Chapter Four
"Nick?"
Natalie's voice brought me from her kitchen at just short of a run. She was sitting up on the couch, the afghan and blankets I had piled on top of her pushed down into a rumpled jumble at her feet. She was blinking in the dim light that had slipped beneath her heavy living room curtains. I paused in the doorway, giving her a minute to get her bearings.
"No. It's just me. Jack." I turned on a light and walked in slowly, bearing a coffee cup that was miraculously unaffected by my sudden sprint. I smiled as she sniffed the air appreciatively. "Don't get your hopes up. What I know about making coffee I learned from that Folgers guy on TV." I handed her the cup, noting with relief that her hands seemed fairly steady as she accepted the cup and inhaled deeply over it. I let her take a sip before I asked, "Do you remember anything about last night?"
"Not much," Nat replied, her eyes glued to the coffee cup. "Just that, once again, I was saved by my knight in shining-" She broke off, Nick's presence suddenly heavy between us. "Or did I imagine that, too?"
A year ago Natalie and I had gotten into a little trouble with a crazy man and a pack of undead revenants. It was debatable as to who had saved who back then, but I understood what she meant. "No. You didn't imagine it. I was there, on the roof. You didn't imagine anything, Nat."
"But it can't be real," she protested, her hands cupped around the coffee mug for warmth. "I mean, what happened with the two of us last year, that was weird. But the images in my head," she shook her head as if to clear it, then carefully set her cup down on the table. "Jack, it couldn't have happened. The clothes, the language—I speak a little French, but this—No. I appreciate what you're trying to do, but there is no way that these, these visions or whatever they are are real." I'm going insane, her face said plainly. Horror began to fill her face at the thought.
"They're real." I got up and walked around to face her, then sat down next to Natalie and took her hands in mine. "They're memories, Nat. They're just not yours."
###
"Nick did this." Natalie ran one hand through her snarled hair as she restlessly paced around the living room, her expression a tangle of several conflicting emotions. At the moment anger was coming out on top. "Because he loved me? No, because I loved him? Jack, that's insane! Nick and I have always been-" She broke off uncertainly. "I mean, we've, of course there was always an attraction, but-"
"But," I agreed. "I can't explain the why, Nat. The Nick I knew would never have hurt you like this in a million years. All I can say is that he did."
"I just can't believe it," Natalie replied, frowning. "I mean, I know what I remember, okay? Nick and I have worked closely together both professionally and in trying to find a cure. It never went any further than that, Jack." She sounded so sure. Whatever else he was, Nick was good at what he did.
"And the flowers?" I pointed to the white roses on the table. They were past their prime and I should have tossed them when I picked up her apartment, but at this point I'd take any memory trigger I could get. "Or the pill box you bought Nick? I could show you about a hundred emails you sent me if it would help, Nat." I was in the ludicrous position of convincing the woman I loved that she was hopelessly in love with another guy. How did I get myself into these things, anyway?
"All I know for sure is that something happened. These visions, these memories of France and London, and other places I can't even begin to identify," she shook her head. "They aren't mine. Some of them even feel like Nick, if that makes any sense, but others." She shrugged. "Nick is in them, but the feel is…different. Anger, desire, despair…some very intense stuff, Jack. But it's not Nick. And it most certainly is not me."
"We pick up things from those we drink from," I said hesitantly. "Maybe you're getting some of that second hand. All I can tell you is that you used to think differently than you do now. And that the change in your memories is what's causing your problems. I can't bring those old memories back, Nat. I wish I could." And I meant it. As much as I wanted her for myself I wanted Natalie whole more.
"I want to believe you, Jack." She turned to look at me. "What you're saying sounds so crazy, but it fits. I mean, even now I can feel," she broke off, closing her eyes and biting her lip. "Wow." After a few seconds she opened her eyes again and tried to smile. "Okay. So. How do we fix this? I want my mind back, Jack." This was the Natalie I'd fallen in love with. Pushing her hair out of her eyes, Nat stood up straight, set aside her distress, and put her mind to work. "Can another vampire undo what," she stumbled, "what Nick did?" She was still having trouble accepting that Nick would do such a thing, 'whammied' memories or not. I knew exactly how she felt. "Can you?"
"No." I shrugged and looked away. "I'm not that good, Nat. I never will be."
"But, last year-"
"Last year I reached you, yeah. When you were half crazy with that revenant's bite. And even then I never tried to change you, Nat. All I did was reinforce what you already are." A brave, strong, beautiful lady. I didn't say the words aloud, but I knew they were showing on every line of my face as I looked up at her from my place on the couch. For just a moment something flickered across Natalie's face in response that must have been my frayed nerves showing me what I wanted to see.
"Don't sell yourself short, Jack. I think there's a lot more to you than you let anyone believe. Even yourself."
"Nah." I looked away, shifting my gaze down to my hands and shrugging uncomfortably. "With me, it's 'what you see is what you get.' I'm just not that deep, Nat. Or that good. I can't undo what he did to you," I repeated miserably.
"So who can?" Nat sat down next to me and put a hand on my shoulder. "Come on, Jack. I know you. There is no way you spent the entire day here without coming up with five different possible solutions, minimum." She squeezed my shoulder lightly. "Or do you really expect me to believe you stayed just to clean my apartment?"
"Hey, I had to have something to do while you snoozed," I managed. I hadn't spent the daylight hours away from the safety and security of my fortress of a home voluntarily in decades. Picking up Nat's place had helped keep me from literally climbing the walls, but she didn't need to know that. "Okay, I did think of a couple of things." I stole a glance at her, then turned my head to watch Sydney preparing to pounce on a brightly colored ball.
"Just knowing the truth should help some," I began hesitantly.
"Knowing that the guy I was in love with thinks I'm 'inconvenient'? Yeah, that helps." Nat smiled wanly. "Sorry. Go on, Jack."
"What I meant was, now you know what's real, and what to fight against. And if you keep your strength up you'll be better able to fight off the intruding thoughts. To quote my mother, "Eat, eat. What, you want to be skin and bones?'"
"I'll bet she nagged you every day," Nat said with a warm smile. "And that you loved every minute of it."
"Well, most of it," I admitted with a return smile. "It's good advice, Doctor." My smile faded as the impact of what we were up against hit me again. "And try to get enough sleep. I can help with that much, at least."
Nat nodded. "And then?"
"I can't give you back what you lost, but I think I can finish what Nick started. Erase the little niggling memories that conflict with all the rest. Getting rid of those echoes will help even more than food and rest."
"You can do that?" Nat didn't look like she liked the idea much, but I could see that she understood how it could help. Smart and practical, that's my Natalie. "But I'm a resistor, Jack. You said that you couldn't-"
"There's a rapport between us. From last year," I explained quickly. "And you wouldn't be fighting me. I thought about it all day, believe me. If you'll trust me, I think I can make it work."
"And those memories you say I have, they'd be gone forever? I would never remember," she looked away from me, suddenly uncomfortable for no reason I could see, "I'd never remember loving Nick?"
"Yeah," I said simply.
"But nothing else would change?"
"We'll still have Nick's memories in your head to deal with," I began, and then paused as she shook her head.
"That's not what I meant. Well, it is, and it isn't. What I was asking was, well, you're Nick's friend. If I'm no longer involved with Nick," she swallowed, "If I'm just an inconvenient ex, what about us? I'll be honest with you, Jack. I could really use a friend right now."
Nat using 'us' in the context of her and me knocked me for a loop, and there was a lag before I could respond. Forcing myself to meet her gaze, knowing that my face was probably going to give away every ounce of my feelings for her, I reached out and took her hands in mine. "I will always be your friend," I said as clearly and simply as I knew how. "No matter what happens. It's non-negotiable. Okay?"
"Okay." A weight seemed to fall from her shoulders. Nat let go of my hands and gave me a warm hug that was over far too soon. "Thank you." Pulling away, Nat wiped at her eyes and tried to smile. "I can't say I'm wild about anyone playing with my memories again, Jack, but I trust you. If there's really no other way then…then I guess that's what we have to do."
Those words made me feel even warmer than her embrace had. After everything that had been done to her, she could still trust a vampire? Trust me? Incredible. "Okay," I said quietly. "We'll do it. And as for the rest, LaCroix said he could help," I went on, not sure I could trust myself with anything more personal right now. "He's a little spooky, but there's no doubt that he-"
"No." Nat was off the couch, shaking her head and backing away from me, her arms crossed protectively across her chest. "Nope. Uh-uh. Not LaCroix."
"You've met the guy, I see." When had that happened? Nick had always taken great pains to keep Nat away from his master. LaCroix must have made quite an impression, whenever it was. "Okay, no LaCroix." I walked to her and put my hands on her shoulders. She was shaking. "No LaCroix. Bye-bye, creepy master vampire. Okay?"
"You think he's creepy? I would have thought vampires would be immune to that kind of thing." Nat was calming down now that going to LaCroix was a non-issue and I let her change the subject without pursuing it like I should have.
"No ma'am. The guy gives me a serious case of the willies." I guided her back to the couch and sat down next to her. "You want to avoid him, that's fine with me. But we are going to have to talk to Nick."
"Nick? Why? I thought you said he wouldn't help."
"That was when I was asking him to undo what he did. Nick thinks he's doing what's best for everyone, Nat. There's no way I'm going to get him to change his mind on that."
"Then why-"
"Because he doesn't know about the memories the two of you are sharing. It may be hard to believe, but Nick does still care about you." Nat make a small sound of disgust and I grinned briefly. "He wouldn't want you to suffer like this, Nat. I know it. I think I can get him to help us fix this." I sighed. "If he's still speaking to me. We got into it pretty bad last night."
"Over me." Nat squeezed my hand. "I'm sorry, Jack. I know how close you two were."
"Not that close, apparently. I still can't believe that he—well, anyway. I'll talk to him," I promised. "I'll make him understand how bad this is. He'll come around." I hoped. Nat was sitting close to me, her eyes warm with concern. For a minute I allowed myself to hope that, maybe, just maybe, when this was all over…
"I need to take a shower." I got up and walked quickly toward the bathroom. When I stopped at the door and turned back to Nat she was standing behind me with a gentle smile on her face. "Let me get cleaned up and I'll go find Nick." I looked down at my t-shirt, which was now liberally coated with cat hair and smelled faintly of pine cleaner. "Maybe I'd better make a pit stop at home first."
"I think I can help you there," Nat said with a smile. "Go. Take your shower. I'll be here when you get out."
"You'd better be," I told her, a foolish grin on my face, before fleeing into the bathroom and shutting the door solidly between us.
###
By the time I finished my very cold shower Nat was dressed in neat jeans and a clean white blouse, her hair in a graceful ponytail that spilled down her back in a flood of golden brown. She looked a hundred percent better, but the strain around her eyes told me that things were far from okay.
"Nick's working tonight," I said, "so I'll check in with the department first, see if they know where he is." I wouldn't let them tell him I was looking for him, I'd decided in the shower. After last night I was probably the last person in the world Nick would want to talk to.
"I think I can help you out there." Nat said dryly. She gestured to the television screen. Walking over to stand next to her, I saw that the evening news was on. It was a crime scene. The camera panned to an on-site reporter.
"Once again, Toronto Police are reporting that the Montreal-born shock rocker known as Roxie has died, murdered not an hour ago here in Toronto Island Park. At this time authorities are declining to provide additional information but we know that Roxie and her band were scheduled to perform a concert here in the park later this evening. We'll have further details as they become available. Back to you, Tom." The camera panned back briefly to the crime scene, closing in on Nick and Schanke interviewing a security guard before cutting back to the studio.
"Huh."
"I heard about her." Natalie turned the television off with a thoughtful frown. "She was some kind of vampire-wanna be, wasn't she? I remember seeing a music video a couple of months back. Bloodbath, I think it was called. Very dramatic," Nat assured me with a slight smile.
"She was more than a wanna-be." We walked to the door, my mind already a thousand miles away. Was this Nick's doing? Hard to believe, but after last night I wasn't sure about anything when it came to Nick. "With all the cameras around it might take me a while to get Nick alone. I'll call you in a little while and see how you're doing, okay?"
"Jack." Something in Nat's voice stopped me in my tracks. I turned around and looked at her quizzically. "You're doing it. Shutting me out. Just like Nick always," she hesitated, suddenly uncertain. "If this affects Nick, then it affects me. At least for now," she said with just a trace of bitterness. "Don't try to protect me from what you think I shouldn't know, Jack."
"You're right." I hadn't been trying to protect her, not really, but Nat deserved better from me than silence, even if that was what I was best at. I touched her arm lightly by way of apology. "Nick and I ran into Roxie last night. She's one of us, and she's breaking all the rules with that stage show of hers. Nick was going to find out where she was staying. I think he and LaCroix were going to have a little chat with her before the Enforcers did."
"You think that Nick-?"
"I doubt it. He was just going to talk to her at first. And this is too flashy, too public. Not Nick's style at all." That gave her pause. Natalie wasn't used to thinking of Nick as a killer. "Either way, it doesn't have anything to do with us," I assured her.
"You're probably right. I'm just…feeling a little paranoid right now, I guess. Go. Talk to Nick. I'll be fine."
"You're sure?" I didn't like the idea of leaving Nat here alone, but…
"Absolutely." At my look she relented. "Probably. I think. Seriously, Jack, I'll be okay." She swallowed. "Just…well, why don't you give me your beeper number? At the risk of sounding desperately needy, I like the idea of being able to reach you if things go a little acid-flashback—way back—on me."
I shrugged. "Don't have one. And before you start in on me about being behind the times," I added with a forced grin, "Who exactly would I give the number to? I mean, c'mon. Everybody knows I never leave the house."
"Well, you're not home now, are you? Here." Nat reached into her purse and pulled out her own beeper. She handed it to me with a shy smile. "Now you are officially connected to the outside world. And to me, which as we all know is much more important."
"It is," I agreed, smiling faintly as I tucked the beeper into my back pocket. And Nick let this one get away? Incredible. "Thanks for the loan, by the way." I tugged at the gray t-shirt that had been outside the bathroom door when I'd finished cleaning up. "I'll call as soon as I know something."
"Thank you. For everything." Nat took a step toward me and then we were almost touching, our faces just inches apart. I could feel her warm breath on my skin and smell the sweet, musky scent of her body. I leaned in and Nat met my gaze, her eyes uncertain.
"Nat, I…" Losing my nerve, I kissed her cheek gently. "I'll see you soon."
"I'll be waiting."
She hadn't exactly fallen into my arms, but the look Natalie gave me as she shut the door was enough to send tingles all the way to my toes. I was smiling as I left her building and hailed a cab, suddenly sure that everything was going to turn out all right.