A/N: I'll just plunk this here…

Dreamweaver
Chapter 4

I thought that if I tried to frighten Mai away, I might be able to go back to hating myself. The only problem was, Mai wasn't afraid of me.

She kept brining me dinner, kept staying late. Sometimes we talked, sometimes we didn't. I thought that eventually she would grow tired of just sitting by my side. Part of me hoped she would. She was gentle with me, but unrelenting, and I soon came to realize I'd found myself in Natsuki's position…or what I assumed her position had been when I first met her.

I just wanted to be in my own little world. I wanted that tiny bubble of personal space that didn't belong to anyone, or anything. I wanted to push away anything that might bring me any joy. In spite of my greatest efforts to be alone, I was thwarted at every turn. There was this strange person, trying to get to know me, urging me to open up around her. At first it was so bothersome I found myself agitated and restless. Eventually though, I came to the conclusion that I didn't exactly hate it.

Not entirely.

It became a strange kind of game. How much could I avoid her, how much could she wear me down? Mai was both aggravatingly kind, and comfortingly unwavering. I could say anything to her. I felt as if I could push her, and she wouldn't budge, wouldn't flee in terror. I tried throwing some of my best tactics at her, and all she did was smile and continue to eat…even when I managed to get her to frown or to sigh at me, she wouldn't hide.

In fact, she only seemed to get closer. It got to the point that I almost…almost…wanted her to.

…

Shizuru still hadn't found the strength to contact Natsuki. Things were too raw, too uneasy. A call wouldn't heal any of the pain between them. Even so, she continued to amuse Mai's whims, finding a strange sort of comfort in violet eyes.

When had their conversations began to shift from casual things and into deeper, more fragile truths?

Shizuru wasn't sure. She racked her brain over it, coming up empty. Even so, she found herself drawn to Mai intently. The woman told of sins unimaginable. Yet, even they seemed redeemable as they slipped from Mai's soft lips. Her voice carrying regrets as well as tiny trickles of hope.

It was something inspiring, though Shizuru didn't want to believe it. "A battle such as what you describe isn't exactly a new thing to me." Shizuru said slowly as listened to Mai's tale. "I wish I could be bothered, but honestly, I feel nothing more than mild understanding. Your sins are not greater than mine."

"I'm not trying to freak you out." Mai said quietly, an insistent glance stabbing into Shizuru. "I'm just saying, you're not the only one who went on a warpath. You're not the only one at fault."

"I can hardly call a battle with another HiME such as yourself, a warpath." Shizuru said as she sipped some tea. "What you must understand is that the damage I caused was widespread. I wanted to harm people that had nothing to do with the carnival itself."

"I would argue that." A soft heat, not unkind, found Mai's voice. "If you ask me, that's just guilt getting to you."

"Does that change the facts?" Shizuru asked then.

Mai considered that, but refused to let Shizuru walk down that line of thought. With a sigh she shook her head, going back to the story at hand. "In any case, put that aside for now." She wondered what it might have been like if some of her personal battles hadn't happened, but her memories were vivid. "We were talking about what Tate's loss represented to me at the time. In my opinion, any residual carnage was merely in the way." The clear as crystal images in her mind were enough to make her weak. "The HiME didn't ask to be HiME in the first place."

"That's true, but I refuse to think that we were entirely absolved of any and all fault." Shizuru honestly felt as if her sins were too deep, too dark, to ever be saved from them. It didn't make her feel any better to hear Mai's story. If anything, it only added to Shizuru's mindset, horrible though it might have been. "It's too complicated, too convoluted."

"Don't say that…we're all still alive." Mai returned. "It's also that simple." Even so, she understood Shizuru's lament at least on some level. "Still, when Tate disappeared before my eyes, I didn't think I'd ever see him again…I won't say that I felt particularly merciful about the world around me."

"Then, what did you feel?" The question was dark, lingering in the air. "If it was anything less than rage, you're still a better person than myself."

"I was angry…I was also hurt." Mai murmured after a moment. "Saying goodbye at the time was the closest I ever got to kissing him. I knew I cared about him, and I wanted to confess, but doing it right then would have been pointless. He was there one second, and gone the next." It seemed so easy to say now that she knew Tate was alive and well. "I didn't know what to do…I just started walking mindlessly. It was strange. I wanted to scream, but, I just couldn't." She pushed some of her red locks of hair away from her eyes, violet meeting crimson. "The next thing I remember is Natsuki grabbing me from behind, and we both just sort of crashed to the pavement. I don't even know how long we stayed like that."

"She ran after you a lot, Mai." Shizuru said quietly as a heavy sigh dragged her down. "I wasn't lying when I said that I felt that I couldn't trust her with you…or, maybe it was that I couldn't trust you." Shizuru shook her head. "It's all irrelevant now, I suppose."

"Why do you say that?" Violet eyes stayed locked on crimson, holding that surprised gaze. "Those feelings are still important, at least that's what I think."

"You only think that way because you're sentimental, you'll get hurt if you keep that up." Shizuru told her without missing a beat. She looked away, her eyes falling to the floor. "Believe me, it is better not to have that kind of mindset. As long as you keep everyone at a distance, it'll be easier."

"Sounds to me like a well-placed lie…" Mai said with a shrug as she sipped on her cup of tea. "I don't mind that. However, I can't say that I'd like to live my life that way, either."

…

Akira would have been lying if she said that she became fast friends with Natsuki.

Such a thing was impossible. A woman scorned was a dangerous thing, and Natsuki had been unquestionably harmed emotionally. She wanted distance, but she wasn't outright mean. Akira couldn't deny it, the way Natsuki saw the world was captivating.

Natsuki was down to earth, and yet strangely enough, she seemed to keep her dreams far above reachable measure. To make matters harder, Natsuki was as distant as she was wild. As guarded as she was kind. That duality in her basic nature made her seem cool and aloof, and yet, not entirely unapproachable. In fact, Akira was sure that those brave enough to step into Natsuki's comfort zone with gain a loyal friend.

However, it was equally true that Natsuki didn't seek out those friendships willingly, and so earning her attention took quite a bit of effort.

"Look, all I'm saying is that Mai means well." Akira said after inadvertently stepping on a sore spot within the pit of Natsuki's fragile emotions. "You can't blame her for trying to help."

"No, I can't." Natsuki agreed, arms crossed. "I can still be pissed about it though, and I am."

"The only reason you're so ticked off is because you can't bring yourself to face Shizuru." Akira said darkly. "I get it, and I'm not judging or anything…but Mai's not the type to sit quietly and watch her friends self-destruct."

"No." Again, Natsuki had to agree. "She's not that kind of person. That's why I'm so pissed." She forced herself to sigh as she flicked some of her long midnight hair behind her ear. "She just can't help but meddle in my problems, and you're feeding into it."

Akira just shrugged, finding even Natsuki's rage to be interesting in its own way. "I'm just drawing to pass the time." She shot back. "If you think I'm babysitting you, you've got another thing coming."

"So if I just got up and left, you wouldn't follow me?" Natsuki asked with an upraised eyebrow. "You'd let me go off on my own?"

Akira lifted her eyes to Natsuki. "I'm trained to be evasive." She thought that alone was enough of an explanation, and went back to putting pencil to paper. "If I did follow you, you wouldn't know about it."

Natsuki rolled her eyes. "Typical answer." She muttered. "I should have known."

"You haven't left yet." Akira returned, this time a tiny grin on her face. "Guess you don't really mind me being here."

Natsuki glanced back over at Akira, sighing. "That's because you sit there quietly. You don't ask questions." That was the thing Natsuki liked best about Akira. "I can deal with that."