Brannigan, clad in a DOOP female issue mini skirt uniform and Kiff made there way through a lush forest. The sounds of birds chirping and insects buzzing denied silence from occurring.
"Uh, Brannigan, where are we going?" Kiff gasped, he wasn't used to such long hikes.
"Simple, my Greek friend. We are looking for food, or have you forgotten already?" Brannigan answered.
They had been hiking through the woods, which looked like they had not been trekked through for centuries for nearly 3 hours. Kiff didn't even know if they were still on the academy's land.
"But, wasn't there a mess hall on the academy?" Kiff began.
"Pfft. Kroaker, in the voids of space and combat there is no mess hall. One must forge for himself." Brannigan once again answered, confidently.
"Well in the voids of space, we would technically be on a vessel, and yes there would be a mess hall on board." Kiff stopped in his tracks.
Kiff had never been in an argument before, he had listened to everyone and followed every rule to a perfect T. However, this time, it was obvious he was breaking the rules and listening to an idiot.
Zapp was about to continue his lecture to Kroaker but something caught his eye. A small green animal, with red spots on it. Zapp began to walk towards it.
"You see, Kif, I have done it. I have saved our lives." Zapp went on.
"By finding a toad?" Kiff spoke.
"What is it Kiff? Do you come from a Planet where the dominating race are reptiles and amphibians? Are you part of this race, or are you a man?" Brannigan said, jabbing Kiff in his chest.
"Actually, yes and my body is supported by a series of bla-" Kiff stopped in horror, watching Zapp about to pop the living animal into his pompous, and loud mouth.
"Brannigan, I uh…..I wouldn't eat that toad if I were you, it appears to be poisonous." Kroaker said.
Zap rolled his eyes. This annoying Greek guy was beginning to seem like a real idiot to him. He would probably end up carrying him for the rest of his sorry career in the DOOP.
"Just my luck." He thought.
With a disgusting crunching sound, followed by a squishing sound Brannigan began to eat the small toad. It didn't taste too bad. He finished chewing the remains and swallowed them.
"There. Not so bad. There is another one, you try one." Brannigan said pointing to a similar looking toad.
Kiff let out an annoyed sigh. This idiot, who was wearing a female's uniform sure had a way of taking control of things, in an idiotic and totally pointless matter. It had to have been nearly 1800 hours (6pm for you non DOOP people) dinner would now be served at the mess hall, which was directly next to the orientation building, he remembered this from the orientation, which Brannigan missed all together. The instructor had been incredibly mad that Brannigan was AWOL on his first day.
"I a vegan, actually. On my planet eating any animal flesh is forbidden." Kiff explained.
Brannigan was about to retort, but his face suddenly began to gleam. He was sweating at an exaggerated rate, his pupils became dilated. Kiff took a step back.
"Are you ok?" He asked the large blonde headed man.
"It tastes……it tastes like burning." Brannigan let out followed by a whimper.
"My God, he's been poisoned. Think, what is it they told us in Frog Scouts?" Kiff thought to himself, his heart beginning to pound with fear.
Before Kiff could think of a quick remedy, or some sort of first aid, Zapp began to hallucinate. The trees took shape of gigantic candy canes, the grass turned into those little balls he liked to jump into at Chuck E. Cheese, the largest form of family entertainment in the 30th century. Kiff began to take the shape of a very beautiful woman.
"Hey baby, got any room in there for the Zapper? I got some rounds Id like to Zapp into you if you know what I mean…." Zapp said, flashing his eyebrows.
"Are you….are you feeling ok?" Kiff asked, not aware of how he appeared to Zapp.
"Baby, I'm merely ok, to your fine ass….I mean fineness." Zapp answered, in a pathetic attempt at sounding smooth.
"Brannigan, what the heck is wrong with you?" Kiff said, taking a few steps back.
He watched as Brannigan began to lick a large oak tree and chew at the bark. Was this some sort of human joke? He remembered that human beings were a weird group of people, but this had never been mentioned before.
To be continued…….