
"Then take me home, and make sweet love to me?" Emmett asked with a hopeful smile.
"We are driving around, trying to look for crimes, and all you can think about is sex?"
"Well, this is boring. The radio was fun for like two seconds, and now all we're doing is driving around. Plus looking at you in that cop uniform definitely doesn't help."
All of a sudden, a car sped past them.
"OMDE! Let's get them!" Rosalie shouted.
Emmett smiled and turned on the sirens. Rosalie reached out and grabbed the radio thing, so she could speak to the driver.
"This is the police, pull over right now." Rosalie said.
After a few minutes the guy pulled over, and they left their vehicle.
Emmett tapped on the window. "Hello sir, did you know you were speeding?"
The guy shrugged. "Was I? You know…I didn't really notice.
Rosalie looked the car over. "This is a really nice car…"
The guy smiled. "Thanks, you should see the inside, its even nicer then the outside."
Rosalie smiled and leaned down so she was eye level with the driver. "I bet it is…"
"Rose!" Emmett said.
Rosalie stood up. "Right, sorry. Can you step out of the car, sir?" she asked.
The guy nodded and did as he was told.
"Have you been drinking?" Emmett asked.
"Yeah…"
"Don't you know it's illegal to drink and drive?" Rosalie asked.
The guy shrugged. "No ma'am, I didn't know it was illegal to drink a diet coke, while driving."
"Oh, he got you there." Emmett said in Rosalie's ear.
"Are you trying to be funny?" Rosalie asked. "Was that some kind of a joke?"
"No ma'am, you just asked if I had anything to drink, so I answered."
"I don't like your attitude." Rosalie said as she pulled out her handcuffs.
"You can arrest me for my attitude?" The guy asked.
She shrugged as she handcuffed him. "Well, it seems like I can do whatever I want, I'm the police, isn't that right, sir?"
"Yes, but I didn't know…" he began.
"You have the right to remain silent!" Rosalie shouted.
Emmett looked at her with an aroused smile. "Rose, I've never seen this side of you before…I like it!"
Rosalie just smiled, and pushed the guy against the car. "You want to frisk him?"
"Disgusting…no thanks!" Emmett said, making a face. Rosalie rolled her eyes.
She leaned down, and slowly began patting him down.
"Miss, I know you're the police, but can you watch your hands?" He said, grinning.
Rosalie just smiled sourly as she began feeling his leg muscles, and then she worked her way up to his sides, and arms. The guy's smile grew bigger and bigger, until Emmett stopped her.
"Okay, I think he's clean." Emmett said as he pulled the guy to the cop car.
Rosalie looked the guy over. "Wow, is that a roll of quarters in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"
The guy blushed as he climbed in the cop car. "I'm happy to see you…"
Rosalie rolled her eyes, as she jumped in the passenger seat. Emmett jumped behind the wheel, and they sped off towards the police station.
Deputy Masen and Deputy Black. (Jacob and Edward)
"Are you dry now?" Edward asked.
Jacob huffed as he climbed back into the car. "Can we please not speak of this again?"
"Sorry." Edward said, as he began driving away from the loft.
Ten minutes of silence went by, until Edward finally spoke.
"So, Jacob?"
"Yes?"
"Remember when you peed your pants?" Edward asked with a laugh.
"Shut up!" Jacob shouted.
"Sorry, I'm sorry." Edward said. "That was my last time, lets just look for some crime, and maybe you'll make it on time, when your bladder fills with lime…"
"EDWARD!"
"Sorry, it was a song… it just sort of slipped out."
"Look!" Jacob said, while pointing out the window.
Edward looked out the window to see two girls screaming and throwing food at each other. "Looks like we found a crime."
They pulled the car over, and both stepped out of the vehicle.
"What seems to be the problem?" Edward asked.
They two girls stopped, and looked Edward and Jake up and down. "She stole my boyfriend!"
"I didn't steal him, he came looking for me!" Girl number two shouted.
"And got her pregnant!" Girl number one shouted.
"Whoa, you're chucking food at a pregnant chick! That is just low." Jacob said.
"She deserves it!" Girl number one said as she emptied a bottle of Lemon Iced Tea Snapple over the other girl's head.
Jacob however grabbed her around the waist and pulled her back. "Come on guys chill!"
"Perhaps she does deserve it, but maybe you should wait until she has the baby to fight her." Edward said, and started laughing.
Girl number two was upset by his amusement, that she curled her fingers around a chocolate frosted cupcake. "I'll show you who deserves it!"
Before Edward could react, he saw a cupcake fly into his face. It splattered against him, leaving his entire face and even some of his hair, coated with a creamy layer of brown goo, and crumbs.
Jacob couldn't help but laugh at the sight, and before they could arrest anyone, the two girls ran down the street.
"Are you okay?" Jacob asked, as he watched Edward mop himself up.
Edward pushed Jacob off of him. "What a bitch."
"You can't even eat that, right? God, I can't believe you got cake all over your face!" Jacob said with a smile. "It was on TV too!"
"Shut up." Edward said as he made his way back to the car. "At least I didn't pee my pants."
Jacob frowned a little, but then a smirk reclaimed his face. "Whatever. I'd rather pee in my pants, than have a girl nail me with a cupcake on national TV."
Edward gave him a confused look. "Not me!"
Jacob just sank in his chair, as Edward drove down the road.
"Hey, Edward?"
"Don't say it-"
"Remember-when-you-got-hit-by-a-cupcake?" Jacob asked, saying the words in a rush.
"Shut up!" Edward growled.
Deputy Swan and Deputy Cullen. (Bella and Renesmee)
"It's almost the end of they day, and all we did was yell at some random lady!" Nessie said disappointedly.
Bella shrugged. "It's Monday, Mondays are always bad work days."
"I thought I could at least shoot someone." Nessie said.
Bella frowned. "You're into the shooting thing TOO?"
Nessie nodded. "It's like my dream to shoot someone!"
Bella looked appalled. "It's your dream to shoot someone!? What is wrong with this family?!"
"Well, not just anyone…more like a bad person." Renesmee said. "I'm not just going to shoot someone for the fun of it… Oh pull over! I see a crime"
Bella pulled over, and they both emerged from the car. "Where at?"
"Follow me!" Nessie said as she led them into a dark alley.
When they got there, they saw about five people dealing money.
"Freeze! This is the police!" Bella said.
All of a sudden bright lights shun on the two, and the five people dealing, where huge guys, that looked like body builders.
"What you guys doing?" Nessie asked, without a care in the world.
Bella kind of sank low. "Sweetie, maybe I should handle them alone."
"Why? I'm strong too." Nessie argued.
"What seems to be the problem?" One guy asked.
"Uh nothing." Bella answered as she put his hand over her gun. "We thought you were someone else."
"Mum, what are you doing?" Nessie asked. "They are clearly up to no good."
"What no good might that be?" Another guy asked.
Nessie turned around and walked over to them, ignoring Bella's protests. "Can I see what's in the briefcase?"
"Oh shit Nessie, you are going to get yourself killed!" Bella whispered, frantically.
The guys happily let Nessie take a look, and when she saw it was just clothes she walked away. "Sorry about that, boys, we will let you be."
"Thanks for understanding, officer."
Nessie winked. "Anytime." She then pulled Bella closer to her as they made their way out of the alley. "Thanks for having my back Deputy Swan."
"Did you see the size of those guys? They could have hurt you with one hand!" Bella said.
Nessie hit her playfully. "You were totally overreacting! We're cops, they have to do what we say."
"Not everyone follows the law."
Just as they climbed back into the car, there were gunshots, and fights going on in the alley they just came from. But Bella and Renesmee where so into their argument, they were unaware of it all.
A/N: So was it funny? Stupid? Hilarious? How will I know unless you review hint hint. ( : The thing where a bottle of Lemon Iced Tea Snapple gets poured over someone's head happens to be a personal experience. Only in real life that "someone" unfortunately happened to be me.
Next chapter, everyone is switching partners. It's going to be Edward and Rosalie, Jacob and Renesmee, Bella and Alice, then Emmett and Jasper.