4. You're as thick as a brick wall
Potions had never been Remus' strong suit. That was why – amid many other reasons which no one needed to know about but them – Sirius had been his partner since the middle of first year. He always helped Remus with whatever he stumbled over, explaining carefully or guiding his hands gently. Remus felt that he truly had improved, or so he liked to think.
That particular day, Remus was proved drastically wrong.
Sirius was supposed to be helping him on the difficult N.E.W.T. level potion they had been assigned. Instead, he and James, who was seated with Peter in front of them, were playing together between the two tables with something James had found in the corridor. Remus shook his head and tried to block out the sounds of their bickering, focusing on the task at hand.
He dropped the slightly over shredded wings of a Lacewing Fly in to the cauldron. It sizzled and popped furiously, turning a nasty green colour. Remus consulted his book and winced. Well, that certainly wasn't right. It was supposed to be a nice pastel yellow. His nose wrinkled at the strong odor emanating from the cauldron.
"Sirius, are you mad?" James cried softly. "Give that back to me, you berk!"
Sirius turned the magazine – so that's what it is, Remus thought to himself – sideways and peered intently at something within it.
"I don't understand what you see in them," he muttered, eyes squinting as though searching for a hard to find detail. "For one, the pictures don't even move."
"That's because it's obviously a Muggle magazine," James ground out between his teeth.
Sirius ignored him. "And what's so attractive? They've got all these curves and lumps all over. I don't find that particularly appealing."
Remus was slowly pouring a critical ingredient into the cauldron when Sirius shoved the magazine under his nose. Remus started violently and the remaining ingredients fell in.
"Moony, do you find these birds at all attractive?"
He looked down and choked when he saw pictures upon pictures of naked women. "Sirius, what in Merlin's name –?"
Remus was cut off as the potion suddenly made a 'blurging' sound and started to fizz and boil.
"Well," Sirius said after a contemplative moment, staring fearfully into the cauldron, "that certainly isn't good."
James' eyes jerked back to them, widening owlishly behind his glasses in panic. "Quick," he whispered urgently, standing up, "Slughorn's coming. Give me the magazine back."
James made a wild grab, but missed, his foot catching on the table leg. He tripped and flew across the table, slamming into the cauldron and bringing it with him as he fell to the floor.
Silence reigned throughout the Potion's classroom as the students stared at what had happened. Remus' mouth opened and closed in shock as Sirius peered around him to where James was.
"Mate," the dark haired wizard said, barely containing his amusement, "you're as thick as a brick wall."
James made no reply, because he was, in fact, a solid brick wall.