Chapter Four:: Wildflower

We laid there on the bed facing each other. Both of us had one hand tucked under our heads. Our other hands clasped each others tightly. Tears slid down our faces as we stared at each other. The matching dark blue hues stared each other down. I was terrified to look away.

"It's going to be okay Jenna, I promise."

I bolted upright in bed. I looked at the spot to my left for my sister, her words still ringing in my ears, but she wasn't there. She'd never be there again. These dreams had begun to feel more real as the nights went on. I reached my hand over and laid it on the left side of the bed, it was warm. One of these days I'm bound to go insane.

They were the same words she'd whispered to me when we were younger. When I was nine I thought I was hearing voices. Around every corner I saw people talking to me, people who weren't there. I'd confided in my sister, telling her I was scared, telling her that the voices were mean, that they didn't want me to live. She'd put her arm around me and whispered into my ear.

"I used to see them too Jen. All you have to do is close your eyes and focus really hard. Tell them you don't want them here. Tell them to go away. In your mind see them disappearing and when you open your eyes they wont be there anymore. It's going to be okay Jenna, I promise."

I got out of bed and shoved on some slippers before heading across the hall to Jae's room. I opened the door and turned the light on. Everything was just as she left it before she went back to college this year. Where my room was decorated in subdued blues, browns, and flowers, all coming together with a meadow like effect, Jae's was the night sky. Dark blues, blacks, and pinpricks of white to resemble stars.

I shut the door behind me and walked to her dresser. Sitting on top was the most recent photo taken of us. It was from a trip with friends this past summer. We'd gone down to Ocean City. We'd had a bonfire on the beach once night had fallen. In the photo we were looking at each other and laughing, completely unaware that the photo was being taken. In the reflection from the glass I saw a face,

"Jenna"

I screamed and dropped the photo, the glass shattered at my feet. I whipped my head around, no one was there. I picket up the photo and laid it on her dresser before picking up what glass I could and dumping it in the small trashcan under her desk. I picked up the hand mirror laying on the desk and looked at my reflection. I touched the bags under my eyes and sighed. I flipped the mirror upside down on the desk and sat on her bed. I laid down and fell asleep.

I awoke early Christmas morning and went down to the basement and over to my sister's work room. It was covered in mirrors with a great sound system. A barre ran across two thirds of the room. I popped in one of the CD's and began to stretch using the barre. We'd both been in ballet when we were younger but she'd had more of a knack for it than I did. I began one of the last dances we'd done together, a soulful piece. We'd come up with it after our parents announced their separation. It was full of sorrow and pain. The movements were liquid and flew easily into each other.

When I stopped my dad spoke from the doorway.

"I'd forgotten how beautifully you danced."

"Jae was better."

"Jaelyn definitely had the precision, poise, and ability to go far in ballet, that is true. But you, honey, have something raw and beautiful in an unexpected way. My little wildflower." He kissed the top of my head and wrapped me in a hug.

I was in my room changing for dinner when our housekeeper Annie walked in carrying a small box wrapped in red paper.

"This came for you today sweetie," she handed the box to me and went downstairs. I unwrapped the box curiously. Inside was what looked like a homemade necklace. It was on a thin brown hemp-like rope. Hanging from the necklace was a small black feather, a small bird figurine, and a dark blue stone the color of my eyes. It was beautiful. I looked for a card but there wasn't one. Instead on the inside of the box, written on the bottom, was an inscription: for the sweetest pastry in the shop. I smiled, put the necklace on, and headed down to dinner.

Dinner with my dad was wonderful but it was lonely. We both kept looking at the chair my sister should have occupied. Annie sat with us at dinner for the first time I could ever remember. We shared a lot of laughs, stories, and smiles. At the end of dinner we played a couple rounds of gin rummy. All of which Annie won. At the end of the night when my dad had fallen asleep I crept downstairs and watched home movies on the old VCR. I went through his 'secret' liquor stores and drank my way back to those memories. I put the bottle down and let myself give in to the blackness, the tugging I felt on the edge of my mind, this time I saw a face before I lost control.

I opened my eyes and I was in a burnt down barn. What the hell was I doing in the old Putnam barn? I cried out in pain as I realized my hands were at my temples, nails digging into the skin. I pulled my hand away and looked at the crusty blood under the nails.

I walked out of the barn and saw my car. I thanked God quietly and got in, instantly turning up the heat. I was shivering uncontrollably, my head pounding, the blood from the cut on my temple trickling down my face slowly. I grabbed a napkin and pressed it to my head. I flipped down the visor to look in the mirror. My face was ghostly white and my eyes were bloodshot. My stomach growled and I realized for the first time how incredibly weak I felt. How long had I been here?

I searched the car for my phone and found it underneath the seat. It was the last day of December. Five days had passed. Five days. I strained to think of anything that happened and drew a blank. I couldn't remember one bit of the last five days. I started hyperventilating, put the car in reverse, and backed away from the barn. I threw the car into drive and sped off, pebbles spraying from underneath the tires. I kept my foot on the gas all the way home.

I walked into the house and Annie came out of the kitchen.

"How was your mother's? Are you hungry?"

"It was fine," I lied, "and yeah. Just a sandwich is fine, thank you." I ate the sandwich in record time and then heated up some leftovers from Christmas dinner. I ran upstairs and showered. I scrubbed at my skin until I felt like the invisible dirt was gone. My phone had over thirty unanswered texts. Reid and Mallory's were the most concerning. They both had invited me to a New Years Eve party tonight and were pissed that I wasn't responding.

Chill out I'm coming. I sent to Mallory.

I'll be there around ten. I have something to do first. I sent to Reid.

I pulled up to the Dells at nine and walked up to the top of the cliff. I approached the cliff cautiously and kicked at some pebbles on the edge. I sat down on the ledge and let my legs hang over. As per usual I felt a presence at my side. The tears started and I stared out over the Dells. I reached my right hand out to the ground at my side, searching, until I felt cold skin underneath my hand.

My breath caught in my chest and the tears flew faster. I pulled my hand back towards me, holding it over my heart. It seemed like hours had passed before the sobs quieted and I laid down on the ground. Looking up at the stars I thought about how we had promised each other we'd always be together. I thought about how strong promises are when you mean them. I reached out my hand again, desperate for that cold skin, and whispered into the air,

"I'm sorry I couldn't fix you."

I walked back down to my car some time later and looked at the clock: 11:39 pm. Groaning I sped off towards the address Mallory had given me. I pulled into the drive way at 11:54 and ran into the house. There were drinks-a-plenty and a lot of people had begun making out even though they clock had not yet struck twelve.

"It's about time you showed up," Mallory said with a frown as I walked into the dining room. The boys were in the middle of a game of beer pong. Tyler and Caleb versus Reid and Pogue. The boys grunted a collective "hello" before returning their attention back to the game.

"Hey, want a beer," Sarah said approaching me from the kitchen.

"Yes, thank you," I popped the top and chugged it.

"I'm calling for a Celebrity Shot for the game point," Tyler was saying at the table.

"And who would that be," Pogue asked.

"Jenna it's all you," Tyler said holding out the ping pong ball.

Reid laughed and put a hand on Pogue's shoulder, "Let her take it."

I walked over to Tyler and took the ball from his hand, "You sure?" He nodded and I faced the table. I eyed the last cup and tossed the ball. It landed it with a soft plunk. I took the second ball and repeated it.

Reid, Pogue, and Caleb stared in disbelief. Tyler let out a loud whoop and high-fived me. I couldn't help but grin as I watched Reid drink the beer out of the last cup.

"How in the hell did you know she could do that," Caleb asked Tyler.

Tyler smiled, "Well Jenna here is a master beer pong player….until she gets beer in her that is and then she starts to blow." I laughed, it was true. After about three beers I started hitting people instead of the cups.

"20, 19, 18, 17," we heard coming from the other room.

"C'mon let's watch the ball drop," Sarah said grabbing Caleb's arm. The rest of us followed suit. With then seconds left everyone tried to pair up for the good luck kiss.

"3, 2, 1, Happy New Years!" the TV announced.

Tyler was standing next to me, I looked up at him, and he started leaning down towards me. My eyes widened as Reid's mouth came out of nowhere and descended upon mine.

He pulled away and whispered into my ear, "Happy New Years." And then his mouth found mine once more.

A/N:: This is just a warning but the next chapter may contain material that could bring back bad memories for certain people. I hope the story is coming along well, be patient, all will be explained.