Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Kishimoto. Boondock Saints belongs to Franchise Pictures.
Zabuza's Revenge
"So the guy tells the bartender, I did the same thing for both of them. I dropped my pants and showed 'em my dick!"
The shinobi gathered in the small interrogation room roared with laughter as Naruto finished the joke. Naruto laughed along with them as those closest to him patted him on the back.
He spotted Sasuke chuckling in the corner, leaning against the wall. It was hard to get him to laugh (unless he was trashed), but he usually perked up in cheery atmospheres. Naruto figured it was hard not to be in a good mood with the whole police force laughing with you and congratulating you.
He didn't even see Sasuke's smirk falter as the detective he'd seen earlier burst into the room, breaking up the shinobi. "What the fuck is this!? This isn't a fuckin' tea party. Get out! Only thing I want in here is them."
As the shinobi filed out, patting Naruto and Sasuke on the backs as they left, Sasuke left the corner and sat down. Sai finished herding the shinobi out before sitting down in the chair across from them.
Naruto had been cautious around this particular detective since he'd seen the man's card. He wasn't afraid to admit that he was a bit frightened of the man who had somehow figured out everything they'd done earlier this morning without even talking to them. Or anyone else for that matter. However, he'd been nothing if not kind to them since they'd gotten to the station, so Naruto had given him the benefit of the doubt. Sasuke was still a bit wary of the man, but he was like that with everyone.
After looking the two over, Sai motioned toward the recorder on the table. "This conversation is going to be recorded. Just answer to the best of your knowledge."
However, before Sai could reach forward to press the record button, Naruto reached forward to stop him. Sai looked up in surprise, as Naruto flashed a quick grin. "Excuse me, sir. Could you give us a moment?" Sai hesitated for a second before smiling slightly and leaning back in his chair.
Naruto turned his head in Sasuke's direction, and began speaking quietly in Suna. "What do we tell him about the weapons and money?"
"We just got up and left," Sasuke said back. "Bum must have rolled them before the police got there."
Naruto smirked and turned back to Sai and spoke in Leaf. "Okay. We're ready."
Sai cocked his head at them in curiosity of the brothers' fluency of Latin, before leaning forward and pressing the record button. "You guys are not under oath, here. I am assuming you knew these two guys from before?"
Naruto raised his eyebrows, as Sasuke leaned forward and rested his head on his hands and told Sai, "We... met them last night."
Sai cocked an eyebrow. "They had some pretty interesting bandages. Know anything about that?"
Naruto glanced at Sasuke, who nodded.
Naruto stood glaring at Zabuza after having the shot glasses slapped out of their hands as Sasuke tried to reason with them. "If you want a fight, you can see you're outnumbered. We're trying to be civil here, so I suggest you take our offer."
"I make the offers, ass-hole," Zabuza spat.
Naruto lurched to the left as Kiba shoved his way past them toward Zabuza, still incredibly drunk. Naruto panicked, and reached forward to pull him back. However, Kiba had already started yelling at Zabuza, encouraged by the anger at the thought of losing his favorite bar, with some help from the pints of alcohol he'd consumed that night.
"Hey, there Zabuza," he yelled, smirking and raising his fingers in emphasis. "What would you say, if I told you that your ugly cunt of a mother sucked so much dick..."
Crack! Kiba flew back against the bar as Zabuza's fist impacted against his face. With a thud and a groan, Kiba hit the floor, knocked out. Naruto turned on Zabuza, eyes flashing red with slitting pupils in his anger as he yelled at Zabuza in Mist, "Now, that wasn't too polite, was it?"
Sasuke joined in, eyes changing into the red, spiraled shape of the sharingan in his own rage, "I'm afraid we can't let that one go, Ivan."
Zabuza and the other thugs took a step back in shock at the brothers' fluency. The other four men in the bar also looked impressed.
Naruto flashed a look at Sasuke, who smirked and said, "I don't think mom would mind." Naruto grinned as the two of them both grabbed a shot glass from the bar and downed them. In a flash, the two dropped the glasses and brought their fists up to connect with Zabuza's stomach, throwing him against the opposing wall with a crack. He fell face-first to the floor with a crunch.
In seconds the bar reduces to a brawl arena as the remainder of the drinkers launch themselves forward to assault the Mist thugs. Shikamaru and Chouji had charged the black haired man on the right, Chouji holding him while Shikamaru took swings at him with a bar stool. Neji had paralyzed the other by striking a nerve point, leaving Lee an opportunity to land a heavy punch and sending him through a table and several chairs.
Naruto, however, had been grabbed by the smaller, effeminate man and thrown and was brawling with him in the middle of the bar. Lee leapt forward in an attempt to help, only to be grabbed and held back by Sasuke. "No! Let him go! He knows what he's doing!"
Naruto lunged forward in an attempt at a swing, and found himself falling forward as his foot slipped on the beer Zabuza had thrown to the ground. With a presented opportunity, the small man grabbed the color of Naruto's coat and threw him against a wine rack. As the small man reached back into his pack to grab a weapon, Naruto reached back and grabbed two wine bottle handles, and yanked them forward to shatter them over the smaller man's head. The man dropped to the ground, unconscious and bleeding from the forhead.
There's a moment of silence in the bar before Sasuke smirked, "Nicely done, dobe!"
Naruto smiled at his handiwork. He'd been pretty good tying knots, ever since he was kid. The three lackeys Zabuza had brought with him were still unconscious, and tied to one of the support beams. They'd all taken a beating, and Naruto guessed at least the girly guy would be out for the night, and probably had a concussion. Although, he was sure the others wouldn't be up anytime soon. His friend were some of the best fighters he knew.
Zabuza however, had only been stunned, and would wake up soon, which was why he was tied facedown to the bar. In fact, he'd just started waking up as Sasuke was pouring straight Hennessey all over Zabuza's ass, the other bar patrons roaring with laughter.
Naruto looked over to the booths and grinned to see Kiba sitting up. Or trying to at least. Grabbing Kiba's arm, Naruto pulled him to his feet and led him over to the bar, where others cheered and laughed at his hit.
Kiba still had some aggression in him, it seemed, as he delivered a brutal punch to Zabuza's unguarded face, igniting another round of cheers from the bar patrons.
"Alright, boys," Sasuke said loudly, catching everyone's attention. "Now, like my fine brother says, on St. Patty's everyone's Irish. And this piece of shit," he said, pushing Zabuza's face into an ashtray, "is about to be… initiated."
With a round of applause, Sasuke lit a match, held it up for them to see, and threw it on Zabuza's backside, throwing a bright orange flame into the air. With a scream of pain, Zabuza thrashed around on the table, begging to be released.
Sasuke sat up in his bed, clutching his head. Goddamn, he hated hangovers. He winced as his hand found a soft spot on his chest where he'd been hit the night before. Sasuke grinned as memories of the previous night flooded back.
They'd let Zabuza and his men go, eventually. He'd gotten chewed out by some of his friends for letting the fire burn so long. He didn't mind what they'd said though. Anyway stupid enough to hurt his friends deserved a beating in return.
He looked around his and Naruto's little home. It was a pretty much one-room setup, with only a small hovel attached for the oven and fridge. The rest of it, shower, toilet, dressers, everything was scattered around the room. The only exits were the main door and another door leading to the roof.
Their beds were on the floor, up against the wall, under the windows on the east side of the room. Between them a small alarm clock sat next to a small picture of two boys standing beside a woman with blonde ponytails, all three of them smiling. A faint smile crept across Sasuke's lips as he glanced at it.
Naruto started to stir, and then sat up, holding his own head in pain. They looked at each other for a moment, each wearing a bathrobe covering in blood from the previous night. Then they both laughed for a moment, before clutching their heads in pain again.
Bam!
Sasuke and Naruto both jumped as the front door blew open, Sasuke turned quickly in time to see Zabuza's face before getting smashed in the face with the blunt end of a kunai. Sasuke fell to the floor with a crash, dazed.
As he tried to focus, he managed to notice that Zabuza had several bandages surrounding the burnt out area of his pants. He also saw that the effeminate man from the previous night was there as well, and had several bandages around his head. He also registered that Zabuza had dragged his limp form over to the toilet and handcuffed him to it, and was now whispering angrily into Sasuke's ear.
"I was going to kill you. But I'm not. Instead, I'm going to kill your brother." Sasuke's heart skipped a beat, as he looked over to Naruto in fear. "I'm going to take him down to the dumpster and I'm going to stab him in the throat. Then I'm going to throw his dead body in the garbage. Trash guys are coming in 10 minutes, gotta go."
He motioned to his partner, and dragged Naruto out the door, who began screaming at them, "It was just a bar fight! You guys are fuckin' pussies!"
Sasuke began screaming in pain and fear and desperation, screaming Naruto's name and throwing insults at the thugs, despite them having left the roof. In his rage, he began tearing at the toilet and pulling on the chains, desperately trying to break free. Blood flowed down his hands and fingers as the handcuffs tore into his skin, while blood flowed down his face from where Zabuza had hit him.
Naruto gasped in pain as the girly man threw him into the trash outside his home. The man walked away, scanning the alley for witnesses, as Zabuza walked forward and pointed a kunai onto Naruto's forehead, causing a stream of blood to slide down his face.
"I hope your conscience is clear, brat."
Sasuke pulled frantically at the chains, tearing his hands apart with stress. With a shattering sound and a rush of water past his feet, the toilet uprooted right out of the floor.
In his panic, Sasuke continued to carry the toilet, and took the shortest path outside: through the other door to the roof. Slamming through the door, toilet in hand, he rushed to the sill of the roof and looked over the edge, where Naruto gaped up at him in disbelief.
Without thought of his own safety, Sasuke hauled the toilet over the roof at Zabuza, and jumped off the fifth floor after it toward Zabuza's partner. With a crunch, he saw the toilet shatter over Zabuza's head moments before colliding with the smaller man.
The impact against the smaller man's spine struck a nerve, causing his arms to spasm and launching two senbon in opposing directions.
This was all Sasuke managed to see before his legs gave out under him, and his skull collided with the pavement.
As the girly man tried to get up after getting hit by Sasuke, Naruto quickly grabbed the toilet lid and swung several blows against his head. The man quickly fell to the ground and stopped moving.
Naruto quickly checked Sasuke for a pulse, then grabbed a paper sack from the garbage pile. His hands flashed through Zabuza's pockets, removing keys, weapons, money, anything of value, before hurrying over to the girly man body and doing the same.
Using the handcuff as a grip, Naruto quickly hauled Sasuke's limp body over his shoulder and ran out of the alley, desperately hurrying to a hospital.
Sai chuckled as the brothers finished their story, and they chuckled as well. "So, how is it that you guys are fluent in Mist?" he asked cautiously.
"We paid attention in school," said Sasuke with a grin.
"Know any other languages?"
"Sure," Naruto said carefully. "Our mother insisted on it. For example, Lightning. How do you think he figured all this out without talking to us?"
Sasuke looked over at Naruto and joined in. "Sound. I have no idea. Maybe someone saw and talked."
Naruto frowned, "Rock. Not in our neighborhood, man. A hundred percent Leaf. No one talks to cops. Period."
"Wave. Then I guess he's just real... real good."
Sai smiled is amazement, "What are you guys doing working at a fucking meat packing plant?"
The two laughed as Izumo entered and addressed Sai. "Ah, Agent Smecker, we have a problem."
"What?"
"The press is everywhere outside. They're going nuts for these guys. What do you want to do?"
"You're not being charged," Sai told the brothers. "It's up to you. Do you want to talk to them?"
"Absolutely not," Sasuke said simply.
"No pictures, either," Naruto added. "Any way we can stay here?"
"Sure, we have an empty holding cell," Izumo replied enthusiastically, before remembering Sai. "They can... can they stay?"
Sai smirked, "Well, we'll have to check with your mother, but it's ok with me if your friends sleep over."
Naruto and Sasuke both laughed as Izumo lowered his head in embarrassment.
Sai grinned and stood up with a sigh, "Time to feed the dogs."
Kiba fidgeted impatiently as Chief Danzao came out of the police station. He'd nearly had a heart attack when he'd heard that the goons from the bar had come back for revenge against Naruto and Sasuke, but was relieved and a bit jealous when he'd heard that they'd survived and were considered local heroes for it.
He'd gotten a call from them early in the afternoon with a request to grab some of their clothes and their crosses and bring them to the station. Kiba had tried to apologize to them for starting the fight, but Sasuke had just told him that even if he hadn't said anything, the thugs were up to no good, and would've started one anyway if they hadn't left.
Kiba had always been nervous around the police, especially after an incident he was involved in with the Sound Mob got him sent to prison for a month. He wanted to get in and out quick.
The chief of police stood at the top of the station steps as he started the news interview. Kiba perked up and listened. He'd already been told they'd gotten off on self defense, but he wanted to be sure.
"This is our official statement," Danzao started. "The brothers are not being charged with a crime. It was a clean-cut case of self defense. We have thanked them for their cooperation and we thank you, the media, for your tireless pursuit of the truth."
As the reporters pressed for details, Kiba slid around them, clutching the bag with Naruto's and Sasuke's things tightly. As he passed through the door, he received a quick look from a dark haired detective with a fake-looking smile.
Naruto roared with delight as Kiba entered the cell, running over and hugging him as he brought out their things. Kiba reached into his shirt to reveal his and Sasuke's cross necklaces. With a pat on the back from Sasuke, they invited him to play cards with them, Izumo and Kotetsu.
A/N
Woo! Another chapter done! And it only took me until 3 am to do it!
I did a tally, and unless I miss my guess, there will be 14 chapters total. So you all now have some target time of when the end is near.
This is getting tricky to write without letting the characters use guns. Also, since I'm writing this using the screenplay as the base, I keep slipping into present-tense, making me have to go back and fix everything. If you noticed I fucked up, let me know so I can fix it!
It kinda sucked killing off Haku. He's one of my favorite characters. But I lined up the characters to fit in where they could, and the role of the Russians just fit well with Zabuza and Haku.
For my (few) reviewers:
anime aficionado: Why yes, Boondock Saints does kick much ass! And I thought about having Kakashi play Smecker, but I just can't imagine him into the gay persona. Well, I can imagine it, but I just can't write it. Sai's a lot easier to write into the role.
Kiro: I know the senbon thing was a stretch. But no guns in the story, and I'm trying to follow the movie. Also, Gai as Vincenzo would be AMAZING! I can't really write Gai's dialog imaginatively enough, though. I'm just not YOUTHFUL enough. So he probably won't be in this story…. No wait, I just realized the perfect role for him! You'll see him, but it'll be awhile.