Chapter Three
2012
"May I talk to you?"
The tone of the doctor worried Alex as he appeared in the doorway.
"Um… yes?" she said anxiously.
The midwife finished cleaning the gel from Alex's abdomen.
"I've just finished here," She said, "Nice strong heartbeat. Baby seems fine. But if you experience anything unusual or anything that worries you, always get it checked out."
"Of course," Alex nodded
The midwife took the doppler away and the doctor approached Alex. He sat down in front of her and regarded her seriously.
"Alright, I have an update on Kim," he began, "the good news is that she seems to have avoided damage to her spine."
Alex let out her breath. She didn't even realise she'd been holding it.
"Thank god," she said quietly.
"She has suffered two fractured ribs, unfortunately," the doctor continued, "requesting her medical records, it looks like she's received the same injury before so it's likely that's a weakness for her."
"Oh, poor Kim," Alex sighed.
"Sadly there's little we can do except for providing her with good pain relief. It will take a while for her to recover, she'll need to take some time off work."
"But she's OK?" Alex asked.
The doctor hesitated.
"At the moment it looks like she's been lucky," he said, "her injuries could have been far worse. We're taking her off the sedation, she should start to regain consciousness soon."
"That's good," Alex said a little cautiously, aware that the doctor's manner suggested there was still news to come. Eventually he cleared his throat.
"Also, Alex, you should be glad you trusted your instincts," he began, "Tests have confirmed that Kim is pregnant."
Alex's eye widened. Even though she'd been the one to mention it she was still surprised to hear it.
"Oh my goodness," she breathed. She found herself feeling increasingly anxious for Kim. The timing couldn't have been any worse. With Robin's situation so serious she couldn't imagine how Kim would cope. "The x-rays…?"
"We used a shield to protect the baby," the doctor assured her, "but we are concerned that she seems to be having a moderate amount of bleeding."
As soon as she heard those words her heart sank. She knew about Kim's history, she knew about the miscarriages and how deeply they had affected her and Robin. If this was going to be a case of bad news immediately following good then she wasn't sure Kim could handle it.
"She's miscarried before," she whispered.
"We're waiting on the portable ultrasound machine," the doctor told her, "it should be down in the next ten minutes or so and then we can get a better idea of what's going on."
"Can I sit with her?" Alex asked quickly.
"We'd be glad if you did," the doctor told her, "she should be waking up soon and it will be good for her to have somebody with her."
"What should I do?" she asked, "what should I say to her?"
"The important thing is to keep her as calm and relaxed as possible," the doctor began, "try to keep her still and composed. Reassure her that she's alright, and that she's being looked after."
Alex nodded.
"OK," she said quietly.
"Your discharge forms are on their way," the doctor told her "and then someone will take you down to Kim. Can you walk or would you like a wheelchair?"
Alex frowned.
"I was in shock, I didn't have a steam roller crushing my foot," she said.
~xXx~
1997
"Can we talk?"
Simon was confused. He'd only just arrived back with the pizza ingredients. Surprised to find the lounge dark, he'd taken them through to the kitchen and found Robin sitting with the light off. After screaming like an idiot and running in circles of fear a few times he realised that things were not as scary as they'd first seemed, but now that the light was on and he was looking at Robin he could see not all was well.
"Pardon?" he asked, looking at his serious expression.
"I really need to talk to you," Robin said quietly.
"I thought that's what we were going to do," Simon frowned, "you were going to cook and we were going to talk thing over. That's why I just bought this stuff."
"This isn't going to wait until after I've made two pizzas," Robin told him quietly.
Simon stared at the brandy bottle on the table.
"Since when did you drink, Robin?" he asked.
"Since when did you?" Robin countered. He knew from Kim and Alex that Simon had turned increasingly to alcohol after they were separated by life and death. He didn't want to start another argument though so he pointed to the chair. "Can you sit down for a minute, Si?"
Simon hesitated. He stood the shopping bags on the floor and then nervously pulled out the chair opposite.
"What's all this about?" he asked.
Robin pointed to the clock on the wall.
"What time do you see up there?" he asked.
Simon glanced up.
Eleven forty-eight," he said quietly, "that's all I ever see."
"And what time do you see on this?" Robin extended his wrist where his broken watch still sat.
"The same," Simon told him, "what's all this about?"
Robin looked at his watch and took a deep breath.
"Time," he began quietly, "this says it's around midday." He looked up at the kitchen clock, "but that one up there says it's coming to seven. And it's ticking… god, it's so bloody loud, it wakes me up in the night."
"I don't…" Simon frowned, "I can't hear it, and I don't understand."
Robin bit his lip.
"I'm still alive," he whispered, his voice shaking.
Simon stared at him. He thought it was some kind of joke at first but he was deadly serious. He frowned and looked from his face to his watch.
"But your watch had stopped, "he began, "you told me"
"Yes," Robin nodded, "it did. It's still dead. It hasn't moved. It never will. But that clock… and the one at the station… and the one in that Latte place that Gene made me go to three times earlier on… they're all ticking. And so is my heart, out there."
"Rob, listen," Simon began quietly, "when you first come here it's a shock and I can understand you wanting to cling onto some hope –"
"I had a message from home," Robin said quietly, "I'd given up the thought that there was any chance I was still alive. I hadn't seen or heard a thing since I got here. But tonight…"
Simon stared at him. He could feel himself shaking just a little.
"Go on," he whispered.
"It came over the TV," Robin said quietly, "I had some news."
"What kind of news?" Simon asked, "What did you see? Was it the hospital? Did you hear how you were doing?"
"No," Robin said quietly. He looked Simon in the eye and drew in his courage. "It was Kim," he whispered, "She's -," his voice broke slightly with emotion, "She's pregnant."
As he stared at Robin in shock Simon felt as though his heart snapped in two all over again. Somehow, despite the difficulties they'd had between them since Robin arrived and even despite Robin being honest about the way he felt about Kim, up until that point Simon had still thought he had a chance in reigniting his relationship with Robin. Within moments, everything changed.
"She's what?" he whispered.
Robin felt his stomach churn as he saw the look on Simon's face.
"Kim's pregnant, Simon," he said quietly, "she's out there by my bed. She told me."
Simon just stared. He opened his mouth several times to speak but had to keep closing it again. There were not words to describe the way he felt; the angry burning inside of him, the darkness that had fallen like a cloak over his shoulders.
"So you, um," he coughed and cleared his throat but he still struggled to find the words. He took a deep breath and tried again, "you weren't using protection?"
Robin felt himself blushing to his roots. He looked down at the table and slipped his fingers into his hair to push it away from his face.
"Simon, this wasn't an accident," he said quietly.
Simon swallowed as he stared at Robin.
"You –"he swallowed. I was hard to even say it, "You actually wanted to have a baby?"
Robin nodded slowly.
"She's had miscarriages before," he began.
"Yes, I know," Simon said sharply.
"I didn't mean the one she had here," Robin said quietly.
Simon carried on staring. He didn't ask Robin to expand on that sentence. He already knew what he was saying and the thought of it was devastating. He was working hard at deluding himself into believing that Robin and Kim couldn't have really been that serious, but the more he heard, the harder it became to deny.
"So," he whispered, "you're still alive."
Robin nodded, biting on his lip.
"Yeah," he whispered.
Simon swallowed.
"You want to go back," he whispered.
Robin nodded.
"I need to go back," he whispered.
Simon found his eye drawn to Robin's finger. He reached out and pulled his hand toward him.
"What that?" he asked, his voice loaded with emotion.
Robin stared at the jewellery that had appeared that morning. He felt tears gathering in his eyes.
"It made it over, somehow," he whispered.
"But what is it?" Simon repeated, somehow already knowing the answer.
"It's a ring," Robin whispered, "from Kim."
That was as much as Simon could take. He didn't want to lose his temper and he didn't want to get angry with Robin for something that was clearly tearing him apart but he couldn't stay where he was. He got to his feet and started to pace.
"I think we need to leave this for now," he said, his voice loaded with emotion.
"Simon –"
"I think I need some time," Simon said quietly. He looked at Robin. "Maybe you do, too."
Robin stared at Simon, his face falling.
"I'm sorry," he whispered. He breathed in deeply and held back the tears. He truly didn't want to hurt Simon and wished so hard that he could have somehow made him happy too. He felt trapped; stuck between following his heart and trying to save the feelings of someone he would never stop caring about. He closed his eyes as Simon left the room, wishing that there was something he could say to make things better. He'd gone through so many emotions in the last couple of hours that he wasn't sure how to calm himself down.
All he could do was to cling to the memory of Kim on the TV screen and hope that it wouldn't be the last message he would hear because as long as that clock kept ticking he still had a chance at getting home.
~xXx~
2012
His hands shook as he held it in his palm. It had been so long. So very long.
His sunken skin, his hollow eyes and his scraggly hair were no different to how they had been before. Just because it had been months since his favourite kind of poison had flown through his veins didn't mean that the rest of his body bounced back. Too many years; too many hits.
He closed his eyes as he griped it tightly. He had waited patiently to get the goods. He was going to savour the moment, truly savour it. His mind had been in more of a mess without the stuff than with it, his desperation at his upcoming trial slowly killing him inside. Now, he deserved this pleasure. He'd earned it.
Arthur Layton was going to treasure the moment he sank that needle into his arm once again. It was going to be pure bliss.
~xXx~
# …Are you ready maybe
Are you willing to run
Are you ready to let yourself drown
Are you holding your breath
Are you ready or not
Are you ready maybe
Do you long to confess
Do you feel that you're already numb
Are you sure of yourself
Would you lie if you're not
You tire me out
Don't wanna let that happen
A secret scream so loud
Why did you let that happen
Ooh ooh so put your arms around me
You let me believe that you are someone else
Ooh ooh cause only time can take you
So let me believe
That I am somewhere else
Maybe, are you ready to break
Do you think that I push you too far
Would you open yourself
Are you reckless or not
You tire me out
Don't wanna let that happen
A secret scream so loud
Why did you let that happen
Ooh ooh so put your arms around me
You let me believe that you are someone else
Ooh ooh cause only time can take you
So let me believe
That I am somewhere else
That I am somewhere else
Ooh ooh so put your arms around me
Ooh ooh so put your arms around me
Make me believe
Take me take me
Somewhere
Somewhere
Let me believe
Cause only time can take you
So stop …#
- Put Your Arms Around Me - Texas