Bittersweet Disposition

Chapter 4

Mulan ran too fast for her own good. She couldn't think... tears fell down her cheek. Their friendship was ruined with her deepest desires somehow at the surface. There's no way that Aurora felt as she did. She was with Phillip. There were too many questions that were going to go unanswered and she hoped that one day Aurora would forgive her for leaving so abruptly from her home.

The night sky had fallen over head and Mulan was certain that Aurora had stayed on the plains searching for her longer than necessary, which worked in her favor so she could leave peacefully.

Aurora jumped down from her horse tethering her to a near by poll. Aurora looked frantic searching the grounds for Mulan with no sight of her. A servant walked by and she grabbed him, "have you seen Mulan?"

The servant tilted his head, "Yes my lady. She said, she was called away and needed to leave immediately. A few of us helped assemble her horse."

"No," was all Aurora could muster. Panic hit her. Would she just leave like this? There were so many unanswered emotions she needed guidance for. Aurora turned, to see a dark horse ready in the distance without a rider. It was Mulan's horse, she felt it. She had time, Mulan was still in her kingdom.

Aurora ran to Mulan's room down a secret corridor opening a wall only to find darkness. She was loosing hope fast. She backtracked after hearing a noise coming from Amelia's room. She made her way in that direction and cracked the door open only slightly letting light hit her eyes. Mulan was standing over Amelia holding her. Mulan touched the young child's face and kissed her forehead. "You are as beautiful as your mother," Mulan whispered to the sleeping child.

Mulan put the baby down and Aurora came out from hiding standing in the room occupied with two women she cared for deeply.

"Don't leave," Aurora reached out for Mulan. She turned abruptly saw the object of her deepest desires, but looked down. Sadness filled her eyes.

"I must go."

Aurora couldn't think of what to say to change her mind but she was desperate and had to think of something, "please..."

Mulan stepped back from the crib. "I just came to say goodbye to Amelia-Mulan, but it was a mistake I can see that now." Mulan had not anticipated seeing Aurora again and the tension was high in the room.

"What happened today wasn't a mistake," Aurora blurted out.

Mulan looked at her now sternly not believing her ears, almost angry. "Don't lead me on." She walked toward the door into the hallway and Aurora followed. Aurora couldn't see her friend walk away from this again.

"Hear me out, please. I think I deserve that much." Aurora was not weak in her speech, she was stern and demanded to be listened to. Mulan obeyed and looked to Aurora for instruction.

"Here," Aurora grabbed Mulan's gloved arm and lead her into a study where a fire was already going. The only light in the room was flicking, much like the heat between them.

There was a silence again, neither of them knowing where to start. Aurora looked over at Mulan in her formal battle attired she had become accustomed to seeing her in. She was breathtaking.

"I'm sorry about earlier today," Aurora said believing she owned Mulan an apology for her hasty affection. Mulan took it as an omission of her guilt and waved the apology away. There was no chance for them after all or whatever faint hope Mulan might have had.

"Don't do that. Don't dismiss me," Aurora scoffed. "I am not a child and I am perfectly capable to dealing with this situation." Aurora turned toward the fire, "I think..." she said so faintly.

Mulan was in a hurry to end this painful discussion, "Look it was a mistake, it won't happen again, and you don't need to apologies I should just leave."

Aurora stepped closer to her, but there was still a bit of space between them. "That is not the answer." They studied each other.

Aurora turned her back to Mulan now, "when did you know?"

Mulan did not understand the question, "know what?"

"That you loved me?"

She went silent and was unsure of her answer. "I don't know."

Aurora turned around now looking at Mulan. "I know love when I see it..." Aurora swung her flowing gown behind her stepping closer.

"You do, do you? Well you certainly didn't know when I was not in love with Phillip..." Mulan said bitterly. "And you certainly didn't know when I came to you in the your castle to tell you then..." Mulan state to pace. "I think I knew I loved you when I wouldn't... I couldn't let you die. I had to find your heart and make you whole again, because - if I didn't I was afraid that I would die as well. You were my only focus and it was unwavering." Mulan was trembling from her own truth that she hadn't allowed herself to feel, but now it was out and they both knew.

"I held your heart in my hand and I was ready to give you mine," with that a tear fell down Mulan's skin.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Aurora felt her despair.

Mulan almost laughed, "why would I? You were in love - with your true love... I was only in the way."

"Do you think so little of me?" Was how Aurora responded catching Mulan off guard. "Do you think that love is so black and white that it isn't capable of every color?" There was a silence. "Do you think that one's life is only set up with one path and there are no others? I am capable of a great many things and so is everyone if only given the chance. I wish you would have told me."

"What does it matter now? You have a family."

"It matters, Mulan. You matter. We matter to each other.

Mulan looked at the fire.

"Look," Aurora started, "I didn't know how much I missed you till I saw you running away yesterday in town. I had to see you again. The whole time you were gone it was as though something much bigger then you or I was missing."

"You have Phillip," Mulan retorted trying to remind Aurora of her life.

"I do, but that doesn't mean my life isn't capable to change. I have felt that change ever since you left the first time and I couldn't explain it then. I couldn't explain the feelings I had until... today." Aurora gave an airy confession.

"What about your life now, your child?"

"Let me handle that and you need not worry about every detail."

Mulan couldn't look Aurora in her glowing eyes, because she would see the truth in them. Aurora wanted her and it wasn't possible. Mulan couldn't get hurt again for it would be the end of her. It was just easier to leave and pretend none of it happened. Aurora couldn't pretend though, because she was finally faced with a truth about herself she only started to understand. Her life was not complete without Mulan and she finally had her back.

"Stay with me," Aurora whispered.

Mulan looked at her wearily, wanting to fall apart. And she did, she fell apart into Aurora's outstretched arms catching her from falling to the ground on her knees. They held each other like that for a while breathing in their embrace. It was comforting, but there was a place in Mulan's heart that couldn't get use to the stillness and the completeness of their confession. It couldn't be this easy. Love never was. But they had a start and she knew she would always love Aurora even if she didn't pick her.

Aurora kissed Mulan's hair line and cradled her close to her. A fire ripped at Aurora as she held Mulan so close. She cared deeply for her and she wouldn't let her leave her life again.

They slightly pulled away from each other, she looked into Mulan's eyes. This time it was Mulan that leaned forward and their lips met softly, wanting, but gentle in her pursuit. Her tongue darted out to taste her love and it was welcomed by an open mouth inviting her to explore further.

"I feel like I've wanted you for so long," Mulan breathed.

Aurora smiled into her lips and decided to reciprocate, "you can have me."

A/N: DRUM ROLL! Hope you liked it so far. I wanted to write a whole story through before I posted it, because I have one story on my account that has gone unfinished for lack of inspiration and I don't want to leave readers hanging, because I read a lot of other's fics also and there's nothing better than a completed story.