"It' Been a While." By Staind...Draco's Decision.
Draco sat at the table, quill in hand. He knew he wasn't going to live. The Dark Lord will find him. It was this fear that led Draco to get his affairs in order. To tell what he's wanted to say to the people whom he wanted to know these things. He had written Potter and Weasley. He told them he was truly sorry for all the years of heartache he bestowed upon them. He wrote to his mother and apologized for failing. He wrote to his father, denouncing the Malfoy name. It was time he wrote to her.
And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I first saw you
And it's been awhile
Since I could stand on my own two feet again
And it's been awhile
Since I could call you
It's been a year. Voldemort had not made his attempt on Hogwarts. The battle had not yet occurred. Draco had been in hiding for months. He was lonely. Professor Snape was occasionally in the same room, but not often. He let his quill touch the parchment once more; a motion he had made several times without writing a word.
And everything I can't remember
As f up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means
He began telling her of the moment they met. Bushy hair aside, she was still beautiful. She was the most intelligent person he has ever met. But with all her knowledge, she wouldn't understand the choices he had to make.
And it's been awhile
Since I can say that I wasn't addicted
And it's been awhile
Since I can say I love myself as well
And it's been awhile
Since I've gone and f things up just like I always do
And it's been awhile
But all that sh seems to disappear when I'm with you
He wrote about why he managed to be around her. Even with insults slipping off his tongue, he had to be around her. He had to talk to her. He wasn't alone with her enough, he wrote. They never got the time to be completely alone so he could get out the emotions he wanted to show her.
And everything I can't remember
As f up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've gone and f things up again
Another mistake, he wrote. Another thing to be wrong about. To tell her she was unworthy of his love. To tell her she was useless flesh. The parchment began to be dotted with drops of tears.
Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away
Just one more peaceful day!
He told her about how he wanted to go back and start over. To be at peace at last with the woman that challenged his mind and his heart. She would never forgive him, he deduced. But he had to write her an apology. He had to find some solace.
And everything I can't remember
As f up as it all may seem to be I know it's me
I cannot blame this on my father
He did the best he could for me
And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry
He wrote that he didn't want her hating his father. That his father was also blinded by a madman's tales of power and domination. He only wanted Draco to survive. But following Lord Voldemort was the sure way to die. Draco realized that before it was too late. He stood there and watched the twinkle in Dumbledore's eyes slowly fade. He knew he had to make changes before he ended up the same way. He wrote all this in his letter. He had signed it…
"I'm sorry, Hermione. Although you won't believe me, I love you. Draco."
He walked out to the garden behind the house. He held his head up high for the first time in years. He had made the right choice for the first time in months. He was ready to end the pain of all the trouble he caused.
"I'm sorry," he said as he held his wand up to his heart and muttered two last words.
"Avada Kedavra."