I woke up well rested the next morning as the light shone through the windows. I sat up and stretched my arms up causing my back to crack several times. I looked over to the desk but Levi was not there. There was a cup of tea sitting on top still steaming and a note under the saucer. I got up and grabbed the note from under the saucer plate.
Met at the sparring grounds after breakfast. Enjoy the tea.
Levi
I grabbed the steaming mug and smelled in the aroma of honey, ginger, hints of fruit and a dash of cinnamon. I must admit to being fonder of a good shot of whiskey in the morning but the tea was a kind gesture. I took a cautious sip and was amazed but how refreshing and delightful the tea was. I continued to drink the tea as I got ready to go down to breakfast. I was finally learning my way around the castle and it didn't take me near as long to find my way to the dining hall this time.
"Well good news is that all odds are in your favor for your sparing match up today." Petra said as I sat down across from her
"Any clue who I'm up against?" I asked as I began to eat "I don't think it's fair to bet against someone if no one knows who my opponent will be"
"That's true but you're still the talk of the base so no one wants to bet against you in fear of retaliation." Petra laughed
"I like being the underdog though. It makes for a better story that way." I laughed along with her "Have you seen Levi this morning?"
"No but that's not surprising; he's a little grouchy in the morning." Petra replied
"Isn't he just grouchy all the time?" I pointed out
"I guess he is!" Petra giggled
"Well I think I'm going to get prepared for my fight this afternoon. I'll see you around." I waved to Petra as I walked away
I went outside to find the sparing grounds, but my knowledge of the outside was limited. I walked around the castle a few times before I finally asked for directions from some of the other soldiers. Once I finally knew where I was going I found the sparing grounds quickly, and just as promised Levi was waiting.
"Next time you ask me to meet you some where leave directions. I walked around clueless for about 30 minutes. Also thanks for the tea too, it was surprisingly wonderful." I said sternly as I approached
"Catch." Levi threw something in my direction
I caught it easily, "A wooden knife?"
"Hostile training." Levi stood in front of me "You're going to come at me and I'm going to try and disarm you."
"Weren't you the one who said I don't need this training?" I asked confused
"I want to see what skills you have. Can you blame me?" Levi said smugly
I smirked; if he wants to fight me then I'll bring it. I spun the knife up in the air and caught the handle again. I lunged at him and thrusted the knife outward. Levi blocked it easily redirecting my motion towards the side, but with my free hand I took a shot at Levi's ribs. I held back he power because I wasn't looking to hurt him seeing as though he is my superior. Levi lifted his leg and with a powerful kick pushed me off of him.
"A worthy opponent." Levi said amused
I smirked again and this time Levi attacked me first. I ducked the jab and moved gracefully behind Levi and held the fake knife to his throat.
"I win." I said smugly
"Do you?" Levi bent over and threw my weight over his shoulder
I was laying on my back in the dirt with Levi hoovering above me pinning my arm to the ground and reaching for the fake knife. I used my free arm to wrap around Levi's chest and threw my legs up and back to cross them behind Levi's head. I used my weight to push Levi down and flip him over me. As we rolled I sat up straddling his hips. I put the tip of the knife at Levi's chest with a broad smile. Levi grabbed my wrist and fought against my weight to pull the knife back up. Once he had it up enough he sat up to sit face to face with me.
"I see we are at a stale mate." I strained "Draw?"
"Never." Levi continued to fight my strength
"Fine but you asked for it." I warned and threw my head forward making contact with his nose
"Good." Levi smirked as blood dripped from the bridge of his nose
Before I could react a fist made contact with my jaw, throwing me back and off of him. Next thing we knew there were fists and kicks flying at each other at impressive speeds. He was putting my combat skills the test. Even the knife was being thrown in the air in attempts to switch it from hand to hand. It felt like we had been sparing for hours but really it might have only been 5 minutes. We broke apart for a moment and we both drenched in sweat and speckled in blood.
"I'm getting tired of this. If you want the knife so bad take it." I said angrily and threw it by the blade directly at Levi
The fake knife tumbled blade over handled through the hair like an acrobat. Levi snagged it out of the air by the handle as it was about to make contact blade first into his chest.
"Damn it; I took a gamble and lost… barely." I breathed heavily
"In most cases that would have worked, but I have perfect coordination. It was a worthy effort." Levi lowered the knife
"I can see that; I haven't had a challenge like that in a long time." I wiped blood from my lip
"Agreed. I'll sign off on your combative skill." Levi dusted himself off "I'll go speak with Commander Erwin now."
"Why didn't you just wait and let me beat the shit out of someone else? Why did you want to fight me?" I asked as I approached him
"Because having you battle an ordinary person would not show us your true skills. I wanted to challenge you." Levi said casually
"If you wouldn't have known about my history would you have let me battle some fresh meat out of the cadet corps?" I asked bitterly
Levi hesitated for a moment, "Yes…"
"I don't need you treating me any differently because of what I am. I don't want special treatment when it comes to things like this. I want to prove my worth just as everyone else has; through hard work and perseverance." I snapped "I might not like it here and I might not like you all, but I'll make my place here my own way. Whether that means I have to be the bitch that beats up half of the squad or just being known as the girl with the mysterious swords, I don't care. I just don't want to be looked at as the girl who got special treatment because she was a harden criminal that killed people for a living."
"I understand, but I would rather not lose the majority of my soldiers to your combat abilities. But from here on out you'll train just as the rest of us do… as a group." Levi was not phased by my anger
"Deal." I nodded
"Come on, let's get back to the castle. You have more classes this afternoon." Levi turned and walked away.
"What about my room?" I jogged to catch up
"I'll check to see if there are any rooms that are clean open." Levi returned to his disinterested voice
"I'll clean it if need be." I offered
"That won't be necessary." Levi said curtly
We made it back to the castle and went our separate ways. I went to the lecture halls and Levi went up to Commander Eyebrows office. Again the classes were uninteresting and mind numbingly boring, but I was saved when Hanji came bursting through the doors interrupting my teacher.
"Sorry! I need to borrow Emory for some more training." Hanji grinned enthusiastically
"Oh there is a god." I whispered under my breath and stood up quickly to follow Hanji
"Where are we going?" I asked once we were away from the classroom door
"ODM training! You're going to take an aptitude test." Hanji replied
"Finally something I haven't tried before!" I exclaimed
Hanji led me outside and towards large poles stuck into the ground with wires attached to the top. There was a group of other soldiers standing around the poles, and I recognized some of them as the few that I've sat with during meals.
"Great an audience." I mumbled sarcastically
As we approached a path formed and there were hushed whispers as many new faces talked excitedly about me. I smiled awkwardly as I greeted my hopeful fans. At the front of the group was Levi holding what looked like a harness with way to many straps for my body.
"Kinky." I laughed as I looked the straps over
Hanji let out a loud scream laugh and everyone standing around us laughed along with her.
"Are you done?" Levi huffed
I rolled my eyes, "Yes I guess that I am."
"Put this on; this is what will help you swing and move with the ODM gear while in the air. It is sensitive to your body weight distribution." Levi handed me the harness
I grabbed the confusing harness and began to struggle to step into it.
"I'm doing something wrong." I grumbled as the mess turned into tangles
"Here." Levi stepped in front of me and began fix the tangled mess I made
Levi began to reach around me and strap around my waist. My body went ridge as it reacted Levi being so close to places that bring back dark memories.
"Relax." Levi whispered so no one but me could hear him
Again, just like it had the night before, my body listened instantly and every muscle relaxed. How did he have that effect on me so easily?
"Alright those should be tight enough. Hook her up and slowly hoist her." Levi stepped back a few steps
Petra led me to stand in between the poles and clipped the wires to loops in my belt. Slowly my body was being hoisted up into the air several feet.
"So what do I do? Just hang here?" I asked as I watched the ground disappear under my feet
"You're a natural!" Petra exclaimed, "Try moving your weight around and get used to the harness."
I adjusted my weight and began to swing and flip through the air, "This is freaking amazing!"
"Bring her down." Levi commanded sternly
I was slowly lowered to the ground with a face splitting grin on my face, "When do I get to try the actual gear? That was a blast!"
Petra began to undo the wires at set me free to jump around with excitement. My on looks shared the same enthusiasm and showered me with congratulations and praises. I even got a few high fives which was an action I was not familiar with, but they made me even giddier.
"You're not finished. Now you have to try and use the real gear." Levi interrupted my happy moment
"Lead the way, captain." I sneered
Levi walked towards a large grouping of trees and myself and the rest of the on lookers followed.
Hanji and Petra grabbed my shoulders and slowed me down, "You might want to pull your hair back just so it doesn't get tangled in the gear."
"Yeah, one year some girl nearly got scalped because her hair got caught in the grip hooks as the returned to her." Hanji said with a psychotic glimmer in her eye
"Okay…" I eyed Hanji warily and began to braid my hair over my shoulder
Once we caught back up to where Levi was Petra fit the gas canisters and regulator onto my harness.
"Here, I modified the trigger system to clip onto you swords handles so you can still use them and operate the gear at the same time." Hanji held out two of the trigger mechanisms
I pulled the swords out from behind me and allowed Hanji to clip the new mechanism onto the handles as I held them in my hands.
"Oh this is so exciting! I hope they work!" Hanji squealed
"Wait! What! You haven't tested them?" I looked back nervously
"Oh don't worry about it! You're going to do fine!" Hanji blushed nervously
Levi approached us and Hanji back away, "See that out there?" Levi pointed to a tall wooden cut out of a titan with a leather looking patch on the nape of its neck
"You have to navigate through the trees and strike it in the nape just like you would an ordinary titan." Levi said coldly "Make sure you get deep enough."
I nodded in understanding. When I first came up here was excited, but now that Hanji has admitted to not testing her new invention I was worried about even getting off the ground. I swallowed my fear and tested the triggers on both of my swords. Two grappling hooks shot out instantly and buried themselves into a tree in front of me. I squeezed tighter and gas plumed out behind me propelling me forward towards the tree. So far so good, Hanji's modifications were working. The clip-on triggers stayed in place on my swords and everything seemed to be working fine with the gear. Now to get a little more brave and swing my way from tree to tree as I moved towards my target. As I swung past the tree the hooks unlatched and returned, but just long enough for me to send them forward again to continue my forward momentum.
"WOOHOO" I hollered as I continued swing through the grove of trees and it echoed out into the open area
I approached the cut out dummy and charged forward towards it full tilt. I lowered my blades and felt them run smoothly through the cushioned leather slicing out deep chunk.
"She did it!" I heard Hanji exclaim
I made it back to the opening in which I had left from to a loud applause from my audience. I landed back on the ground and jogged back towards the group.
"So how was that?" I asked enthusiastically
"Acceptable." Levi replied
"Are you kidding? That was amazing! My modifications worked beautifully!" Hanji squealed and jumped around
"You really are a natural!" Petra chimed in equally excited
"What's next?" I asked begging for more training
"You're finished for the day." Levi muttered
"Come on Emory lets go get a drink in celebration!" Hanji draped an arm around my shoulder
Hanji led me in the direction of a small cottage looking house just on the outskirts of the castle grounds. Petra and a large portion of the crowed follow us inside. Inside was tables filled with other soldiers rosy cheeked from the effects of the alcohol.
"This is like the hang out spot for us when it's the weekend!" Hanji lead me towards the bar
"Bar keep! A round me and my friend here! We are celebrating!" Hanji hollered to an older gentlemen who was filling stein after stein
At the sound of Hanji's voice the man stopped what he was doing and immediately set our drink in front of us. Hanji placed the money on the bar and walked us back over towards a table where more familiar faces began to crowd around.
"Levi! I didn't expect you to come with us! Welcome! Welcome!" Hanji set the stein in front him Levi and went back to get another
"Came to celebrate with us or where you just craving a beer after a long day's work?" I japed
"Something like that I guess." Levi took a long drink of beer
"Well either way, cheers." I lifted my mug and took a hearty drink myself
"So come here often?" I arched an eyebrow
"No." Levi replied stoic
"You're no fun. Come on, it's the weekend. Everyone is happy and having a good time. Lighten up a little will ya?" I pleaded
"This is not my idea of fun." Levi remained as stoic as ever
"Then why the hell are you here?" I snapped
"To make sure you don't do anything stupid." Levi took another drink
"You're worried about me? Seriously? I don't believe you. Why are you really here?" I leaned over the table
"I told you." He said coldly
"I grew up in a place like this with far scarier people. I can drink everyone under the table and still have enough wits about me to shoot straight. You're not here because I might do something stupid. No, no, no, you're here because you actually want to be here with your cohorts. Secretly you like all of us, even if that passive face of yours won't show it." I smacked the table hard as I figured him out
"You're drunk." Was all Levi said
"HA! No I'm happy, and you're not denying it so that also means I'm right about you Levi Ackerman." I leaned in even closer, "I've grown on you. You won't admit it but you like me!"
Levi narrowed his eyes and took another drink, but didn't say anything. I sat back in my chair and smiled smugly as I soaked in my winnings.
"Since you think you've figured me out then get me another drink and we'll find out." Levi slid the mug my direction
"You're on." I winked and stood up
I came back to the table with a tray of shots, "Come on captain we are celebrating take a shot with us."
I set a shot in front of him and passed around the rest to my comrades.
"To our newest and extremely talented member of the Survey Corps, Emory… I mean Em!" Petra stood up on a stool and yelled over the crowd
Everyone lifted their glasses and then threw them back. Some gagged and a few ran to puke, but the brave and strong willed kept the shot down.
"What was that?" Hanji coughed
"An old family secret." I laughed as I threw my drink back and didn't flinch "Go on Levi, take the shot."
Levi sighed but threw back the shot and to my surprise didn't pucker or gag, and I smiled.
"I recognize that blend of liquor." Levi spoke softly
"You should, you were a criminal once too." I winked
"It brings back awful memories and rather fuzzy ones." Levi looked to the side as he looked back into his memories
I laughed loudly, "We only served those shots when someone got married or joined the team. You know happy things worth celebrating. It's an awful blend of the cheapest booze on the bottom shelf."
"It never lead to good things though as I remember it." Levi said in a disgusted tone
"No it doesn't! Come on you look like you need some air after that." I stood up and grabbed his arm to help him down, "Are you drunk already? You sure can't walk a straight line."
I led the possibly drunk Levi outside where the sun was setting and there was a chill in the air.
"Better? The cold air should help." I leaned him against the wall
"Much, thank you." Levi sighed and rubbed his forehead
"Get a little bit of liquor in you and you suddenly turn into a gentleman?" I laughed
Levi slid down the wall and sat in the grass. I sat next to him because I felt awkward standing above him like he was a child. We sat in silence as Levi continued to rub his head, and I watched the sky slowly grow darker.
"Those scars, what happened to you, has that stopped you from being with other men?" Levi asked but never looked up
I looked over to him as a pit formed in my stomach. I had never spoken to anyone about the after effects of my abuse.
"Yes. I haven't been with anyone since what happened. I can't bring myself to trust anyone that much to develop a relationship. You saw how my body reacts when I'm touched. I can't control it." I whispered and fought the growing pit
"Why are you able to relax when I touch you?" Levi looked over to me out of the corner of his eye
"Because you tell me too, and my body does it. I don't know why or how, but it listens." I breathed
Levi reached up and pulled the elastic from my braid and the strands unfolded themselves causing a cascade of hair to fall over my shoulder. He grabbed a few pieces and ran his fingers through the end and then tucked them behind my ear.
"There that's better." Levi smiled softly
I blink at him unsure of what to say. Why was he acting like this towards me? Was it because of the alcohol? I couldn't be he acted like this yesterday at the rose bushes. Why didn't my body react like it normally does when people touch me? What was he doing to me? I had a strange feeling forming in my chest every time I go close to him.
"That tea this morning, did you make it?" I asked trying to stop the thoughts in my head
"Yes. At one point in my life I wanted to open a tea shop." Levi answered warmly
"Really?" I giggled, "I didn't take you as a customer service kind of person."
The soft smile fell and the stoic look returned.
"I'm sorry! I do that as a reflex to push people away! Really that is admirable, that tea really was amazing this morning." I hastened to say
"It was just a dream. It will never come true." Levi said bitterly
"It still can. The war with the titans can't go on forever." I tried to make up for my rudeness
"I'll be long dead by the time this war ends." He replied quickly
"I'm sorry…" I murmured
Levi looked back over to me confused.
"I ruined the moment. I didn't mean to insult you, but I said it before I could stop myself." I said with sadness
"Relax." Levi whispered and I soon felt arm across my shoulders pulling me towards him
My body didn't tense up or want to pull away. Instead it embraced the touch and welcomed it warmly. He was warm against my skin. He smelled of lavender, grass, sweat, and whiskey. I closed my eyes and for the first time I didn't see my father and the blurred faces of dozens of men staring back at me. Instead I saw a meadow with millions of wild flowers growing in the sun light.
"See it's not so bad is it?" Levi breathed close to my ear
"No, it's nice." I murmured, "Why are you doing this? Why me?"
"Because we are the same in many ways. There is just something about you." Levi cupped my chin and pulled my face up to look at him
"Criminals with a bad up bringing?" I smiled oddly comfortable by the closeness of your faces
"Yeah, something like that." He smiled, "Relax okay?"
"Okay.." I answered warily
Levi leaned in slowly and tenderly placed his lips on top of mine. At first I wanted to pull back, but when I felt the jolts of electricity running through my body I leaned in and embraced him against me. As I leaned into him the kiss deepened and our lips molded together and his breath fanned against my skin softly. Our lips parted for a moment and I felt the tip of his tongue brush against my bottom lip causing a twinge of arousal in my stomach. I didn't fell violated or vulnerable; instead I felt desire and a hunger for more. Was this what it's like to actually be attracted to someone, and to desire them in a more physical way?
"Are you okay?" Levi asked as he pulled away and looked deep into my eyes
I wasn't sure what kind of emotion my face showed because I wasn't even sure how I was feeling, but Levi looked at me like he might have hurt me.
"Yes actually." I answered softly and hopefully convincing
"You look… scared." Levi winced
"I just a have a lot of emotions running through me, emotions I haven't felt before. Not bad emotions! Just new emotions." I stammered
"Good?" Levi cocked his head to the side slightly
"I think so." I mumbled
"Do you trust me?" Levi caressed my cheek
"Surprisingly yes." I said warmly
He left his hand on my cheek and leaned in towards me again, but this time I met him part way. Our lips meshed together again with more heat and I laid my hand gently on the side of his face. Levi moved from my lips to my jaw and down to my neck. I ran my fingers tenderly through his hair as he moved across my neck. I heard my breath hitching as waves of pleasure moved through me. Levi pressed against me and it almost pushed me on my back. As the sensation of falling took over my system the flood gates opened again, and before I knew what I was doing I was fighting back pushing forcefully against Levi. In the blink of an eye I was pinning Levi down with my fist raised ready to strike. When the rage settled and I realized that the person in my strike path was not the blurred face of a rapist I broke down in fear and embarrassment. I lowered my fist, my breathing was ragged, and my face relaxed. I was horrified by my actions, about what I was about to do. I stumbled to get up and took off running towards the castle without saying a single word. I nearly beat Levi for no reason. He wasn't going to hurt me and I knew that, but there is still a dominate part of me that doesn't want to be controlled; to feel helpless again. Who knows how far I would have gone before I realized who my victim was. I got lucky that I realize it before I did anything, but what if there is a next time? Would I be so quick to realize my mistake? I can't let there be a next time. It's too dangerous; not just for me but mostly for him. I don't have my emotions, my past, in check. I don't know if there was a way to fix what is broken. I could be permanently damaged because of my son of a bitch father. I could possibly never have a relationship or a family.
My mind raced with unanswerable questions as I made it up to the castle, but I didn't have anywhere to go. I don't know if Erwin approved a room for me. I can't go to Levi's not after what just happened. Hanji's is… well Hanji's room. I don't know where anything else is in the castle. The horse paddock maybe? I could snuggle up against my gelding for the night, but then I would wake up smelling of manure and straw. He was a sweetheart of a horse though, loves affection, maybe it wouldn't be terrible. I stood on the steps lost in my own thoughts when footsteps came up behind me.
"There you are! You disappeared on us!" Petra slurred behind me
I turned around frightened, "Petra! Oh it's just you. Sorry you scared me; I was just lost in thought. You wouldn't know if I got approved for my own room yet do you?"
"Actually Erwin said that the room wasn't ready yet and that you'd have to room with Levi again, but if you want you can stay with me! It'll be like a sleep over! I promise it's a ton cleaner than Hanji's!" Petra squealed excitedly and grabbed my arm
Petra drug me through the castle and talked a mile a minute about sleep overs and gossip. Once we made it to her room she was blabbering about doing each other's hair. We got inside and Petra slumped into her bed and was asleep the instant her head hit her pillow.
"You're not going to remember any of this in the morning. I don't think you'll want to find me in your room." I whispered
I looked over and saw a set of ODM gear and gas canisters sitting in the corner, and it gave me an idea. I grabbed a spare pillow and blanket from Petra's closet and ran back outside. I ran up to a large tree and with the gear flew up to a high thick branch. I had slept in trees many times while out on missions with Hawke and the others. I arranged myself on the branch so I wouldn't fall over in my sleep. I used the ODM gear for an anchor and laid down hopefully for a good night's rest, but I knew that would be easier said than done after tonight.