It's not just this one. I've been terrible at updating everything. I way overbooked myself this semester. I have three seventh periods. At the same time. I'm like actually dying. Here's some Percy actually dying instead.
Very important: trigger warnings for depression/suicidal thoughts.
Percy seemed pretty fine during the day. At least compared to how he was when Jason saw him at night. Until Jason saw Percy sitting alone, body shaking slightly, staring at nothing but jaw twitching. Jason immediately walked over and sat next to him. The silent cue was enough.
Percy took a careful breath, careful not to let tears spill in front of anyone else. "I was just... Tartarus... I would've let myself die if Annabeth wasn't there. I don't know when I lost it."
"You haven't lost it," Jason assured quietly, at the same volume Percy was speaking.
"No, not it. Not crazy. Lost the... will to live. For myself, I mean. I'd be dead if I was alone here, too." He said it so curtly, like it was the undebatable truth, that Jason almost genuinely gasped. He restrained himself.
"Well," Jason gulped, "It's a good thing we're here, then."
"It's not just that. Not just you guys. It's the quest. As soon as the quest is over, if we even make it, why? Why should I even bother? Try? What's in it for me? Right now, sure, I have to help save the world and all, but after that? If anyone else needs saving they got this kickass team of demigods right here. They don't need me."
Jason could hardly believe what he was hearing. He shook his head. "That's the farthest thing from the truth I've ever heard."
"But think about it. In Tartarus, I was so close to giving up, but I knew I had Annabeth with me, and I couldn't just leave her alone down there, and I had to get to the Doors of Death for you guys, so I kept going. But that wasn't for me." Only then did emotion enter his voice; "I don't want to... be alive, I guess. I don't want to be alive... I just want to die."
"Please," Jason was sure he sounded panicked. He didn't care. "Don't die. We all need you. Think about Annabeth. Your future?"
Percy sniffed and waved Jason's worry aside. He shook his head. "No. I'm to empty to... want." The word dripped with disdain. "I don't even want to die anymore."
"Why let yourself die when you've gotten this far already?" Jason stared at Percy, right into his watery green eyes that were looking grayer by the day.
Percy was quiet, null, for a long time. The sea and wind were the only things to be heard, though barely over the heartbeat in Jason's ears as he continued to stare at Percy for an answer. Percy had become a thing-a vessel with no host-lifeless, and Jason stared, trying to pour what life he had left into the shell that stared at nothing, just as Jason had found him, too deep in his own thoughts and memories to exist, until his head jerked up the most minuscule amount.
"I won't."