"Jonathan," murmured Tetch's voice later that night, waking Crane from a very solid sleep.
He sat up, rubbing his eyes. "Yes? What is it, Jervis?" he yawned.
"Would you like to join me for a cup of tea?"
Crane glanced at his watch. "At 3 A.M.?" he asked. "Hardly traditional teatime, Jervis."
"Time is immaterial," murmured Tetch. "Just a construct, a silly, nonsensical, random association of numbers, nothing more. I was accused of murdering Time at the Queen of Hearts's concert, you know, just before the March Hare went mad. And ever since then, Time means nothing to me. If there is no Time, there is no loss. For all that we lose, we lose in Time. I am done with it, Jonathan. If there is no Time, Alice will never be late, and she mustn't be late, you know. Not because of me. The late Alice. Late."
"And I can't sleep, you know," he carried on hastily. "Just in case someone tries to make me do terrible things again. So I have prepared a small tea party in my cell. I would be honored if you would join me."
Crane sighed heavily, trying to wake himself up. This went above and beyond the call of friendship, he thought, as he picked the lock on his cell door and entered Tetch's next door. A single candle burnt on a makeshift table, next to a pot of tea, two china cups, and a small plate of biscuits.
"Sit down – make yourself comfortable," said Tetch, gesturing to the pillow opposite where he was seated. "I'm sorry it's not a more sumptuous feast, but a poor lunatic must make do with what he can."
He poured Crane a cup of tea, handing it to him. "This is very kind of you, Jervis," said Crane slowly, as he drank. "But I wonder if your time mightn't be better spent trying to trace the malefactor who has your mind control equipment."
"I've told you, Jonathan, I am through with Time," replied Tetch. "I have banished it, so let us not speak of it again. Besides, trying to begin an investigation would be futile. I don't have a single lead."
"But perhaps if you escaped from here, you could return to our apartment and see if you could find any clues as to who might have stolen…"
"And perhaps if I escaped from here and tried to trace the culprit, he or she would very easily take control of my mind again and order me to jump in the river," interrupted Tetch. "I daren't break out – if I die, there will be no one to die for Alice."
"Look Jervis, I understand it's difficult, but at times like these, we must think rationally," murmured Crane. "We must use our brains if we are ever to catch the person responsible for…"
"Thought you didn't have a brain, Scarecrow!" chuckled a voice. "Thought that's why you were off to see the Wizard, the Wonderful Wizard of Oz! I hear he is a whiz of a wiz, if ever a wiz there was!"
They both turned to see the Joker entering the cell, whistling. "What the devil are you doing here?" demanded Crane.
"Yes, you've not been invited to the party, and it's rude to come to a party without being invited, you know," snapped Tetch.
"Aw, c'mon, boys, it ain't a party without the Joker!" he laughed. "The whole thing's no fun without me!"
"Well, there's no room for you anyway," retorted Tetch, pouring himself another cup of tea.
Joker kicked over the table, sending dishes crashing and tea spilling everywhere. "There is now," he said calmly, sitting down the floor and smiling. "Now, whatcha got in the way of snacks? Oooh, cookies!" he exclaimed, seizing one of the biscuits that had fallen onto the floor and popping it into his mouth.
"My…tea set," murmured Tetch, staring at the broken china in horror. He picked up the pieces with trembling hands as tears came to his eyes. "You destroyed my tea set."
"Nah, that ain't destroyed," said Joker, glancing at it. "Little glue will fix that no problem. This is destroyed," he said, grabbing the pieces from him and smashing them on the ground again, and then standing up and jumping up and down on the remains, laughing hysterically.
"For God's sake, stop!" shouted Crane. "Are you trying to drive him mad?!"
"Oh, don't be so melodramatic, Johnny," said Joker, waving his hand. "Can't drive someone mad who's mad already, everyone knows that! Anyway, Hatty can handle it – he's got a great mind, or so everyone says. Far too great to be broken by tragedy, ain't that right, Hatty?" he asked, turning to him and patting him on the head.
"Why don't you just tell me what you're doing here and go, before I goudge out your eyes with a tea spoon?" muttered Tetch between clenched teeth.
Joker chuckled. "Now you're starting to speak my language, Hatty!" he laughed, sitting back down. "Got another cookie?"
Tetch glared at him, handing him another biscuit. "Thanks, Tetchy, you're a pal," he said. "I'm here 'cause I wanna hear more about your mind control theory. I'm really interested in it."
"Why?" snapped Tetch.
Joker shrugged, popping the biscuit into his mouth. "Simple, really. Because Harley just tried to kill me."