A/N: One American cultural term to note: In major league baseball, if a player is injured he's put on the DL (disabled list) and removed from the team roster so they can add a healthy player to replace him. So, being 'on the DL' in this context is slang for injured and therefore removed from the action. Not to be confused with the slang term 'keeping something on the DL' (down low) which means to keep something secret. Got it? Okay, we'll move on.

Chapter 4

May 22, 2013

When Kate arrived at the precinct late afternoon to get a personal update for the first time in several days, she was met with an unprecedented number of cops and feds milling about her 'house.' A detective who looked familiar was sitting at her desk. Normally she'd feel territorial but she didn't mind the intrusion since numbers equaled forward progress. With West's empire crumpling, more avenues of fraud, coercion and murder were being discovered daily. Some of the criminals folded and tried for leniency by offering cooperation, others attempted to flee and so all available resources were being employed to apprehend the major players as quickly as possible.

She paused before joining the hive of activity to reflect on the years she'd spent alone in front of her personal white board, feeling that it was she against an unknown foe and the establishment that rebuffed her. She never envisioned that so many man-hours would be committed on her mother's behalf, or that her private quest for justice would end in closure for so many more victims who had been brushed aside when their cases grew cold.

Ryan and Esposito rushed out of the break room then veered off their original course towards her. She smiled at them, wondering how many times they'd filled their coffee mugs over the past week.

It was obvious that Ryan needed to be cut off. His eyes were bloodshot and he couldn't stand still. He uttered a greeting in one breath, "Hey-Beckett-we-just-found-out-that-a-few-more-congressmen-were-in-West's-pocket-and-there-is-a-bigger-mob-connection-than-we-thought-so-Organized-Crime-has-claimed-a-stake-as-well." He indicated towards her desk.

"Staked a claim, Bro." Esposito narrowed his eyes at his partner to warn him to cover the hyper enthusiasm that only surfaced when caffeine overdoses were masking sleep deprivation.

Ryan proceeded only slightly slower, "Yeah, that. There's cover-up after cover-up. Even though it's a mad house in here, everyone's playing nice and getting results."

Beckett squeezed her eyes shut and pressed her thumb and forefinger along her brow then asked, "Guys, when's the last time you slept?"

Espo crossed his arms. "We've slept. Ryan's just excited because he's made new friends."

"Yeah, Beckett, we're good!"

She narrowed her eyes, slipping into interrogation mode. "Let me rephrase that. When's the last time you slept in your own beds?"

Esposito's curt response was, "Irrelevant."

"Right." Ryan yawned but tried to switch topics. "How's Aquaman?"

"Whiny." She couldn't help but smile. Truth be told, Castle had been surprisingly patient considering everything.

Espo commented, "Better than dead."

"Yeah." Beckett agreed on a heavy exhale.

"How are you doin', Beckett?" Ryan asked.

"Better than dead."

She turned towards the white board. Since the Feds had brought their own fancy hi-tech murder board, Team Beckett's simple one held only pictures of West's victims who were connected to the 12th to serve as motivation, not that it was needed. She saw her picture from when she first made detective next to her mother's driver license ID photo, along with shots of Castle and Montgomery. Sutton was also on the board even though most people didn't know there was a more personal connection than him saving the precinct favorite.

Kate stared at her own picture and considered taking it down. She hated being categorized as a victim, especially so publicly. Her eyes then shifted to her mother's photo. Johanna Beckett never took a bad picture. Kate wondered why she had wasted so many hours searing that crime scene photo of her in her mind when she could have spent that time remembering her mother happy and alive. When someone mentioned Johanna Beckett, her daughter's first thought was of her death, rather than her life.

Kate was suddenly hit with the wrongness of it all.

People always commented that she was the spitting image of her mother. Looking at her own picture juxtaposed with her mother's confirmed the similarities, but it also highlighted the differences. Both women were attractive but Johanna seemed almost idealistically confident whereas Kate could see a sober determination in her neutral expression.

She wondered if that was what others still saw. She knew if she looked any more peaceful than that it was only because of the meddling man smiling in the picture next to her.

She fingered her husband's face, which was an enlarged color copy of the headshot from his book cover. Even before she'd known him personally, she thought that particular expression betrayed mischievous thoughts. She spent more than a few moments staring at his book jackets throughout the years; first wondering what it would be like to meet him and eventually adoring the man she married.

"Detective Beckett." Gates' unmistakable voice cut through her thoughts. "A word, please."

Kate turned to her team.

"No idea, Beckett." Espo replied to her unspoken question.

Ryan yawned again. "Make sure you suggest that she gets some sleep, too. She'll like that."

Epso smacked the back of Ryan's head.

"What? Captain's been here as much as we have!"

"Seriously, Bro, you need to work on being subtle."

When Kate reached Gates' office, Jordan Shaw stood and gave her a look that was sympathetic without being patronizing or laced with pity. They shook hands, which seemed too formal for what they'd gone through together, but Kate appreciated her professionalism.

"I was hoping that the next time I'd see you would be at a 'women in law enforcement' seminar."

"Likewise."

"How's your writer?"

"Better."

"Glad things got less complicated," She slyly added, "or more complicated depending on how you look at it."

Kate smiled at the warm exchange and lifted her ring finger, "Yeah. I'm stuck with him now."

"I heard. Congratulations."

Gates cleared her throat. If what Ryan said was true, Detective Beckett knew her captain had been running herself as ragged as the rest of them and was only interested in forward movement to maximize the productivity of her waking moments.

"Detective Beckett, I gather that you've worked with FBI Agent Jordan Shaw before." It was obvious that Gates already knew this but she had needed an opening.

Shaw kept facing Kate as she replied to Gates, "Actually, Detective Beckett and Mister Castle are the only reasons I'm still alive."

"Well then that should make this easier."

Kate looked from one woman to the other; both seemed hesitant to broach the real purpose of the meeting.

Kate beat them to the punch. "This isn't a social call, I take it. So I assume you're here to take over the joint investigation then officially transfer jurisdiction to the FBI?"

"I am." Shaw studied Beckett before giving her the difficult but direct explanation. "I'm sorry, Kate, but you're too close to this one. Your team has been incredibly helpful, but since you're in the middle of this, they wouldn't be perceived as objective if the Twelfth keeps the lead. We can't risk a mistrial. You know how it goes."

She did, but it still hurt.

Shaw saw how torn, but also how exhausted her friend was. It was a weary state that only came from a burden borne for years. Kate addressed her, "I know I can't fight the transfer, but thank you for the heads-up."

Shaw knew that this acceptance was huge for Kate. Last time their paths had intersected Kate had relentlessly stayed on the case even though she had been the intended target. Now she was expected to cede control in a case in which she had been personally entrenched for over a decade. The Agent looked amused and even a bit proud.

"Kate, you know this is personal to me. He tried to kill you two years ago and for that alone he's going down. That and Castle finally grew on me so the two rounds Maddox put in him didn't help my opinion of West either."

Gates smirked, revealing that she felt the same way.

Kate looked through the open blinds to the bullpen. "Jordan, it's okay, really. I don't want this pressing on them, or Castle or, " She turned around and indicated towards Gates, "you, Sir, for any longer than necessary. Thank you for all you've done, Captain. I'm not sure I've said that outright. If not I should have before now."

Gates gently replied, "You've had more important things on your mind, Detective. But I do make it a point to take care of my own." She shook her head then admitted, "And that does include Mister Castle."

"Don't worry, I won't tell him how much you care."

Kate smiled realizing that she and Gates were having a moment, sort of. Close enough.

Gates asked, mainly for Beckett's sake, "What's the timetable, Agent Shaw?"

"We'll be here for a few more days but within a week you'll have your house back in order, Captain. I will personally keep you posted, Beckett, and I'll keep your team close since they still have information that might be useful. But I won't allow your sidekicks into the Agency until they lose the bags under their eyes. Consider it a professional courtesy."

"Thank you. They're choosing not to obey my order to go home, maybe they'll listen to you."

She noted that Shaw had not mentioned her future involvement with the FBI. But Jordan had the ability to read her so before Kate could ask, she offered, "Detective Beckett, you've been invaluable. We have your statements, notes and all the information you and your team have documented. You uncovered the backbone of the widest political investigation since Watergate. You got us perfectly positioned. You found the tip of the iceberg, now it's our job to chip away at the rest."

Kate wanted to be able to just walk away and not look back, but it felt like she was suddenly missing the emotional equivalent of a limb.

"You're dismissing me from the investigation entirely?"

"Not entirely. You might be called to testify in Maddox, Markaway or West's trials, but that will be a ways off with how complex each case is."

"Is there any way I can help in the meantime?"

Shaw suggested, "Take care of Castle, get some sleep, breathe easier knowing it's over."

Kate looked to Gates who nodded fixedly.

Detective Beckett knew she had no recourse. She nodded to each woman, then left the office and headed for her team's area. She reached over Esposito and powered down his computer then before he had time to protest she was doing the same with Ryan's.

"Come on, guys, you're riding home in style."

Esposito rubbed an eye, admitting he was in fact, very tired. "Ferrari?"

Kate rolled her eyes. "No, but it's better than a cab or a squad car. Do you even care right now?"

"Nope." Ryan answered while he stood and stretched. They followed her into the elevator then through the front door of the precinct where a ride from the car service awaited.

The men flanked their boss in the back seat and Ryan fell asleep immediately and his head tipped onto her shoulder.

Esposito commented, "Look at our little Honeymilk. He's so adorable when he drools during naptime." Kate nearly laughed. He waited a moment then asked seriously, "You booted off the case?"

"Looks that way." She leaned her head back and blew out a heavy breath, not even sure what to think or how to feel any longer. She tilted her head slightly so that her cheek rested on Kevin Ryan's hair. Espo was right. Kevin was pretty adorable when he slept.

"You did good, Beckett." She closed her eyes but Espo didn't back down. "Kate, she'd be proud of you. All the justice that'll be served – it's all because of you."

She sighed and thought of all they had gone through together. "Thanks, Espo." She glanced sideways at him. "But it wasn't just me, and it wasn't without casualties." Her eyes closed again and she swallowed thickly.

"Always half-empty with you, isn't it?" He teased wanting to lighten her mood.

"Yeah, well, I married 'half full' so someone has to balance him out."

"I think you mean 'put him in his place.' He's so whipped. Ryan and I revoked his man card years ago."

"Does Ryan even have a man card?"

"Took his away the day he wore his two week anniversary tie."

"Good call."

"I heard that." Ryan mumbled. "But, Espo's right, Kate. Your mom'd be proud. We're proud, right, Bro?"

"Yeah, yeah. Go back to sleep before we need tissues, you sap."

"That's what you get from taking my man card." Ryan said through a yawn then his head grew heavier on Kate's shoulder and she rested against Ryan's hair once again. As Esposito looped her arm through his elbow she realized his warning to Ryan was too late, she was already dangerously close to needing tissues.

Castle walked into Sutton's room, and instead of starting their daily episode of Stargate; Rick decided he needed to hear the assurances that Kate and his mother had been insisting on believing. He hadn't wanted to upset the man before he was stronger, but Rick would be discharged in a few days and he needed answers.

"Is it okay if we skip a trip through the Stargate for now?"

"Sure." He conjured his poker face to cover his fear of what his son was going to say. As an agent he had survived enemy interrogations, but this was only the third time he had felt truly gripped with fear of the unknown. The first time was when he first met Richard at the 12th just weeks ago and the second was when he waited at a hotel café for a sniper to show and take aim at his son and daughter-in-law.

Over the years, while Sutton had learned to school his expressions, Richard had too much of his mother's emotional flair to do the same. He looked pained, and his father worried that it was due to the guilt of trying to let an injured man out of his life gently.

Castle sat, then ran a finger along the edge of a side table and looked at its progression rather than meet his father's eyes. "I need you to tell me the truth. After spending my whole life not knowing about you, I think I deserve that much."

"Of course." Sutton's heart was racing. It was the first somewhat accusatory thing Richard had said to him since the shooting.

"Are you going to stay? I mean after your leg heals and you're back to your normal life. Because if you aren't, it's okay, but you need to tell me so I know what to expect."

Sutton didn't have more than a second to answer before Castle cut short his thoughts, "After everything you've done for us in the past few weeks, you don't owe us anything. You didn't exactly ask for me - for this, I mean." He looked around the room, everywhere but his father, trying to insinuate that Sutton could blame leaving on the circumstance if it made it easier. "No one will think less of you if you take time to regroup then . . . go."

Sutton still looked impassive as his mind was racing. The fact his son has used 'us' instead of 'me' made him realize that Richard was trying to give him an out by making any rejection seem less personal. That thought doubled Sutton's guilt. He pressed his lips tightly, but that was his only tell. Castle couldn't bring himself to look at him for longer than a glance.

What have I done to this boy?

He knew exactly what he had done and would live with that regret for the rest of his life. But to sit here and be told by the son he abandoned that it was okay for him to walk out on his life for a second time? That showed him first what an incredibly selfless man sat before him, and second, that Richard may never really trust him. He'd always wonder if his father would be around or disappear for work or personal reasons, or personal reasons disguised as work.

"Richard . . . I . . . "

Castle glanced out the window, trying his best to hold it together.

"It's okay, really, Sutton. I'm just glad I got to know you. You saved Kate and I'll always be thankful for that. I'll be by tomorrow." He leaned on his right side to get out of the chair, thankful for the distraction of physical pain but before he made much progress a sound stopped him.

"No."

Rick glanced at his father. Sutton's watery eyes drifted to his and he said, "Son, if you want me to go, I will, but I will never choose to leave you again. What relationship we have, or don't have is entirely up to you. I chose to walk into your life, Richard, but you get to write the rest of our story."

Both men were still, hearts racing in the wake of anxiety. Castle nodded slightly, but kept his expression guarded as he clarified. "I want you to stay, but only if it's what you want. You need to be sure, though. I'd rather you say you'll leave in a week than believe you'll stay then have you change your mind in a month."

He quietly but firmly replied, "There is no way I would lose you twice." They stared at each other, both feeling that there should be some way to seal the moment, but a hug was still an awkward notion, a handshake too formal so neither one could settle on what was appropriate.

Castle swiped at his eyes but his voice stayed even, "What will you do once you're released? Where will you go?"

"I still have my position at the CIA, although I'll be on the DL for a while. Even though I prefer being called 'Special Agent Sutton' rather than "Assistant Director Sutton,' my days of covert ops are over. My most formidable enemies have been neutralized or have been dormant for long enough to give me peace, I hope." His mouth almost twitched up in a rueful smile. "For once I might just settle down and live a normal life."

His son's lips hitched at one side. "Well, if you stick around you'll realize that life around here is anything but normal. If that's what you want then you might want to rethink the company you're choosing to keep."

Rather than laughing along, Sutton met his comment with his own fears. "Richard, I wake up each morning and wonder if it will be the day that you come to your senses. You should resent me by all rights and I can't for the life of me figure out why you don't, or at least why you're not showing it."

Castle ran a hand through his hair and exhaled. "Believe me, I did resent you the first time we met and honestly, I can't say that I'm completely over it, but I want to be. It's not human nature to flip a switch and be suddenly okay with something this big." He held up his hand before Sutton could agree or apologize again. "But, regardless of all that, I like spending time with you and I want you to be around. I'm sure it will take a while to work through everything but I hope there will be a day when any hard feelings will be reduced to a footnote in our past."

"I'd like that." He gave his son an appraising look. "I just don't get how I can be so lucky, even for the little time we've had." He cleared his throat, "I want to stay in New York as long you're okay with it. I want to be in your life, and your mother's as long as she'll have me."

"Then stay, Dad."

Sutton felt relieved but there was still more on his mind. "Richard, what about Alexis?"

Castle sighed, knowing his daughter was still trying to reconcile this drastic change in their lives. While she had been polite, she was suspicious of her long lost grandfather and believed that it was just a matter of time before he left them. "She's always been a bit guarded when it comes to outsiders." Castle grimaced at his own insensitive word choice. "What I mean is that she doesn't like to see people she loves get hurt. You have to understand that since we divorced, Meredith has flitted in and out of Alexis' life, making promises and breaking them." He didn't admit how much it hurt him that he could never be enough to make up for that serial rejection. Nothing he ever said or did changed Meredith's behavior towards their daughter. So he knew exactly from where Alexis' caution stemmed. "Suffice it to say that trust issues run in the family."

"I'm sorry for my part in that."

"I know, but it's more than that. She's seen me in some dark places before and she worries about me more than a daughter should worry about a father. She'll come around, but it will take longer for her. She needs time to work through it"

"Is there a precedence for hope that I'll get a toe in the door one day?"

He smiled at his dad and held up his ring finger. "Yeah."

"You and Kate had a rough patch?"

"You have no idea. She left the city after she was shot by Maddox. No contact for months and I nearly let it destroy me. Alexis was there for the fallout and she resented Kate enough for the both of us."

"They seem to have worked it out. You'd never know there was ever that kind of friction."

"That's because they are both remarkable women. It wasn't easy on either side, but Kate worked hard to earn Alexis' trust." He shrugged his right shoulder then continued. "They worked at it and after about six months things were okay, then better. Finally, I left for a book tour and they bonded over a broken arm and Alexis' crush on O'Riley, all in my absence. Since then they've been thick as thieves. Alexis is a tough cookie," He smiled at Sutton, "But once she vets you, you're in and she'll lose the grudge forever."

"Well, looks like I have much more work to do than just physical therapy."

There was a pause then Rick said, "Dad,"

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad you think she's worth it."

Sutton knew projection when he heard it and reassured his son. "She's always been worth it, Richard, I'm just afraid she's stuck with a fool for a grandfather who didn't have the sense to step in sooner."

"You're here now."

"And I'm sticking around."

"With Mother, too, huh?"

"That weird for you, Richard?"

"Yeah," He gave his father and appraising look then added, "but I know she's done worse."

Sutton laughed. "Well, thanks for that vote of confidence."

Castle picked up the remote and declared, "So, where were we? PC3-2X4?"

"Sounds right about."

For once neither man paid any attention to the show, they each replayed their conversation in their minds and took turns glancing at the other. Castle finally could entertain a deeper hope that their relationship would be permanent. He had prepared himself for being rejected, but not for the rush of emotion that came from being wanted.