Problems
Fandom: Teen Titans
Pairing: BB/Rob
By: Shadako
Fourth Problem: Aggressive Dinner
I stare wide eyed into my shower, unable to form words, let alone a proper sentence. Guess my expression right now must be priceless. Bet I look even more stupid than Cy last night when he walked in on me and Robin. But at the moment I shouldn't worry about that, really. More important is the thing in that shower. My shower.
It takes me at least thirty seconds to comprehend the sight before me, and another twenty to take a deep breath. After that I start screaming at the top of my lungs. Oh my god, this isn't happening. I release my grip on the shower curtain and stumble backwards, losing my balance and landing ungracefully on my behind. Still completely shocked. The thingin the shower somehow notices me now, although I'm not sure it even has eyes to begin with. It certainly knows where I am either way. Oh god, please let this be a dream.
Two long, slimy tendrils creep out of the shower, reaching for me. And I feel like fainting then and there. What the hell is this?! And how did it get into my damn shower?! I try to scramble backwards, only to hit my head on a tiled wall. Oh, no, no, no! Why did I close the door again? Now I'm trapped in here with that. Fuck. It's coming for me, isn't it?
When the first gooey appendage reaches my leg and pulls me back towards this whatever it may be, I start screaming again. Trashing and kicking madly at the dark, greenish grey substance that is threatening to pull me behind the curtain. Alright, so a giant goo monster with slimy tentacles somehow crawled into my shower and is trying to eat me.
What the hell?! I didn't sign up for this! While I still try to fight the tendril curled around my whole leg, a second one is slithering up my arm. Ewww, now this is the grossest thing that happened to me, ever! Someone, make it stop. The kicking is completely useless, it's like hitting a rubber ball. And it doesn't look like that monster even feels it. Running out of options, I bite down on one of the tentacles. I almost gag. It strangely tastes like something Star cooked half a year ago. Not good in the slightest. And the biting doesn't work either, the thing just keeps up his efforts to curl all around me. With my arms and legs bound by slippery tentacles and unable to move an inch, I watch in horror as the big mass of slime slithers out of the shower, closer to me. No. Just, no.
I am going to die, eaten by a monster that looks a bit like the one I saw in a porn anime not 24 hours ago. Would be quite funny, if the I'm dying part wasn't involved. Oh god, someone, save me! When the slobbery creature is hovering above me, tendrils still in place around my body, I go back to screaming. Didn't help much until now, but I couldn't stop even if I wanted to. Guess no one can blame me for acting like a girl in this situation, honestly. I close my eyes tightly, praying to whoever is willing to listen that the monster will only eat me, not do the stuff the cartoon versions did. Dying as a virgin is still better than dying after being raped by a giant slime ball, I guess. I don't want to be raped, please.
A loud bang stops my rather stupid train of thought. Judging from the closeness of the sound and the thump that follows, someone broke the door down. Yeah, I was clever enough to lock it, trapping me in the bathroom with Mr. monster guy. Come on, who could have know that this thing was happily sliming around in my shower? The shower I will have to clean, if I survive this. Eww.
"BB, you alright? We heard you s- whoa, what the hell?!" Exactly my first reaction to it, Cy. Now get your robot butt up and help me! The hold of those tendrils is getting quite tight around me, and I'm really not into bondage. Also, it's quite uncomfortable, to say the least.
"What's wrong? Is he okay?" Robins voice, so I guess he is somewhere in my room, behind Cyborg. My team mates did show up to save me, nice. But they could hurry the hell up! This is getting quite painful and hard to breath. Actually, just as Robin says that, a tentacle gets dangerously close to my neck.
"Shut up and HELP ME!" Yeah, not quite the polite way to ask for help, but in my current situation it's understandable, isn't it? I think one of those tentacles just slipped into the collar of my uniform. Like, touching bare skin there. No one can blame me if I throw up in the next two minutes. But gladly the thing is cut off the moment it touches me. Looks like Robin is a bit faster than Cyborg when it comes to actually helping.
The bulky robot is still staring open mouthed at the wobbly green creature, probably unable to process what the hell is going on. Can't really blame him, but I still want to get out of here, fast! A shrill shriek fills the room when the tentacle is cut off by Robins birdarang. More Appendages try to pry the raven haired boy away from cutting me free, moving to render him helpless like me. But he wouldn't be Robin if he wouldn't manage to dodge the greenish arms. Slicing everything that gets too close to him. Even when fighting some enormous ball of mud with a lot of arms he manages to look cool. But my gaze is torn from him pretty fast, when the injured monster curls one slick tendril around my neck, nearly crushing my windpipe.
A strangled gasp is all I manage, and apparently all Robin needs to notice. "Hold on!" Nothing else I can do, really. He is at my side in seconds, trying to get the thing off of my throat. Said creature is trying it's best to prevent just that. While the battle between those two rages on, I start to feel a bit light headed. Somehow I manage to wrestle one arm free, fingers clawing at the tentacle around my neck without much success.
"Cyborg, I could use some help here!" The angry voice of our leader finally snaps Cy out of his stupor. Readying his gun, he aims at the centre of the icky mass, firing a breath later. The tendrils go weak, slowly slipping from my body, leaving slimy trails in their wake. Holy crap, this is gross.
Shuddering, I touch my hurting neck, taking in huge gulps of much needed air. Robin pushes the last offending tentacles off of himself, watching the now limp creature with distaste. A rough hand is patting my shoulder while I still try to level my breathing back to normal.
"Yo, BB, you feeling okay?" Yeah, feeling great, thanks for asking, Cy. I just got almost strangled to death by this creepy monster, not that bad at all. Since my throat still hurts a lot I just nod, than turn back to Robin.
"Dude, what is that?!" My voice sounds rough, also much quieter than usual. He still understands me somehow. "I have no idea." Shaking his head, our leader turns around, facing me and the big robot. Cy shrugs apologetic. "Sorry, man! I was a bit distracted by all those... tentacles and stuff." Robin just rolls his eyes behind his mask, now clearly annoyed with Cyborg. So for once it's not me he's pissed at? Wow, miracles do happen.
The next moment Starfire and Raven appear in the doorway, looking quite startled. The dark witch musters the slimy monster, clearly repulsed by the sticky goo. Star shrieks, flowing over to me. "Friend Beastboy, are you hurt?" She doesn't seem to care about the icky slime on her fingers when she helps me up. Unlike our witch girl, who floats as far away as possible from the mess and me. Oh damn, my neck hurts. And I feel a little violated, to be honest.
"We heard you scream, so friend Raven suggested we lgo ook after you!" Yeah, thanks. By the time you two showed up I would have been dead, but I guess it's the good intention that matters. I offer half a smile when she examines my neck with worry.
"It's alright, Star. I'm still alive. Just a bit... sticky." While I try to convince Star that it is not necessary to take me to the infirmary right away, Robin and Raven take a closer look at my attacker. The dark witch shudders. "What kind of creature is this?" Robin just shrugs, and CY obviously doesn't know either. The bulky robot takes a step closer to poke at the green mass. I just glare at the monster remnants with distaste.
"Whatever it is, it tastes like rotten lasagne." All eyes are suddenly on me. Oh, okay. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned that I know how it tastes. Raven opens her mouth, to say something nasty for sure, but before she can comment on it Star is already talking.
"Oh, no! Friend Beastboy, please do not tell me you did not eat all of the Laaguufa?!" I raise an eyebrow at her. I ate the what now? What is she talking about?
"I have no idea what you are talking about?" The rest of the team doesn't know what she means either. I can tell by the look on their faces. "The meal I brought you for dinner yesterday! You did not eat it, did you?" Huh? Okay, I fail to make the connection here. Somehow I can't relate her meal to the incident with the monster in my shower. Unless, it-... wait. Waiiit a minute. Oh, come on, this has to be a joke or something.
"No, I didn't eat it. Left it on my desk I think." She bites her bottom lip, looking at me with a mixture of guilt and worry. Her pretty eyes flicker over to the ruined shower. "You really shouldn't do that! When you do not eat it, it might come back to… uhm, life. Like this." She gestures into the bathroom. It takes a minute before I am able to understand what she just told me. So, the meal Star cooked for me yesterday is the thing that tried to kill me? What the hell. Honestly, I have no idea what I should respond to that. Raven is much quicker in regaining her ability to speak.
"So you say, what all of us ate yesterday-" she's pointing at herself, Robin and Cy "- was made of this?" now she points at the dead monster. And suddenly I'm very glad I didn't eat dinner. Star offers a sheepish grin and nods, an ominous dark aura surrounding Raven. The bulky robot next to me excuses himself, leaving the room at record speed. I swear, if he throws up in my room I'm going to kill him. Not a second after Cyborg bolts out, Starfire is chased from my ruined bathroom by Raven. Wow, that witch is angry. Star better be quick, or she will be in more need of medical attention then I am. But I guess I would be just as angry if someone made me eat tentacle porn monster slime. Well getting eaten by said slime isn't much better, is it? Ugh. Whatever, it's gone, I'm breathing again, so I'm good. Being a part of the Titans, you get used to weird stuff happening in your life, believe me.
So now I'm left alone with Robin, who doesn't look too thrilled either by knowing the contents of his latest Meal. With a tired sigh he musters his now soiled weapon and uniform. "I will never eat anything Star cooked again." A raspy chuckle escapes my lips, throat still raw. I am strangely happy after this terrifying situation, but I guess that's just because Robin came to save me. Yeah, hormones and stuff. I'm weird, so shut up.
I guess I won't die today, the monster is dead and I feel relatively good if you ignore the sticky stuff all over me. And all my sore muscles. I really get a daily dose of beatings lately. Together with Robin I leave the Laaguufa covered bathroom and we head towards the medical room. Judging by his comments, my neck does look rather bad, so I might as well get that fixed. By him, mind you, since Raven is busy murdering Star. And Cyborg is busy with being sick somewhere. That poor, poor guy. But still, he just ate the sticky monster, I got almost killed by it. Take a guess which is worse. Oh, and I still didn't get to take a shower. And by now I really need it.
Now that I take a look at myself in a mirror I have to agree with our leader. I do look like someone tried to strangle me real hard. My whole skin is covered in dark bruises, forming a nice ring around my neck. Sighing, I turn away from my reflection. Well, time to head back to the others. A thankful smile is offered to Raven when I exit the medical room. Yes, she was done with making Starfire cry and beg for her live once I and Robin reached it. So I was left to her loving care, while our leader wandered of to make Star feel even worse. She really made herself unpopular with that choice of dinner.
Sadly, there isn't much to be done about the bruises on me. They will fade on their own, Raven said. So I have to walk around like some crime victim for the next few days. Way cool story, really. Like I'm not getting enough unwanted attention already. Not to mention I didn't get any more private check up's by Robin, either. But at least that monster thing didn't do any internal damage or caused more serious injuries. So things could be worse. Now after a long shower in a clean bathroom I also feel much less sticky and gross. Good things do happen every once in a while.
When I enter the main room I'm able to hear Robin's angry voice, this time scolding poor Star rather than me. By now she looks like a beaten puppy, staring up at the boy wonder from the couch. Her eyes glistening and lip quivering, I really do feel sorry for her. She didn't do it on purpose, so why blame her like this? But then again, I am blamed all the time for everything. Might as well just watch the scene for a bit, I really don't feel like defending her right now. And apparently Cyborg doesn't either, still a light shade of green in the face.
"How could you be so careless? I expect better from you, Starfire."You should be able to see the look on her pretty features right now, I wouldn't want to trade places with her. But it's only fair, isn't it? She almost had a team mate killed, after all. And that with only her cooking.
Still, there is way too much negative energy in the room, I need something to lift my mood a bit. Rubbing my aching neck I sit down in front of the gaming station, waving at Cy.
"Yo, buddy. Up for a race?" His face lightens up immediately, not a second later he's sitting next to me. Apparently very glad for the distraction. "You're on, dude." So for the rest of the evening we play stupid games, me losing most of them. A fuming Robin leaves the room once we start gaming, shortly after a crying Star fled from his rage. Now, if that wasn't a lovely day. But I guess that's what you get for being a hero and saving people everyday, getting molested by food. Gross, old food. Well, at least I'm feeling wide awake now. All the adrenalin in my blood makes sleep seem impossible.
Sometime around the early morning hours we both agree that we should probably head to bed now. Dragging my sore body towards my room, my mind goes back to the events of the day. First the villain, than the fight with Robin, the park and Starfires' stupid babbling about mass murderers. Finally the slime attack. I really do have a weird life, don't I?
I can't wait to fall into my bed and sleep till Robin's annoying voice wakes me up for more training. But once I enter my room those thoughts are replaced by something else, the smell of rotten lasagne. That's right. No one cleaned my room after the fight with Mr. mud ball. Gross. No way in hell will I be able to sleep in here today.
Grumbling to myself I turn around and head back to the living room, dragging my blanked behind me. Might as well sleep on the couch, I guess. Back in the over heated living room I find Cyborg already gone.
So I'm alone in here in the middle of the night the second time in a row. Groaning I slump face first onto the couch. Tonight I'm not afraid of mass murderers any more, believe me. I learned that there are far worse things to be afraid of. Like porn tentacle monsters made of disgusting food. Knowing my luck, I will dream of it, too.
Somehow it's gotten really dark all of a sudden. I can't even see my own hands waving in front of my eyes. Alright, definitely scary, and I don't think I'm on the couch any longer. The ground feels much harder, colder. More like a tiled floor. Like, in a bathroom or something.
Oh, come on. You can't be serious? A strange slithering noise suddenly fills the room, bouncing off the walls. Which, mind you, seem to be closing in on me. Impossible, but still, they are coming closer. As well as something else. I want to back up, but as soon as I try to move I find myself unable to. Something is keeping me in place, and an unseen force is slowly circling my neck, preventing me from breathing properly. Endless horrible minutes or hours or days of struggling and gasping and panic later this thing finally reaches me. Cold, wet appendages crawl around my ankles and pull sharply. I fall, pressure around my neck intensifying. Horrible munching sounds fill my ears and I open my mouth in a silent scream.
Horrified to the core I sit up on the couch, thankfully still alive and in one piece. Hands clutching my blanked tightly I listen to my own irregular breathing. Holy crap, now that was scary. Seriously, why can't I have a single peaceful nights sleep?! Something, somewhere must really hate me, a lot. I can't keep this up, walking around like a zombie every day. I swear, I'm going to die eventually. Or just fall asleep while walking.
Once I managed to labour my air intake to a normal level, I get up. Yeah, no way in hell will I stay here alone, not after this dream. So I drag myself, still in the clothes I put on after the shower, trough the hallways of the tower once more. I don't really know where I'm going, but my feet seem to move on their own. In my current half asleep state of mind I couldn't care less. So after a short journey in which I closed my eyes more than a couple of times, I find myself standing in front of a door. My foggy mind registers that it's not my room, but I honestly don't mind. After two or three tries I manage to get the thing to open and close behind me. Standing inside a rather dark room I blink a couple of times, seconds from falling asleep right there. No idea where I am, honestly. Somehow I manage to make out the shadow of a large bed, happy beyond anything. Finally a decent sleeping place! Too bad it's already occupied. But nothing a none to gentle shove couldn't take care of. As soon as my face hits the comfy pillow, I'm out like a light.
~~~ tbc.
Poor BB, never getting the tiniest bit of peace at night.
But then again, shoving people out of their bed isn't that nice, either.
So he probably deserves it. :D
Stay tuned for the next chapter and prepare for more randomness and evil lasagne! ^/^
Shad~