I wasn't surprised when Mary Anne didn't call the next day
I wasn't surprised when Mary Anne didn't call the next day. I stayed home just in case she did, not that I had anywhere else to go. I was only a little surprised when Mary Anne didn't show up to drive me to school on Monday. I would have figured she would have at least called to tell me that she wasn't coming. Watson had to race me to school, so I would have time to go to my locker before first period. I flew out of the car, hoping that I would be able to corner Stacey and ask her what was going on. I ran to her locker but she wasn't there. I glanced at my watch. I didn't have time to search the school for her. I hoped I would be able to pull her away from her friends at lunch to talk to me. Maybe Mary Anne was also running late and she would be there by lunch and I could ask her myself. Either way, I hoped whatever was going on at the Spier house, everything was okay.
I found myself worried about Dawn. Dawn and I were never very close. I would have never admitted it to anyone but I was often jealous of Dawn and, in some ways, I wanted to be like her. She was Mary Anne's best friend and she seemed to connect with Mary Anne in ways that I never could. Then she was Mary Anne's stepsister, and I knew she would have a level of closeness with my best friend that I would never have. Dawn was a good babysitter and related well with the kids. She was headstrong and stubborn, like I was, but people seemed more respective to her. I couldn't imagine anyone calling her a bitch behind her back. Plus, despite the fact her father lived across the country from her, her father was very much involved in her life. My father wanted nothing to do with me. Dawn seemed to have everything that I wanted. I wondered what happened to make Dawn Schafer change so much.
I opened my locker and found a red rose with a letter attached to it. I shook my head, immediately breaking free from my tangled thoughts of the Spier/ Schafer dilemma.
Dearest Kristy,
I am so sorry I haven't been there for you, with you during this past week. Needless to say it's been hell for me. My parents threw me out. I guess your mother called them and told them about the mishap on that fateful Friday night. Even writing those words seem to weaken what happened. I wish, with all my soul, I could take back what happened. I would do anything to make it up to you. I told my parents just that but they didn't believe me. My mother called me a monster and said she didn't want me in the house, influencing Benson and Steig. I was given a few minutes to pack up a few things and get out of their house.
It took me some time to gather my bearings and find a place to stay. Luckily an old friend is willing to let me crash on his couch. I spent the remainder of the week looking for work. I'm going to stay with my friend for a while, until I have enough money to put a first and last on an apartment.
Right now I'm without a phone and internet access is sketchy at best but I'm going to do what I can to communicate with you. I hope you don't mind if I leave you little notes in your locker. I will keep you posted with what's going on. Maybe soon we can meet up and really talk. I miss you.
During these past nights, the only thing that has kept me going is knowing that you love me. I want nothing more than to curl up on my new "bed" with my arms wrapped around you. I know it's impossible right now. Hell, like I always used to say "complications make life interesting." I know that life is going to be "interesting" for the next while but I know I can do this. For you, I can do this.
I am doubting leaving this in your locker now. I know we promised each other space. How many times do we have to admit that I have hurt you and we need to heal before I get it? We need to make peace within ourselves before I believe we can be that couple that we are meant to be. That couple, I know, we can be. I just couldn't leave you alone. I miss you so much. I know this past week I have been distracted by what's going on at home and getting a job to support myself, but I will keep my promise. I will enrol myself in some programs to become a better man, to become the man you deserve. I cannot lose you, my Kristy. I would do anything to keep you in my life. I don't expect you to return this letter or anything. I'll understand if you don't. I just wanted to tell you that I love you and miss you. I have your picture next to my bed and it gives me strength.
For however long this takes, I'll wait for you. I'll give you all the time you need. You are precious to me and I never want to hurt you again. My beautiful Kristy, I love you.
-Cary
The warning bell and the first period bell had rung. I re-read the letter. My eyes blurred with tears. He was alive. He was fine. Sort of. I wondered what old friend he was staying with. I remember him complaining about a lot of his friends when we were dating. Finally, he cut off all ties with them, saying he couldn't deal with their childish ways anymore. I didn't think he had any friends he could lean on.
"Ms. Thomas, is there any reason why you aren't in class?" I jumped. Mr. Browning, the assistant vice principal, stood behind me, frowning. I shoved the letter in my bag and slammed my locker shut.
"Sorry, sir," I mumbled, "Lost track of time," I hurried down the hall, towards my first period class. As soon as I was out of view of Mr. Browning, I pulled out the letter again and traced my finger over Cary's writing. I wondered if I should write him back. I didn't even know what to say. I was just so glad to know he was alive and safe. I wondered if he would leave me another note tomorrow. I wished I could call him, just to hear his voice. I put the letter carefully in one of my notebooks. I had to go to class but I knew I would be distracted by the letter for the rest of the day.
All week Cary would leave little notes in my locker. I never saw him around the school but in some way, I found it comforting to have those little touches every morning. One day he left me a white rose and another day was a bag of Heresy Kisses. He left me notes, letting me know how he was progressing. He told me he got a job, where he was making 13.00 per hour. He thought he would have enough money for an apartment shortly. Cary also said that he tried to get into a couple of programs for anger management but they weren't accepting any new clients, unless it was court ordered. He said he was still looking into it, that he wasn't going to give up so easily. I believed him. I never wrote him back, unsure what to say to him. I hoped he knew he was in my thoughts as much as I was in his.
It wasn't until after school on Thursday was I able to catch up with Stacey. Mary Anne hadn't shown up at school on all week. I would call her house but I didn't get an answer. I was getting really worried.
"Stace!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, as I saw her leave the school with her crowd of wannabes. She stopped and looked back, looking annoyed. I gave her a huge wave. Her crowd around her snickered, but I hoped she would know exactly what I was doing. I waited for her as she made some sort of remark to her friends and come over to me.
"What do you want?" she snapped.
"I want to know what is going on with Mary Anne," I replied, "I figured since I couldn't get a hold of you any other way; a big public scene would do the trick."
"That's just like you to act without thinking," she glared at me, "Don't you think there is a reason why I'm avoiding you? Like maybe this isn't something we should be talking about at school?" I shrugged.
"I want to know if my best friend is okay," I said, trying to stand my ground. She shook her head.
"Not here. I'll come over to your place after school," she gave me another glare for good measure and walked away. I ran for my bus, hating Stacey at that moment. How could Mary Anne put up with this? Would it be really so terrible for her to acknowledge their friendship? What would be the worse that would happen?
I waited a couple of hours for Stacey to show up. When she did, she looked like a completely different person. Her face wasn't hardened into a permanent sneer, there wasn't that air of superiority around her and she was dressed in black yoga pants and a white t-shirt, instead of an outfit designed to make guys look twice at her. She didn't look like the major snob she was at school. We went up into my room.
"So?" I asked, still annoyed at her. Stacey's tone was softer than she used at school. She seemed like a completely different person.
"Mary Anne is in total hide mode right now. Dawn came back and refused to talk to anyone. Apparently she wasn't expecting Sharon and Richard to be at the airport. I have no idea what she thought would happen. Sharon wants to enrol her in Stoneybrook High and try to get her life back to normal. Dawn was practically failing out of Vista so she's going to need to make up all her senior year classes," Stacey paused, "Mary Anne is really upset. She didn't think if Dawn came back that it would be like it used to be, but she thought at least Dawn would talk to her about what was going on. Dawn is not the person we remember her to be."
"Why isn't she coming to school?" I asked. Stacey shrugged.
"I think it's too much pressure right now. I offered to go over last night but she refused. Mary Anne doesn't want to see anyone right now and probably won't until there is some rest in her house."
"Or maybe she doesn't want to see someone who is only there for her when she's not seen with other people," I said, the words flying out of my mouth before I could stop them. Stacey arched a perfectly shaped eyebrow at me.
"You should really be the last one to talk about that, Kristy," she replied, "You ignore your best friend as long as Cary is around and as soon as he disappears, you act like everything is golden again. I don't think you have any idea how hurt she is by you and we both know she's not going to say anything." As much as I didn't want to admit it, I knew she was right.
"I'm not saying I'm perfect but Mary Anne could use a friend now. If you are going to continue to be her girlfriend, you really need to start acting like her friend. She sits with you at lunch every day and you act like she's invisible. She doesn't say but anyone with eyes can see she's hurting!" Stacey and I both stood up, glaring at each other.
"Kristen, you have no idea what you are talking about. You have no idea what Mary Anne and I went through to get to the point we are. Don't act as if you know what it's like to live this lie! I am in love Mary Anne and it kills me not to tell the world how I feel!" I rolled my eyes.
"Act like her friend!" I cried.
"I'm not listening to this anymore," Stacey said, "You ought to take your own advice," then Stacey McGill stormed out of my bedroom. I remained motionless for several moments afterwards, our argument replaying in my head. I knew I should chase after Stacey and apologize. She was right, in a way. I didn't understand their relationship at all. I was not there to see it grow and turn into what it was now. I was too wrapped up in my own life. I also knew I could do more than make a few phone calls to Mary Anne.
I waited until after dinner to go over. I wondered if Stacey had called Mary Anne and told her what happened. For some reason I doubted it. I wasn't going to tell Mary Anne about our fight. With everything that was going on, she really didn't need to know. I was sure that the next time that Stacey and I saw in each other, in private company, that is, we would be civil to each other. I would be at least, despite the fact I lost respect for her.
I thought about our argument on the entire bus ride. "You have no idea what Mary Anne and I went through to get to the point we are," circled through my head a million times. What did they go through to become the supposed couple they were now? Mary Anne said they were paired up in a project a year ago but only started dating last month. Was it simple flirting between the two of them or did something more happen?
"I am in love Mary Anne and it kills me not to tell the world how I feel!" was another phrase that circled my mind endlessly. Stacey McGill said she was in love and I knew she didn't mean "in luv." I wanted to ask Mary Anne more about her relationship but I knew now wasn't the time.
I pushed out all thoughts of the Mary Anne/ Stacey dilemma by the time I walked up Mary Anne's driveway. I needed to solely focus on her needs right now. I peeked to see if her SUV was there and then knocked on the door. At first I heard nothing inside, no movement, no voices, not anything. I knocked again and the door flew open.
"Kristy!" Dawn squealed and pulled me into a huge hug. I stepped back and got a good look at her. She had grown tall, about 5'7", her white blonde hair was still extremely long, down to her waist, and her blue eyes sparkled at me. She looked liked the same Dawn Schafer that left in grade eight. The only difference I could see was that she was like a stick figure. She was thin, her bones prominent, but I wondered if that was more due to the fact she only ate organic food and no meat or sweets whatsoever. She hardly looked like a girl with a seriously wild past.
"Hey," I said, smiling at her, "So you are back to stay?" Dawn stepped out on the front porch and shut the door behind her.
"Seems like," she shrugged, "I'd invite you in but Mary Anne, which by the way, it's totally time to shorten that name, what a mouthful!, is in an extremely bitchy mood. She keeps acting as if I'm invading her life and inconveniencing her! I knew I should have flown into New York," she shrugged again, "But I imagine you are here to see Mary Anne and not catch up with me."
"Honestly, yeah. She hasn't been at school all week and I'm worried but I want to hear what's going on with you. I heard some stories and I can hardly believe that you would be doing down such a path!" Dawn laughed.
"Yeah, Sunny used to say the same thing. She would be holding little Alexandra in her arms and lecturing me, telling me if I didn't clean up my act I would be an unwed teenaged mother like her," the sparkle seemed to fade from Dawn's eyes. She suddenly seemed hollow and empty, "But it's an escape, that style of life is. I am so tired of being Dawn Schafer that I wanted to try someone else on for a time. This is high school, for Pete's sake! I'm hardly going to ruin my chances if I take some time to have some fun," Dawn looked at me critically for a minute, "I think you understand. You seem to have shaken that uptight uniform that you always wore. I can tell you have changed since I last saw you. You understand what it is to want to escape, don't you?" I nodded, not completely understanding at all. What would Dawn want to escape? I always thought her life was great. She had a new family, with new siblings now, she had great friends, and she would to an amazing private school. What could be so terrible that she needed to escape?
The front door flew open again and Mary Anne stood there, looking pissed.
"Dawn, when people come to see other people, it's the polite thing to let them know," she snapped and grabbed my wrist. With un-Mary Anne like strength, she pulled me into the house.
"I'll catch you later, Kristy!" Dawn called and Mary Anne shut the door. We didn't speak until we were in her bedroom, with the door slammed shut.
"I can't believe her!" Mary Anne cried, tears springing to her eyes, "She comes in and acts like nothing has changed. The first night she flops herself down on my bed and asks if I'm still dating- and I quote- 'that moron Logan Bruno.' Then she tries to tell me that I need to loosen up, that I could be a- another direct quote- 'total man magnet' if I just wore more revealing clothing and acted a little more open. She told me I was such a stick in the mud and I'd probably never get laid! I was totally blown away, Kristy. I hadn't talked to her in years and she comes to my house, in my room and makes judgments about me!" Mary Anne was pacing around the room.
"I'm sure she gave you that same line about 'wanting to escape' that she gave dad and Sharon. What's worse, Sharon totally bought it! She was totally sympathizing about how 'hard' high school was, how 'difficult' it was to connect to a new family, and of course, the new baby, how 'hard' it was to realize that your friends are going in places that you don't want to follow. She totally bought the peer pressure line! I could tell dad wasn't buying it but he wasn't getting involved. Well, he did when he thought it would be best for Dawn and I take a week off to 'adjust' to the 'new circumstances' and then I'd be ready to show Dawn around SHS!" Mary Anne's hands kept shooting up, making air quotes, "They need to throw Dawn back on a plane to California and make her father deal with it! He's getting the easy part. 'Here, take care of my psycho daughter and I'll just resume sending you child support.' He helped create this monster; he needs to deal with her!" Mary Anne sat next to me on the bed, tears streaming down her face.
"Damn it, Kristy! It's not like life is complicated enough! This is my senior year! I can't be distracted by her right now!" I put my arms around Mary Anne and didn't say anything. What could I say to cheer her up? I just sat with her, hoping that was comforting enough.
Mary Anne told me that she wouldn't be in school on Friday but she, along with Dawn, would be there on Monday. She promised she'd pick me up Monday morning. Stacey and I avoided each other on Friday, not that it was that hard. We didn't have any classes together and it wasn't like we were friends.
I wondered why Dawn would be attending school with Mary Anne, especially since school was finished in a week. I wondered if Dawn was just coming to keep her out of the house and out of trouble. Personally, I couldn't wait until the year was over. The next week would only be a waste of time, since most of my classes had already finished the course material. Then we would have a week of exams, and our graduation ceremony. I made a mental note to start studying for exams. A part of me knew, despite my old habits, I wouldn't study very hard. I just didn't have it in me to care right then.
My life was wide open now, I realised. I didn't have to attend school anymore. I didn't have a job to go to. I still lived with my parents, so it wasn't like I had any bills. I needed to decide to do something with my life. I was still debating about trying to apply late for school, but I wasn't sure if I really wanted to go directly to university. The whole reason why I didn't apply because I wanted to take a year off from school. Cary and I talked about maybe travelling to Europe and backpacking across it, visiting France, Spain and a bunch of other countries. We wanted to get life experience before entering the adult world. Now I knew that wasn't going to happen. Cary only communicated by letters. I had no idea where we stood right now. I didn't know if we were ever going to stand again. I had finally admitted to myself that I was going to ever date Cary again, which, in a way, almost relieved me. I was never going to have to worry about his moods, about ticking him off, about saying or doing the wrong thing. I could relax and just be me, without worrying if that wasn't good enough. Yet, when I thought about our relationship in that way, I didn't completely agree with those emotions. I always felt extremely mixed up when thinking about Cary. He was violent and angry. He would hurt me. He made me cry. He made me want to give up on life. Yet he was caring. He was warm. He was considerate. We had fun together and often I felt like where I was was where I was suppose to be. I felt like life was perfect with him. I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. I was happy. I wasn't happy now. I was confused.
After school on Friday, Alan approached. We had not spoken since the week before. I figured my brief friendship with him had ended.
"Hey Thomas," he said, sliding up to me at my locker.
"Hey, Gray," I answered, pretending to play it cool.
"I heard Schafer is in town again," he smiled at me, "I had such a big crush in her during the summer between grade seven and eight, when you guys ran that Camp BSC thing."
"So?" I responded.
"Anyway, Dawn called Claud out of the blue and a bunch of us are going out tonight. I wanted to know if you wanted to come with," he touched my shoulder, "I promise there will be no skinny dipping. Actually, my parents are away for the weekend, so we are all going to my place. Bentley is bringing over the drinks, Claudia is bringing over the sweets and we are just going to have some good old fashion fun. I want you to come."
"I told you last week I wasn't into that stuff," I answered. Alan bit his lip.
"There has been a reason why I have been avoiding you this week and it's not because you turned into a bitch last weekend," he said, "Cary is staying with me. He's going to be there this weekend. He keeps talking about you, he misses you and wants a chance to make things right." My stomach dropped.
"Did he tell you what happened between us?" I asked, my voice shaking. Alan shook his head.
"Cary and I have a lot to do in order to repair our friendship so we aren't quite at the stage to talk about why you two broke up. Nor are we at the stage where I tell him you kissed me the night after you broke up with him," Alan said, "But he seems sincere. Plus you aren't going to be alone with him. If it become too intense, you can always ignore him and help us pry Dawn for details why she had sent back to Stoneyhell with a 'return to sender' sticker." I hesitated for a moment. Why not? It's not like I had other plans that weekend.
"Can you pick me up in an hour or so?" I asked, "I need to get some clothes and stuff."
"Why don't I just drive you there now?" he asked, "The others already met sooner and are probably already there. Much to Cary's chagrin," he smiled wickedly, "They are just waiting for me to get out of school."
"Sounds good," I said. I hoped no one would be home when I got there. I figured I would just scribble them a note that I was staying over at Claudia's this weekend. If mom or Watson was there when Alan was there, it may be harder to convince them to let me go.
We drove to McLelland Road and, luckily, no one, not even Nanny, was home. I debated about leaving Alan in the kitchen while I packed but figured that it was safer in my bedroom. I dumped the contents of my backpack and hastily began to shove my belongings inside. I wanted to change into something nicer before going over. Alan walked around my room.
"I never pictured Kristy Thomas living like this," he said, circling around it again. I threw open the door to the closet.
"Like what?" I asked, pulling out a white tennis skirt, debating if that would be a good choice. I didn't want to look too inviting, to whore-ish but I wanted to look good for Cary. I put the skirt back. Maybe a long jean skirt would be better? I decided not. I would look too "California Casual."
"I heard your stepdad is a millionaire but for you to live in a huge house, with a huge room…" his voice trailed off, "I just remember you as the girl whose dad left, you know? I remember weeks after I found out your dad bailed I was so scared that my dad would leave too." I turned around to him and stared at him.
"Really?"
"I know it was ridiculous, but a child's mind works in weird ways," he sat down on my bed, clearly not wanting to say more. I turned back to my closet, grabbing the white tennis skirt again. I grabbed a matching top and ducked into the bathroom. I quickly changed. My dad left when I was six. It's been over ten years since he disappeared and I had gotten used to the life without him. I knew my classmates heard about it. Of course they did, it was huge gossip among the parents. I never stopped and thought about how my classmates would react. At that time, I didn't know any other kids whose parents up and left, without explanation. Most kids still lived with both of their biological parents. Only Mary Anne was the other kid who was a part of a single parent family and that was only because her mother died.
I brushed my hair, deciding to keep it down and grabbed my toothbrush. I hurried back into my bedroom and threw the last of my things in my bag.
"I'm ready to go," I announced. Alan looked at my outfit and smiled.
"You look good, Thomas," he said, "I know Cary will appreciate it."
We drove in silence to his house. My stomach was twisted up in knots. I wondered what was going to happen. As Alan pulled up in the driveway, Cary was sitting outside.
"Damn it, Alan!" he cried. He jumped to his feet before Alan could even turn off the car, "You invited those nitwits over? Austin is already drunk and he 'confessed' to me that he wants to get into Dawn's pants! I don't really need to hear that!" I opened the door and stepped out. Cary had just opened his mouth to continue his rant but stopped when he saw me. He ran over and pulled me close. Alan laughed.
"See Retlin? I knew this would make it up for a weekend of my friends," he grabbed my bag, "I'll bring this into the house for you, Thomas," then he left us alone. Cary cupped his hands around my face, staring into my eyes.
"I can't believe you are here," he whispered, "I've missed you so much. Did you get those notes?" I nodded, my voice trapped in my throat.
"You look so amazing, Kristy," he pulled me close, burying his face into my neck. I held him tight. He looked the same as he always did. He needed to shave. He wore Alan's clothing, which hung a little too big on him but I couldn't nitpick. The knots in my stomach dissolved and I felt myself relax in his arms. I missed him so much.
"Cary," I whispered, "I was so worried about you." He stepped back and kissed me.
"I'm fine," he said, "Well, dealing." He took my hand. We went into the house and went directly to the basement. The basement was only half done but the part was unfinished had been converted into a bedroom. Cary sat down on the couch and pulled me into his lap.
"This is your new digs?" I asked. He shrugged.
"For now. I should have enough money soon to repay the Grays back for their help and get an apartment," he kissed me gently, "I always thought my first apartment would be for us. I imagined us looking for a nice one bedroom somewhere after graduation. I hate that things changed so much. I hate that I'm such a failure." I cupped his face. He looked so upset. He needed to stop beating himself up.
"I overreacted," I said to him. My stomach twisted as I said those words. A part of me knew I was lying to myself but I didn't care, "I should have never accused you of rape. It wasn't that at all." I turned around, still sitting on his lap, so I could face him. He placed his arms on thighs. I leaned forward and kissed him.
"Don't say that," he whispered, kissing me back, "We can't deny that I went too far. I should never have done that. I love you and I should respect your wishes." I thought about the money I had saved in my account. I had enough for first and last. I could get a job, I thought. I could still take that year off before school. Not everything could be lost.
"I miss you," I told him, "We can heal together, can't we?" His hand slid up my thighs, under my skirt. We kissed.
"Forgive me, Kristy? For everything I have done? Can we pretend it never happened and start over?" he kissed me. I nodded, my own hands travelling under his shirt, taking it off.
"I love you, Kristen Amanda Thomas," he whispered, as he tugged down my panties and tossed them carelessly on the ground. I unzipped his pants and we changed our positions on the couch.
"I love you, Cary Retlin," I whispered, as he pulled off my shirt. Soon we were both naked, kissing passionately. We were touching each other, little moans of pleasure escaping from our lips. I wanted him so badly and I could tell he wanted me. He kissed me, his body over mine.
"Can I erase our memory of the last time we did it and replace it with something positive?" he asked, "Are you okay with that?" I nodded, pulling him closer, kissing him. He entered me and within moments we were rocking to each other rhythms. I knew if Mary Anne or any one in my family knew where I was that evening, or what I was doing, they would be largely disappointed with me. They didn't understand. With each thrust and moan, I knew I was where I was supposed to be. I knew Cary was the one for me. We were soul mates. I never believed in true love or soul mates before, but every time I was with Cary, I knew this was meant to be. Despite whatever had happened previously, we would over come it and be better, stronger for it.
I had an amazing time that weekend. Cary and I stayed in the basement for the reminder of Friday night. We didn't want to share each other with others just yet. We just talked about almost everything. There seemed to be an unspoken pact not to mention that fateful Friday night. On Saturday, Alan woke up early and made us all pancakes. Claudia kept sending me "knowing" smiles. Cary seemed to be a calming force on the group. Whenever anyone would make a suggestion that was too wild, he would shot it down and they would listen to him. We spent Saturday night drinking and laughing. Cary gave me a mixed drink. Unlike when Alan offered me a drink, I didn't feel hesitate. I felt confide and secure with Cary. I even got a little tipsy that night and I didn't mind. Everything seemed perfect.
It was like a totally different experience hanging out with Claudia and Dawn than it was hanging out with Mary Anne. Mary Anne only wanted to do certain things and she had these boundaries about things she would talk about. One time I asked her how far she got with Logan. She blushed and said it was private. Dawn had no problem talking to us about how far she had gone and what was the grossest thing she had done, which was a threesome with another girl. Claudia squealed with disgust, exclaiming loudly she would never do that, no matter how drunk she got.
By the time Sunday rolled around, I was beginning to feel depressed. I didn't want the weekend to end. Alan needed all of us to leave by noon. Claudia and Dawn made plans to go to the mall to find Dawn the perfect first day of school outfit. Erica and Austin decided to go back to her place. I wanted to stay with Cary but Alan's parents didn't really want anyone to know he was staying there for some reason. I wondered how much Alan knew about the reason why Cary was kicked out, despite his claims of not knowing anything. Yet with fair well kiss I received from Cary promised me this weekend wasn't a one time deal.
The next two weeks went by extremely slowly. Cary and I snuck quick calls after school and before bed. He would always call my cell phone. It was the only way to prevent my parents from finding out. The moments between seeing him or phone calls seemed to last forever. I did want I could to keep my mind off of it. I passed all my courses with a sixty average. Graduation would be in a few days. When I wasn't in school, I hung out with Dawn. Mary Anne had found out on Sunday that I wasn't going to treat Dawn as the enemy and stopped talking to me. I tried to tell her I didn't see the point in shutting Dawn out if she needed help but she wouldn't listen to me. I felt bad about ending that friendship as soon as we repaired it yet there wasn't anything I could do. Besides, she had Stacey to lean on. Or at least she had Stacey when it was socially acceptable for them to be together.
I told my parents about my plans for after graduation, that I wanted to get a job and live on my own for a while. I didn't mention the part about possibly having Cary live with me. Mom and Watson weren't happy and told me that I was wasting my potential. I disagreed completely. I told them I needed to find myself and figure out where my path was before I spent another four years in school. I promised them that in a year I would return to school but I needed to do this. I told them that as soon as I got a job, I was going to use the savings and get an apartment. I knew they were disappointed in me but as long as I didn't expect any hand outs from them, they didn't complain. They knew that I was going to do my own thing.
Cary called me the night before graduation and said he spoke to his manager and that if I was interested there was a position where he worked. He said he would put in a good word for me and if I wanted the job, it was mine. It seemed as if everything was falling into place.
Finally graduation came and I couldn't believe how excited I was to be leaving SHS. For the most part, I enjoyed my years there. I enjoyed my classes and the friends I had made but it was time to move on. I felt it was time to enter the grown up world, no longer held by the hand of a teacher. It was time to learn what was out there for myself.
Yet as I got ready, I did feel sad. This past year seemed to have gone very wrong. Since freshmen year, Mary Anne and I had always planned to get ready for graduation together, take the big step into the world together. We had done everything together and we were supposed to be together for this. Now she wasn't even talking to me, thinking I betrayed her somehow. I debated, while I curled my hair, about calling her and setting things right but I knew it wouldn't work out. She would suggest hanging out after the ceremony and I would have to decline, saying I had plans with Dawn already. That would just make her mad all over again. There was no point.
The ceremony was long and boring. We all wore heavy black robes with the cap, which was killing my carefully done curls. When they called my name, Dawn, who was sitting with the rest of her family, screamed loudly for me. Claudia, Alan, Austin and Erica then jumped to their feet and screamed wildly. It seemed to erase all my concerns that went through my head, like worrying about Mary Anne or worrying how disappointed everyone was that I didn't graduate with honours. It didn't matter, as I smiled and accepted my diploma, I had friends.
After the ceremony, my family took pictures of me in the cap and gown. Mom cried, saying how proud she was of me. Everyone in my family approached me and told me how proud they were. As soon as pictures were over, I went to wait for the rest of my friends. Dawn came over, wearing a white sundress that showed off her dark California tan.
"This is boring," she whispered to me, "If I have to hear how proud everyone is of Mary Anne one more time, I may just throw up on her," I didn't say anything, "Aren't you suppose return that gown?" She nudged me with her elbow. I shrugged.
"I figured holding onto it for one more day wouldn't kill anyone," secretly I had plans for the gown. After the party, I had told my parents I would be sleeping over at Claudia's but in actuality, I was going home with Cary. I told him, since he didn't think it would be a good idea to come to graduation, I wanted him to see his graduate. I had planned to be naked under the robe for him. I hoped it would excite him.
Mary Anne walked over to me, completely ignoring her stepsister.
"I wanted to congratulate you, Kristy. I know it's been a hard year and you deserve this," she said, smiling at me. I wondered if this meant she wasn't furious with me anymore. Then again with Mary Anne you could never tell.
"Thank you, Mary Anne," I replied, "You must be so excited about getting in New York University. Stacey is going there too, isn't she?" Mary Anne blushed.
"Yeah, we decided to room together. We are going to the City next weekend to look for apartments," Mary Anne hesitated, "I'm sorry I got so mad at you. Did you want to come with us?" I hesitated for a moment. I had hoped to spend the next weekend looking for an apartment for myself. Old reactions also crept back. What would Cary say if I left for the weekend? Would he be upset? I wondered if he would look for a place without me. I had no idea what to look for.
"Sure," I replied, "Call me later with the details, okay?" Claudia was running over to use, with the others in tow. Claudia seemed extremely hyper for someone who watched all her classmates graduate when she didn't cross the stage. She needed to retake some courses next year before she had enough credits. Mary Anne looked hurt that I was ending the conversation so soon. Maybe she expected me to invite her. Then she smiled.
"Will do. Now I must run for my own celebrations!" then she took off. Dawn snorted.
"Yeah, like watching a movie with Sharon and Richard? Or maybe she'll go to Andi Gentile's big party and hook up with Logan again. I bet she's still pinning over him," Dawn said. I wanted to say that Mary Anne was definitely over Logan Bruno but I didn't want to explain who she probably wanted to hook up with tonight. As the bunch of us left the school, I wondered if Stacey would give her the time of day. I wondered how Stacey was going to explain to her friends why she was going to roommate with Mary Anne. I pushed the thoughts out of my mind as I climbed into Erica's van and she passed me a cooler. It was time to party.