I feel sick… I feel like throwing up. Here's an update. Enjoy.

Love & Attraction: Chapter four: Let me let you know

"Makino…" He was looking straight at me. For so many years, after all that had happened between us, after the sudden break-up and his return to New York, It's just now that I've fully realized I've waited for him –still waited for his uncertain return.

I wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be ok,
yeah I try to believe you,
But I don't

"Domyoji… " I whispered his name at the same time I felt a prickly soreness in my chest. Why is he here? Why is he back all of a sudden? Is he back to hurt my feeling again? Why, Domyoji? Why?

When you say that it's gonna be,
It always turns out to be a different way,
I try to believe you,
Not today, today, today, today,(backround singer)today...

"I'll leave the both of you so you guys can have a good talk." I heard Rui say, but I was too busy with my thoughts that I even forgot Rui's presence. I wanted to take a glimpse at Rui before he leaves the room, but my whole body failed me. Why is this happening? Why are you staring at me like that, Domyoji? Why?

I don't know how I'll feel,
tomorrow, tomorrow
I don't know what to say,
tomorrow, tomorrow,
Is a different day,
tomorrow,

"Makino…" His slender body was already moving to my direction. Eyes set on mine. I never thought I'd be able to see those great brunette eyes of his.

It's always been up to you,
It's turning around,
It's up to me,
I'm gonna do what I have to do,
just don't

"Yo!" He said soothingly. "Makino…" His voice started to echo all over the place.

"Makino…."

"Makino….?"

I opened my eyes when I felt somebody was gently shaking my hand.

"You fell asleep.". He said delicately, hand still holding mine, and eyes gazing at mine. "Are you awake now?" He asked.

I sat properly and realized that I was still in Rui's car. Was that just a dream?

"Yo?" He waved his other hand in front of my face. "Are you alright?" He asked anxiously.

"I –yes… I'm alright. Why did you ask?" My voice was a bit whiny.

He smiled, let go of my hand and then he leaned his back on the driver's seat. "I though you had a bad dream about Domyoji…" He whispered without looking at me.

"Domyoji?" Did I call out his name while I was sleeping? Oh shit!

"Yes." He turned his head a little to face me. "You called out his name quite a lot…" His voice was weak, but then he handled to smile. "What was the dream about?" He suddenly asked, eyes still locked on mine.

I looked away from him gaze and looked at the front mirror just to avoid his eyes. "I – I didn't dream of him…" I said blankly. I felt him looking away and leaned his back on the driver's seat again. I moved my eyes a little and saw him looking up. I slightly moved my head to see him properly. He looked down after he took a long mouthful of air, and then said, "You must be missing him…" His voice was soft that I hardly heard him.

"Well, let's just go inside. He might be waiting for us." Rui said with a smile. When he was about to reach and open the door, I stopped him by grabbing his arm with both hands. It didn't actually grab it, I just touched them.

He turned a little and looked at me. "Hm?"

"Whose place is this?" I asked, hands still on his arm. My heart started to thump faster and faster.

He smiled and then said, "It's Sojiro's." My eyes widened when he said that. Nishikado's? But he's still away and wouldn't be here until next week.

"What? Is he back?" He seemed surprise with my reaction.

"Yes… Remember we went to the airport before going here?"

I almost dropped my mouth wide open. Now I remember what happened before I fell asleep.

"He arrived 45 minutes ago. You guys have just missed him."

"Sojiro." Rui called Nishikado and gave him a nice warm hug. "How have you been?" Rui asked. It was obvious that they've missed each other. How long was he actually gone? Hm, 6 months?

"Hey, Makino. What's up?" Nishikado asked with a grin.

"Great." I said. Was that right?

"Whoa Whoa Whoa… so you didn't miss me, huh?" His hands were both inside his pockets. "So how was everything while I was away?" Nishikado and Rui sat down on the sofa, so I did too.

"Everything was fine. No need to worry about anything." Rui said as he cross his leg. "And you?"

"Fine…" His voice went solemn. And then he looked at me. "And you? I heard you moved in into a new house."

How did he find out about that? I looked at Rui who was sitting comfortably with his crossed leg.

"Come on, Makino. Don't tell me you don't like the place. I heard Rui decorated your room himself." This really startled me. Rui did what? Did Nishikado just say Rui decorated my room –himself?

"Hey Rui, seems like Makino's not touched. Maybe you should go and redecorate the place." I wasn't sure if Nishikado's serious or just seriously fooling around.

I looked at Rui, and he was smiling again.

"What's going on? I thought you'd be back by next week?" I changed the topic.

Nishikado beamed. "I was just in the mood to go back. Why, aren't you happy to see me?"

"Uh? Oh… of course I do. –Does Yuuki know about this?" My question appeared to startle him a little bit. His face went grim and then leaned on the sofa.

"She doesn't have to know everything about me, Makino." Is he serious? What happened to the Nishikado I thought Yuuki managed to adjust? "I have my own life, and she has hers'." He said gravely. I turned to look at Rui who seemed to be rather thinking about something else.

"What do you mean?" I asked him frankly. I can't take this. I don't want to know that he has changed his mind about Yuuki.

"What do you mean, Makino?" He asked. "You know my behavior…." He reached for his drink on top of the European-style center table. "For me, women are like a cup of tea. The good taste doesn't stay long." He said firmly before taking a sip of his drink.

"What are you saying? Are you telling me that you just played with Yuuki?!" I was furious. My fists were sturdily closed.

He put the glass down and said, "What if I tell you…. Yes? Will that make you better?" He was making my blood boil. Who does he think he is to play with people's hearts? Who does he think he is to hurt Yuuki?

"And besides, Yuuki isn't just my cup of tea." He said.

"That's enough…" Rui said and then he put back his glass on the table that made a noise. "We'll leave now." He stood up. "I'm glad you're back." Rui added. I took a glimpse at Nishikado and then stood up as well.

We left Nishikado's house and both got inside Rui's car. When he started the engine, he said something like. "A human heart is a mystery…"

I was stunned. What made him say that? What made him that emotional?

"Don't you think so too, Makino?" He looked at me and then smiled. "Don't think too much... –Just follow your heart, and everything will be alright."

Just follow my heart, and everything will be alright… But how will I follow my heart if I don't even know what it says?

"Are you sure he invited me? I can't believe he's already back" Yuuki asked. She was very happy when she heard that Nishikado invited her to his birthday party. I wonder how ill she reacts if she sees him again… changed.

"I can't wait to see him again… Are you sure he'll like my dress?" She asked me and then she turned around for me to see the back of her long black dress that was given to her by Nishikado. She looks lovelier with that dress on.

"Only a blind man wouldn't look at you." I was startled to see Rui standing next to the open door. "Are you girls ready?" He added. Yuuki smiled when she heard Rui's flattering remark.

"Yes we are ready." I answered. I looked at Yuuki and then looked at Rui just to see him glancing at me.

"You look wonderful…" He said sweetly that made me turn as bright and as red as tomato. I heard Yuuki laugh.

"Uh… Thank you."

Later at Nishikado Manor

The lobby was filled with wealthy people, and the classical music makes the place comforting. Some were drinking, some were eating and some were just talking.

"Tsukushi, I can't find Sojiro. Can you see him?" Yuuki asked; neck stretched, hoping to spot Nishikado that way.

"Are you guys looking for me?" We did not know that Mimasaka was standing behind us. I turned around and saw him smiling widely. He was wearing black tuxedo that fits him pretty well. This is the first time I've seen him in formal attire.

"So, uhm… He's still looking for Sojiro??" Mimasaka asked. I turned to face Yuuki who was still hoping to see Nishikado. "Tch, I don't even know why he invited her here…" He said softly as he gazes at her.

"Huh? What do you mean?" I asked him. "Do you know where Nishikado is?"

He nodded his head and then said, "But he said he'll be here." He smiled and then finally stopped looking at Yuuki. "Where's Rui?" He abruptly asked.

"Oh, he said he can't make it tonight…" I answered.

He nodded and began to walk. I was stunned when he stopped in front of Yuuki, and said, "May I have this dance?" he asked her tenderly as he stretches his hand in front of Yuuki. My eyes almost popped out when I saw this. Yuuki bit her lower lip and looked at Akira before putting her hand on his.

So long to you my love
Don't be afraid to run away
I know you'll be okay
Just take your time to find

The several lights were turned off as the next song started to play. Some people began dancing and some were just watching. Mimasaka put his hands around Yuuki's waist, while her hands rested on his broad shoulder. And then Mimasaka whispered something to her that made her blush and smile.

But I need you here tonight
I need you here inside
I need you here tonight
I really, really need you here tonight

"They look good together… don't they?" I heard a familiar voice. I turned around and saw Nishikado. He was wearing a white tuxedo and sky-blue necktie. His hair was shinny and black; making him like one of those Hollywood stars.

Made up my mind on this
Too late for me to hold you back
Maybe too short or dumb
To cry for you but I will anyway

"Nishikado…" I've never seen him like this before. His eyes were almost watery, but the winking made the water somehow disappear. Is it because he's seeing Yuuki with another man –with Mimasaka Akira?

It's all my fault
To feel this way for you that day
I know I am and I will
Though it's wrong, so wrong

I looked at Yuuki and Mimasaka and then looked at Nishikado. His eyes were closed and lips slightly apart; that later on made a smile. He turned around and began to walk away.

Cause I need you here tonight
I need you here inside
I need you here tonight
I really, really need you here

"Nishikado!" I was not sure if I shouted or whispered his name, but I was sure that I have to follow him.

I need you, I need you
I need you here inside
I need you I need you
I really, really need you here

Lobby Patio

Because of the crowd, I had a little problem catching up on him. Good thing that he was the only one with white tuxedo. He was standing alone, though his back was facing me, I knew that he wasn't pleased.

"Nishikado…" I walked to him and saw his face. It was impassive. What is he thinking now? I was about to speak again when he turned and face me. He smiled.

"If you're hungry, you can get some food on the buffet table." He said and then leaned his back on the think fence while his hands are inside his pockets.

"What?" I asked him. I was in fact surprised with the sudden change of his mood.

"Come one, Makino. I know you're here because of the food, and not because it's my birthday." He said blankly, eyes fixed on the floor and lips closed.

"Yuuki's---"

"I know… she's here. I invited her, remember?" He answered promptly. He lifted his head up and let out a short gasp. "She looks lovely on the dress I gave her…" He whispered. I though he doesn't want Yuuki and that she's not his cup of tea. How come he's so depressed?

"Do you love her?" I couldn't help but ask. I know he's not a cheesy person, but I've got to know his true feelings for Yuuki. He looked down again and began to grit his teeth. "Nishikado?" I lowered my head a little just to take a quick glimpse at him. His eyes was almost drowning in tears.

He licked his upper lip and then turned around. He took his hands out of his pockets and placed them on top of the fence. "I don't…" He said frankly. "I don't…know…" Now he was holding on onto the fence. He closed his eyes and then opened them back again.

"When I was in California, I couldn't get myself to stop thinking of her. I called her almost every hour… every time I wake up, before I leave the house… and also before going to sleep. I wanted to hear her voice before I start and end my day… and then suddenly – everything changed. I know this might sound crazy… but I thought I saw Yuuki in California."

"What?" I couldn't believe what he said. Yuuki in California?

"But that wasn't her… of course that wasn't her. She wouldn't be walking on the road while holding another man's hand… right, Makino?" He faced me and then said, "Yuuki would never do that…" He said softly and then turned away.

"And then I thought to myself… what if… that was really Yuuki? What if I really saw her with another man? What will I do? Just imagining her with another man makes my blood boil… I felt like I wanted to kill anybody who dares touch her skin… I want to make her happy… I want her for only for myself… --but I realized that she's not mine… and she will never me mine… She has her own life… she can do whatever she chooses to…" His voice was severe. He paused for a while and then he continued, "I know the day will come that she will realize I'm not worth her love… She would find another man… somebody who could really make her happy… somebody who could give her all his time and all his love… somebody –somebody who's not me."

"Nishikado…"

TBC

A/N: Waaaa… chapter five is next and Tsukasa isn't here yet. Huhuhu

az09 – Thank your comments and help. I really owe you a lot. wink

attitudetwinz – Did you enjoy? Hehe

sakurak155 – You thought he's back? Gomen. :) But I'm sure he'll be ---soon.

Tsuka-kushi-lover – First of all, I really like your username. It's so cute. Second, thank you for commenting. :)

WishingStar436 – Sorry again. :)