Sorry if this chapter sucks, I'm really trying my hardest to get back into the swing of things. Plus I honestly have no idea where this story is going-I know how it's going to end but everything in between is white noise so far xD anyway, enjoy this, I'm trying to slowly ease more problems into the story and the next chapter will really kick things off-this is just sorta trying to get things going. Anyway, enjoy! -Alyssa
James woke up that next morning with mixed emotions. He had nightmares all night, mostly about his past, and it tore at him until he couldn't take it. He barely got any sleep, which made him exceptionally glad that they had the weekend off. He yawned, stretched, and tried rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He glanced next to him, and all his exhaustion and irritability went away when he saw Lilliana sleeping next to him, curled up in a ball with her head tucked into the blanket. James gave a small laugh and bent down to kiss her cheek. Nothing in the entire world could take her place, nothing else could take away all the love he had for her.
"Morning, honey." Mrs. Knight's voice came from the kitchen and she appeared from behind the counter. "How you feeling? I know you were a little sick last night, you couldn't sleep."
"I'm doing good, thanks." He said, stretching his arms above his head. Lilliana stirred slightly, and hugged the blanket closer to her. James slowly stood up off the chair, so he wouldn't wake her. "This one helped me sleep." He ran a hand through his wife's hair. "She's so cute."
"So nothing yet, huh?" Mrs. Knight asked, taking a sip of her coffee. James frowned and looked at the ground, shaking his head.
"No." He sighed. "Nothing yet. I'm starting to get disappointed. What if something is wrong? Should we go to the doctor or something?"
Mrs. Knight smiled and set her cup down on the counter. "James, this happens. It could be stress, but sometimes it does take a while. If you've been trying for a few months, wait just a little bit more then go to the doctor if you're that worried. But, honestly, I think you guys just need to be a little more patient. This kind of thing takes time. Believe me, I've had two kids."
James laughed and sat down on a chair at the table. Mrs. Knight turned and grabbed an envelope off the kitchen counter. "I almost forgot. I picked up the mail, and this came for you today." She set it down on the table and winked at him, and James' smile grew even bigger when he noticed who it was from.
"Dad." He said, excitedly, like a child on Christmas morning. He tore open the carefully sealed white envelope and read the letter aloud to Mrs. Knight.
James,
I know we haven't been speaking very much because of how busy I have been over here, but do know that I think about you and your mother all the time. It gets pretty lonely over here without you all, and I am so excited to say I will be coming home soon. Christmastime is the estimate, I can't say for sure, though. But just a few more months, bud, and I can see you again. It's been two years since I last saw you, on your wedding day. I think about you standing at the altar waiting for Lilliana and I just couldn't stop picturing the little boy you used to be. I never thought I would see that little kid all grown up, and now here you are, ready to give me my first grandkid and everything. Where did the time go?
Anyway, hang in there, son. Just a few more months and we can all be a family again. I can't wait to see you, James. Please remember to stay strong, for me, at least.
-Dad
"Oh my." James said, wiping a tear from his eye. Mrs. Knight came up behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I really miss my dad, Mrs. Knight."
"I know, baby, I know." She patted his shoulder and sighed. "But think of it this way, he's out there defending the country for you, your wife, and your future kid. He really misses you, too, and just remember, he said he will be back by Christmas."
"Thanks." He said, folding the letter back into the envelope and setting it on the table. "Just really rough without him, you know?"
"I know, hun, I know." She walked over to the stove and turned it on. "I'm going to be making pancakes, do you want some?"
"You know I'm always up for pancakes." James laughed. He turned in his chair and faced his friends, all sleeping on the couch, cuddled up next to their loved one. He watched Lilliana as she slept, so quiet, so peaceful, and his heart filled with even more love for the beautiful girl. He stood up and walked back over to her, lying down next to her and gently pulling the sleeping girl onto his lap. He pushed the hair out of her face as she yawned and snuggled her face into his neck, the smile emitting from her lips as she slept making James grin from ear to ear. He gently kissed her temple and closed his eyes once more, not stopping for one second thinking about how lucky he was to have an amazing life like the one that was granted to him.
Everyone was surprisingly up and awake with enthusiasm that morning. James pulled Lilliana onto his lap as they ate breakfast, and each time she took a bite, he would kiss her neck harder and harder. At one point, Carlos just laughed and pointed at the pair.
"We didn't sign up for breakfast porn this morning." He said. Alexa laughed and hit her boyfriend on the shoulder, while James and Lilliana just laughed.
"Hey, don't look at me, he's the one who insists on having sex anywhere at anytime." She winked at James. "Not that I don't approve, or anything."
"Damn, you're almost as bad as he is." Logan laughed. "Almost. Not quite."
"Gee, thanks, Logan." Lilliana said, smiling at him. She set her fork down on the table and suddenly frowned, her eyes secretly darting to mee James'.
"You're doing fine, baby girl." James whispered to her. Lilliana nodded and absentmindedly rubbed her arms, something both James and Carlos noticed. Carlos touched his scars as well, and James shot him a saddened look. James kissed Lilliana and gently pulled her off his lap. "I gotta run to the bathroom real quick, I'll be back down. Carlos, come with me real fast."
Carlos mouthed out the word "shit" and slowly stood up from the table. "Be right back." He said, kissing Alexa's cheek. She watched him, slightly puzzled, as he followed James up the stairs and into the room they used to share.
"Don't think I didn't see that." James said, folding his arms across his chest. "I have hawk eyes for the last five years. Is something wrong, Carlos?"
Carlos tried to come up with an excuse, but couldn't find any. He sighed and let his shoulders sink down low. "No, yes, ugh, I don't know." He sat down on the edge of his bed and closed his eyes. "I just been thinking about a lot of things, lately."
"Like?" James sat down next to him and placed a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Like what? What's bothering you?"
"I really like Alexa, ok." He said, sighing. He fell back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. "But...I don't know if she likes me."
James choked out a laugh. "You're kidding me, right?" He asked. He flopped down to join Carlos and shook his head. "You're crazy. That girl is crazy about you. You've been together for how many months now, she even tells you she loves you. Why would you ever think for one second she doesn't like you?"
"Because." Carlos sighed. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, a painful memory flashing through his mind. "Five years ago."
James was silent for a few moments. "What about five years ago?" James was so unsure of where the conversation was going, he got slightly concerned.
"It's just...well, after you started, you know, hurting yourself, and after you tried to kill yourself, and I started cutting, I don't know, I've been really insecure since then." He held out his arm, revealing a long row of faded, white scars. They were almost invisible, like James', but they were all too visible to him. "I just, I feel like she's judging me, you know? Like, I can feel her looking at my scars and it feels like she isn't happy, like she wants someone better, more perfect, someone...not like me."
James sighed and placed a hand on Carlos' shoulder. "Listen here, asshole, I'm going to start off this speech by saying that is complete and utter bullshit." Carlos grinned and James turned back to staring at the ceiling.
"Listen, Alexa knew about what you went through, you were brave enough to personally show her your scars and tell her your story, and she welcomed you. In fact, she told you she loved you and that she would always protect you. She didn't care about what you went through, it might have even made her love you even more. And if she wouldn't have liked you because of that, it would make her a fucking bitch. But she's a good girl, Carlos, there's no reason for her not to like you."
Carlos faked a half smile and sighed. "I just, I don't know, I can't help it. I know our relationship is growing stronger, and I know we both love each other deeply, but what if, what if one day I ask her to marry me and she says no? I mean, I love her enough, but I always have this constant fear that she doesn't love me enough."
"That's normal, bud." James replied. "I thought the same thing about Lilliana, sometimes I still do. It's natural to feel like that, it just means you really like her. You've never really had a lot of girlfriends before, so you're kind of scared. Does that make sense?"
"I think you went to therapy for 5 years too many." Carlos laughed. "But, yeah, it does. Thanks buddy." Carlos grinned, and they both sat up and James slapped him across the back.
"Now let's go downstairs." James said, smirking. "We got two beautiful girls down there waiting for us."
Now that their summer tour had been drawn to an end, they had more free time to spend before they got into any more serious work. They had a few days of recording here and there, but Gustavo was giving them a whole week's vacation with absolutely no interuptions, and everyone was beyond excited for it.
"Just think about it. A whole week at the beach, with nobody to bother us." Carlos kicked his feet up on the table and sighed a grateful sigh. "It's been a while since we spent some time at the beach, what could be better?"
"It's going to be great." Lilliana said, resting her head against James'. "I love the beach." James grinned and kissed her cheek, causing her to blush. It made him feel so happy to see her blush like that, even after all the years they had been together. He grinned and kissed her again, nibbling on her skin slightly as his lips touched her.
"When do we leave?" Logan asked.
"Tomorrow morning, first thing." Kendall said, clapping his hands together. "Rise and shine, guys. No press, no fans, no Gustavo, no anything. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love our fans do death, but it will be nice to have a little bit of alone time for once."
"So what are we gonna do today? It's going to go so damn slow." Carlos groaned. Alexa laughed and patted his shoulder.
"It's supposed to rain, so if you boys plan to do something outside, you better have some sort of alternative." Mrs. Knight replied, cleaning up the dishes in the kitchen.
"We could have a Mario Kart rematch." Carlos said, smirking at everyone. "I am the king, you know."
"Why don't we try the pool first. Then if it rains, we can come inside and kick Carlos' ass." Kendall said, grinning at the last few words. Carlos shook his head and leaned back in his chair.
"Whatever you say."
"Let's get ready then. We can order pizza and stuff. Like our own personal going away party." James said, stroking Lilliana's hair.
"We're only going away for a week." Logan said.
"Food is food, dude." James said. "We're going to go get ready. We'll meet you back here in a bit, alright?" James said. He picked Lilliana up bridle style and carried her to the doorway. She was laughing then, but she lost it when Carlos called out across the room.
"Better be pregnant when you get back here!"
"I need some time with you all to myself." James said, wiggling his eyebrows as they entered their apartment. He kissed her softly, then with more force, and he set her down on the bed and crawled on top of her, kissing every inch of her body he could reach. She giggled and tried to push him away from her.
"James, I'm tired." She said, laughing. James sat on his knees like a young child and pouted.
"Oh, come on. Pleeeaaaase?" He asked, giving her a puppy dog face. Lilliana rolled her eyes and shook her head, smiling.
"Alright, you win." She said, and her innocent smile turned into a deep smirk and she pushed him backwards, taking over dominance. "But we're doing it my way this time."
"Damn, you guys were gone a long time. Where were you?" Kendall asked as James and Lilliana approached them at the pool.
"We would've been here sooner if we didn't have to do things her way." James grinned and Lilliana smacked him across his shoulder.
"Ow!" He yelped.
She laughed. "You deserved it."
James reached into his pocket, but started to panic when he couldn't pull out anything. "Hey, I think I dropped my phone somewhere in the lobby, I'm going to run back and get it. I'll be right back." James said, looking at the ground around him. "I'm sure I had it coming downstairs." He kissed Lilliana's head and turned around, looking at the ground with every step he took.
"Where is that God damned phone." He said to himself. He shook his head and laughed when he heard a voice shout at him from the other direction.
"You're always losing that fucking phone! Maybe you just shouldn't have one!"
James flipped Carlos off.
"Phone, phone, phone, phone." James cursed himself as he advanced through the lobby, shaking his head as his search turned up no avail. "Damn it, I need an alarm on that thing."
"Lose something?" A voice startled James. He turned and saw a girl holding his phone out to him. He quickly grabbed it and nodded towards her.
"Than-" James stopped mid sentence, his eyes growing wide. He couldn't believe it. "The fuck are you doing here?"
"Giving you your phone back, why'd you ask?" The voice, that hair, those curves, those eyes. James had to blink a few times to make sure he was seeing things right.
"Get out of here, Victoria." His voice was so low, he could almost barely hear it himself. "Get out of here...and leave me alone…"
She looked completely different. So different. Her hair was dyed from a dark brown to an almost unnatural black. Her skin was more tanned, she lost some weight, and she acted around him like nothing had ever happened between the two of them. James rubbed his eyes to make sure he was looking at the right person. He stumbled back a few more steps, gripping onto the wall for support. "Why did you follow me?"
"It's public property, I think I can be here if I want to be, right?" She flashed him a smirk and flipped her hair over her shoulder, placing a hand on her hip and raising her eyebrows, like she expected him to say something. James was still in complete and total shock. 5 years. It had been five long years since he last evcen spoke to her, and even today, he still recognized her in the blink of an eye, even though she looked completely different.
"You followed me here. I know you did." He whispered. He tried to back up some more, but was repressed by the wall he was touching to hold himself up. "I hate you. I always hated you. I'm married now, leave me alone."
"I heard about that, congratulations." She said, grinning.
"The sarcasm isn't appreciated."
Victoria shrugged and looked over her shoulder. "I gotta go, but maybe we can meet up later, catch up on what we all missed. Five years is a long time, you know."
"Fuck you." James turned and ran out of the lobby, nearly stumbling over chairs and tables as he left.
When he arrived back at the pool, phone clutched so tightly in his hands it made his knuckles turn white, everyone, who had already jumped in the pool, turned to him with concerned looks on their faces.
"James, what's wrong?" Kendall called out, but James didn't answer. He sat down on the pool chair, ignoring their calls to him, and buried his face in his hands. Lilliana exchanged a worried look with the others and hurried out of the water and dashed over to him, throwing her arm around him as she sat down next to him.
"James? What's wrong? You're like, extremely pale, are you ok? What, what happened? Come on, baby, what happened?"
But James couldn't speak, even if he would've tried, he wouldn't have been able to. All he could do in that moment was point over to the lobby. "I…" He tried starting, but he couldn't finish. "She, she…"
"What she? Who's 'she'?" Everyone else jumped out of the pool and rushed over to James, nobody saying a word, but all extremely worried. "James, who did you see over there?"
He didn't even have to say anything. All he did was lift his head to look at her, and Lilliana knew exactly who he was talking about. A tear slipped down his face and he turned away from his wife. "She gave me my phone. I didn't know who it was until I got a good look at her face. She changed, a lot. But I still knew."
Lilliana turned to the others, tears forming in the bases of her eyes, as well. She leaned over to look into the lobby, but she didn't find anyone. She turned back to James and scooted closer to him. She rested her head on his shoulder and rubbed her hand in circles around his back. "What this bitch say to you?" She asked him.
James closed his eyes for a few moments before looking into the lobby, no sign of the girl anywhere. He turned back to LIlliana and lowered his eyes. "She, she was asking me, like, she was talking to me about," James let out a frustrated sigh before attempting to continue on. "She tried to act like nothing ever happened, like she said hello and I told her she followed me here. She like, she tried to deny it, started getting smart with me. Told her I was married and didn't want anything to do with her, but she, she's acting...it's weird. I, I don't want to see her, I can't, I won't…" He started to shake, his hands rubbing his arms furiously, as if he was trying to rub the scars away. Lilliana took his hands and turned his head to look at her, seriousness in her eyes.
"She's gone now, and if she tries to start shit again, come get one of us. You don't need to be feeling that way anymore."
"I should go find this chick." Kendall said, furiously. "She can't be doing this to you. Not again."
"Just forget about it." James said, pushing his hair back and taking a deep breath. "We came here to have fun, and tomorrow we leave for the beach. For an entire week, too. Let's just put aside the stress and enjoy it all right now."
Everyone exchanged concerned glances before nodding and patting James' shoulder. "You'll be good, buddy." Logan said. "It's just anxiety that's making you react like this. If she comes back around we'll take care of it, ok?"
James nodded and stood up, taking Lilliana's hand and helping her up as well. He pulled her especially close to him, and flipped his hair aside and looked around once more, making sure that Victoria wasn't anywhere in sight. He was still slightly shaking.
"No need to feel depressed, now, is there?" Carlos grinned wickedly and picked Alexa up and jumped into the pool with her in his arms, her screams of excitement disappearing underneath the waves created by Carlos' splash. The other guys and their girls grinned and followed his lead, James having Lilliana jump onto his back as he dove in. Throughout the day, his eyes kept darting around looking for her, for the girl who nearly ruined his life five years ago. Lilliana noticed his gaze at times, and although she played it off like it didn't bother her, truly, it did. But she swallowed her feelings and went along with the day, James clinging to her like she was the most precious gem in the entire world; and to him, she really was. And nothing was ever going to change that. Ever.