A/N: I'm really glad you all liked the last chapter. Now I'm sorry if some of these chapters seem a little slow, but I know exactly what I want to do later, it's just getting to that point.

This chapter is going to be a mixture of present and past. You'll be able to tell which is which by the text. I hope you like the way I worked this one.

I don't own anything and I won't own anything.

He left, it's true. When I said those to words to him at Lissa's house, when I saw his face cloud with pain, I finally let myself feel a little bit of hatred for him.

Thing could have been so much different if he never took that job. If I still got pregnant he would have been there for me and for Veda. He didn't have to leave me alone and then come back into my life four years later and want answers for the daughter he knows nothing about.

When I said those words, everything came rushing back from the first time he left me. I was so vulnerable then, I didn't need to lose anyone else.

It was late, or early, depending on how you looked at it. The sun was rising slowly as I walked through the campus, my shoes crunching into the snow still left on the paths. It was past the curfew for all students at the Academy, but not many guardians said anything when they saw me wondering around. They all knew I needed to be alone.

Somehow I found my way to the gym. I spent all my time here I normally would avoid it during my late night walks. But something made me gravitate towards it tonight. It wasn't until I saw Dimitri sitting on the mats reading a book that I understood why.

He glanced up when the door shut behind me, and then continued his spot in his book, like my presents wasn't breaking a school rule.

I stared at him, waiting for him to realize that I'm here illegally and go into one of his famous speeches about being more responsible, but nothing happen. I thought I was going to die of shock.

"Stare all you want, I'm not going to yell at you," he said not bothering to look up.

I relaxed and rolled my eyes at him as I walked over to join him on the mats. "Softening up, comrade?"

He smirked, and flipped a page. Apparently my comment didn't get graced with a response.

I smiled and laid back on the mat, comfortable with the silence between us. I needed the comfort and safe feeling he gave me anytime I was around him.

"How are you, Rose?" he asked suddenly.

I propped myself up on my elbows so that I could look at him, seeing as he was already staring at me. "I'm good."

He raised his eyebrow and bent his head a little bit. "Rose."

I sighed. "I don't know how I'm supposed to answer that Dimitri. I had to watch one of my best friends get killed by a Stirogi, and then kill his killer. How am I supposed to be?"

He slid over beside me and pulled me towards him so that my head was on his shoulder. "I can't tell you how you should feel. The first kill is always the hardest and it's worse for you because of everything that happened in Spokane."

He started to rub my arm comfortingly, but for the first time his touch didn't send chills up and down my spine. There was too much sorrow in my life right now. But he made me feel safe, which is just what I needed right now.

"When we came to save you in Spokane, and the first time I saw you, I was so frightened that you might get consumed by this tragedy. All I wanted to do was hold you and tell you everything was going to be okay, but I couldn't," Dimitri said, his voice grave.

I nodded. "You couldn't around all those people."

"No, I couldn't. No one would understand the connection we have. You are the only person who is able to see through me. Remember when you told me the I fight everyday to stay in control of my emotions?"

I cringed at the memory. That was the day we kissed, the day we started fighting with each other. If I wasn't so immature then we wouldn't have been mad at each other at all, maybe I wouldn't have told Mason anything and he would still be alive. "Yes. Look I'm-"

"You were right," he said cutting me off. "Every time I'm around you I fight to stay in control. No one can read me the way you can. And that scares me."

I turned my head up, and found him staring at me intently. I was about to look back down, suddenly shy, but he put his fingers under my chin and held my face still.

"You scare me Roza," he whispered. And he bent his face down until our lips met for a tender kiss.

He pulled away with a lot of strength, everything in his features told me that was the last thing he wanted to do. He looked into my eyes with regret.

I gave him a confused look. "What's wrong?"

He left out a long frustrate sigh. "I don't want to leave you."

"What do you mean? Where are you going?"

He pulled away from me and stood up, putting his hands out to pull me up as well. He brushed a piece of hair out of my face as he said, "I have to go, Roza. I'm in love with you. I shouldn't be and I shouldn't even being saying this to you, but I do love you. I've loved you since you tried to sneak up behind me after one of our training sessions." He gave me a sad smile. "I can't love you and be a guardian at the same time. I will jump in front of anything to save you. I wouldn't be able to put my life on the line for anyone but you."

I looked down feeling tears swell in my eyes. I blinked a couple of times willing them not to spill over. I couldn't cry right now. I had to be strong. I was the one who told him to take Tasha's offer anyways. "I know."

He groaned and walked away from me, pacing back and forth angrily. Then, out of nowhere, he stopped and walked up to me. Cupping my face he kissed me hard on the lips. "I can't, Roza. I can't do it," he breathed.

I smiled at him. "I should be yelling at you to go, but I can't. I don't want you to leave."

He smiled back down at me and kissed me again. "Take some time, and we'll start up training in a week or so, okay?"

I nodded. "Thanks Dimitri," I said pulling away from him and heading towards the gym doors. I turned around to see him still watching me. "Get ready for me to kick you ass."

I saw him smirk as I walked out into the cold breeze.

He gave me such false hope. He made me believe that he loved me enough to give up Lissa just to stay with me. He made me feel safe; he made me believe that he would be there with me to help me get over Mason's untimely death.

As I took Veda to daycare a couple weeks after the dinner, I realized that I never really thought about the sudden change in things. He told me he loved me so much that he couldn't leave me and yet he did.

I gave Veda a kiss on the cheek before letting her run off with her friends into the daycare center. Then I turned my heel and walked off towards the gym to get in some sparring before I had to go over Lissa's for wedding planning, well that and my job.

When I walked the first thing I saw was Dimitri, laughing with a guardian off in the corner of the gym. I headed in the opposite direction still wondering what the hell happened in those two days from him telling me he couldn't leave me, to tell me he was.

I was in my dorm room looking at a picture of Mason and I that Lissa took for us at the hotel over winter break. His arm was draped around me as we both made a face at the camera. Lissa hated that we would never take a good picture together.

I sighed looking at it as someone knocked on my door. I looked at my door surprised then took one last look at the photo before putting down on my desk and walking over to open my door.

Dimitri stood on the other side. I smiled at him before I saw the guardian mask on his face. I immediately switched into business thinking this wasn't a social call.

I step aside to let him in, and quickly checked in with Lissa to make sure nothing was wrong with her. She was with Christian in a classroom with Adrian practicing Spirit.

I relaxed a little as I shut my door and turned around to look at Dimitri. "What happened?"

He wasn't looking at me when I turned around. I followed his gaze to my desk where the picture was. I looked back in time to see regret spread across his features before his mask composed him. "Nothing happened to anyone. Lissa is fine."

I nodded. "I know. I checked in on her when I saw your face. She's studying Spirit right now."

He nodded know thing already.

"So what's going on then?"

"I came here to tell you that I'm leaving. I took Tasha's offer yesterday before she left to go back home."

My first instinct was to punch him in the face, but I checked myself knowing I would probably just get pinned to the ground before I even had time to launch myself at him. So, instead, I just stared at him, thinking this was some kind of sick joke, but his face showed that he wasn't kidding about anything.

I bit my lip harder than I meant to that I actually started to taste blood. A took a deep breath, controlling my body and my emotions, putting on my own guardian appearance. "When do you leave?" I asked steadily.

"In ten minutes," he said. He showed nothing, but I knew he was surprised that I could actually control my emotions when I wanted to.

"Have you told Alberta yet? She will want to know she is losing a guardian and my teacher."

He nodded. "I came from telling her."

I almost laughed at the tension in the room. Almost. I took a deep breath to check myself and nodded. "Thanks for telling me comrade."

"Please, Rose, don't call me that," he pleaded. He slipped out of guardian mode long enough to see the pain in his face as he said those words. He wanted to leave; his body was aching to get away.

I looked away from his face, not wanting to look at him anymore. "Well, thank you for telling me Guardian Belikov. I have to go check in with Lissa."

He nodded, slipping easily back into his guardian mask. I opened the door for him as he walked towards it. I shut the door right behind him and fell onto my bed, face down, and cried till the next day.

I lost everything in the matter of a week.

My fist pounded into the punching bag, knocking it backwards fast. I kept going, alternating left than right, kick, left, right. The sweat started to pour down my face as I put as much force into each punch and each kick that I could muster.

Being around Dimitri just put so much hurt and anger back into my mind, I couldn't keep it under control. I had to let it go before I snapped. So each punch was my hatred. Each kick was my sorrow.

After about an hour of punching the life out the bag, I took a much need water break and wiped the sweat off of my face.

I took the bandages off of my hands to look at the damage. My right hand was bleeding not as badly as my left, then again I may have bruised or broken my left hand. It was throbbing in pain and already starting to swell.

Well at least my best friend is a spirit user.

I sat down on the bench keeping my left hand steady and away from me, hoping that if I didn't move it then the shooting pain would subside. I took a deep breath and tried to clench my fist. Flinching at the pain I decided that yes, it was broken and yes, I need to control my anger better.

Suddenly Dimitri was beside me holding out a bag of ice. I looked up at him and took the bag without saying a word and looked back at my swelling hand. I hissed when cold hit my hand. Damn fragile bones.

"Let me see your hand," Dimitri said crouching down in front of me.

I didn't realize he was still standing by me. I straightened up a little big and drew myself backwards a little bit. "It's broken, I know that. I'll just have Lissa heal it."

He shook his head. "I don't think it's broken. It may just be sprained. Let me see."

I reluctantly gave over my hand to him, rolling my eyes. "Even if it is sprained I'll just get Lissa to heal it. You really don't have to look at it."

He ignored me, looking intently at my hand. His touch was soft as he picked up my hand and rotated it. Watching him be so careful made chills run down my spine. When his fingers grazed over the dried blood on my hand I felt shocks of electricity between us.

He brought my hand down and bent his head over it, hair falling into his face. His hair hasn't changed much over the years, and it probably felt the same, but that didn't stop me from reaching my hand out wanting to push it back out of his face. I quickly stopped myself before my hand got close enough.

My hand dropped back to my side before Dimitri looked back up at me. His eyes were like warm chocolate the way he looked up at me with tender eyes. The way he looked at me now made me wonder if maybe, just maybe he still loved me. It reminded me of the time he did this back at the Academy before he left.

The memory made my hand jerk from him, causing me to hiss again. He didn't love me; he couldn't love me. He is with Tasha now. He has the chance to have a family with her. Even if he could have one with me right now, it's better if he was with someone closer to his age, someone more mature more grown up. Yes, I've changed a lot, but I'll never be able to control my temper and have rational actions all the time like Dimitri does. Our time to be together has passed. I have to get that through my mind.

Dimitri raised his eyebrow, but didn't touch my hand again. I mourned the loss of his touch, but quickly scolded myself for the thought. I've lived without his touch for four years. I felt like an addict now longing for him to touch me again.

"It's not badly sprained, but if Lissa doesn't heal it then you may not be able to use it for a couple week," he said standing up.

I nodded, putting my hands together like I could rub away the thought of his hands on mine. I sighed; I need to stop torturing myself.

After a couple minutes I looked up to see him still staring down at me. I stood up, still having to look up at him, and took a step to the side so I didn't feel trapped by his intoxicating smell; so his body wasn't right next to mine, where I could see it move with every breath. Standing there without moving, I felt like I was being pulled into his body, and I could tell he felt it too.

He watched me so intently, his eyes taking in my appearance. I saw his arms twitch when I moved to the side, like he was going to wrap his arms around me and pull me into him.

I backed up one more step for good measure and took a deep breath. "Thanks for looking at my hand. I'll have Lissa heal it for me."

He nodded slowly. "I think that would be for the best."

I looked at him for a moment longer, and then turned to make my way out of the gym. It took every ounce of control I had to not turn around and jump him right there in the middle of the gym.

When the cold air hit my face, I was able to think straight again. That was too close. Every fiber of my being wanted to have his arms around me, wanted to feel his hands cup my face as he kissed me passionately.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts as I headed off in the direction of Lissa's house, so that we could start planning her spring wedding.

As I walked down the stone pathways, I looked up at the sky replaying everything that just happened, when I stopped suddenly.

Déjà vu.

History seemed to be repeating itself.

A/N: I hope you liked that chapter. Now there is a reason why Dimitri changed his mind the way he did. Sure he may be an ass, or maybe there is a whole other reason. If you care to guess, go for it, I'll tell you if you're right or wrong. But for the person who can name the artist of the title I'll give them a little preview of what is going to happen through my story if you would care to know. I'll only tell the first person, no more no less. Well, unless no one gets it.