CH 3 – Harboring

I'm sorry for changing
I can't be what you want me to be
It's all said and done
I'm sorry it isn't like it was

The next morning Kakashi woke up expecting hell. Instead he awoke to complete silence. That and Sakura's smiling face inches away from his. He rolled over to his other side and mentally cursed. He wasn't sure how long Tsunade planned on having him watch her like this but he had a feeling it was longer than his sanity could take.

"Do you always sleep with your mask on?"

"Get out of my room Sakura."

"But today you have to take me shopping."

"I do?" He never remembered promising her such a thing. And even if he did, they would go when he said so, not when she demanded it.

She sighed and moved to the other side of the bed to stare him in the face again. "The only reason I want to is so I won't have to hear you complain about what I'm wearing. Unless," she purred as her eyes roved over him, "you don't want me to get new clothes."

With a groan, he sat up and ran a hand through his hair. "Fine. Give me half an hour."

"Okay," she beamed. However she made no attempt to get up and leave. Kakashi gave her a look but she just smiled as if nothing was wrong and played with her hair.

"Sakura."

"What?" She stopped playing with her hair and looked up at him.

"Do you mind?"

"Oh, not at all." But still she didn't move. He continued to stare at her and she continued to not care. She seemed too fascinated by her hair to notice his glare. Finally having enough of her and her stubbornness, he cleared his throat and motioned towards the door. She sighed and rolled her eyes dramatically. "Fine, I'll leave. Jeez, you act as if I've never seen a guy naked before." Then she left.

The following days Sakura was just as difficult. If she weren't sitting on his bed staring at him when he woke up, she would pop into the bathroom to brush her teeth while he showered, or she was just stepping out of the bathroom after a shower, completely naked, just as he was leaving his bedroom.

She only seemed to act out in these indirect ways when they were alone though. If they were in public, she behaved rather well. If Shizune stopped by to check in on her, she was an angel. Her mischievous side only seemed to come out when they were alone in his apartment, typically at night or the early morning.

Maybe she really wasn't trying to torment him and he was just over analyzing things. Being back in Konoha seemed to be helping her, though she still wasn't allowed to see her old friends yet. In fact, there were only a very small handful of people that knew she was in the village. And whenever they would go out, she had to dawn a henge jutsu to disguise herself.

Slowly, he gave her more freedom. They went out more often and gradually he let her wander further away from him. She wasn't aware of it, but he also had a tracking seal on her so he knew where she was. If she tried to run, he would know. If she knew what was good for her, she wouldn't break the small amount of trust she had.

After being back for two weeks, Sakura wanted to celebrate by going out to dinner. He agreed and that night they went to a small restaurant a few blocks from his place. It was fairly busy that night but they didn't have t wait long for a table.

"Can I start you off with some drinks?" the waitress asked them.

"Just water for me," Kakashi said.

"Could I get a Long Island Iced Tea?" Both Kakashi and the waitress looked her, but neither said a word.

"Would you like any appetizers?"

Kakashi glanced at Sakura but she shook her head. "No thanks."

"Okay, I'll be right back with your drinks."

Sakura idly watched her leave and glanced around the restaurant before looking back at Kakashi. He was still staring at her. "What?"

"Since when did you drink?"

"Since the night I–" she stopped short. She looked down at the table and took a second to rethink her words. "Since I started my current occupation."

She was obviously hiding something. He could read it in her body language and hear it in her voice. He could also tell that she was not going to give up more information willingly, and if he tried too hard to pry it from her, she'd completely shut him out. His mind buzzed as he tried to piece together the few pieces he had. Clearly her drinking habit was a result of her becoming a prostitute. But it seemed a bit more than that because she was reluctant to talk about it. And again, he wondered about what happened to her after she left the village.

"Are you ready to order?" the waitress asked, interrupting his thoughts.

"Yaki-udon, please."

"And for you?" she asked turning to Sakura.

"I'll have the deep-fried yuba rolls."

"Coming right up."

Sakura idling sipped her drink after she left. It would be another ten minutes before they got their food. And that meant ten minutes of awkward silence since neither of them knew what to talk about.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom," she said. She got up and left, leaving him alone.

He signed and sat back in his chair. It seemed weird to be doing such a normal thing, like going out to dinner, with Sakura under their current circumstances. Things almost felt normal again even though he knew they were far from it. He had a sinking feeling about this little piece of almost-bliss.

It was just after they got their food that things went down hill. A few feet away from them at the bar a couple of guys started to get into a rather loud argument. It quickly escalated and soon there was broken glass and broken skin.

"Kakashi." Sakura looked at him with concern.

He sighed and got up. Even though it wasn't his job to break up the fight, he knew that there wasn't likely anyone else that could. "Hey, take it outside you too."

"Chh, who the hell are you to boss me around," one of the drunks said.

"A shinobi that risks his life so you can merrily get drunk."

Both guys started laughing. "Are you serious? Like an old man like you is really a shinobi."

"I will ask you one last time to leave. If you don't, I will thow you out myself."

The men stopped laughing and looked at him. They had no clue who Kakashi was. If they had, then they would have been smart enough not to try and throw a couple of pathetic punches at him. Kakashi easily dodged their attacks and twisted their arms behind their backs. He then escorted them to the front door and promptly shoved them into the streets.

"Thank you," Sakura said when he sat back down. "I can't stand guys like them."

"Drunk, stupid, or immature?"

She laughed. "All of the above."

They enjoyed the rest of their meal in peace, even managing to have an entertaining conversation. Still, Kakashi couldn't help but get a strange feeling. He equated it to the fact that he was with Sakura and that he still found himself in love with her even after she had changed so much.

On their way home, that strange feeling he had grew. However, it now felt like he was going to be sick. Maybe it was food poisoning. His food had tasted a bit off but he thought it was just the fact he hadn't eaten at that restaurant in awhile so he wasn't use to the food. Maybe he would have Sakura look him over once they got home. He wasn't sure how much of her medical training she remembered but it was worth a shot.

"Do you still remember what Tsunade taught you?" he asked after pretty much collapsed on the couch.

"A bit, I guess. Why? Are you not feeling good?"

"No. I think it might have been something I ate."

She walked over to him and placed the back of her hand on his forehead. "What are you're symptoms?"

"Nausea mainly. A bit of fatigue and vertigo too."

"Hm." She placed her hands on her hips and stared at him quizzically. "Five more minutes, max," she nodded.

"What?"

A wicked smile grew on her face and her eyes began to sparkle with ill intentions. "Oh Kakashi-sensei," she sighed and ran the backs of her fingers down his masked cheek. "To think, a shinobi of your skills fell for a little girl's tricks so easily." She laughed lightly and placed a kiss on his forehead. "Goodnight sensei."

He tried to get up and go after her as she walked away but he only ended up on the floor. His muscles were barely responding now and he could feel his mind slipping. He cursed to himself. Tsunade was going to chop off his head for this—and most likely not the one between his shoulders.

No one bothered her as she walked towards the Uchiha compound. With a little bribing of some of the local boys she had learned that Sasuke had moved back into his compound that he now was fixing up. They had also said Sasuke was seeing someone but she couldn't possibly believe that. As far as she knew, there were no girls in the village that Sasuke would waste his time on. Then again, Kakashi had said he had changed.

Regardless, she was going to see him. She just had to get back to the apartment before Kakashi woke up. Otherwise he would be very confused on why she wasn't there and would likely end up telling Tsunade. She was really beginning to see the plus side to knowing how to create drugs that could knock someone out and erase their memory about what happened right before the lights turned off. She would have to thank Tsunade sometime for that.

It was strange walking into the Uchiha compound. Even though Sasuke had fixed it up, the air still held the ominous shiver of death in the air. It wasn't too hard finding which house he was staying in—it was the one of the first houses inside the compound gates. She walked up to the door, took a deep breath, and knocked on the door.

"Can I help you?" he asked when he opened the door.

Her jaw dropped a fraction. He looked so different, yet completely the same. His hair was longer and his face held less anger than before. His eyes, however, were just like they always were.

"Who are you?"

"Don't recognize me?" she smiled. He narrowed his eyes at her but he still didn't seem to make the connection. She rolled her eyes and then dropped the henge. "How about now?"

It took him a moment but realization seemed to finally dawn in his eyes. "Sakura?"

"Don't get too excited," she said dryly. Obviously he didn't care to see her. And that bothered her. They used to be teammates and they hadn't seen each other in nearly three years. Surely he could have been a bit more excited to see her.

"What are you doing here, Sakura?"

"Can't I stop by to see how you are? I heard you returned to Konoha and that you were different, so I wanted to see if it was true. Though I see your attitude hasn't changed much."

He sighed and leaned against the doorframe. "Look, if that's the only reason you came here then come back another time. I'm in the middle of dinner right now."

"Sorry for interrupting your dinner of one."

"Who said I'm alone?"

"Who would you have over? Naruto?"

"Sasuke, who is it?" a woman called form inside the house, as if on cue. Sakura swore she recognized the voice but she couldn't place it. Then the woman came to the doorway and looked her over with a puzzled look. "Sakura?"

"Hinata?" She sounded more hysterical than the other girl. Why the hell would Hinata be over at Sasuke's? Then her gaze fell on her hand on his shoulder. Was that a wedding ring on her finger? She looked down at Sasuke's hand and he had one too. "You're joking…"

"When I first returned, I had thoughts of asking you, but it turned out that you left the village."

She could understand that Sasuke wanted to start a family once he returned to the village. However, she couldn't understand that he would pick Hinata to start said family with him. Out of all of the girls, why did he pick her? Was it because of her bloodline? Whatever the reason, it was beyond Sakura. If Sasuke had changed this much, she wasn't sure she wanted to know how everyone else was doing.

"You know what, sorry for interrupting your dinner." She turned on her heels and made her way out of the compound without another word. She turned down street and headed straight to the nearest bar. This occasion definitely called for alcohol.

One margarita made her feel happy and fuzzy inside.

Two margaritas made her forget about the fucked up situation with Sasuke.

Three margaritas made her forget that she was supposed to still have her henge on and that she needed to be back at Kakashi's place. Soon.

By her forth, she was drunk and laughing with the entire bar as she hit on almost everything that moved.

"Hey there," she said as she plopped herself in a different seat at the bar. She had been progressively making her way throughout the bar in search of a decent guy to hook up with.

"Sakura? Is that really you?"

"You know me?" She looked over at him and squinted as she tried to remember him. The red marks on his cheeks seemed familiar, but it had been so long since she had seen them and she was far too gone in alcohol land to remember much. "Forgive me, you're going to have to remind me who you are."

"Kiba."

"Oh, yeah, okay. Now I remember. Long time no see, eh?"

"When did you get back?"

"Hmm… two weeks ago I think? But enough about me, tell me about you?" She slowly let her eyes wander over the boy. She grabbed his left hand and pulled it closer to her. Yup, there was definitely a ring on his finger too. Were all of the Rookie 9 getting married? "When did this happen?"

Kiba pulled back his hand. "A few months ago."

"To who?"

"You probably wouldn't believe me if I told you."

She started laughing. "After finding out that Sasuke is with Hinata, I don't think there's anything else that could shock me."

"So you know about the baby, then."

"What baby?"

Kiba looked away. Obviously she hadn't heard about it and he just opened his mouth when he shouldn't have.

"What baby, Kiba?" she asked again.

"It's not my place to say okay. Just drop it."

Sakura cupped his cheek and turned his head to make him look at her. She leaned in close and, again, asked him, "What baby?"

"Get your mitts of my man you hoe," some snippy girl barked. She grabbed Sakura by the shoulder and shoved her back away from Kiba. They locked eyes and both girls froze in shock. "Forehead?"

"Ino-pig." Even she had changed. Her hair was shorter than before and she traded her skimpy kunoichi outfit for a more modest tank top and capris. Her features seemed softer than before. Even so, she still had the same temper by the looks of it.

"What are you doing here?" The way she said it made Sakura feel like she didn't want her there.

"Here in the bar or here in the village?" But she didn't answer her. "I was dragged back to the village and I'm here, obviously, to drink."

"And to hit on the entire bar it seems."

"Jealous much?"

She snorted. "More like disgusted."

Sakura glared at her disdainfully. Out of everyone, Ino was one of the last people comment on anyone being a slut. Everyone knew that she once had the biggest rep for putting out.

"Come on, Kiba. Let's go." She grabbed the boy's hand and started pulling him away. As she did, she noticed the matching ring on her finger. So she was the girl Kiba meant. He was right; she could barely believe he got married to her.

She turned back to the bar and nodded to the bartender. "Give me a Gin and Tonic."

"Sorry Miss, but I think you've had enough tonight."

"What?" she carped. "I think I'll be the one to say when I've had enough!"

"Miss, I'm going to have to ask you to leave now."

"Why? I haven't done anything."

He nodded to two guys at the other end of the bar. "Sorry but you're causing a scene. Now I have to ask you again to leave. If you don't I will have you escorted out."

"Chh, your threats don't scare me. Do you even know who I am?" Fifteen drinks and six months ago she could have that would have had easily taken these guys. Fifteen drinks and six months ago she also wouldn't have been stupid enough to actually threaten them and then attempt to punch one of the men behind her.

They easily grabbed her by the arms and started towing her out of the bar. She kicked and protested the entire way. She felt hopeless and weak in their grasp and she hated it. She hated that everyone had moved on without her. She hated feeling that no one needed her, that no one wanted her.

She stumbled into the cold wet streets. She glared back at the men that threw her out. Couldn't they at least have the decency to not throw a girl out into the rain? She began wandering the streets, taking a turn here and there. It didn't really matter where she went. The barren streets seemed like the most suiting place for her anyways.

She ended her journey at a set of familiar gates. She couldn't read the writing on them but they made her feel so nostalgic. She pressed through the gates and looked around. The estate inside felt so alone and deserted. Was there anyone even living here anymore? It didn't feel like it.

There was a small dirt path to the side something told her that she had to follow it. She could feel that she had been here before but she couldn't remember when. She walked pass graves of people she felt she once knew but could no longer remember. She stopped before two graves and her heart swelled with familiarity. Why did she know this place? She knelt down and wiped the gravestones off and read the names.

Haruno Satoshi and Haruno Umiko

Memories started coming back to her. Those were her parents' names. These were their graves. This used to be their house—all of theirs. She remembered the day she became a chuunin and how proud they were of her; and the day she moved into her own place; and the day when she was told her father died during a mission and the day she went to visit her mom and she found her dead in the bathtub.

It hurt to remember everything again. Tears stung her eyes and spilled down her cheeks. "I'm sorry," she murmured. "I haven't been here in so long, I almost forgot. How terrible am I for almost forgetting my parents? But it's probably better than your gone now. You would probably hate who I've become more than all my friends seem to."

This was why she didn't want to come back. She knew if she did she would remember and all the pain would come rushing back and threaten to suffocate her. This is not how she imagined her life would be.

—*—

"Ow," Kakashi groaned. He awoke when he hit his head on the leg of the coffee table. His muscles felt heavy, his head was pounding, his stomach threatened to bring up his dinner and, when he sat up, he was suddenly struck with vertigo. He didn't remember coming home from dinner, let alone crashing on the floor. The clock read ten o'clock but the last time he checked it was still eight.

"Sakura?" he called as he struggled to his feet. She didn't answer so he called her again, "Sakura?" Silence. He tried sensing the tracking seal he put on her. It was feint but she was still in the village and she wasn't moving.

As quickly as he could manage, he set out to go get her. To his dismay it was also raining. The closer he got to her, the more he felt like this had happened before. When he found himself at the old Haruno compound he really felt like this had happened before. Then he remembered that a couple weeks after Sasuke had left, she had run away and he had found her crying at her parents' graves. And he had a feeling that he'd find her there again.

He walked back to the cemetery and found her curled up on the ground. He walked up to her and she looked up at him. Her eyes were puffy and there was some dirt on her cheeks. He knelt down and brushed it off for her. For a moment, he thought he really was in the past because she looked just as fragile and frightened as she had years ago.

"Let's go home," he said. For a moment she seemed unsure. But she nodded slowly and stood up with tears still in her eyes.

Back at his apartment, the past continued to replay as she went to the bathroom to change into some dry clothes. He anxiously stood outside the door waiting to hear her start crying again or for the smell of blood. The door opened and Sakura came out in an oversized shirt perfectly fine, so to speak.

"Would it be all right if I stayed with you in your room tonight?" she tentatively asked. "I don't want to be alone, that's all."

There was no way he could tell her no. He could tell she was trying to put on a strong face and he knew just how fragile she was underneath it all. And like last time, maybe all she needed to know was that someone was there for there, that cared for her.

So she curled up under the covers while he slept on top of them. He didn't dare fall asleep before her, but almost from the moment she fell asleep she started mumbling and tossing. Gradually her words became clear enough for him to understand. She was calling out for Naruto and Kakashi to help her, to stop someone from doing something. Then he really couldn't sleep knowing that even in her sleep she was being tormented.

He sighed, feeling there was a good chance that he would regret what he was about to do. He rolled over and placed his arm around her. Sensing his protection, her squirming gradually calmed and her soft cries for help became less frequent. As sleep gradually overtook him, he couldn't help but savor the moment, even though he wished the circumstances were different.

Picking up the pieces
Stitching it together
You keep crying
Till you cannot see at all
Crying, crying
Till you cannot breathe at all