Epic Rap Battles of Ace Attorney
#4: Diego Armando vs. Simon Blackquill
Getting the necessary approval had not been easy.
First, Simon Blackquill needed to convince the police his opponent posed no threat to the public, using his compromised health as an argument. Then, he had to convince the prison medical staff that he would be properly cared for during the event, using his stable condition under the influence of coffee as an argument. Hell, he'd even talked the warden into counting the rap battle as community service, decreasing his sentence by a month. What a ridiculous amount of work for something so simple.
But he had a point to prove.
"Well, this is a bit of a... weird battle. But hey! You volunteer, you spit it good, you in. No questions asked!"
"Hawkeye wants to rap with me, huh? Why's that?"
"Hmph. You don't remember? We have a score to settle."
The ex-prosecutor laughed. "That little bout? It tasted like office coffee. But a rap battle?" he shook his head, sipping his doctor-approved drink. "Is Trite contagious?"
"You fear confrontation? What better way to measure our wits than a contest of rhythmic debate? If the pen's blade is sharper than a sword, then may the tongue surpass both as the superior weapon."
"Ha! You expect to win with that flowermouth? I'll spit words one blend at a time. A taste more bitter than hell."
"Hey, hey! Save the trash talk for the rap battle!" The annoying fox intervened. And with that, the two fell silent.
Blackquill laughed internally. He missed his bouts with this man. The two had first met during Blackquill's early days in prison, and for the life of him, he could not find a more delightfully spiteful man.
Well, a delightfully spiteful man who wouldn't attempt to kill him, that is.
Finally, Marlon Rimes was back from his trip to the bathroom. "Raise the roof ever'body! 'Cuz we about to have ourselves another battle. This one's on two rivals, taking their fight out of the clink and throwing it down right in this courtroom. We got: Simon Blackquill!"
"Versus: Diego 'Godot' Armando!"
"Let the rap battle begin!"
Everyone expected Blackquill to go first. But he didn't rush to the mic like his opponent did. Armando had it before his was out of its sheath.
"So we start another fight, as a rap to the death,
"Let's end this one quick. Don't even waste you breath.
"You tried to fill my void, with your story of despair.
"But I think we both know you can never compare.
"I'm blind with lost love, couldn't see past red white.
"You're only blind with folly. Through your false honor's blight,
"Couldn't find your own spy, with 'em right in plain sight.
"You didn't know who he was, he hurt the girl you protect.
"That leaves a bitter taste. You're nothing worth respect."
"Ooh!" The crowd was liking this rap battle. The others had been good, but they'd been left with a sense that the participants held back. This time, it was no holds barred.
And if the first verse hadn't proved it, Blackquill's comeback sure did.
"You critique my technique in a fight with a ghost?
"But I know about yours. Can you truthfully boast?
"Driven mad with revenge, even with her crimes paid,
"You stabbed a medium in the heart, 'love's' mother you slayed.
"It's a tale right out of Shakespeare, the tragic hero's flaw,
"Through your own hubric pride, you said 'death to it all'.
"How can a one speak of honor, understand what his test is,
"When he can't even show his respect to both sexes?
"I risked life for Cykes's, gave all pride away for truth,
"And all you ever did was badger Wright without ruth."
"Wow," Phoenix Wright gasped from the audience. He would have never gone that far.
The crowd was going wild off of this. Everyone wondered if Blackquill had won...
...had Godot not just casually sipped his coffee, shaking his head sadly and lifting the mic to his lips.
"You take my time as Godot, call it my whole life?
"Well fine Hawkeye, I'll take the 'Twisted Samurai'
"On the road, for a ride, let hypocrisy fly.
"I saw the man in a prison, I wondered why,
"And the man who loves truth, here, fought me with a lie.
"He borrowed my crimes, hid behind the same facade.
"All through his time in court, he'd parade a charade.
"His reasons couldn' amount to the pain of his blade,
"Slashed his sister and the kid, all the way to the end.
"Always sheathed for the enemy, poised sharply for a friend.
"He wounded all he cared for, couldn't kill the doubt inside.
"So he sought to kill himself, used the state for suicide.
"And then, when the kitten heard through his threats of violence,
"Hi struck her where it hurts, raised his verbal blade and-"
"SILENCE!"
Blackquill slammed his fists down onto the prosecutor's bench, causing everyone to envision the sound of breaking metal. No matter that he'd attended cases unshackled for over a month now.
That man could insult him all he desired, But to even suggest he would hurt Athena...
There was a reason he hadn't rapped first. He knew he'd be desiring to receive the last word.
"You seek to sneak such an implication by?
"Such a bald faced lie. How'm I the twisted guy?
"Unlike you I have morals, ideals I protect.
"One can care for a woman and still show her respect.
"I used a lie as a weapon. It's true, I suppose.
"But only before time of the Phantom's exposed.
"Now it's time to end this fight, to see you disposed.
"At the end of the day, they think you died years ago.
"I joined forces with the light, made the end-times right.
"While you wallowed in your pity, reached your death without sight.
"I laid it all on the line in hopes of a success,
"You never laid down pride until Wright-Dono had you best.
"You could have saved the Feys, stopped it all from the start.
"So. I guess it's no wonder you could never keep her heart."
For a minute, the crowd was silent. They wanted to declare a winner, but they couldn't tell whose remains came from who.
Finally, Marlon Rimes broke the silence. "Well damn! How's that for a fourth week?"
They burst into deafening applause. And with that, the man's co host was again ready to do his job.
"Who won? Who's next? You decide!"
A/N's: Well that was ridiculously difficult. I hope you people can see why it took me so long to update.
Anyway, I already kinda promised to take JordanPhoenix and cyanoscarlet's request of Aura vs Eve for the fifth rap battle, but sixth is open to any type of request. This includes AAI2 and DGS characters as well as all dead people, since I can just ask Pearl to medium.
Hope you enjoyed! Leave a review below with the winner and your request, and I'll see you on the far side!