"Has this Admiral ever heard of a chronometer?" Mira muttered, pushing herself up from where she leaned against the doorframe.
Sarii idly twisted a piece of hair around her finger, the déjà vu all too familiar to be ignored.
Once again she was on the Citadel. Once again, she was sitting in a room waiting for some official to inform her on what she was supposed to be doing.
Once again, I'm going to be asked if I'll follow Revan. She frowned.
Well, she'd deal with that once the Admiral arrived, assuming he ever did. They had been sitting there for the better part of an hour, and it was beginning to get to both the bounty hunter and Sarii herself; both of whom didn't much like feeling trapped.
Even Mical looked impatient, his posture stiff as he rolled his neck.
Atton gave a loud sigh.
"Atton, will you quit worrying about the Hawk already?" Sarii called to where he stood near the window, tapping out random rhythms against the glass with his fingers.
"Hey, if it was that easy for a bunch of snow bunnies to steal it last time, I think I've got precedent for worry."
"The ship is still in a considerable amount of disrepair, Atton. I doubt it will attract any untoward attention," Mical added.
"Right," the pilot muttered derisively, "And when we get back to the dock and there's nothing but an empty hanger waiting for us, you can step right up and tell us where we're going to find another one."
"Rand's got a point," Mira said. "That Wookiee didn't find it too hard to get on board a year or so ago-"
"The ship was half torn apart. The gangplank was malfunctioning and you were the only one on board," Sarii replied, pushing herself up from the table and ambling around the room.
The bounty hunter rolled her eyes, scoffing.
"There were plenty of parts lying around for the hairball to salvage and sell on the black market, but he didn't touch any of them. Just took the droids."
"Just the droids," Sarii repeated. "Maybe he specialized in selling them or something."
But they were Revan's droids…the HK model said so-
"Perhaps the Admiral will be able to shed some light on it," Mical offered.
"You never did find out about those datapads, did you?" Sarii asked, turning to her Padawan. He shook his head.
I think the Admiral will be able to tell us something about that too, he replied, frowning.
Sarii stared at him questioningly but Mical offered nothing more.
"We are in the right module, aren't we?" she said, checking the datapad again. "Diplomatic Module 002-"
"I give this guy ten more minutes," Mira broke in, leaning over the table towards Sarii, "And then I say we hit the space lanes. I don't know how it works in the Republic, but I've learned that when a guy's late, it usually doesn't mean anything good-"
As if on cue, the doors of the waiting room they had been directed to finally opened. Instinct made her turn immediately, and she had a hard time keeping herself from saluting.
That's because we were the ones that handled the Republic- the Jedi "Generals" and "Admirals" that Revan appointed. We dealt with the logistics of being in official armed forces, the nitty-gritty of commanding squadrons and platoons.
All she did was point us places with her lightsaber.
"I'm glad you came, Master Jedi. I wasn't entirely sure if I still had the authority to order you here or not."
She had only met Admiral Onasi once, but his face was easy to remember. Even in exile she had seen it plastered across the HoloNet and various newsvids; the brown hair that men across the galaxy had tried to imitate but could never quite pick the right two wayward strands to fall into their eyes.
"I'm still a member of the Republic, Admiral," Sarii answered readily. "It's the least I can do."
Respect non-Force users. Respect the Republic. We learned that lesson very quickly- being a Jedi didn't mean a damn thing if you didn't have the brains and leadership to back it up. And if you didn't have them in a time of war, the people under your command paid the price.
Revan didn't learn that lesson. We did.
I did.
"Still, after all you've done for Telos and the Jedi Order, I can't imagine that you're itching to take on another fight."
"You sought adventure, you hungered for battle. You could not wait to follow Revan to war."
"I went to war to protect others, Atris," Sarii forced through her teeth. "Not for battle."
It felt like the thousandth time she had had this argument. Only this time, there was another sentient on the accusing end of it, not her own battered conscience.
"Depends on what we're fighting for," Mira murmured.
"I guess this would be the rest of the crew of the Ebon Hawk," the Admiral prompted, looking over her shoulder at the rest of them.
"Mira," Sarii said, gesturing towards each in turn. "My pilot, Atton Rand-"
"Like how she flies?" the Admiral interrupted. Atton studied him suspiciously before replying.
"For a piece of junk, she flies fine."
Sarii watched Onasi narrow his eyes for a moment like he was willing to spend an hour or so debating Atton about that.
"-And my Padawan, Mical."
The two men nodded to each other.
"I won't waste much of your time, Master Jedi," Onasi continued, seating himself across the table from her. "You'll probably want to get started as soon as you can-"
That's what you think, she thought, biting her lip and nodding guiltily.
"And sorry for being late," the Admiral added, taking off his hat. "Had to settle a few things with my children."
He has children? I guess he's old enough…but he's in love with Revan. Are they Revan's children? What the hell is going on-
"What, exactly, are we getting started on here?" Mira said, turning a chair over and sitting on the back of it.
"All this talk about true Sith and ancient Sith has probably been common knowledge in the Jedi Order, but the Republic's become concerned about this threat. The attack on Telos seemed isolated, but we're not willing to take any chances."
Sarii tried to act more attentive than she was, sitting up straight and folding her hands neatly on her lap, nodding every few words.
In reality she wanted to get out of here, get off of the station, back onto the Hawk, get as far away as she could from anything that was close to the past, that was close to Revan or the Mandalorian Wars.
Admiral Carth Onasi was about as close as she could get.
"Under the jurisdiction of myself and Admiral Dodonna, we're beginning a mission to the Unknown Regions, where the Jedi Council's said that the Sith are massing-"
"Where Revan went," Sarii couldn't help adding.
"Revan?" Mira broke in, looking from her to the Admiral.
Only three words (well, probably just the one) had somehow thrown the Republic officer's momentum off track, and he watched her for a minute.
"Admiral Onasi, I know what you're going to ask me to do," she continued quickly, ignoring Mira and trying to ignore the look on the Admiral's face. "And I can't do it."
Onasi opened his mouth.
"No, I can do it," Sarii added, "But I won't. She's not my responsibility. Ten years ago I might have followed her. But it's not ten years ago anymore, and she's no longer the woman I thought she was. I'm very sorry for your…loss, but I'm afraid I can't help you."
"She said that there were places where she had to walk where I could not go - places that she could not bring those she loved."
There were so many things she wanted to say. To ask him what woman he had known, if it had been the same woman who had cut down Mandalore, practically grinned as she stripped the surviving Mandalorians of their basilisks, ordered Sarii into the jungles of Dxun or the battles at Althir.
But the way she would have phrased these questions would have only hurt him, and Revan had obviously done enough of that herself. So Sarii just nodded.
"Master Jedi," Onasi said, leaning back in his chair and raising an eyebrow. "I didn't say a word about her yet-"
"I'm sorry, sir, but I'm not going after her-"
"I'm not asking you to."
Five words (well, probably just the 'not') stopped Sarii dead in her tracks.
"To be honest, Jedi Zhen, I don't quite trust anyone else to chase her down except me. And that's what I'm doing."
"You're going after her?" Sarii sputtered. "No offense intended, Admiral, but after eight years, what finally made you-"
"Eight years?" Admiral Onasi broke in.
Why the hell is he looking at me like I'm using carbonite as bath soap?
"Does someone want to fill the rest of us in here?" Atton said loudly, leaning over her chair and staring down at her.
"That's what you said, Admiral. You said Revan left you after the Star Forge, and you had been waiting for her, and she went off by herself in the Ebon Hawk, and she asked you to stay and keep the Republic strong," Sarii replied testily, momentarily forgetting how lightly she had been treading around mentions of Revan, of her last conversation with the Admiral; forgetting her concerns about upsetting him.
There was a moment of silence.
"You bought that?" Onasi said in astonishment, any hint of officialdom disappearing from his tone and his posture.
Well. I'm officially lost.
The Admiral seemed to fight for a few minutes against smiling, and finally caved on a scoff, running a hand through his hair.
"No offense intended either, Master Jedi, but I'm pretty damn surprised you believed me. I didn't think I was very good at lying."
He was easy to read, and all she felt was that he missed Revan as much as he said he did, that he loved her more than he was telling. The onslaught of emotions made Sarii embarrassed, like something that personal shouldn't be so easily accessible, and she stopped probing his mind instantly.
"Admiral, are you suggesting that everything you told Master Zhen was a lie?" Mical said.
"Because you were pretty damn convincing if it all was," Sarii spat indignantly.
"Well…not…everything," Onasi murmured, rubbing his neck. "It's true she left, but she'd only been gone for a couple months, not four years-"
He scoffed again.
"Four years," the Admiral muttered under his breath. "Or for that matter, eight. Like I would have sat here just waiting around until she decided to come back. Hell, I was ready to find her after six months. I'm surprised I'm still here after even a year and a half-"
"Okay, let's stop all this talk about years and months and people leaving," Mira snapped. "Like everyone in the galaxy knows, Revan killed Malak and blew up the Star Forge. Like most people in the galaxy suspect, she's still alive and turned good in the end. Like a lot of Jedi are pretty sure of, she's off in the Unknown Regions fighting these Sith creatures no one seems to know much about. Now, when did she leave to go do this?"
"A year and a half ago." Onasi replied.
"Fine. Now, where was she when you gave Sarii here your little sob story about how she'd been gone for four years?"
The Admiral frowned but answered the bounty hunter all the same. "Then she was just in hiding-"
"In hiding?" Mical interrupted. "Where? From what?"
Onasi looked impatient, and he exhaled loudly. "The Jedi were being hunted down, in case you hadn't noticed. Like every other Jedi, she hid-"
"She's not a Jedi, she's a traitor!"
Out the windows of the Republic cruiser Sarii and the rest of the party of Jedi could see the lines of three or four ships moving in a slow, deliberate pattern towards them. It was almost graceful, if you ignored the fact that she had a horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach.
"They've returned," One of her companions whispered.
Of course they have, she thought, rolling her eyes. Even the weakest of Force sensitives could have sensed Revan and Malak on one of those ships.
Sarii straightened her robes, made sure her lightsaber was properly attached to her belt. The Council was issuing calls for every Jedi who had fought in the Mandalorian Wars, the Republic had been quietly panicking as they tried desperately to recover from their losses despite their victory- everything had had a barely discernable scent of collapse while Revan and Malak had been gone.
But now they had returned, and she couldn't understand why the panic was still in her stomach.
"Unidentified ship, please respond," One of the communications officers called out again. The crew of the Republic ship seemed to get edgier with each passing second.
The other ship merely drifted towards them, silent and growing larger in the windows.
Revan?
Sarii called her leader's name timidly. She had rarely been in casual conversation with the Jedi, and to use her name now, especially through the Force, felt awkward and far too intimate.
What was more awkward, however, was the wall of silence that followed.
This wasn't right. They could feel the two Jedi on the ship; knew they were there, but they didn't feel the same-
All at once, a flurry of red and green fire exploded out of the turrets that dotted the surfaces of Revan and Malak's new ships. She felt her jaw drop.
The collective gasp from the bridge made even Sarii and her companions jump as they watched the tiny dots and lines of bright blaster fire slam into one of their accompanying Republic cruisers.
The dead were immediately overwhelming, making Sarii wince and feel dizzy. It was utter silence on the bridge. The screams of the dying and the sounds of metal exploding apart were muted through the blackness of space.
The captain of their ship opened his mouth a few seconds too late.
"Move us out of-"
Their sister cruiser exploded in a bright flash of red and orange before their eyes. The ship they were on was rocked back from the impact of the other ship's destruction, and the bridge was overwhelmed with the noises of alarms and injured or panicking crewmembers.
Revan!
It was indignant now, all traces of propriety or respect gone from Sarii's mind.
The why's and the how's beat unmercifully against her skull, but Sarii ignored them, exchanging glances with one of her fellow Jedi as the captain of the ship barked out orders for retreat, for a quick hyperspace jump back towards Core space.
She had fired on them. Their leader, Jedi Revan, had just destroyed a fully-manned Republic cruiser before their very eyes, and was powering up to destroy another one.
The words hurled out of her lips from where they had wrestled their way through her cringing stomach and up her tightened throat.
You're a Jedi, she rushed to remind herself, seven words too late. And they don't act like this. No matter what she means to you, she means something entirely different to him. Your Padawan is watching you, and if you get angry, he'll get angry-
Already she could sense Mical holding the edges of the table in uncertainty, ready to rise and follow her out if storming back to the ship was going to be her next action.
Apologize, be brave and be honest and apologize-
"I'm sorry. That was uncalled for."
Sarii was reasonably certain this was one of the most awkward moments of her life, but it didn't stop her from making the words come out along with one long, deep, calming breath.
Onasi wasn't as handsome as he had obviously once been, but Sarii was pretty sure it wasn't all because of age. He seemed marred now by one too many scars; a few more worry lines than necessary:
The look in his eyes that made him seem a lot older than she thought he was.
"You've been honest with me, Exile. I'm sorry I haven't been the same way."
She found herself wondering how the atmosphere had changed so completely. At first it had been one General to one Admiral, politely declining an order; and now it was Jedi Knight Sarii Zhen's emotional baggage facing off against Admiral Carth Onasi's, one wounded pair of blue eyes against brown.
"I'm going to take my own personal ship and trace her back to where her last message was sent and the last position the homing device had her at-"
"You were really keeping tabs on her," Atton murmured, whistling.
"What, and if I knew she was going to go I should have just let her without any way of knowing where she was going or what she was going to do?" Onasi replied, rolling his eyes. "I guess that old reputation I used to have as a decorated war hero and a strategic commander isn't going around too much anymore."
Okay, okay, so you're not completely confused, Revan's in the Unknown Regions just like you thought she was-
"Why did she leave?" Sarii demanded.
"I don't completely understand why she left. My son's tried to explain it to me a hundred times, but either I'm not hearing him or I just don't want to listen-"
His son? Who the hell is his son and what does he have to do with any of this-
"By the way, he says he's sorry," Onasi murmured suddenly, smirking up at Mical.
"Your son?" Atton broke in.
"My son Dustil."
"The Council has become increasingly aware of the possible threat growing in the Unknown Regions. Recently we have been reminded of what it might claim should it ever reach the Republic by Jedi Dustil-"
"Revan refused the help of other Jedi," Master Bindo interrupted, the look he shot to the Twi'lek making it obvious that the rest of Jedi Dustil whomever's name was no minor detail. "Even her own Padawan was left behind-"
Mical exhaled, half frustrated and half relieved. "I hope he found whatever it was he was looking for, though next time he might consider asking."
Noticing the look on her face, her Padawan grasped one of his datapads out of his bag, waving it at her.
Okay, Sarii thought, trying not to look confused. His son's Revan's Padawan, her Padawan stole Mical's datapads about our battles, that explains a little bit-
"And the droids?" Mira piped up.
Onasi shrugged. "The droids were hers. She took them back."
"They were on our ship!" Atton said angrily, leaning over the table.
"Technically it's not your ship, kid," the Admiral replied smoothly. "You're just lucky Mission and Zaalbar decided otherwise."
At the mention of Mission, Sarii tried to sense what it meant to Atton, who looked shocked for a moment but quickly recovered into his usual scowl.
All she got for her trouble was a barrage of Pazaak numbers, and she frowned.
"Just lucky," Sarii repeated. "So she took my droids, stole my Padawan's research, and took off for the Unknown Regions, without you or your son, presumably her Padawan…how does any of this explain why you didn't just tell me this four years ago?"
"Cause it wouldn't have," Atton muttered over his shoulder, rolling his eyes. "You know, helped us out or anything to talk to Revan herself."
"How do we know you're not making this story up too, Admiral?" Sarii added, despite the fact that truth was practically stamped on all of his words.
Onasi glared at her. "Oh no, don't even try and pull the wounded trust act on me, sister. I did what I had to do. I didn't know you beyond your service records, and I certainly didn't know anyone else traveling with you."
Sarii wondered if it was just her imagination that he seemed to eye Atton in particular as he said this.
"I don't care if you were the last Jedi in the galaxy or the greatest Jedi Master that ever lived. I'm not going to do anything to endanger my wife or my children-"
His wife?
"If that involved lying to you, then so be it. You might have helped save Telos, but as I know from experience even the best Jedi can turn easily."
He paused, staring Sarii directly in the eye.
"I'm sure you know that by now too."
The Admiral sat back up in his chair, reaching for his hat and running his fingers over the edges of it.
"She doesn't have anything to do with what I'm proposing for you and your crew."
Sarii's head was spinning. His pause felt misplaced; she felt like it should have gone after the 'I'm sure you know that', not before-
"I've been given clearance for this mission if and only if I send information back to the Republic every step of the way about our progress in learning more about these new Sith; their capabilities, their resources, everything."
Onasi sighed, vague guilt coming off of him like a heavy fog.
"But my first priority is her. Finding her and bringing her back. Everything else takes a backseat."
He put his hat back on, looking up at her again.
"I need you and your crew to accompany us to the Unknown Regions and from there split up. I need you to investigate the Sith and notify the Republic of what you find. While you're doing that, I'll be the one looking for her."
Sarii watched him stand up from the table, his stance familiar- she had seen in a hundred of her superiors and underlings, had even perfected it herself.
Feet only slightly apart, hands clasped quietly behind your back, standing straight, shoulders squared, head level, makes you look confident. Inspires people who put store in your decisions, not in the lightsaber that hangs from your belt.
"I wouldn't ask you to follow her. I wouldn't ask that of anyone. I'm going to find her, and I'm going to bring her back to the people that need her. Now will you help me, or not?"
She felt herself begin to dumbly repeat his question, but stopped herself with only the 'n' having pushed itself between her tongue and upper teeth.
I'm crazy, I'm crazy and stupid for what I'm about to agree to, I'm about to join a trip that's going to bring her back from the dead and put her in front of me in all her smug flesh and blood glory-
"When do we leave?" Sarii finally answered, somehow keeping herself from scowling as she sensed the Admiral's obvious relief at her reply.
"The coordinates and most up-to-date maps we have will be sent to the Hawk. Leave as soon as you're prepared. I have a brief stop on Coruscant and I'll catch up with you from there."
Onasi turned and exited the room with much less of a presence than he had entered it, obviously too distracted by his plans of chasing down Revan and whatever he had to do on Coruscant.
There was a long, awkward silence in which the only noises Sarii could hear was everyone distinctive breathing. Mical's, calm and even; Mira's short bursts of incredulity; Atton's, loud and forced through his nose.
She couldn't hear her own until she realized she was holding her breath, and Sarii finally let out a loud, exasperated sigh.
"Well, we've been hosed," Mira finally said, lifting her leg over the back of the chair and folding her arms.
"Hosed?"
"You know, taken," the bounty hunter snapped. "Tricked, conned, played, duped…we've been had."
Used, manipulated…
"He was one of my contacts during my time as an agent for the Republic," Mical said, almost to himself. "His son is becoming more and more well-known within the halls of the Jedi-"
Succumbing to the deceit of others doesn't make us weak, Mical, Sarii reassured him. It only makes those who resorted to trickery the weaker ones.
Master Kavar's usually quiet chuckle echoed loudly against her skull.
And where does your growing rage against those who deceived you come in, Padawan Zhen?
"This is going to be a long trip," Sarii finally said, standing up and walking around to the front of the room. "And it'll probably be of the more dangerous variety."
She sighed impatiently under their skeptical looks.
"What I mean is that if you were looking to go off on your own, now would be the perfect time."
"What, you mean worse than having three Sith Lords on our tail and every assassin in the galaxy popping up around every corner?" Mira said, one hand on her hip.
"You need someone around who's quickly learning how to keep that ship in one piece. I bet there'll be ample opportunity for Rand over there to smash it into something or other, and with Bao-Dur…"
Dead.
She would have known it even if he hadn't been pinned under half the bulkheads he had spent months repairing, even if one of the horns attached to his Zabrak skull wasn't half ripped off along with parts of his scalp.
She would have known because she could no longer feel his presence, like hers because it had seen the same things but stronger because they hadn't taken away his love of fixing things, his honest replies and his always ready "Yes, General?".
Sarii tried to look for a blanket or something to cover him with, wondered if she could drag him out onto the cold surface of Malachor Five by herself or if a makeshift burial would have to wait until her crewmates came out of unconsciousness.
All of it would have to wait until she defeated whatever was waiting for her out there.
Sarii sighed.
"Yeah, well my idea of a noble mission isn't to go into uncharted space on some old man's orders who's too busy chasing the Sith Lord he's got the hots for to do his own work," Atton muttered.
"Then don't go," she found herself saying. "No one's making you stay."
But I want him to stay.
Before she could think of some polite way to ask them to leave, Mical and Mira were already out the door, which hissed shut quietly behind them.
Her Padawan lingered briefly in her mind but gave up after a moment or so. Atton was hard to read; her feelings about him were even harder.
"Well...just leaving you like this would be pretty harsh," The pilot said, obviously trying to back-pedal. "You know, about to go running off to your death and everything."
"You must go where Revan did, into the Unknown Regions, where the Sith, the true Sith, wait in the dark for the great war that comes."
Must I? Must I?
"I mean, I'm not doing anything." His sudden casual attitude was so different from his ten-second rant a moment ago that Sarii just stared at him.
"Hey, you could always use company beyond your Padawan there and Mira, who's, well, charming and all, but-"
Atton came closer to her, a couple inches taller and a nervous smile.
"Besides, if I'm not around to bail you out of trouble, who knows what could happen?"
She liked having him around. That was the extent of what she knew about herself and Atton Rand.
Sarii folded her arms in front of her.
"Who knows? So I guess you're coming, then."
"I guess so. For the record, though, I just want to say that I have a bad feeling about this."
She rolled her eyes as they turned and exited the waiting room, heading towards the docks.
"I mean, because last time, we were heading toward this mining colony on the edge of space, and there was this Sith Lord, and..."