Ch. 4 - Contemplation and Confrontation

Hello everyone. I am very sorry this has taken me so long to do, but I have been busy with school and life. Enjoy reading.

I want to thank everyone who has read, reviewed, followed, and favorited this story. I do apologize to any of you who have been awaiting this chapter, I know it took so long for me to finally update, but thank you for still coming back to read some more.

I only own the brain in my head and the ideas that come from it, sadly the idea of Sherlock did not originate from it.

…

She marveled at his long legs swiftly pulling both of them forward. It forced her own to try to keep pace with him as he was still holding on to her. Her gaze roved over him and lingered on where his hand intersected her wrist.

With the feel of his hand enclosed around her wrist she hoped he couldn't tell just how much her heart was beating. After everything that happened within the last few minutes, being caught off guard by his proposal and having him briefly take her into his arms, she couldn't help but be affected by this man.

It was astounding that he still held onto her as he briskly walked through the halls. It was so rare for him to allow anyone to touch him let alone actually be the one to initiate the touching. Sure the skin to skin contact was not exactly the same kind that would be expected to occur when a couple gets engaged, and his grip on her spoke no romantic intentions, but it still made her heart flutter.

No words were said as they continued through the hospital, the only sound was those made by their feet on the floor and the noise of people going about their day. At first she could have sworn everyone would be able to hear her heart beating among the myriad of noises, and she was sure Sherlock could tell how fast her heart beat, but from the lack of reaction, neither seemed true.

Sherlock had, of course, taken notice of her increased heart rate as he dragged her along, yet decided against saying anything on it. John would be proud of his forethought regarding her feelings, though he believed currently his friend was not too happy with him, for what reason he was not entirely sure.

What he did know is that if he should mention how quick Molly's heart rate had elevated after he had pulled her up towards him, she would become embarrassed, which he found rather bizarre since it was supposedly natural for people to be attracted to others.

He did find it odd, yet flattering, that she seemed so attracted to him. Yes, he had always known she liked his appearance, he knew and he took advantage of that many times in the past to get what he wanted from her. It was easy to charm her, especially in the beginning, she had become more able to resist him over time and due to exposure, but deep down she could never say no to him. He knew that well and used it often. It could be said that he was using her once again, but it couldn't be helped, there was a killer on the loose and he needed to catch whoever it was no matter the cost.

As they neared where he had left John steaming, he tilted his head to see how Molly appeared to be holding up. She was no longer looking at him, and instead faced forward with her head looking toward the ground which caused a few stray hairs to fall on her cheeks. Hair that, for some odd reason, he felt like touching, tucking it back neatly into place. Ignoring that, he took to scanning the rest of her and settled on gauging her thoughts and emotions showing through on her face, it never failed to reveal something to him. Her face, expressive as always, and still very red with embarrassment, appeared contemplative and yet distracted, a bit dazed and lost in thought.

At that very moment he wished he could really read minds, he wanted to know what had her gears turning in her head. He found that he often wondered just what Molly was thinking about when she would get that particular faraway look that meant she was in deep thought over something.

He could just ask her, but he never did. It would probably bring her out of her musing and he personally hated it when someone disturbed him when he was lost in thought, especially when he was near a break through. She would most likely talk about it once she reached her own conclusion anyway; at least that's what usually happened, so he could wait until her mind was done processing.

If he got too impatient he might snap her out of it, but he still would refuse to actually come right out and ask her what was preoccupying her mind. In the past when he had brought her out of her thoughts, she had apologized for getting distracted and would then proceed to explain why and inadvertently answer the question plaguing his own mind over what she could possibly be so absorbed in.

Sherlock once again faced forward seeing as he wasn't going to get the answer right then, and saw the figure of his best mate come into view.

…

As her heart raced so did her mind. She was still skeptical about this whole thing. She had conceded that it had not been a dream and brought herself into reality to face the situation. A big part of her was hesitant to accept it, however, an even larger portion was currently throwing confetti into the air in celebration as it rejoiced and whole heatedly welcomed this wonderful turn of events. Still, she needed to address the doubts that remained stubbornly in her mind.

She knew Sherlock so she was forcing herself to look at this logically and, to the best of her ability, removed from emotions, including the overwhelmingly elated feeling she was getting from believing that he truly wanted to be with her. It was hard to do, but she had to do it.

Of course she trusted him completely, with everything, even her life, but she wasn't sure if she could bring herself to completely trust him with her heart. He had, after all, caused it much distress over the years, bruising it and nearly shattering it at different points in time. She didn't know just how many more hits it could take before finally breaking into pieces. That's what warned her to not jump right into this blindly and reminded her to take caution.

Now she needed to think, sort it out and see if it really was his true intention to be with her and marry her.

First thing first, her mind continued to ponder if he was in love with her. If he was, then this would all make sense, but he was not a sentimental person - or at least he said he wasn't - and he never appeared interested in her that way before.

Had she just not noticed? Could that really be it, the answer to all of this is that he fell for her?

She would be thrilled if he felt the same as she did for him, the problem was there was no real reason for him to suddenly feel that way. They had known each other for years could he really up and decide he liked, no, loved her? It could be possible, couldn't it? She was hoping this was the truth of the matter.

They were closer, but had he felt they had gotten closer than she realized? Maybe he had. Then, without proper knowledge of what to do with such feelings, instead of taking on a slow shift in their relationship, he came up with the idea they should wed. It sounded rather crazy and a huge leap from one spectrum to another, but it was Sherlock and he was quite unpredictable at times.

One thing she had noticed that was different, besides him being friendlier to her ever since the fall, was his frequent visits to her at St. Bart's - he always went there before, but now he went more often and not just when needing something from her or when on a case - and how they actually seemed to hold conversations with one another talking about relevant things not only about work, but branching their topics outside of it as well.

Were all those things signs of his growing affections towards her, or was she just making up something out of nothing because of her own hopes that what he was proposing was real?

She needed to consider other reasons for him to marry her.

Ulterior motives then? What could he gain from marrying her?

It couldn't be for money, she didn't have all that much and he never took to care much about that anyway. He always got what he wanted from her, so it couldn't be because he needed access to the lab or morgue, besides that would be a preposterous reason to marry someone. Her mind was drawing a blank as to any more reasons that could cause this sudden need to marry her.

There was nothing that she could think of which would lead him to marry her other than he must actually want to, that he truly is in love with her.

Still her mind pushed against this idea, believing it was like a dream come true and that meant it was too good to be true. Yet she could produce no other motive or reason that would make sense for him to want to be with her.

Taking notice of their slowing pace, she shook her head to clear it of all the thoughts roaming around inside. She looked up to see them coming upon John who had his arms crossed as he leaned his back against the wall where Sherlock had abandoned him to retrieve her earlier. She felt his fingers begin to slip off her wrist and let her go as he seemed to prepare himself for what was coming next.

…

As they approached him, Molly could instantly tell John was supremely pissed off.

Not only by the way his whole body was tensed as if fighting the urge to punch something, or even from how stiffly he leaned back against the wall with his arm crossed over his chest tightly, but the way his face was pulled into a deep scowl that looked rather unnatural on the usually cheery and joking man with a big heart.

Right now, it looked as if he wanted to murder his best friend right there in the hallway uncaring about any witnesses. It was probably the angriest Molly had ever seen John get at Sherlock, or anyone for that matter.

This was definitely not the kind of anger that was easily let go or turned into a joke to be laughed off, John was deeply upset over something which had Molly very concerned.

Upon seeing the two of them come closer to him, his hands balled into fists even though they were tucked under his arms. He then spoke in a voice like acid to his friend.

"You are really going to do this, aren't you?" The murderous look never left his eyes.

To which Sherlock simply answered in a completely calm voice, unaffected by his mates obvious death glare, "Of course, why would I suddenly have changed my mind in the ten minutes I've been gone?"

John shook his head in disapproval and disappointment at Sherlock.

"I can't believe you, I really just can't. How can you do this? Do you not see what you are doing? Can you really not understand? Are you that stunted, that you can't see how much pain this will cause?"

Sherlock stood straighter at the accusations and hostility thrown at him.

"I don't see what the problem is, I am doing nothing wrong."

Molly could have sworn she heard Johns neck snap as he jerked his head up so swiftly as soon as Sherlock had said that.

"Nothing wrong!" He roared as he sprung from the wall and came to stand at his full height with his arms no longer crossed over his chest and hands balled into fists at his sides. "You have got to be kidding me, you cannot truly be that stupid. I've known you for years and have never believed you to be this much of an idiot or this insensitive. There has to be some part of you that sees how what you are doing is absolutely horrid."

Sherlock's jaw tightened and his face became hard. "I am not, nor will I ever be stupid and what I am doing is not bad, I am doing good, helping. It's what I have always done and will continue to do. I am on the side of the angels even if I am not one of them."

John resisted the urge to beat him to a bloody pulp right then and there. The damn reference he brought up, John knew about it, Sherlock had told him all about exactly what happened between him and Moriarty, but right now he hated knowing that reference. He knew the significance of it and what the meaning behind it was, yet all it did now was make him want to hurt the consulting detective more. John knew Sherlock was using his job and catching the serial killer as a shield from admitting what he was doing to Molly, that he was using her and in the worst possible way.

Molly didn't understand what was going on, or why this fight was taking place. She watched on as the two glared at each other both clearly upset with the other. She was just about to speak to try and calm them both down and decrease the intense and stifling atmosphere, but John beat her to it and shocked her into silence with his words.

"You cannot do this Sherlock, you cannot marry her."

Molly was stunned by this, she didn't understand why John would be so against her being with Sherlock. She didn't see why he would be so upset over it and why he had gotten so angry at Sherlock over this to begin with.

For his part, Sherlock just looked away from John, but didn't look down in shame or guilt. "There is a lot to get done, we don't have time to sit around arguing over such a trivial matter. I am going to tell Stamford that Molly will be coming with us to help." With that he strode away leaving a bewildered and gaping Molly with a still very furious and disapproving John.

…

Her eyes followed him down the hall until he was out of sight before turning to face the ex-soldier who had resumed his position against the wall, hands over chest and face in a scowl as he stared holes into the floor. She wasn't sure how to approach this, or if something she might say could set him off making him yell at her as well.

Really, what was she to do in this situation? Faced with an incensed man who obviously did not want to even look at her, was she supposed to attempt to make peace with him even though she believed she had done nothing wrong and his state was not her fault? Now she doubted herself thinking maybe there was something she had done to make him be against her, well at least against her being with Sherlock.

She cleared her throat and waited until he met her eyes, but he didn't even look up. She cleared her throat again, louder this time to get his attention and gained the same reaction. A heavy sigh escaped her lips as her attempts proved futile and John seemed to refuse to even look at her let alone speak with her. So she made up her mind, she was going to have to poke the bear, she would have to speak to him first.

"Um… John?" Her voice was soft but nervous. She waited a beat for him to respond, when she was met with nothing, she continued. "I know you and Sherlock have had fights before, but that … well it looked like a bit much, and a lot more serious. I honestly don't think I have ever seen you so mad before, and I know you and Sherlock have a lot of mock fights that you two later have a laugh about, I've seen enough of them between you two to know the difference…" She trailed off again as she saw Johns face soften at her words and the plainly obvious nervous timbre in her voice.

He gave a nod to her in acknowledgment of what she had said which encouraged her to continue on.

"I'm not sure what all that was about just then, what I do understand is that you don't seem to approve of Sherlock marrying me, which I must say I don't really understand why. Why are you against us being together? I thought you would have been happy about it, or at least not angry that he wanted to be with me." Her eyes widened and she let out a gasp as she came to a realization.

At that John looked up at her and met her eye to eye. He wondered if she had just figured it out as it seemed something had dawned on her. Now he was going to have a hysterically weeping woman on his hands and it was all Sherlock's fault. His entire body switched to being open and ready to comfort the doctor who would most likely react by crying over that idiot hurting her again. He truly felt horrible for even being a part of this at all, he just hoped Molly wasn't going to hate him, or Sherlock, after she calmed down.

What surprised him was that, instead of sobs and a river of tears, Molly appeared to be trying to hold back laughter which only served to confuse the army doctor and make his brows pinch together. Molly moved her hand from her mouth when she was sure she wasn't going to burst out laughing, but couldn't entirely stop the smile on her face.

"I'm sorry." She apologized to John who just continued to stare at her in confusion. "I really, I didn't know, I should've I guess, realized it by now. I always thought they were just rumors, and you would always deny it, but it's actually true isn't it? I can see how this would be very hard for you, him wanting to be with me, and I hope it doesn't mean you no longer want to be friends or that you are going to hold a grudge against me."

She honestly seemed concerned he would not want to be friends with her anymore, but he was so thrown by what she was saying that he couldn't quite comprehend just what she was getting at.

"What are you talking about Molly? Why would I stop being your friend or ever hold a grudge against you? I was worried you would hate me, or Sherlock, or both of us if you found out what was going on."

"Hate you? You think I would hate you for that? Oh John, no of course not. I completely understand and would never begrudge you your way of life. Is that what you have been afraid of this whole time, that no one would accept you if you admitted it? I am telling you, you don't have to hide it anymore or pretend, it's alright to be who you really are. I would never judge you for that and I want you to know I am here for you if you need me."

John stared at her as he processed what she said. From the way she was talking it sounded almost as if she believed he were … Oh for fuck's sake.

"Molly, I'm not gay."

She sighed. "John, it's okay you don't have to deny it anymore, I understand and accept you exactly as you are."

"Thanks, but I'm not gay. I'm telling you, you have it wrong."

"Then why would you be so mad at Sherlock for wanting to marry me? Why are you so against it if it isn't because you want to be with him yourself?"

"That's not it at all, I do not want to be with Sherlock, not in that way, okay?" She didn't look convinced, instead she looked sympathetic as if he was just still trying to deny his feelings and hide them from her.

"I am not gay. I do not harbor any romantic feelings for Sherlock, and I most certainly do not want him for myself. If he were actually doing all this for the right reasons I would be all for you two being together. In fact, I often chastised him for being mean or rude to you and encouraged him to be nicer, kinder, and even pushed him more towards you, but none of that matters because he is a git and none of anything I have ever tried has worked. No, instead the only way he gets it into his head to be with you at all is for … is for …" He stopped himself in his rant before he could spill everything and held his breath as he looked at Molly.

She looked upset, her jaw was clenched and her face was set in determination. "Is for what, John?"

There was anger clearly present in her voice and he couldn't meet her eyes once again. Now he looked away from her and refused to answer.

"Just say it. Tell me why he is doing this? Is it some kind of game? Does he need something from me? What? What is it? Just tell me John!" Her voice was rising in pitch to the point that she had screamed the last part. Still he remained silent and wouldn't look at her.

"There's no need to get so worked up Molly." A baritone voice snaked its way into her ear. Her head snapped up to look at its owner's face which gave away nothing.

"Then tell me why you need me to marry you, Sherlock." Her voice was deadly, calm with a hint of her ire behind it directed at the man who had crept up next to them without either of them noticing beforehand.

"To save lives." His crystal blue eyes never left her face and he watched as it morphed going from emotion to emotion as thoughts raced through her mind.

"What does that mean exactly?" Her voice wavered and her face showed her vulnerability at that moment.

It was not his intention to be mean or hurt her, but after contemplating what John had said as he walked to Stamford's office and back, he was worried John was right and he would hurt Molly quite a bit. However, he needed her in order to stop a killer, so were her emotions and feelings more important than catching the serial killer and saving innocent people's lives?

He swallowed hard as he looked away from her and was met with Johns rather sad and guilt laden eyes. That did nothing to help, so he looked back at her as she awaited his answer. He steeled himself then took the plunge.

"It means people's lives are at stake, innocent people who will be killed if we don't stop whoever is doing this." He sounded almost defensive with his wording as if he needed an excuse to get her to help him with this.

"Let me get this straight, you are saying you need me to marry you so you are able to stop a murderer, is that right?" She sounded rather calm about the whole situation which internally eased Sherlock's worry.

"Yes, that's exactly right Molly." He nearly smiled with the relief he felt, though he hadn't even realized he had been tensed while waiting for her reaction.

"Explain to me how that would help you at all." Her voice didn't change, but her face had. She now had a low burning fire in her eyes that made his stomach knot back up immediately upon seeing it.

"Well, the killer targets people who are getting married and I have no other way of catching him, so I need you to marry me so I can set up a trap to get him."

"So essentially you were planning on using me as bait to lure out some psychopath all while under the ruse that I was marrying you? Were you even going to tell me about that part? Or was I going to be left in the dark while you hunted the killer at our wedding? Oh, how about the part where you didn't actually want to marry me and I was just convenient for you to use for this case, was that something worth mentioning to me? Or was that also going to be left out as I walked down the aisle to wed you, you bastard!"

"I see you are upset Molly, however -" She cut him off before he could continue.

"Upset! Oh can you see that I am upset Sherlock, well what great fucking deductive powers you have. I am impressed really you are truly amazing." Every disparaging comment she made was like another slap to his face, which honestly she felt like physically doing right now. He pushed down the feelings of guilt that started gnawing at him, feelings he blamed on her and that caused him to become angry and defensive toward her.

"Are you done?" To which he received a furious glower filled with that burning fire that ate away at his bones and down to the very core of him every time he saw it.

"I am so far from being done Sherlock, it's not even funny. First off, you are the most -"

John stepped in hoping to stop any more bloodshed before things went too far.

"How about we all just calm down and go back to the flat and discuss this like adults." John had calmed down considerably after Sherlock had left him alone with Molly and they had talked. Now he was the only levelheaded one among them.

"Calm down, you actually expect me to calm down and just accept this? He is using me for a case, a goddamn case! You think I am going to go anywhere with him right now? No, no bloody way am I just going to forgive him because he is socially inept and emotionally stunted. So if you have nothing else useful to contribute, please do not interrupt me again!" She turned her attentions once again back on Sherlock.

John knew he shouldn't have even tried to get involved, he had never wanted to be part of the drama that was unfolding in front of him for that very reason, it got him into trouble all the time. This time it was with an irate woman who was not reacting the way he thought she would upon learning the truth behind Sherlock's intentions.

"Yep, there it is instant regret. I should've never even gotten involved. I'll just be over here keeping my mouth shut." With that John took himself out of the situation and remained on the sidelines watching the two of them glare at each other.

Molly was about to go into that list of things that she had begun before John had interrupted her, but she was then cut off again by Sherlock this time.

"Molly you and I both know that no matter what you say now, you will not put the lives of innocent people on the line just because you have some hurt feelings, so why not skip throwing a tantrum and just agree to help me by doing this. There is a killer on the loose and lives really do hang in the balance, so try thinking about them and not yourself, or whatever emotional turmoil you seem to have at the moment."

Molly had a whole range of emotions coursing through her, but the one that was winning out was anger, especially after that. He actually had the audacity to belittle her emotions and make her feelings appear insignificant in their entirety. Even after what he said, and she knew it was true which just made her all the more pissed off at him, she felt her ire increasing as well as the feeling that she was going to cry. She sometimes really hated Sherlock.

"Fine. I will do this. Just know that after this, everything will be different. Nothing is going to remain the same when this is all through." Her voice cracked and she wanted to run and hide and cry for a few hours undisturbed. She conceded that she would not in fact endanger people's lives, even if it meant jeopardizing her own heart and having it be tormented by that wanker.

He had made her feel like he actually wanted her. For that brief amount of time, she truly believed, had convinced herself it was the truth, that he wanted to be with her and marry her. Had she really been that delusional to think he would actually love her, yes she figured she was just that stupid to fall for it. Once again, he had managed to break her heart. How much of this could she really take? How was she possibly going to be able to see it through to the end? She was going to have to pretend to marry that man, and how was she to do that without finally losing herself completely?

Unknowing of her internal distress, Sherlock pressed on to get past all the fighting after finally being given her acceptance of the situation.

"Good then let's get started shall we? I'll call Lestrade on the way to the flat, and then I'll explain to you what is going on and how we intend to catch the killer…"

Insensitive, he really was uncaring of her feeling at all.

Did he even have the capacity to care? Or was he really a sociopath without the ability for feelings at all? Was she ever really anything to him at all, or was it all pretend?

His voice drifted off and before she realized it she was standing in front of them with tears streaming down her face. That seemed to shut him up though all he did was stare at her as she cried. She did not back down or look away, staring right back at him as more water flowed from her eyes. John grabbed her arm and then hugged her, but she didn't reciprocate or even move, just stared up at the consulting detective, the reason for her tears.

John said something to Sherlock, though she barely registered it. Then she found herself being ushered out by John and into a cab that took her to her flat where she did what she had wanted to, cried nonstop for what felt like days.

…

That's it for this chapter, hope you enjoyed.

It sort of took on a sadder and more depressing tone than I had meant it to. In my head Molly was super angry and she did feel betrayed and hurt, but I didn't picture her crying before I started writing it out. Then I thought, the man broke her heart again and after giving light to her hope that he would one day feel the same, it would end in deep gut wrenching hurt when she found out he was only using her once more. That's what led to the depressing end for the chapter.

Anyway, thanks for reading, until next time.

Please feel free to review, favorite, and/or follow.