Rating: M

Warnings: Slash, Mpreg,

Pairings: SS/HP

Genres: Romance, Angst, Humour, Drama, Horror, Thriller

Summary: Severus Snape walks in on a certain boy wizard in the bathroom and realises just how much he wants to be with him. He sets out to prove his feelings wrong, but ends up falling deeper in love.But Severus is a cold man, terrified of rejection- can he learn to trust the love of his life before it's too late?

A/N: I will update more often! I will! I will! I will update more often! I'm so sorry for the long wait. Loads of stupid stuff has been happening. I know it's anoying when a fic doesn't update for ages. Forgive me?

Chapter Four: The Talk

Harry lay on his stomach on the floor of his bedroom, finishing his letter to Ron. They would be returning to Hogwarts tomorrow and still Harry hadn't talked either Sirius or Remus about his recent feelings. He hated to admit it, but he felt too shy to discuss such a thing with them. He knew they wouldn't laugh at him or anything, but still – talking about your sexuality to two grown up men…it was a bit daunting and embarrassing.

He told Ron all of this and promised that, if back Hogwarts he still felt like this, he would write to Remus or Sirius for some advice. But, now that he thought about it, he really didn't know what they would be able to tell him. It was really something that Harry had to figure out on his own – you can't really be told you're gay, can you?

He finished his letter and signed off, depositing it in its envelope and on his desk, ready for when Hedwig got back from hunting.

Was there really a possibility that he could be gay? It seemed so unreal, and yet…

No. He couldn't be gay. He just couldn't. He was just…curious; yes, that was it. He was curious. No harm in that. There was no way he was gay. He liked…women. Yeah! Women! No men for him.

But what if he was? Everyone would laugh at him and call him names and, on top of everything else that he had to deal with, he knew he wouldn't be able to take it. He didn't want to be labelled 'queer'; all he'd ever wanted was to be normal and being gay certainly wasn't normal. I just wasn't…right!

But if it wasn't right than why was he actually considering if he might be gay? If it was so wrong then he shouldn't allow such a thought to enter his mind! If it was so wrong then why wasn't he disgusted with Remus and Sirius?

Relax Harry, he thought to himself; just because the idea doesn't repulse you doesn't mean you're gay. It just simply means that you aren't against other people being gay. That's all. It doesn't mean you are attracted to men.

But what about Snape?

"Ew! Where the hell did that thought come from?"

Harry shook his head and got up, moving over to his half-empty school trunk. Packing should take his mind off things.

"Everything alright Harry?" asked Sirius, dropping himself on to Harry's bed. For the passed half hour, Harry had managed to turn his room in to absolute chaos. He didn't know why he had thought that packing would help with his state of mind – if anything it had only made it worse. Books and ink bottles lay scattered haphazardly around the floor whilst homework assignments floated above his head. His clothes lay piled next to his trunk, folding themselves one by one before leaping into the air and dropping to the floor instead of into his trunk.

"No," he muttered sharply, "Everything is not alright. Nothing is packing itself away, half of my school books are missing, and I can't fine my Potions homework which, by the way, took me over three hours to complete!"

"Whoa, calm down," said Sirius, looking at Harry, "Chill. All you need is a simple spell. I'm sure we can find it."

"Don't you think I've tried using a spell?" he snapped, indicating the floating assignments. "It's gone. Snape is going to kill me."

With that last statement, he slumped to the floor and lay his head against the side of his bed.

"Is there something wrong?" Sirius asked, slipping off the bed to join Harry.

"What a stupid question," he muttered irritably. "What do you think?"

"No, I meant something else. You did say you wanted to talk the other day. Is there something on your mind?"

"Yes," he muttered, "But I don't see how talking about it will help find my homework."

"Don't they teach you properly at that school?" Sirius asked with a small smile. "Most charms and spells depend on the caster's emotions. If you're calmed and focused the spell will work perfectly, but if your heads all over the place, well…" he trailed off, looking at the self-folding clothes that were throwing themselves everywhere. "So," he said, turning back to his Godson, "You wanna talk?"

Harry couldn't help it; he drew his knees up to his chest and buried his face in his hands, cringing. Just the thought of talking to Sirius about…such things…it was embarrassing!

"Ahh," said Sirius slowly and Harry could hear that damned smile in his tone, "So it's those kind of things that are bothering you." When Harry didn't look up he nudged him slightly. "Hey, you know it's nothing to be embarrassed about right? It's completely natural."

"Natural?"

"Yeah," he said softly. "Harry, you were brought up by those damn muggles then swept off to a magical boarding school. It's not your fault that you don't understand these things."

"Things?"

"Yeah, things. Remus has said time and time again that Hogwarts should have a few classes for the benefit of the students and I – "

"Sirius, it's not that," Harry interrupted. "You really don't have to…"

"No, it's ok Harry, honestly. I was once your age so I understand what you're going through and what you're feeling."

"Well, yeah, I know that," said Harry, trying to explain, "But I need to tell you – "

"Now, there's no reason to feel embarrassed about things like this Harry. It's a time that comes in every man's life - where he starts to experience certain…changes…both physical and emotional…"

"Sirius?"

"You start to become more aware of other people, especially the way they look, and soon you feel the need to…touch them and be touched…in certain ways…"

"Touch them, Sirius?"

"But Harry, just because others around you may be doing things, that doesn't mean you have to. I understand that sometimes it's best to wait for that special someone and – "

"Sirius, can I say something before you continue?"

"Of course."

"I think I'm gay."

"Oh"

"Yeah…"

"You wanna talk about it?"

"No. No, I'm cool. Thanks."

"No problem."

Harry crept down the wooden stairs later that night, heading towards the welcoming light coming from the living room. He had heard the door to Sirius and Remus' bedroom open a while ago and heard one of them go downstairs. He figured that now was the opportunity to talk to either of them.

He had been in bed for the passed hour, staring at his blank ceiling, not really tired at all. He craved to have someone to talk to, someone who would understand. He knew Sirius and Remus were there, only two doors away, but he lacked the courage to ask them for advice. He cursed himself for not continuing the conversation, however fragmented that conversation had begun. But he would be returning to school tomorrow and he would hate to go back not having discussed his 'situation' just a little.

Softly, Harry pushed open the living room door. Sirius was sitting, with his legs tucked underneath him, in the armchair by the fire. The light played on his features, making the lines on his face more pronounced. Even though Sirius had reached a healthy size and weight once more, he still hadn't fully recovered from his years in Azkaban. Harry had a nasty feeling he never would.

The years in Azkaban had cruelly taken away so much of Sirius' youth and Harry really admired the way his Godfather had done all he could to gain those lost years and get himself back on track. Before Azkaban, Sirius had been well on his way to becoming on Auror. But now, even if they did somehow manage to clear his name, the Ministry would never take him on. But Sirius never let that get to him, saying that there were far more important things to worry about. Even if his name was cleared at some point, he would be quite content working somewhere in Diagon Alley, a place that had been a place of solitude for him as a kid.

Harry was amazed at the change in Sirius. Who had once been a gaunt, depressed (and somewhat crazy) man was now a healthy, happy, and fun-loving person. To Harry he was more like a big brother than anything else.

But in late hours like these, Sirius' dreadful past seemed to catch up with him. The shadow of Azkaban always crept its way into his eyes and Harry knew it would never go away.

Harry cleared his throat as not to startle the man and made his way over to the fire place, seating himself on the floor. For a moment they both just enjoyed the other's company, relaxing in the comforting presence of each other. The fire crackled, slowing devouring the burning logs, giving off more heat.

Finally, Harry voiced what was on his mind.

"When did you realise you were bi?"

He heard Sirius shuffle in his seat, adjusting himself into a more comfortable sitting position.

"After Moony told me he was gay," he said. His voice sounded as kind as Harry had come to know to.

"Didn't you feel an attraction to another guy before that?" Harry asked.

"I suppose I did," he said, "Although I didn't realise it for what it was until I learned Remus was gay." Harry looked up and Sirius continued. "We always flirted with each other, but it had always been in a friendly, joking sort of way. When he told us all that he actually was gay…I don't know really…I just liked the idea of him fancying blokes. And I knew he fancied me – he was so obvious. It took me a while to realise I had feelings for him though. I just thought they were feelings for a friend."

"How did you get together?" asked Harry, interested.

"I kissed him. One evening I just saw him sat there, on his bed, revising for a test we had the next day, and I kissed him. Of course," he said, "he already knew I was bisexual by that point – I'd sort of made a point of dating a few guys and showing them off in front of him," he laughed softly. But then it faded and he turned to look at Harry.

"You said you think you're gay?"

Harry nodded. "I find men attractive. And I've sort of gone off girls. I mean, they're just…girls. And men are, you know…men." He paused. "I'm not making any sense am I?"

"Not really," he laughed. "Hey, don't worry," he added, "I know what you mean. You can see that women are attractive but you yourself aren't attracted to them?"

"Yeah, that's sort of it," said Harry. "But you're bi; you like both."

"I like Remus," said Sirius.

"But you're still bi."

"But I'm with Remus and Remus is a guy."

"But you wouldn't say 'no' to a girl?"

"If I wasn't with Remus."

"Well, yeah," he said, "We wouldn't want you to cheat on him. But you still find girls attractive?"

"Are you bi Harry?" he asked, turning round.

"No!" said Harry, a little too quickly, "At least, I don't think I am. Argh, I'm sorry I'm being so confusing."

"You have a right to," Sirius said with a smile. "Not everything has to be straight forward in life."

"Nothing is ever straight forward for me," Harry grumbled. "Hell, I'm not even straight! God! I feel so…vulnerable. I don't even know myself. I honestly couldn't tell you what I'm feeling."

"You don't have to," he said kindly, pushing himself off the chair and joining Harry on the rug. "Don't try and force yourself to come to a decision. You'll figure it all out in time. You don't even need to think about it. Just let yourself be…you. It will all come naturally. And in the mean time, just enjoy the ride."

"How can I enjoy it if I don't know what it is that I want? I don't want to be in a relationship with a girl and suddenly realise that I want to be with a man. I don't want to hurt anybody."

"Sweetie," said Sirius, bushing a hand through Harry's hair, "You're too nice for your own good, you know that?"

Harry smiled weakly before Sirius continued.

"Sometimes, and I now this sounds harsh, but sometimes you have to hurt others to be happy yourself. It may sound selfish but what would you really want to do? Stay in a relationship with a person you weren't attracted to? Or tell them the truth so you can be yourself? You'd be living a lie. Trust me, in cases like this it's better to be honest. They'd get over it eventually. They may even thank you for not leading them along."

Harry sighed deeply. "I suppose you're right," he said, leaning his head against Sirius' shoulder. "It's still hard though."

They sat side by side, letting the silence echo around them. Harry's head, although reeling, was starting to process things it hadn't processed before. Things seemed to be taking some form of order now and were starting to make some sort of sense. The things he had been feeling…

"Do you fancy someone Harry?"

"Me?"

"Your name's Harry isn't it?" he smiled.

"Oh, well, erm…I hadn't really thought about it…I guess it's just men in general…Why? Am I supposed to fancy someone?"

"Well, it would be a good start," Sirius laughed. "At least then it would be easier. Isn't there anyone? Anyone at all? You must be attracted to someone."

"Well…it's really no one in particular," said Harry, thinking of all the men he knew and trying to not let his mind think of that one in particular, "Just…well, I know which men I find attractive…but I don't really fancy them. Or like…I feel that I'm attracted to them but I don't know why…"

"Like?" Sirius prompted.

"Like…some guys I know."

"And these guys' names are…?"

"It's late," said Harry, getting up and briefly looking at the clock. "I have to be up early to get the train…" Besides, Harry didn't want to have to think about who he 'fancied' – there was no reason for him to like this person…his mind just seemed to be teasing him.

"Harry! We were just getting to the juicy stuff!"

"…night Sirius…"

"G'night Potter," he called out, resigned.

Harry dropped his dressing gown to the floor and climbed into bed, snuggling deep into his sheets. He was immensely glad of his talk with Sirius. In fact, it seemed ridicules to have been so embarrassed about it before. Sirius was so easy to talk to. He never made Harry feel uncomfortable and always seemed to put a light spin on things when they got too serious. Like when he had asked who Harry had fancied…

But that was something that Harry, no matter how much he loved and trusted his Godfather, was not prepared to discuss, divulge, or disclose in any way, shape, or form.

There was only one thing that was more daunting than realising you were gay. And that was realising that you had a crush on Professor Severus Snape for no reason whatsoever.

A/N: Sorry that was so short; they'll be getting longer, I promise. I just can't decide how fast this should be moving so I've been going over it alot. I have the last few chapters already written out and donw - it's just getting there that I can't decide on. I think it was going too slow, so I sped things up a bit. And now I'm not sure. Anyways, you'll find out over the next few chapters the pace I chose. Hope its ok.

Review? Pretty please?