A/N: I've returned! I was a little busy with school, but I tried to make up for this late release with a slightly longer chapter. I hope that it will appease you guys.
Just a quick thank you to my reviewers out there: ShadowNinja1011, Peaches R Tasty, and iranda20. You guys are awesome.
Again, if you guys see a problem or something, drop me a review or a PM so I can change it. Actually, drop me a review whether you see something wrong or not. It'll make me happy.
And as I've mentioned before, I am officially taking requests! If you want something to happen, I'll try to fit it in so long as it doesn't screw up the plot. I'll also credit you if I put it in.
Several minutes later, Link had finally regained most of his sense and remembered what had happened.
"Ow... I'm going to have back pains now." said Link, rubbing his sore back.
"Get over it. At least you're not in jail." Zelda, Link, and Ilia made their way to Ilia's car. Link and Zelda had agreed to help Ilia to carry her things to her dorm room so long as she didn't tell anyone about Dark's fugitive status. So in essence, blackmail.
"I'm back Epona~!" sang Ilia as she got into her car. The car, which was named Epona, was originally Link's, but he gave it to Ilia as a "birthday present" because he couldn't take care of it anymore. In reality, Ilia pestered him about not taking good enough care of his car until he said in his frustration that he would give Epona to her if she would shut up for a day. Unfortunately for Link, Ilia ended up not speaking for a full 24 hour period. Link ended up giving her the car because she threatened to burn him alive if he didn't.
"I call shotgun!" said Link. He ran to the car door, but stopped when he looked in the window. "How much stuff did you put in here?!" The entire passenger side was filled with luggage and clothes.
"I have a lot of clothes you know." said Ilia, unlocking the car and getting in the driver's seat. Link sat on the hump and Zelda sat directly behind Ilia. With all the stuff everywhere, it was extremely crowded and Link ended up knocking over a box when Zelda sat down. The box opened and a sweatshirt tumbled out.
"Hey, it's my sweatshirt!" said Link, picking it up. "Where'd you get these Ilia?"
"From my house. You left it in my room when you slept over a couple weeks ago." said Ilia as she started the car and began to drive. Link cringed and glanced at Zelda. He could practically feel the killing intent oozing from her. She was smiling, but her expression said 'Why didn't I hear about this?'. Link gulped and began to think of possible excuses when Zelda began to speak.
"That's funny Link. I don't remember you telling me that you slept over at Ilia's house." However, although her mouth said this, her gaze told him that she was probably going to kill him in his sleep tonight. "Ilia, did you say that he left something in your room? Now why would he be in your room?" Link glanced at Zelda guiltily and attempted to come up with a good reason for why. Zelda ignored her boyfriend and continued asking questions. Link began to panic.
"How long was Link at your house?"
"Eh... Only for a day."
"Uh.. Zel?"
"Why was he there?"
"He was there to help me fix Epona. She needed some maintenance."
"Zel?"
"Isn't your dad a mechanic? Couldn't he have given Epona maintenance?"
"Link wanted to see Epona. So we decided to work on her together."
"Zel, I swear I didn't do anything."
"Approximately how much physical contact did you two have?"
"238 points of physical contacts. 187 points were intentional. 51 points were unintentional. A total of over 7 hours of contact." Through his panic, Link wondered why Ilia kept track of their contact. Zelda, however, seemed to think that this was normal.
"Why did he sleep over at your house?"
"Because he was tired. He begins making that face whenever he gets really tired, you know?" Zelda nodded, extremely familiar with all of Link's habits.
"Seriously Zel. Wait, Do I make a face-"
"Did he sleep in your room?" Link cringed.
"Yup."
"Before you say anything, I had a compl-"
"Why?" Link cringed again.
"Why not?" Link wanted to smash his head against the window, but he was too far from it.
"Because it's improper for a man to sleep in a girl's room." Link decided not to point out the fact that they were living together. "Besides, you had to move out of the room, didn't you?"
"Nah." said Ilia with a wave of her hand. "I just stayed in the room with Link. He said he could sleep on my couch." Zelda looked at Link with a raised eyebrow.
"Interesting... Link, you slept in the same room as Ilia? How dreadfully impolite of you." Zelda began digging her nails in the back of Link's neck. He whimpered. "You didn't do anything bad to her did you?"
"No, he didn't, unfortunately." said Ilia. Zelda shot her a dirty look. Ilia smirked at her in the rearview mirror. "Oh yeah, I mean I wanted him to do something. I was pretty much ready. Hell, I came out of the shower with only a towel on and he still didn't jump me."
"You did what?!"
"I hope you two break up soon." sighed Ilia. "I want to have some of him too." There was a moment of tense silence as Zelda organized her thoughts. Then:
"Link. I am extremely angry at you for sleeping in Ilia's room. But I'm very happy you resisted the wiles of this evil temptress. So I'll come up with a rather lenient punishment for you."
"You're still going to punish me?" said Link, looking at his girlfriend. Zelda raised an eyebrow.
"Considering how I was left in the dark all this time about this situation, yes. Yes I will." She tapped her chin. "Let me equate this with real punishments. You have murdered someone. However, you picked up a candy wrapper on your way to jail. So the judge thinks that you aren't actually that bad of a guy and decides to give you a break. He decides to give you life imprisonment instead of execution. But while being transported to the jail, a meteor comes and slams into your head, killing you instantly."
Ilia whistled. "That's one messed up scenario."
"What did that last part have to do with my sentence?!"
"Because you'll end up dead regardless."
"That's really, really cruel you know." said Ilia.
"Meh."
Ilia pulled into the student parking lot of Hyrule Private Academy with a smile on her face. It had been a good day for her so far. She had gotten up early in the morning to drive Hyrule and was met with an impossibly wonderful day. The weather was fantastic, so she drove with the windows down all the way there. When she arrived, she decided to treat herself to the most expensive place she could find. At the restaurant, she ended up finding Link. And from there, it was just cuddly time with him. She probably would've dragged him around town and then to a hotel if it weren't for Zelda. Ilia glanced at her in the rearview mirror. Zelda had been trying to suffocate Link with his sweatshirt, but it eventually had dissolved into a tickle fight.
"L-Link! St-Stop doing t-that!" said Zelda, giggling as Link wrapped an arm around her waist and tried to tickle her sides.
"Never! Not until you apologize for trying to choke me!"
"O-Okay! I'm s-sorry!"
"Say it like you mean it!"
As the two of them continued to argue and laugh, Ilia pulled into a parking space. While she was still quite in love with Link, she was glad that he was happy with Zelda. Both of them were some of her best friends and she only wished the best for them. Ilia figured that they would probably never break up considering how well they got along together. She consoled herself by teasing Link and making Zelda angry all the time. Her actions more often than not gave people the wrong impression. Not that she really minded.
"Are you guys going to help me move, or are you guys going to have sex back here?" asked Ilia with her hands on her hips. Link glanced at Ilia.
"That depends. How much will you pay us to not have sex back here?" Link smirked. Zelda's eyebrow twitched. "You can film it if you want." Zelda suddenly shoved Link from his seat and onto the pavement. "OW!" Zelda calmly got out of the car, brushed herself off, and walked towards the dorms looking as prim and proper as she could. Ilia squatted next to where Link had fallen.
"You really should stop making those sorts of jokes." advised Ilia. Link groaned and sat up.
"Now that you mention it, Zelda does seem to act a little peeved whenever I say stuff like that." said Link, getting up. "I never would have thought that it was my jokes that made her angry."
"Hey! Are you guys coming or what?" called Zelda from the doorway of the dorm.
"Yeah yeah. Be there in a sec." Link quickly grabbed Ilia's backpack from the car and closed the door. "Lock it." Link quickly jogged over to Zelda. Ilia followed after locking the door. She caught up with her two friends. As they approached the Ordon Dormitory where Ilia stayed in, Link noticed his car parked discreetly in the corner of the parking lot.
"Is that my car?" said Link, walking over to it.
"It looks like it." said Zelda. "Dark must be inside then."
"Great! We can go see him after we find out which room I'm in." said Ilia, opening the door for the two of them. Link and Zelda walked inside to be greeted with the aroma of chocolate chip cookies. "Actually, we can go find Dark after we find out which room I'm in and after we steal some cookies."
"Are you kidding me? Screw your room! I'm staying in the kitchen until I've finished eating all the cookies." said Link with glee as he broke into a run. He tossed Ilia's backpack to his girlfriend and left them standing in the foyer.
"Wait Link!" called Ilia.
"Forget him. Let's just put your stuff up and then chase after him." said Zelda, rolling her eyes. "He won't go too far."
"I'm more worried that he might eat all the cookies." muttered Ilia, walking towards the far end of the room. She looked at the papers on the wall and groaned. "Great. I'm on the third floor again."
"Is that a bad thing?" asked Zelda. "I hear the rooms up there are bigger."
"Hardly. The elevator's been broken since the beginning of second semester last year."
"So?"
"Did you not see all that stuff in my car?"
"Yeah..." Zelda lifted Ilia's backpack. It was easily thirty kilograms. She looked at the huge set of stairs that stretched high above her head. Then she turned toward the hallway where her boyfriend had run off to. "LINK!"
Link sniffed and followed the sweet scent of cookie dough down the hall to the small kitchen the entire first floor shared. He peeked in the doorway to check if there were any unwanted people inside. A tall man with tussles of brown hair under his chef hat hummed to himself as he put all the cooking materials in the large sink and began to wash them. The freshly baked cookies were on the far side of the room, in sight of the man. Stealthily, Link snuck up behind him and put him in a sleeper hold. Five seconds later, the man fell to the ground, unconscious. By the time Ilia and Zelda had caught up with him, Link had devoured nearly half of the first pan of cookies.
"Link!" said both of the girls simultaneously. He turned his head slightly, as if wondering whether or not to bother with them. He decided not to, and went back to eating more cookies. Ilia glanced at the unconscious man on the ground and recognized him instantly.
"Pipit!" Ilia rushed over to her friend on the ground. "Pipit! Are you okay?" She checked his head to make sure he wasn't bleeding. Groaning, Pipit stirred and sat up.
"W-What's going on?" he asked, dazed. Ilia sighed in relief and sat back. Zelda, in the meanwhile, had deprived Link of his cookies and proceeded to beat him on the head with a wooden spoon.
"OW! Ow ow ow ow ow!" Link was bent over and holding his head as his girlfriend punished him. "I'm sorry I'm sorry! I won't do it again!" He glanced upwards briefly to see if that had appeased her. The wooden spoon hit between his eyes.
"Jeez, use a little self control you idiot." grumbled Zelda with her hands on her hips as she looked at her boyfriend roll around on the floor. "Oh quit being so dramatic."
"My face. My beautiful face." he moaned.
"Oh shut up will you?" called Ilia over her shoulder as she helped Pipit stand up. She turned toward the disoriented brunette. "You okay Pipit?"
"Yeah, I think so."
"Hey Pipit, are those cookies done yet? Ganny said that he'll be here soo-" said a familiar voice. Karane poked her head into the kitchen and her jaw dropped. "Uh... What's going on?" She stared at Link on the ground as Zelda stepped on his head.
"My precious modeling career..." came Link's muffled moan under Zelda's foot. Zelda glanced over to see Karane.
"Karane!" She took her foot off Link's head and ran to hug her friend. "I haven't seen you in forever!"
"It's only been a summer." laughed Karane, hugging Zelda back. She pulled away. "Um... Could you tell me what was going on?"
"Hmm? I think Link assaulted Pipit in order to get his hands on the cookies that he was baking. Ilia is looking after him while I punish Link properly."
"Zelda, I think we can come to an agreement on this." said Link, making a miraculous recovery. "I'll give you a fifth of the cookies leftover and we'll forget all about this." He put an arm around her shoulder. "What do you say?"
"By 'this', you mean you assaulting Pipit and eating over half of the cookies already baked?"
"Yup." Zelda was about to come up with a cutting reply, but Karane beat her to it.
"You mean these cookies that Pipit and I were baking for the cancer patients at the children's hospital down the road?"
"Yeah, tho-" Link stopped for a second. "Wait wait wait wait... Say that last part again."
"The part about the cancer patients or the part about the children's hospital?" asked Karane. Ilia and Pipit walked over to the trio just as Zelda began beating Link with a spoon again.
"... Karane, what did you tell them?" asked Pipit. His girlfriend grinned mischievously.
"Nothing." After a short staring contest, Karane gave in. "Fine. I told them that the cookies were for cancer patients at the children's hospital." Pipit's jaw dropped as Ilia burst into laughter. They glanced at Link and Zelda, the former on the ground frantically apologizing and the latter attempting to shove the spoon in some discreet places. Karane quickly took a picture with her phone and proceeded to post it on various social media sites. Pipit looked at both of the girls and sighed. He stepped toward the fighting couple.
"Um... Zelda, I think that's a bit unnecessary." said Pipit hesitantly. Zelda turned to look at him briefly, then went back to pounding her boyfriend's head in with the spoon. Pipit gulped. He never liked getting between an angry Zelda and a scared Link. No one did really, but Pipit especially had a bad experience with the both of them before.
"Why would that be Pipit?" asked Zelda in between blows.
"Umm... Karane lied about the cancer patients and children's hospital thing." Link and Zelda stopped fighting and turned to look at their friends. Pipit gulped again. "So yeah uhh... you can stop fighting now." The two blondes turned to look at each other, then simultaneously breathed a sigh of relief. They collapsed onto each other. Pipit looked nervously around and backed away slowly. "I'm gonna go bake more cookies..."
"I'll help." said Karane, following him to the back of the kitchen and leaving Link and Zelda on the ground.
"Oh thank Farore. I thought I did something horrible there for a sec." said Link, relieved that he hadn't deprived sick children of their cookies after all. Zelda smiled and buried her head in his chest, all of her anger gone.
"I'll say." murmured Zelda into his chest. "I hate having to punish you."
"Why?"
"Because it's way too exhausting. My arms aren't strong enough." She looked up as Link shifted into a sitting position. "That and your stupid puppy dog face." Link cocked his head to one side like a dog.
"My what?" Before she could reply, Ilia interrupted.
"Seriously?! How the hell do you guys go from fighting like animals to this lovey-dovey scene in seconds?" complained Ilia. "Why can't you two stop talking to each other for a week or something like a normal couple? Give a chance for the people going for a rebound." She stopped and sighed. "You guys are impossible."
"What's her problem?" whispered Link in Zelda's ear.
"I don't know. Maybe she's PMS-ing?" Zelda whispered back. A vein popped out on Ilia's forehead.
"I'm right here!" Link and Zelda turned to look at each other, then nodded.
"Definitely PMS."
"Ugh..." Ilia threw her hands up in the air in frustration. "I give up." Zelda smiled smugly at her and stuck out her tongue. Ilia rolled her eyes.
"Anyways," said Link, getting up. "Where are those cookies actually going?"
"Ganon." said Karane, turning around with a bowl of cookie dough in her hands. Link paled.
"W-What?!" Zelda sighed as her boyfriend began to hyperventilate and panic.
"Are you serious this time?" questioned Zelda as she donned an apron and prepared to help. Karane nodded.
"Ganny said that he needed somebody to bake cookies for him. Probably a good thing too, considering how he can't cook worth shit-"
"Karane!" interrupted Pipit, nudging her with his foot as he put a batch of cookies in the oven. "Watch your language!" His girlfriend rolled her eyes as she put a dollop of cookie dough on the pan.
"Whatever. We were also going to bake some cookies for the freshmen students coming this year." Karane stopped working and winked. "Aryll is one of them, so you guys will probably be seeing her a lot soon."
"That's great. I'm a little tired of Link trying to tell me stories of Aryll's childhood. I'm sure she's also tired of the late night phone calls he makes." Both of them were silent for a while as they continued to mold the cookie dough into spheres. After about a minute of silence, Link approached them.
"Guys, please don't tell Ga- HOLY SHI-"
"Hey guys! How's it going?" Ganondorf appeared in the doorway seemingly out of nowhere and scaring Link half to death. "Whoa, Ilia, Link, and Zelda are here too!"
"Hey Ganon." said Ilia. All the others replied in the same way, excluding Link, who was being pounded on the back by Ganondorf.
"H-Hey Gan-" The last word from Link's mouth was cut short by a final hit from Ganon, who had no idea what his "pats" on the back were capable of. Link gasped as the last of the air in his lungs was forced out.
"Hey Link! Why are you here?" said Ganon cheerfully. Link struggled to form coherent words.
"Here to help Ilia unpack." Link coughed out. Ganondorf glanced at Ilia, who had joined Zelda and Karane in making more cookies.
"Really? That's nice. I'd help, but I've got an appointment in twenty minutes." He glanced at his watch and then at Pipit. "You guys still aren't done with the cookies?"
"Well we had them all done. Then Link ate about half of them." Ganondorf raised an eyebrow as Link began to make excuses.
"He ate the cookies?" Pipit nodded. Ganon turned toward Link who began begging for forgiveness. Ganondorf tensed for a second and Link was sure that a huge palm was about to come crashing down on his head before Ganon sighed. "Oh well."
"... You're not mad?" asked Link tentatively. Ganon shrugged.
"Nah. But I'm gonna have a hell of a time telling all those bed-ridden children at the cancer hospital down the street that I don't have enough cookies for them all." Link froze and everyone else's jaws dropped.
"Umm... what was that? Could you say that last part again?"
"The part about the bed-ridden children or the part about the cancer hospital?" Everybody simply stopped what they were doing and stood there, gawking at Ganondorf. This went on for about ten seconds before Ganon broke into laughter.
"W-What?! What is it?" asked Pipit anxiously as Ganon fell to his knees laughing.
"Y-Your faces... Oh Din my sides..." gasped Ganon. He looked up at Link, whose face remained frozen with shock, and burst out laughing again.
"Wha- Karane! I thought you said it was a joke!" exclaimed Ilia.
"It was! I had no idea he was actually-"
"It's a joke." said Ganondorf, trying to regain his composure. He stood up, still chuckling to himself.
"B-But how?!"
"Facebook." Ganondorf took out his phone and showed a picture of Zelda beating Link with a spoon with the caption 'I told Zelda that Link ate some cookies for some cancer patients at the children's hospital. This is the result.' A dozen people had already liked it and most of the comments mentioned Zelda's position on top of Link. Ignoring the spoon-wielding hand, it looked very much like Zelda was straddling him. "This popped up on my newsfeed when I entered the school parking lot. I guessed the story after reading the caption."
"Wha-?!" Zelda rushed forward to get a better look of the picture. Sure enough, it was her and Link. Her face flushed as she read some of the comments. Dark's comment about fornication irked her particularly. She glared at the Karane, who had been the one who posted the picture.
"Don't give me that look." said Karane, putting the last batch of cookies in the oven. "It was way too funny to pass up. Embarrassed, Zelda gave Link a swift kick to the shins, waking him out of his shocked stupor. Link looked dazed for a sec, then quickly ran to Ganondorf and grabbed him by the arms.
"Ganon, please tell me you're joking." pleaded Link. Ganon began to laugh again and patted Link on the back again, nearly sending the latter to his knees.
"Did you not hear me? I said was joking."
"Oh thank Farore..." Link breathed a sigh of relief.
"I'm actually taking these cookies back home. My parents are coming to visit and they wanted to try some of my favorite 'city' foods." he explained. Link raised an eyebrow.
"They don't have cookies where you come from?"
"Of course not. If we tried to make cookies in the desert, they'd end up with more sand than dough."
"Makes sense." Their conversation was interrupted by the ding of the ovens, signaling that the first batch of cookies was done. As Pipit took out the cookies and began to put them in a basket along with the other cookies, everybody else helped clean up. Within three minutes, they were all done. Pipit handed Ganon the basket of cookies.
"Most of them should be chewy, but some of them looked a little crispier than the others. In any case, they should be good. I hope your family enjoys them."
"They are good." said Link, gazing hungrily at the basket. He gave Ganon a thumbs-up. "Believe me, I would know."
"Good to know." laughed Ganondorf, patting Link on the back one last time. He walked out and disappeared down the hallway. Link sighed in relief and sat down in a chair near the doorway.
"Man... those cookies were so troublesome."
"That ought to teach you." muttered Ilia. Link raised an eyebrow.
"I never said I regretted it." Ilia picked up her backpack and threw it at him. "C'mon you lazy bum. Time to go unpack like we were supposed to." Link slung the bag over his shoulder and filed out the door along with everyone else. They parted with Pipit and Karane, who both went to their respective rooms. As the trio walked past the lobby, they were startled to see the police officers there. They were even more surprised to see them handcuffing someone.
"Did they catch Dark?" whispered Ilia.
"I don't think so. That looks like someone else." Link whispered back. One of the officers ears perked up at the sound of them talking and walked over.
"I heard you guys talking." started the officer whom was identified by his nametag as 'Darunia'. "Hey wait a second, I think I remember seeing you guys before." He squinted at Link, who was shifting from foot to foot uncomfortably. After a second, he relaxed. "Eh whatever. Anyways, you guys were talking about something?"
"Uhh... I think you're mistaken sir." said Zelda nervously. The officer held up his hand.
"It's okay, I know you're a little startled by my remarkable hearing, but I really did hear something." He pointed at Link. "You mentioned something about us catching someone. And it's true! We have captured the criminal responsible for the arson today!" He gestured toward the teen being apprehended. "You can rest assured that we police officers will protect you students. So study hard!" He turned and walked away, followed by the other officers.
"... What was that?" asked Ilia, dumbfounded.
"I wish I knew." said Link, turning and walking towards the stairs, quickly followed by the two girls.
"I don't think he heard us talk about Dark, so we should be fine."
"Good thing too." They approached Ilia's dorm room and were surprised to find the door slightly ajar. They opened it up to be greeted by Dark laying on a bed, reading a book. He glanced up at them.
"'Sup bitches."
A/N: Once again, Dark makes an entrance. I'm starting to like him even more now. Also, I'm having a lot of fun with Bro-Ganondorf. He's so much more likable when he isn't trying to kill you, don't you think?
Also, heads up! Aryll makes an appearance next chapter! Prepare for major Sister Complex soon!
Like I said above, I'll be taking requests for this story, so if there's anything you want to see happen, review or PM me. I'll credit you if you do put something in the story.
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