Chapter 4: Isabella Swan

BPOV

I could vaguely hear a person talking as my mind was clearing up from the thick fog of sleep. My eyes remained shut and my body lay still as the voices started to register as words and sentences. My mind was now alert, but my body was still tired.

"But I'm asking you when she will remember everything. I'm not asking you how to handle this. It's a pretty simple question, doc," he snapped at Doctor Cullen, presumably. There was a slight pause in the conversation and I imagined that Mike had crossed a line with his rude demeanor. "I'm sorry," Mike apologized softly. "It's just… I don't know what to do. This isn't the Bella that I know. This isn't the Bella that loves me. She doesn't even remember me all that much," he continued with a sad voice. I involuntarily cringed at his use of the word love. I still didn't know how I could have fallen in love with Mike Newton. Doctor Cullen coughed shortly after the moment that I cringed and I quickly let my face fall blank. I hoped that he didn't realize that I was awake.

"It's okay Mr. Newton –" Mike cut him off quickly.

"Mike. Call me Mike," he said in a serious tone.

"Well, it's okay Mike. I understand your concern. But you must realize that issues like this… damage to the brain… it can be very unpredictable. She could… wake up right now and remember everything. Or she could wake up a month… a year from now and still not remember a single thing," the doctor said almost sadly. I was worried by what he was saying. I didn't want to live like this for another day, let alone a month or a fucking year! My heart started beating erratically and the sound of my heart monitor beeped in the same fashion. Oh, good job, Bella. Great fucking job.

I felt a cold hand on my neck and another one slipped into my right hand. For a few seconds, I thought it may have been Doctor Cullen trying to calm my heart rate. But I heard the doctor speaking with the nurse about my stats on the left side and I decided to keep my eyes closed. Even if they did know I was awake. I needed to salvage some time with my eyes closed instead of staring at Mike Newton. I had a feeling that I'd be staring at him a lot in the near future and I didn't want to overwhelm myself.

"Bella," Mike whispered into my ear. I tried my damnedest not to cringe or turn away from him. "Bella, are you awake?" he whispered again after a few seconds. I decided that I couldn't hide any longer and I slowly opened my eyes to the face of a concerned Mike Newton. A smile spread across his face and I noticed that he had something stuck in his teeth. Ew. I just stared at him blankly before turning my head to Doctor Cullen and sitting up.

"Good morning," he said with a polite smile. I glanced out the window and it was indeed very light outside. I had been foggy on keeping track of time and days recently and I honestly didn't even care anymore. I mean I didn't even really know what year it was… or what month. I actually didn't really know much of anything anymore. And I don't want to be all 'woe is me,' but this situation… yeah, it really bites.

"Good morrow, good fellow. Having you been tending to the chickens properly?" I asked mockingly. I didn't really know where it came from, but it seemed like something I would say, so I went along with it. Mike quickly looked from me to the doctor in a panic-stricken state as Doctor Cullen just looked at me curiously with a slight smile playing on his lips. I just smiled at him, awaiting his response, but not expecting one.

"Why yes, fair maiden, I have," he said with a chuckled. I laughed along and Mike looked at us as if we were crazy. That just made me laugh harder.

"Has she lost her mind, doc?" he asked seriously. Doctor Cullen stopped laughing, but kept smiling and looked at me curiously. I looked down from Mike to the doctor, knowing that I hadn't lost my mind. I always used to joke around like this. I guess that Mike never saw that side of me. I guess I was different with him. Maybe I had changed. I looked down at my hands as Doctor Cullen continued to stare, his smile gone.

"Isabella," he said, breaking the silence. I looked up at him and his smile returned and his questioning glare held. I smiled in response. He had a smile that felt contagious. I almost didn't even register how he had called me Isabella instead of Bella. It's not like I have an aversion to that name or anything. I've just been so used to being called Bella since I was little.

"Yes?" I responded quietly. He chuckled lightly.

"You're not losing your mind," he reassured with another laugh. I nervously laughed along. Then why did he stare at me like I was? "Do you remember anything yet?" he asked casually.

I shook my head and shrugged. "Nope." He nodded his head slowly and started to back out of the room.

"Okay. I'll let you two be alone. But if you remember anything, don't hesitate to tell the nearest nurse or doctor," he said. I nodded and he took off quickly, heading down the hall.

I stared after the doctor longer than necessary. I didn't want to be alone with Mike and I was hoping that Doctor Cullen would come back. There wasn't much of a grace period before Mike began speaking.

"Hey," he said softly. I kept my eyes trained on the door to my room while I spoke.

"Hey."

"I got the day off today and I was wondering… well, I was wondering…," I let out a soft, impatient sigh as Mike continued to nervously fidget and babble. "I think that today would be a good day to, um, bring you… home. Well, you know, to our home. I know you don't think of it that way, but it is… our home, that is," he stuttered out. I was a little taken out of place. I had no idea if I was ready for that. So, I just kept my eyes on the door and didn't answer. "I'm, uh, hoping that it will help you to remember more. I mean, it is a familiar area. And the doctor said it would be all right for you to leave, but only if you wanted to. I don't want to, um, pressure you or anything. Just –"

"Okay," I said abruptly. I really only meant to say 'Okay, you can shut up now.' But it came out as just 'okay' and I wasn't sure if I was… okay with that. He stopped talking and stared at me.

"Okay?" he questioned. I could see excitement in his eyes when I finally looked away from the door and at him. I might as well get on with my… life. As unfamiliar and confusing and wrong this life felt, it was mine and I had to face the facts. Work with the cards I've been dealt.

"Okay," I said simply before looking down at my hands and playing with my fingers. Mike sighed in relief as he wrapped his arms around my neck.

"Thank you," he said with another sigh. I looked around the room quickly, in almost a panic. This was a little overwhelming and Mike wouldn't let go of me. I didn't know him and I wanted a familiar face. I wanted a familiar hug. I wanted my old life back. Just as I felt as if I were about to cry, Doctor Cullen walked in. He saw my expression and coughed loudly. I smiled softly at him, embarrassed about my predicament.

"Sorry," Mike mumbled. "I'm just so happy," he added.

"Really? Why is that? Have you remembered anything?" Doctor Cullen asked with a smile. I looked back down at my hands.

"No, no, she hasn't. But she has agreed to come home today!" Mike said enthusiastically. Doctor Cullen looked to me. I put on a fake smile.

"Is that so?" he asked, his head tilted slightly.

"Yeah," I said sheepishly. I wasn't sure about this and I felt that he knew that. He narrowed his eyes with curiosity for a moment before speaking up.

"Well, that's wonderful news," he said with a grin. I half smiled and nodded once. I was about to say 'I guess' when Mike spoke up.

"Yes, it is!" he said eagerly. He was grinning and just looking around the room as if he were telling the news to a whole crowd instead of just one doctor.

I kept a half-assed smiled on my face while Doctor Cullen was in the room. But, once he left, I kept my face kind of blank. Mike told me he was going to get a few things settled and ready before he took me 'home' for the first time since the accident. He kissed my hand before releasing it and leaving. I sighed in relief once he was gone from the room and dozed off for a short nap.

I woke up abruptly to some one pulling at my good arm. I looked around and didn't see anyone, but I looked down and saw a little girl standing next to me and pulling my arm. I looked at her curiously and looked around the room for her parents. This girl looked to be no more than two or three years old. She looked lost or scared, so I smiled at her warmly.

"Hi," I said with a small wave. She smiled brightly at me and opened her mouth to speak when Jake walked into the room.

"You can't run ahead of me like that, little girl. I don't care if you're excited to see Mommy. I can't have you running frantically through any hospital halls," he reproached the little girl.

I froze in place. I was this little girl's 'Mommy'? I could feel the warm smile on my face slide easily into a frown that probably matched the look of shear panic on my face.

"I… she… baby… had… baby… mommy?" I choked out, still frozen in place. Even though this could explain why I got married to Newton, I was still shocked out of my mind. I didn't know what to say.

"He… Mike didn't tell you?" Jake asked seriously. I gaped at him in horror, shaking my head frantically.

"N-no!" I practically screamed. Jake's jaw dropped open for a few seconds before he started laughing hysterically. I shook my head even more.

"How can you laugh at something like this Jake?! This is so not funny! How was I supposed to know that I had a b-baby?" I almost yelled. He just kept laughing. I just stared at him in shock.

"Bella… this so… isn't… your kid," he got out between fits of laughter. I looked at him like he was insane.

"Could you explain to me what the hell is going on, then?" I retorted angrily. I was still shocked and now I was angry too. Jake sobered up enough to talk to me.

"This, my dear friend, is my girlfriend's daughter, Claire," he answered with a proud smile. "I decided to play a little trick on you and lighten up your whole situation."

"Oh yeah, Jake, you helped so much. I think I'll go have a heart attack now," I said sarcastically. "You will seriously pay for this. No joke."

"Oh chill your nuggets, Bella. I'm surprised that you haven't asked about lovely Claire over here," he said as he looked down at Claire in his lap.

Oh, right. "Is she yours?" I asked him hesitantly. He chuckled and sighed.

"I wish. No, she's Leah's," he answered.

"There's no father?" I asked, still hesitant.

"No. He, uh, died a little while after Claire was born…," he answered sadly. I decided not to push that subject.

"So, Leah is this girlfriend. Where is she?"

"She's at work and I get to have Claire all to myself today," he said with a grin and kissed the back of Claire's head. I smiled at the exchange. He seemed so happy.

"How long have you guys been going out?" It was a good question. She seemed to trust him with her baby fully.

"We met about three years ago, but it took us a few weeks before we finally went out," he answered. I had never seen Jake so happy when he was with me. It made me so happy for him, but jealous at the same time.

"And you're happy?" I asked, watching Claire wrap her hands around a few of his fingers.

"Definitely," he answered. There was no hesitation, no thinking. His voice was strong and didn't waver. I grinned at him.

"That's… amazing, Jake." He nodded and let Claire stand up on his lap. She wobbled the slightest bit, but balanced herself out and held on tightly to Jake's hands.

There was a peaceful silence in the room for a few minutes before Jake spoke up.

"So, you're going home today." It wasn't a question. His eyes never left Claire when he asked or waited for me to answer.

"Yep, going… home."

"Are you sure that's the right thing to do?" he asked, finally looking at me. I sighed.

"Well, what am I supposed to do? Stay in this hospital all day and night until my memory comes back? If it comes back? I don't want to try and imagine what my life is now. I want to try and live it. It may bring my memory back. And where I am now, sitting in this hospital bed, I'm thinking that my life kind of sucks. I want to see the good in my life. I want to see the great in my life. I want to see that I have happiness like you do, Jake." My hands trembled slightly as I answered his question, defending my choice. I looked away from him for a minute before looking back. He nodded.

"I understand. And you will find it… I think. I think you'll find that happiness," he said with another nod. I looked down at my hands. But what if I didn't? What if my life just sucked all around? What if I was miserable? This could be my way out, I guess. Kind of.

I was almost lost in thought, when there was a soft knock at the door. I looked up, accepting my fate with Mike. But, to my surprise, Edward stood at the door. I was actually surprised at myself for remembering his name. A+ for Bella.

"Hey," Jake and I said in unison. Jake looked over to me curiously and I laughed.

"We met… or re-met yesterday before you came," I explained. He still looked confused but he nodded with apprehension yesterday. Edward nodded and ran a hand through his hair when Jake looked over to him.

"Oh, okay," Jake said finally. "What's up, man?" Edward went over to him and they pounded fists. Claire reached out for Edward and he took her happily. I smiled. He must hang out with Jake often.

"Not much. I'm just here to pick up Bella for Mike," Edward said to Jake. "When you're ready, that is," he said, speaking to me now. I looked over to Jake and shrugged.

"I guess so," I said tentatively. Jake got up and took Claire from Edward.

"Yeah, I have to go anyway. It's getting late and this little girl needs her nap." As if on cue, Claire started to cry and fidget in Jake's arms. I thought she was getting cranky, but her arms reached out to Edward again. Edward shushed her and kissed her forehead. She seemed to calm down a little bit. Well, enough for Jake to quickly blurt out a 'good bye' and slip out of the room.

I smiled after Jake. He was going to make a great dad when he was ready. He already seemed like one. I felt jealous again about the solid life he had. He could be so sure about everything he did. I, on the other hand…

I turned my head to face Edward and he was staring at me unhappily. I noticed that my smile had dissipated into a frown during my 'woe is me' thoughts. I really had to learn to take shit as it comes and just deal. Especially because I had a feeling that things were going to get a lot worse once I got… 'home'.

"You ready?" he asked. He still didn't look very happy and I smiled softly.

"Let me just get changed," I said politely. I went to get out of bed and Edward came over to help me. He paused for a moment before touching me, but proceeded to take both of my upper arms and pull me onto my feet. He then grabbed my clothes from the table in the corner of the room and handed them to me. All of this was done without a word. Very quick and efficient, Edward. A+ for you.

I walked slowly into the bathroom and locked the door. My clothes slipped out of my hands and onto the floor as I turned toward the mirror.

"Oh geez," I whispered to no one. I bent down to pick them up, when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I stood up immediately and walked closer to my reflection.

My face was… bruised up to say the least. There was a gash across my left cheek and the left side of my face. Lifting my gown revealed… that I was emaciated. I mean, not literally, but I was very thin… I was too thin. God, what have I eaten these past five years? Or not eaten? Besides my smaller frame, lifting the gown exposed a huge bruise down the left side of my rib cage to my abdomen. As well as a bruise across my chest from, I can only assume, the seat belt. Obviously, the other car had come at me from my left… the drivers' side. I sighed before slipping the gown off and quickly getting changed into whatever clothes were given to me.

Before leaving the bathroom, I took another look at my face. I didn't have any wrinkles. Not that I expected to. My face was definitely more mature. It was more prominent and shaped… past all the cuts and bruises. And my hair was longer. It almost went down to the bottom of my chest. I was satisfied with my face, sans the injuries, but I wasn't one to be picky.

I backed away from the mirror without looking back again and walked out of the bathroom. Edward was sitting in the same chair he was sitting in the last time he was in my room. He looked up at me and smiled crookedly before getting up and opening the door.

"After you," he said politely. I looked down at the floor as I walked through the door. He followed behind me and led the way to the reception desk.

"Hey Edward," the receptionist greeted warmly as we neared her.

"Hey Tabitha, how's the family?" he asked. Tabitha looked to be in her mid thirties and wore salmon colored scrubs. I'd never seen salmon colored scrubs before…

"They're the same as when you asked yesterday, honey," Tabitha said with a laugh. Edward shrugged and chuckled. "Who have we got here?" she asked, looking at me curiously.

"This is Isabella Swan. She needs to sign herself out."

The process of signing myself out, or whatever I did, deemed really simple. Nothing was complicated and we got out of there within about ten minutes. I guess things went quicker when you were with one of the doctors' sons.

We were walking out of the hospital doors and towards the car when Edward spoke up again.

"Are you happy to be going home finally?"

I thought about his question for a minute and looked back at the hospital. In there, I was Isabella Swan. And I was damned sure about it. Out here, I was still the same Isabella Swan… I think.

"No. No, I'm not."

*A/N: Sorry this took so long. I have no excuse, but that life gets in the way sometimes. Anyway, review for a preview of the next chapter, all right? :)