Don't be so scared; we will not lead you on
Like you've been doing for weeks.
You're selfish, and I'm sorry.
When I'm gone, you'll be going nowhere fast, nowhere fast, nowhere fast.
Would you believe me if I said I didn't need you?
'Cause I wouldn't believe you if you said the same to me.
Near death, last breath, and barely hanging on-
Would you believe me if I said I didn't need you?
Don't be so scared to take a second for reflection,
To take a leave of absence, to see what you're made of.
So, I'm selfish and you're sorry.
When I'm gone, you'll be going nowhere fast.
So who's selfish and who's sorry?
Would you believe me if I said I didn't need you?
'Cause I wouldn't believe you if you said the same to me,
Near death, last breath, and barely hanging on-
Would you believe me if I said I didn't need you?
Someone somewhere said something's that may have sparked some sympathy,
But don't believe, don't believe a word you heard about me.
Don't be so scared, it's harder for me. Don't be so scared.
Don't be so scared, it's harder for me.
Don't be so scared, it's harder for me.
Don't be so scared, it's harder for me. Don't be so scared.
Would you believe me if I said I didn't need you?
'Cause I wouldn't believe you if you said the same to me,
Near death, last breath, and barely hanging on-
Would you believe me if I said I didn't need you?
Someone somewhere said something's that may have sparked some sympathy,
But don't believe; don't believe a word you heard.
Would you believe me if I said I didn't need you?
'Cause I wouldn't believe you, wouldn't believe you now.
Would you believe me if I said I didn't need you?
'Cause I wouldn't believe you, wouldn't believe you now.
Hitomi's POV:
We arrived at Nate's house in record time.
Having tried unsuccessfully to force feed me, he had given up, retiring on the idea that I should not be left alone and should return home with him instead.
The entire ride however, he murmured out inconsistencies on how I was too thin and I ate too much for my own good, and I was dangerous for him, and he loved me too much.
His hand rubbed my back as I tucked my head down between my legs, praying that the cramping in my stomach would recede and I could eat once I got to Nate's house.
I felt ill the entire ride, and even after we arrived. He picked me up from the car, my purse tucked beneath my arm as he moved me from the car into the hotel apartment.
The room was very warm, and smelled unbelievably of cinnamon and icing. It settled my stomach slightly, as I snuggled into his couch, the overstuffed cushions conforming against my back as the television bleared unnoticed before me.
You see, as Nate ran around the kitchen looking for something semi-nutritious for me, knowing that I rarely if ever partook in sweets, I watched him, intrigued by the way his satin white shirt moved over the thin muscles in his back, despite the size of the shirt.
Finally coming across a can of low sodium-0 carb chicken, he held it up, silently asking for my opinion of digestion.
I nodded, sure that the broth at least should stay down.
The kettle of boiling water hissed, and he quickly jumped to it before it hissed all over the stovetop.
Coming from the kitchen a few minutes later, the soup on a low heat, Nate sat beside me with two cups, handing the lighter colored one to me gently.
I leaned against him, head tucked on his shoulder as he shifted into the sofa so I was more lying against him then leaning.
His eyes darted after the television, brilliant colors flashing across the screen lively lighting his eyes up. An animation, of course. A girl with a marionette, her hands full of strings as she controlled her friends from another world.
Tiredly, I turned my face against his, setting a soft kiss against his jawbone.
"Nate-kun…" I began timidly, unintentionally rubbing myself against him as I leaned my head back to look him in the face.
"Hm?" his eyes remained on the television.
"I hate that you're Near. I know it's selfish, but I hate having to share you with anyone else. There's been other people L could have picked, someone with no one would have done well."
I felt bitter and wretched for drawing him back to this again and again.
But I had my right; he kept dragging me back to emptiness every time he left and it was wrong of him to keep stringing me along.
"I hate being third in your life. L and your job always come before me, no matter what. I can't help but feel like I'm being used."
"I'm here now, ain't I?" Near grunted, shoving me up so he could get off the couch and back into the kitchen.
"It's not nice, Nate. At least promise me you'll stick around after we get married. Tell me your not going to just up and leave one day and leave me alone for there on out."
"I can't say that Hito-mira. We've already talked about this. I have to pay L back for what he did for me as a child."
I snorted, irritated. My feet ripped from their position and I stood up, grabbing my purse with a clenched fist, making my way towards the balcony.
"Where are you going Hitomi?" I heard him ask, exasperated as I marched my way on out of the hotel room.
"Outside."
Sliding the door open, I walked out of the room and onto the outstanding balcony, slamming the door shut behind me.
This argument had been on going for 3 years with no relinquishment from either side.
I wanted to settle down, to have a husband whom would at least be there generally most of the time, and not just in passing. I understood his need for his job, but it was unacceptable for me to allow him to leave me behind so often and for so long.
Pulling a cigarette out, I took an exaggeratedly long drag, holding it in before exhaling it in a spinning stream.
I suddenly felt what Misa must have earlier today. Leaning over the railing, I stared down at the traffic below.
The city moved on below, unaffected by the death of one of my closest friends.
In my world, everything had stopped the moment she had handed me that damned book. Everything stopped; the clock had been smashed into a million pieces as it passed me by one last final time.
Leaning even further over the bar, I could feel the rush of adrenaline, the thrill of untimely death.
I knew I didn't have the guts to kill myself. I never would. It was just the idea though, that I hung over immediate death and I could stop it.
I laughed, truly laughed, the sound resonating deep from my chest.
Gazing up towards the moon, I allowed myself to be blown far away, the night air dragging me farther then I ever imagined; my arms suspended my body over immediate disaster and it was euphoric, this near death experience.
Dropping my feet back to the balcony surface, I settled down on the ground, in deep need to cry.
All of a sudden, I felt the near death grip at my chest. Reaching up, I massaged my collarbone, the pain concentrated at the center close to my heart.
Sighing I leaned against the glass door, falling through it unsuccessfully when Nate opened it, my head ending up on his feet.
A smile was smeared across his face and I wondered on it.
"What?!" I freaked, staring up at him incredulously.
His smile widened, if that was even possible.
"Something fell out of your purse, darling."
Frozen where I was, I gulped, my tongue expanding to fill my mouth till I could barely breathe.
Oh god no…. Please don't let it be…Author Notes: HURAY ME.
I did a car wash today, AND I UPDATED
I deserve a w00t w00t.
Song: Skeptics and True Believers by the Academy is
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Thanks to all one of you that took charge!
JA NE
REVIEW DAMN IT!
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