Sorry it's been such a long time! I have an even longer chapter for you guys though :3

Also in one of the first reviews on this story someone told me not to mention Kat x Garen so I had to throw in a little hint at it because i'm a butt like that.

Anyway I hope you enjoy~

Chapter Four: Acceptance and Repentance

Ezreal

I can't remember the last time I felt this lonely.

Our cottage, usually bright and cheerful and filled with the vivacious atmosphere that seemed to follow Lux wherever she went, had fallen silent. Her laughter could not be heard. She wasn't sitting in the corner of the living room on her favorite faded maroon armchair reading a book – something she loved to do. She wasn't curled up in bed sleeping the day away just because she was too lazy to get up this morning. She wasn't hunched over a cookbook trying to make something and getting frustrated when it didn't turn out quite right. She was just gone. Her visits back home have never had this much of an effect on me before, as I'm usually with her, but there was an unmistakable sense of finality this time. She had left with no intention of ever returning.

Only a couple days ago, she and I were huddled together in front of the fire to block out the winter's cold, talking and playing games. Little had I known, that had been the last chance I would ever have to spend that kind of time with her; the next morning, my world fell down around me. And what hurt even worse, is the fact that I could have stopped it. I failed to protect the one thing in my life that I held the most sacred.

I looked over to the empty living room, a deck of cards still scattered on the floor in front of the fireplace just as we had left them. After what had happened, I couldn't get myself to pick them up; it was like a reminder of the life I no longer had. I found myself pacing the floors, and ended up in our room, where she had been merely hours ago. The photo of us laid face-down on my desk. My goggles had been picked up and were placed neatly back on the side table. She still made sure to clean up after herself before she departed. I allowed myself a small smile; that part about her still hasn't changed. Sometimes I forget that she's still the same inside. All she's missing are our memories.

My eyes moved to the window, then fell to the wooden bench we had outside, underneath a tree that grew the most beautiful blossoms every year. That had always been her favorite tree. Whenever she was upset or needed time to think, that was where I could find her, without fail. A couple times already since she'd left, I found myself drawn towards that spot, as if I would find her there. But each time, no matter how much I hoped, it was empty.

I moved towards my desk, my gaze fixed on the photo. I reached out towards it, deciding whether or not to pick it up; if I saw it, it might only make me feel worse now that she's gone. But before I could stop them, the memories came flooding back into my mind, and it was everything I could do to avoid breaking down. I could hear her words echoing in my head; the resonance of her sweet voice reverberating through my skull like a haunting melody. This all felt like a dream, and if it was, I desperately wanted to awaken. After spending three happy years with her, everything came to an end in the span of a few hours; it seemed unreal. Even though I hoped, everything in me knew that this was reality. I would never wake up from this nightmare.

I pulled my hand away from the photo, sparing it one last glance before walking over to our – my – bed and sitting down, my eyes traveling languidly around the room. I was lost. I didn't know what to do. Up until now, she's been here and we've always kept each other company. I've forgotten what it felt like to be on my own. I'd been with Lux for only three years out of my almost nineteen years on earth, and I can't seem to recall what life without her was like. I had gotten by just fine before I'd met her, but now that I knew how wonderful life with her could be, I can't imagine going back to the way things were.

I laid back, folding my hands over my stomach and looking up at the ceiling. I started to wonder what her parents and her brother and her friends back home would say when they saw her; news of the incident and Lux's injury wouldn't reach them until tomorrow at least. She would be home before then. Everybody would be worried sick for her. And I knew she would soon find out a little about what happened to her; there was no doubt that her parents would show her the letter I had sent. I wanted so badly to tell her myself, but hearing something like that from someone who she believed was a stranger would scare her. It would be better if she learned from her own family – people she knows.

Would her family be angry at me for failing to protect her? Would they turn their backs on me too?

I was angry at myself for what had happened. I would hold it against myself for the rest of my life. The day I failed her. If it turned everyone else away from me, it would kill me, but maybe I would deserve it. I knew I shouldn't put all of the blame on myself, but I couldn't help it. We should have just stayed inside that day.

I rolled onto my side and pulled my knees in close to my chest, swallowing the lump in my throat as I truly began to realize just how powerless I was. I can't make Lux remember. I can't make her stay. I can't make her return my feelings again. I can't keep her safe.

I tried to push all of my negative thoughts to the back of my mind for now. If this is the way things are going to be from now on, I needed to be stronger. I needed to stop thinking of myself, and think more of her. As much as I wanted her to be here with me, I knew deep down that she would be much safer back home. I want her to feel comfortable while she's recovering. I want her to be surrounded by family and friends that she knows. I don't want her to worry; I want her to be happy. And if being with me doesn't make her happy anymore, then that's not what I want for her. I just need to be thankful that she's alive.

I still couldn't help but wonder if I would ever see her again.

._-:*~*~*~*:-_.

Lux

I made my way up the large staircase to the front doors of my home, unable to suppress a smile as I took in the familiar surroundings. The mottled granite underfoot reflected hues of red and yellow from the setting sun – the same light glistened off the surfaces of the marble statues lining the walkway. A gentle breeze shook the remaining leaves off the trees around me, sending them fluttering to the ground like graceful little butterflies. The warm glow of the sunset almost made me forget just how cold it was, and suddenly I could find myself thinking of nothing but huddling in front of a warm fire.

I wrapped my arms around myself and shivered, still unable to stop smiling at the beauty of my surroundings and the happiness I felt upon returning to my home.

When I reached the top of the steps, the guard at the door acknowledged me with a quick bow of his head. "Miss Crownguard," he greeted me.

I smiled and nodded towards him politely. I had always told him that he didn't need to treat me so formally, as I considered everyone helping out in our household to be my family. But he insisted on it anyway.

"You can just call me by my first name, you know," I reminded him, giving him a pointed look and a teasing smile.

He looked away quickly, trying to remain professional. "Yes, Milady Luxanna."

I rolled my eyes, and just as I reached the front doors, the guard reached out and pulled one open for me. I stepped through, offering him a gracious smile and a 'thank you.'

My gratitude was met with a nod, and the door closed behind me, echoing through the vast foyer.

My eyes travelled around the room, and I found more comfort in the fact that everything was just the same as I remembered it. A large crystal chandelier hung from the ceiling on a golden chain in the center of the room, only dimly lighting the foyer. To brighten the room, there were two intricate lamps with deep red shades that corresponded with the immaculate crimson carpet positioned in opposite corners. Two large staircases resided on either side of the room against the wall. Along both of them, there were rows of family portraits and photos concealed within identical golden frames.

Sitting on a polished white table between the staircases was the potted plant I had bought for my mother on her birthday when I was thirteen, I think. I was surprised that it was still alive, but it brought back pleasant memories. It was the first thing I had ever bought for anyone with money I had earned myself. Up until then, when I'd wanted to buy a gift for my parents, they would give me money and I would use that, but then I decided it wasn't truly a gift from the heart unless it was from me alone. I made bouquets of wild flowers and sold them to passers-by until I had enough money to buy that plant, because it had always been my mother's favorite kind. I had been very proud of myself for it, too.

"Lux?" A voice interrupted me from my thoughts, but I smiled, immediately recognizing the voice. I turned towards it.

"Big brother!" Unable to stop myself, I ran forward and threw my arms around him, unable to remember ever being this glad to see him. Just seeing family was a huge relief after what I'd been through.

He squeezed me once and released me, dropping me back onto my feet and looking at me excitedly. "It's been a while since your last visit. Is Ezreal not with you?"

I froze. For just a moment, I was able to forget about him and all my problems. This also confirmed all of my suspicions – at the very least, Ezreal and I were good friends, if not more. He'd met my family…

Maybe Garen would be able to tell me more about him. But how would I bring that up without telling him about what's going on? A small wave of panic washed through me, and I was relieved when I realized I had left my jacket on – if I hadn't, he would definitely notice the bandages…

I didn't want to worry him.

He noticed my uneasiness, and tipped his head slightly. "Are you guys okay? Or… is that why you came here?"

I forced a smile and shook my head. "N-nothing's wrong. I just wanted to surprise everyone! And he's been busy anyway," I told him, trying to sound as convincing as possible. But my brother knows me far too well, he'll know something's up no matter what I say.

He didn't look very convinced, but he let it go and smiled anyway. "Oh, then that's great. It's just that you usually tell us ahead of time. I'm happy you're here though! Our parents will be back soon, and dinner should be ready by then."

"Ah, that's great! I'm starving."

"Well, let's go catch up while we're waiting for them. You look cold. Do you want tea? Hot chocolate?"

I smiled. Big brother was being his usual attentive self, always wanting to make everyone happy. Many people who didn't know him thought he was intimidating, and he could be, but around family, he's always like this.

"Thank you, but I can do it myself," I gave him a teasing look and strolled past him towards the kitchen. He muttered a quick 'alright, alright' before following me.

"You want some too?" I asked him.

"Tea, please."

._-:*~*~*~*:-_.

The image of my tall, heavily muscled, virile older brother hunched over fine china sipping tea would always be funny to me. I couldn't help but laugh, so I bit my lip in order to hold it back.

"What's so funny?" Garen asked, sounding defensive.

I really hadn't been as subtle as I thought, so I gave up trying to hide it and smiled, lifting the cup to my lips. "Nothing, nothing…"

He glared at me, trying to suppress a smile. "No, you're laughing at me."

"You look funny drinking out of such a small cup."

"Lux, this is the set that you bought for me last year!"

Oh, I didn't know that.

I just stuck my tongue out at him and took another sip of my tea, trying to think of something to talk about. Actually, I had so many things I wanted to ask him. Most of all, I wanted to ask him all about me and Ezreal, but I couldn't let him know that something had happened to me. I need to be careful about what I say, but it's hard when the brother I know is the one from three years ago. If I said anything odd, he would notice for sure. And I wanted to keep our conversation lighthearted.

Is he still with the girl he was seeing three years ago?

A quick glance at a recent photo on our wall gave me my answer, so I decided to bring it up, hoping it wasn't the wrong decision.

"So," I said, setting my cup on the table and folding my hands, leaning towards him with a teasing look on my face. "How are you and Kat?"

He coughed, nearly dropping his cup, then looked at me. "W-we're great! Uh… why?"

Thank goodness.

I chuckled, suddenly remembering just how flustered he got whenever I brought her up before. I wanted to know everything. Not only about myself, but I'd lost the past three years with my family as well. There was no way of talking about it without saying outright 'I can't remember the past three years of my life, fill me in' and that would bring up an entire list of concerns with everyone. I just wanted to stay with my family and not have to worry or make them worry. I wanted things to go back to the way they were three years ago.

"No reason. You two seem awfully happy in that photo," I said, motioning to it. "When was that taken?"

He gave me a confused look, and I immediately realized my mistake. Maybe I'm supposed to know that…

"You took that photo, Lux. It was this summer. You and Ezreal came on a trip with us. Did you forget about that?"

"I… n-no, it just slipped my mind for a second," I stammered, embarrassed. I lifted the cup to my mouth and looked away, trying to distract him from the blush rising to my cheeks. I was getting nervous. I needed to calm myself down.

I had gone on a trip with my brother and Kat? And Ezreal had been with us? Just how close had we been?

My heart quickened, and I felt myself starting to panic. He had met my family, even gone on a trip with us… and as far as I knew, we had lived together. What we had was more than just any friendship…

"Are… are you okay?" Garen asked me, furrowing his brow and leaning forward, a look of concern spread across his face.

I nodded, forcing a smile. "I'm fine. Just a bit tired." It was only partially the truth. I was tired, I hadn't been able to sleep well the previous night, but that wasn't why I was acting up. I was confused, and scared.

I'm here, at home, with my family, but I still feel lost. I feel like I hardly know anyone. They all remember me as if nothing had happened… but the brother I know, the parents I know, and the friends I know, are the ones from three years ago. I can't remember what's happened, or what they've gone through, or the things we've shared and done since then. I feel like I'm in a completely different world than everyone I love.

And it's one of the most terrifying things I've ever felt.

"You look a little pale," he pointed out. "Are you sure that's all?"

"Y-yeah. I couldn't sleep last night…" I told him, trying to maintain a steady voice. My head was spinning, and I fought to keep my breathing quiet and steady.

I set my tea down and tried to hold myself upright by leaning back against the chair and grasping the sides firmly, all the while trying to appear composed. I was starting to feel dizzy, and at the same time I had to fight back tears.

What was happening to me?

I'm home. I should have nothing to worry about… and yet…

"You really don't look good. Did something happen?"

"I'm okay…"

"Lux, you're worrying me…" he said, looking like he was about ready to jump out of his chair if anything happened.

"You don't have to worry about me." I gave him a weak smile.

"You look like you're going to pass out. I'm sorry, but I'm taking you to your room. You need to lie down for a while and rest. You're exhausted," he said, standing up and holding his hand out to me. "I'll bring dinner to you when it's ready."

I wanted to stay and talk to him, but I couldn't risk anything happening. Once I had slept, I would feel better. That's all I needed.

I took his hand and pulled myself up off the chair as the room started spinning around me. I stumbled.

What's come over me all of a sudden?

Garen placed his hand against my back and lead me towards the foyer and upstairs to my room. He was talking on the way there, but I could barely hear him. I was almost in a daze.

I hardly even looked around before curling up on my mattress. My brother turned on the light next to my bed and asked me if I needed anything else. All I could do was shake my head and mutter a 'thank you.' With one last look, he dimmed the light and left the room, leaving the door open just a crack.

Immediately, I felt myself drifting off. I pushed aside all of my troubling thoughts to welcome sleep – the only state in which I could allow myself to free my mind. Even if it was only for a short while, I wanted to forget. I wanted to pretend everything was normal, and that the past couple days had just been a bad dream.

But the stinging in my left shoulder brought me back to this reality I couldn't escape.

Before I knew it, the world around me ceased to exist and I gradually slipped into unconsciousness, surrendering myself to the realm of dreams.

._-:*~*~*~*:-_.

"Do you really have to go tomorrow?" I heard his voice behind me. His tone was sad, but at the same time it sounded hopeful. Serenity filled me to my very core as the gentle sound floated through the air and wrapped itself around me like a warm blanket. No one else has ever spoken to me with such tenderness. I could feel the emotions in his voice just as easily as I could feel his touch upon my cheek, and it was something wonderful that no one else could make me experience.

I turned around and saw him walking towards me with a sorrowful look spread across his face. He had his hands folded over his stomach as he mindlessly twiddled his thumbs, though his eyes were trained on me.

Trying to cheer him up, I smiled at him and scooted over to the far left of the bench, leaving him enough room to sit beside me. He returned my smile and took a seat on the other side of the bench, looking down and letting his hair mask his features, leaving a foot or two of space in between us. He's funny that way – he still gets embarrassed around me, or doesn't want to make me uncomfortable by getting too close, even though we've known each other for months now. Sometimes he's a little too thoughtful.

"I'm sorry," I told him, my smile diminishing. "I have been gone for a while, and my family misses me."

The truth was that I really didn't want to leave. I enjoyed being here with him, and the few weeks that I'd been here this visit had gone by so much faster than I'd hoped. I knew I wouldn't be able to come back for a while, but I didn't want to come out and say that. It would only upset him more.

"I'll come back as soon as I can," I told him, forcing myself to smile again.

"We'll keep in touch?" he asked, glancing up at me.

I nodded, and his expression brightened ever-so-slightly.

He kept his gaze on mine for a few moments, then reached out almost hesitantly, as if waiting for me to stop him, and laid his hand over mine as it rested against the wooden bench.

I felt my heart jump, and my cheeks grew hot. This time, I didn't try to hide it as I usually would have. His hand was warm to the touch, and though his skin was rougher than my own, it was one of the many things I found so endearing about him.

"I've had fun," he said suddenly. "I like having you here…"

"I wish I could stay longer," I told him dejectedly. "I'll plan on that next time."

We sat in silence for a few minutes, just enjoying each other's presence and absorbing this moment, for it could be the last time we spend together like this for months. I wanted to remember every second of it. The sun was beginning to set, and I was saddened to realize that I couldn't stay here much longer.

I glanced to the boy at my side and could feel nothing but adoration in my heart. I took his hand in mine gently, and he looked at me suddenly as if he were startled, but his eyes told me otherwise. He was happy.

I couldn't find the words to tell him how I felt, and I wished I could let him know with just a glance, but that wasn't always enough. I tugged on his hand lightly.

"You're too far away." My voice was hardly above a whisper.

He only paused for a moment before shifting closer to me, wordlessly intertwining our fingers and staring nervously at the ground. I leaned against his shoulder, happy to find my head fit perfectly against the base of his neck, as if it belonged there. I could feel his heart beating rapidly against my cheek, and found joy in the fact that I could make him feel the same way I did. The pounding in his chest soon fell into sync with my own and I let the peaceful sound of his heart soothe my muddled thoughts. I never wanted this moment to end, but the daylight was slipping away. I had to leave soon.

We both looked up and watched as the sun began to sink behind the trees, silhouetting them against the brilliant golden light and pastel-colored clouds. The scene was almost too perfect to be real. It was as if someone had taken a paintbrush to the sky in delicate shades of pink and orange and carefully blended them over the clouds. The sunset had never been so beautiful, but that could have been because he was at my side.

I turned and lifted my chin to place a soft kiss on his cheek, reveling in the warmth of his smooth skin against my lips, however brief. He turned towards me and flinched when our noses brushed, startled. I couldn't help but smile at him, which he reciprocated.

His smile lit up his eyes, and I found myself entranced by them once again. They bore great happiness laced with admiration. I was filled with an ineffable sense of entirety knowing I was the only one he would ever look at with such reverence. Though his eyes appeared kind and gentle, I saw through them to the flame of desire burning within the untold depths of his gaze. That was something only I would ever see.

I hadn't noticed him moving his face closer to mine, his hand gliding delicately up my neck to rest against my cheek. I felt hot underneath his touch, my skin tingling wherever his fingers traced it. His nose brushed against mine, and for a moment, he stayed just like that, caressing my cheek lightly with his thumb.

My face was burning and I couldn't get myself to move away, nor did I want to. Our hands were still locked, and I squeezed his gently, my other hand finding his shoulder. I pulled him closer still, feeling the heat radiating off of his body and his warm breath gliding across my skin.

Recognizing my compliance, he closed the distance between us pressed his lips against mine. They were soft and warm and suddenly I found myself unable to form a coherent thought. All of my other senses left me until all I could feel was him.

I had never felt more complete than in that moment.

._-:*~*~*~*:-_.

I opened my eyes slowly, and for just an instant, I was surprised to find that Ezreal was no longer in front of me. It took me a few seconds to realize that it had only been a dream – or a memory, and now I was back in reality.

This time, I wasn't scared like I usually would have been, and I didn't know why. I was almost in a state of bliss. I felt calm. But what was most alarming was that I hadn't wanted to wake up. Was my mind beginning to accept him?

I sat up, then shook my head and glanced at the clock hanging on the wall, noticing I had only been asleep for a little over twenty minutes. Whatever had happened to me earlier, it was over. Had I only been panicking?

Just as I was about to get up and go find my brother, a pang of sorrow moved through me and I found myself unable to. I couldn't pinpoint why I was feeling this way. I guess I was just confused. I should be afraid of Ezreal. I should be glad to be home and away from him. But I found myself starting to miss him…

He had never given me a reason to. So why do I?

Was I having a change of heart?

Sorry if this chapter wasn't incredibly interesting, I swear the next one will be c:

Thank you for reading, lovelies~ *gives chocolate*