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Riding was something Megan had never tried and she doubted seriously that she'd get used to it anytime soon.
There was a dwarf on either side of her, in case she fell. Out of boredom, she got her MP3 player and played The Carpenters again. (see previous chapter)
Listening to a song out of pure boredom can make one think of random things. So Megan was reminded of Dark Shadows, until she looked at Thorin. Immediately the image of the dwarven king ripping out the back of an old tv and yelling, "Reveal yourself, tiny songstress!" filled her mind.
And at this thought she started giggling, and couldn't stop. The harder she tried, the louder it got. Pretty soon the dwarves and Gandalf (who arrived shortly after Megan) turned to stare at the strange girl.
"...You alright Lassie?" Balin asked.
Megan wiped tears from her eyes as she answered him. "Y-yes Balin, I'm fine. I just had a funny thought! About this song...it's nothing."
They stared for a few seconds, then everyone heard "Wait! Waaaiiit!" Bilbo had finally caught up!
"I signed it!" Bilbo held the contract up proudly. Balin took it, and inspected it with a pair of reader glasses.
"Everything seems to be in order! Welcome, Master Baggins!" Said the second-oldest of the group.
"Give him a pony." Thorin ordered. Bilbo tried to protest, but two dwarves picked him up and plopped him on a pony anyway.
Suddenly Megans' phone blared 'Good Time' by Owl City. Confused, she brought it to her face while trying not to fall off her horse. "Oh look at that, full bars in Middle freaking Earth!"
She was aware of the looks she was getting from her companions, but a call from her sister was not to be ignored. "Hey Katie-Bear!" She said, putting her sister on speaker because it was easier to talk and ride at the same time that way.
"Where are you?! Stella's going ape and me and Kendra have to deal with her!" Katie demanded. If the company was confused at Megans' remark about full bars before, they were stupified at the voice coming from the thing she held now.
"You were supposed to meet me at lunch!" Stellas' voice from the other side sounded beyond pissed.
"Sorry, but something came up!"
"Hmph!" Silence. Then Katies' voice was back.
"She nearly threw my phone! Whatever 'came up' better be important!"
Megan tried to think. What could she tell them? I can't make it cause I'm currently stuck in Middle Earth wouldn't cut it.
"I ran into some friends, and they need my help with...something. It's very important, but I can't talk about it. I meant to call you sooner-"
"That's not gonna fly, Megan Renee! Put one of your 'friends' on the phone! You don't just run off like that, I know you! So unless you just recently started working for the C.I.A, you're going to give me a better story than that!" Katie did know her really well.
Megan thought about it, until she spied Thorin staring at her suspiciously. "Hey Theo, wanna talk to Katie?" She handed her phone (with difficulty) to the dwarven king. He raised his eyebrows at her, but she made 'just go with it' signals with her head. So he did.
Looking at the phone like most would an alien, he spoke into the curious communicating device.
"Who's this?" Again, silence from the other end. "Hello? Is anyone there?"
"Will your sister speak to Thorin?" Bilbo whispered. Megan could only shrug.
"Ummmm...are you one of Megans' friends?" Katies' voice sounded a little squeaky. Once again Megan tried to stifle laughter.
"Yes, I am" Here he gazed at Megan warily. "Theo. You must be Katie, it's nice to make your aquaintance, though I'd rather have met you in person."
Imagining her sister's reaction, Megan gripped her horse with her knees so she could stuff her fists in her mouth.
Thorin/Theo continued. "Rest assured, your sister will be fine. I'm handing the conversation back to her, good day." It took all of Megans' self-control not to drop the phone as Thorin gave it back to her.
"OmigodhesoundsjustlikeRichard!" Katie said, not knowing everyone could hear her.
"Yeah, he gets that alot! But uh, Kate? You were on speaker." Nothing, then Megan heard the dial tone. "She hung up on me!"
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Bilbo was having as hard a time on his pony as his bodyguard was on her horse. The bodyguard in question suddenly remembered; the bet!
"Hey Dwalin, pay up!" She shouted. Dwalin growled, but tossed a small bag her way. She caught it wearing the biggest smile, and Dwalin growled again.
As Gandalf explained to Bilbo about the bet, Nori threw a bag to Fili. He smirked at Megan and said, "We were right after all, Lady Megan!"
"Aw, you can just call me Megan. Or Megs, if you want." Again she wanted to kick her own ass, why did she just give him her nickname?!
But Fili smiled. "Megs it is then!" She swung her hair in front of her face to hide the blush. It was a mystery to her how he was already comfortable enough to use that name.
"Wait, wait stop! We have to go back!" Bilbo shouted, and Megan could hear the company roll their eyes.
"What is the matter?" Gandalf demanded.
"I forgot my hankerchief!" Said the hobbit.
"Here," Bofur smiled and ripped a small patch from his clothing. "use this!" He tossed it to Bilbo, who caught it with a grimance. Even Megan winced at the slap! the cloth made when Bilbo caught it.
"Dude, I think you'll live without one. Word to the wise!" Megan whispered to Bilbo. He wore an expression that read that is not in the least amusing!
Riding on, Megan began to get a little bored again. So she got her phone out and snapped a few pictures. Of the dwarves, Bilbo, Gandalf, the countryside. She got a few looks as the company noticed the snapping noise the camera made.
"What are you doing there?" Thorin asked, more like demanded.
"Making memories, my dear Thorin. Wanna see some?" She handed her phone to him (with not as much trouble as last time) and showed him how to scroll through the pictures. "This is Kendra, my cousin, at her karate class. Karate is a fighting style, by the way. This is my dad, he plays guitar. And this is Katie, my brat sister. You talked to her earlier, remember?"
Thorin stopped at Katies' photo and stared. It was a picture of her smiling directly at the camera, just after taking her hair down, so it fell in gentle golden waves. "You didn't tell me your sister was..."
"Pardon?" Megan asked.
Thorin started scrolling again. "It's nothing. Who's this?"
Megan leaned over to look, but carefully because she was still learning to ride. "That's my friend Stella, remember her yelling at me? In my world, some people have different colored skin. There are latino, spanish, asian, indian, native american, and black, like Stella. Her grandma's the sweetest person though, letting us stay in her summer cottage."
"You don't live with your parents?" Bofur asked.
"No, where I come from, people my age are expected to live on their own. Stella's grandma has a cottage she can't use, so Stella, me, and Katie live there and pay rent."
"Let me see!" Kili said, and Thorin handed him the phone. "She's pretty! Her skin is like caramel, and her eyes like chocolate!"
"Yes, because every woman enjoys being compared to food!" Fili joked, and everyone laughed. Kili blushed a little, and Bomburs' head snapped up at the mention of food.
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When they had set up camp for the night, Megan flopped down on the nearest bedspread-and immediately decided not to do any more flopping. Gandalf chuckled when she groaned.
"I think it best that you watch before you start flopping around like a fish out of water!"
Megan looked up at him. "No kidding?" She asked sarcastically.
She got up and decided to help the others, with what little pride she had left anyway. Spotting Fili and Kili nearby, she got her phone out.
"Hey Kili! Smile!" He looked up, confused. When he saw the phone though, he broke into a huge grin. Snap! Megan looked at the result. It was a very adorable headshot. She began to text Stella, along with sending her the picture.
hey stells! meet kyle, he thinks ur yummy! am i off the hook? 3, megs
Then she waited. Oin and Gloin had just got a fire going, so she went and snuggled in the blanket that was covering her at Bilbos'. Then she wondered why she brought it, as it wasn't hers. And before she knew it, she had slumped over like a sack of potatos and fell asleep.
This time she was woken up by screams. High, scary, inhuman screams. Looking over, she saw that Bilbo was scared too. So she motioned him over, and they both snuggled under the blanket for comfort. The poor hobbit was shaking as he asked, "What is that?"
Fili and Kili were oppisite them, and the latter answered, "Orcs."
"Orcs?!"
Both the burglar and his bodyguard gulped.
"They come in quick and quiet, no noise, just lots of blood!" Kili said in a low spooky voice.
She figured the two youngest dwarves were trying to scare them with their old wives' tales, but later she would admit that it worked. It was sometime then that she realized, this wasn't a dream. She didn't run into a tree and hit her head that day. She wasn't hallucinating. Somehow, this was real. And she unconsciously started to shake at her next thought, which came unbidden. 'And it's about to get even more real.'
"You think this is funny?" Thorin demanded, his sudden appearence making Megan and Bilbo jump. "You think a night raid by orcs is a joke?"
"We didn't mean anything by it." Kili said, looking down in shame. Thorin walked away.
"You know nothing of the world!" He muttered. Megan made a mental note not to piss him off as Balin walked over to them.
"Don't mind him, Laddie." Said the oldest dwarf. "Thorin has more cause than most, to hate orcs."
As Megan listened to Balins' story of the battle to reclaim Moria, she was struck by yet another unsettling thought. Will this follow the movie, or the book? If book, she wouldn't have to worry about Azog at all. If movie...she was as good as screwed.
"And the Pale Orc? What happened to him?" Bilbo asked.
"The foul creaure slunk back to whence he came!" Thorin answered. He must've been listening. "Scum died of his wounds later."
And on that happy note, the whole company settled in for an uneasy nights' sleep.
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Rain, rain, rain.
How it started, why it started, and when it would stop were questions that were on everyones' minds. Bofur was trying to smoke, but it was too wet so he grudgedly put his pipe away. The other dwarves looked sour, so Megan thought it best not to engage any of them in conversation. She felt a little pissy anyway. It took her hours to do her hair the way she liked it normally, but now it would dry in ringlets. She could hear her mom now, 'You look like Shirley Temple!'
For now she'd listen to Gandalf explain to Bilbo about the five wizards of the council. She counted off her fingers. Saruman the white, check. The two blueses whose names are forgotten, check. And then of course everyones' favorite wizard in grey, check.
"And who's the fifth?" Asked the little hobbit.
"That would be Radagast, the brown." Gandalf said proudly.
"And is he a great wizard or is he, more like you?"
Gandalf looked offended at first, then continued. "I think he's a very great wizard! In his own way, he lives a solitary life. Prefers the company of animals to others..."
Megan's phone beeped just then. She dug it out of her pocket, read the text from Stella, and laughed so hard she almost fell off her horse.
"What's so funny?" Demanded Dori, who didn't see how anything about this day could make someone laugh.
"Stella got back to me last night, I just didn't hear it I guess." Megan answered. "I sent her a picture of Kili and asked if I wasn't in trouble anymore. She came back with 'yeah girl, we're good! Now tell that hot piece of-' not reading that part, 'to come over and-' not reading that either...yadayadayada, censorcensorcensor, basically she likes you Kili."
She looked up to find that everyones' jaw had dropped and were staring at her. Kili especially looked red in the face. Bilbo looked sick again. She figured it was a good thing she didn't mention how she referred to Kilis' statement about Stellas' skin and eyes as 'yummy'. She went back to her phone and selected a candid picture of Thorin. He was looking majestically into the sun, every bit the handsome, brave, honorable dwarf king her sister crushed on. She sent the photo to Katie with a text.
lookie here, it's theo posing for a new hobbit fansite! don't he make a great thorin?
Suddenly she was seeing the sunny side of things.
As the hours went on, (and so did Megans' music) the rain stopped. So the spirits of the company rose a tad. But it was evening time, and Megan could hardly hold her head up. She wondered why it was so exhausting to ride a horse.
Thorin ordered a stop at an abandoned skeleton of a house. Literally the only thing left was the support beams. "Fili, Kili. Look after the ponies, make sure you stay with them! Oin, Gloin, get a fire going."
The dwarves went to do what they were told. "What about me?" Megan asked.
"You can help Bombur with supper, if you want." Bofur replied. "He could really use the help!"
Thanks Bofur, I'd like that." She smiled.
He smiled back and winked. "Anything to keep ya from breakin' up with me!"
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"Wow Bombur, this smells good!"
"It should, thanks again for your help Lass!" Bombur replied happily.
They started pouring eveyones' bowls, and the dwarves thanked them. Bofur was just asking Bilbo to take two bowls to Fili and Kili when Thorin called Megan over. She hoped against hope she wasn't in trouble. She grabbed her own bowl and went and leaned on the side of the former house.
"You rang?" She asked. Thorin again raised his eyebrows, but let it pass.
"Your sister..." He began. "Does she train to fight zombies as well?"
"Actually, she's one of the best! Practically a expert, if you ask me." Megan said, wondering why he was asking this.
"You're probably wondering why I'm asking you this." Said Thorin.
"Nope, not at all. You have your reasons for wanting to know, and I might not be as good as Katie, but I won't let you down!"
"Such eagerness." Was all he said. There was an awkward silence, then. "You should eat, Megan." Thorin walked away, so he didn't see Megans' jaw drop with her spoon halfway to her mouth. That was the first time he used her name.
She had just finished and taken her bowl to Bombur to be cleaned.
"Hey Megs! Wanna help me lay out the beds?" Ori asked.
"You got it Boy Scout!" She answered, using the nickname she came up with just for him. They had just unrolled the last bedroll when Fili came and grabbed her upper arm. She automatically flinched, but asked "What's up, Fili?"
"Come with me, it's Bilbo."
Thorins' head shot up at the burglars' name. The other dwarves gathered around. Fili continued. "Me and Kili had noticed that two ponies were missing, when Bilbo brought our food. We followed a trail of uprooted trees, then we saw them!"
Now Thorin grabbed Filis' arm none too gently. "What did you see?"
Fili didn't answer for a moment, then what he said next chilled Megans' spine. "Trolls."
She berated herself for forgetting about the hobbit in the first place. Fili noticed her scowl and said, "I'm sorry. I just thought that, as his bodyguard, you'd want to know first."
"No Fili, you did the right thing. I'm just mad at myself for letting this happen!"
"Where's your brother?" Thorin demanded.
"He stayed to help Bilbo in case things got bad." Fili replied.
By this time they had all made it to the clearing where the trolls were. Megan could just see the giant ugly things handling Bilbo like cruel kids would handle a small animal. Just then Kili jumped ahead of them in time to rescue the burglar. He slashed at one from behind, and the troll went down.
"Drop him!" Kili shouted.
"You wha?" One of the trolls asked stupidly.
"I said, drop him!" Kili said threatenly. And the troll complied, launching the hobbit like a snot-covered cannonball. The youngest dwarf caught Snotball Bilbo, and they both fell.
"Now!" Thorin yelled and everyone rushed forward to take on the trolls. Everyone except Megan. She had no weapons, nor knowledge to use them. All she had was her stun gun, and she wasn't sure when the battery would run out.
"Some bodyguard I am." She said miserably. But she didn't want to lose her position in the company, so she ran forward anyway.
Everything was moving so fast, Megan couldn't keep track. She switched the stun gun on and jammed it into the back of a trolls' knee, then she held the button down as long as it'd usually take to kill a human. But to the troll, it was more like his leg fell asleep.
"Wha are you doin', ya little mouse?!" He then sideswiped her, and she flew into a tree, hitting her head hard. She sat there in a daze, but she could vaugely make out what her friends were yelling.
"MEGS!" She heard Fili shout.
"BILBO!" She heard Kili shout.
She wiped a warm, sticky something that turned out to be blood out of her eyes and saw the trolls holding Bilbo by his limbs alone.
"Lay down your arms!" A troll demanded. "Or we'll wip his off!" Obviously, this troll had a hell of a lisp. One by one, the dwarves dropped their weapons. The last surprisingly being Ori, who threw his slingshot down in fury.
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Megan, the dwarves, and Bilbo were at the mercy of the trolls. Thorin, Oin, Kili, Fili, Bombur, Balin, Bilbo and Megan were tied up in sacks while the rest were roasting on a spit.
"W-where's Gandalf?" She asked weakly.
"He left before dinner, remember?" Bilbo whispered. Megan still felt dizzy, and her head wouldn't stop throbbing.
"...And I don't fancy bein' turned to stone!" Said Lispy.
Megan could just see the metaphorical light bulb click on over Bilbos' head as he jumped up.
"You are making a terrible mistake!" He cried.
"You can't reason with 'em, they're half-wits!" Dori yelled as he turned over the fire.
"Half-wits? What does that make us?!" Bofur called as he made his turn. Megan tried to keep up with Bilbos' plan, but all she really wanted to do right then was sleep off her first battle wounds.
She was suprised then, when she saw a troll pick Bombur up by his feet. "N-no!" She shouted weakly.
"Not that one, he's infected!" Bilbo said, making everyone stop what they were doing.
"You wha?" Asked Lispy.
"Yeah he's got worms! In his...tubes." And thus Bombur was dropped. "In fact they all have parasites!"
The dwarves protested loudly at this, with cries of "I don't have parasites, you have parasites!" and "Traitor!" Bilbo rolled his eyes, then he caught sight of something. Megan knew it was Gandalf, and she relaxed.
Thorin caught on, and gave his youngest nephew (Kili) a good kick. Everyone went still as they processed this.
"I've got parasites as big as m'arm!" Shouted Oin.
"I've got one of the biggest parasites!" Shouted Kili. And thus they all changed their tune.
"What would you have us do then? Let them all go?!" Demanded a troll.
"Well..." Bilbo began, but the troll wasn't done.
"Don't think I don't know what you're doin'! This little ferret is takin' us for fools!"
"Ferret?" Asked Bilbo.
"Fools?" Asked a troll.
"The dawn will take you all!" Shouted a voice. Everyone saw Gandalf standing on a large rock.
"Who's that?" Asked the first troll.
"No idea." His friend on the other side of the spit answered.
"Can we eat him too?" Inquired the last troll. Gandalf used his staff to split the rock in half, letting in the daylight. The trolls tried to shield their eyes from it, but it took less than a minute and then they were stone. Thorin and his company rejoiced.
"Oh, get your foot out of m'back!" Complained Dwalin.
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The next Megan knew, Fili was out of his sack and rushing to hers. "Are you alright?" He asked.
"Owww..." Was all she could say. He pressed his hand on her head, and she winced.
"It's only a small cut, but let's have Gandalf see to it just the same." He helped her up.
Later, Gandalf had healed the cut on her head. "That was too close! Have you no other means to defend yourself?"
"No, not really." She admitted.
"Then how do you kill the zombies?" Thorin said, and Megan could've swore he was using his best 'I'm mocking you by being polite' tone.
"They don't exist remember? And just because we believe they'll come to eat us one day, don't mean we carry weapons around!" She protested weakly. She was too tired for this.
"Why not?"
"Cause it's kinda illegal." She answered. "'Sides, zombies are slower than even trolls. Their power is mostly in numbers." That seemed to do the trick. Thorin nodded and turned his attention to the wizard.
"Where were you, might I ask?"
"Looking ahead." Gandalf replied simply.
"And what brought you back in the nick of time?"
"Looking behind. And it seems not a moment too soon, as you are all in one piece!"
"No thanks to your burglar, or his bodyguard." Thorin raised an eyebrow.
"He had the nerve to pray for time, she fought with little training, the rest of you didn't think of that." Gandalf went somewhere else.
Megan slumped against a tree. "I'll try harder next time, I promise." She said in a voice they could hardly hear.