Chapter Four:

"Good night. Maybe we'll talk again," Angela half-whispered. My eyes were on her as she paid Kathy for the food and disappeared up the stairs. "Hey, Chase!" Kathy alerted me. "Order for Trout Meuniere at table six. Get your head in the game. You seem a little off tonight."

I ignored her comment. "I'll get right on that meuniere." I whipped out the necessary utensils and ingredients. Trout Meuniere. Easy dish. Fairly popular dish. Didn't have to think much about it. I started to batter the fish and got lost in my thoughts. What had I just done? I'd just waffled on and on about my past to a girl I'd known for two days, that's what I'd done. What else did I say...? I hardly remembered what I had said. I tried replaying the conversation in my head as I dropped the trout in the frying pan.

"And to be honest, I didn't want to go… but I knew she would badger me 'til I came, so here I am."
"Tough world, isn't it? Parents that don't support their kids, death of a loved one, and being engaged to someone you don't…"

Being engaged to someone I don't... trust? Someone I don't want to be seen with? Someone I don't like to talk to?

Someone I don't love.

No, no. That couldn't be right. I wouldn't believe it. We were getting married! Of course I loved Maya! Otherwise I wouldn't have accepted her proposal! Right?

"Chase? CHASE!" the squeaky chirp rang. "What are you doing?! You're burning the fish!"

"What?" I looked down at my fish. The batter coating had turned black and smoke had started trailing up from the sides. "Oh, man..." I muttered.

"Honey, are you okay? You've been a little spacey lately. Do you want to talk about something?" She touched me on the shoulder.

Talk to her? Ohhh, no. I had no desire. But... maybe I needed it. I was over having serious talks with girls I just met. Shouldn't I be able to do that with my fiancée? "Uh, sure. We... we can talk." I put down the spatula I was going to use to flip the trout and signaled to Kathy. She came over from the table she was waiting on. "Kathy, can you handle a trout meuniere?" She nodded. "Thanks so much."
Maya and I left the kitchen and sat down at a table. "So, what's on your mind?" she started. "Ever since this morning, you've been completely off. What's up?"

"That's... that's a good question." The truth was, I didn't even know. Ever since I started talking to Angela, I'd been thinking a lot. But I didn't even know what I was thinking about. Either I was going senile at the tender age of twenty-one, or it was worth blocking out of my memory.
"Well, it's your mind, isn't it? You should know what's going on in there!" She smiled a cutesy smile and knocked on my head.

I smiled back at her. "It's probably nothing," I assured her. "I should get back to work." I stood back up, kissed her on the cheek, and started to walk toward the kitchen.

Maya grabbed my wrist. "Come on, Chase!" I sat back down. "We're engaged. We're gonna be married in two weeks! You've got to be able to talk to me."

I sighed. "I guess you're right. I..." What was I going to tell her? That it was all since Angela moved in? Was Maya the jealous type? I didn't even know! But I wasn't going to risk it.

"It's not me, is it?" she interrupted. "Did I do something? Was it something I said?"
"No, no," I reassured her. "It's just--"

"You're nervous about the wedding, aren't you?"

Yeah, that worked. I suppose, in a way, I was... but that couldn't be all. "I guess I am..."

"Oh, Chase... it's okay. Everyone gets nervous before their wedding... at least, I assume. I'm nervous." She tightened her grip on my wrist. "But I know it'll be okay."

"How do you know?"

She smiled, closing her eyes. "Because I love you. That, I'm sure of."

"I suppose you're right..." I said. And she was. She loved me.

"See? You can talk to me. Come talk to me any time you want." She got up, bent down, and kissed my left cheek. "I love you," she whispered into my ear. I reached up and half-heartedly half-hugged her with my left arm. I opened my mouth to say it back.

Nothing came out.