Chapter 4

Tony was exhausted but dinner called so he made his way back through the communal lounge to the kitchen where everyone but Bruce was gathered.

"Hey Tony, you look shattered" Clint said in welcome.

"Thanks, no chance of coffee is there?" Tony replied making Clint grin.

"Nope, but there is stir fry so it's not the end of the world just yet." Clint reassured.

Tony felt a corresponding stir in his stomach, Stir fry's good, especially when Bruce helped; he always had the best recipes from god knows where. Speaking of?

"Where's Bruce?"

"He's eating in his lab tonight, I think he wants to get started on your little problem" Clint answered after a short pause.

Tony shrugged and accepted a bowl from Natasha. They migrated to the lounge where they could eat off of their laps. Tony did a bit of cutlery and bowl juggling while trying to climb onto his favorite chair. It didn't work but Coulson's boost did. After Agent ignored his annoyed shout (he always ignored those) he settled down to eat.

Surprisingly soon he was full and beginning to drift off, what was left of his dinner coming close to spilling as his grip on his bowl faltered. Ninjas aren't all bad he mused as Natasha silently moved to catch it before it fell.

"I think he may be ready for a bed" She said as she gently pushed him backwards so he wouldn't slump forwards and, yes. That was comfortable.

For a moment he came close to attempting alertness when he felt the ground shift from beneath him but there was someone there. They said he was okay. That it was okay to sleep now.

He slept.

Tony looked up at his father his father was smiling.

Tony. I'm so proud of you. Look at what you can do. You're such a good boy.

Can you do something for me?

Can you make me the Jericho missile?

Tony looked up at his dad but it wasn't his Dad. It was Obie and he was so proud. Just one more golden egg Tony. You're just like your Father

Build me the Jericho missile. Build me your heart he said with an arm around his shoulders.

But I built his heart

That wasn't Obie. That was Yinsin and Yinsin was bleeding, blood tricking from the corner of his mouth. If you were faster Tony. You would have missed being hit. You could have saved me if you were faster.

Hands on his shoulders and he was underwater

He couldn't breath and he was scared and there was water everywhere.

…

Gasping Tony woke up. Just a dream, it was just a dream.

So why was he still wet?

He lifted the sheets and something inside himself shriveled up in shame. God he had wet the bed. Tony had honest to God pissed himself, his pajamas (when had he put pajamas on?) stuck to his skin uncomfortably while a small surrounding area of his sheets were wet.

No one could see this.

Moving off the bed he slid to the floor. He pulled off the top blanked and sheet but the bottom one wouldn't budge. With all his might he pulled and got a corner loose. It was progress. He looked at the time, five thirty in the morning, he didn't have much time, shit he had no time at all.

There was a knock on the door and there wasn't enough time.

"Hey Tony, Jarvis told me that you're alright but that you could use some help." Steve paused. "Can I come in?"

"No!" Tony shouted, "No, it's okay. Jarvis was just over reacting, I'm fine."

"You don't sound too flash Tony, I just want to see if you're okay. Can I please come?" Steve asked.

"Don't! Just leave me alone. Please Steve" Tony cries.

"I'm sorry Tony, I'm coming in. I-, I can't just leave you alone like"

Tony turned and ran some long forgotten instinct taking him into his wardrobe to hide. He doesn't need to see Steve's disgust at him. He curls up ignoring the wet feel of his pajamas, crouching in a ball with his face in the cross of his arms over his knees.

"Tony?" Steve asked as the wardrobe door opened and stupid Super solider eyes can easily see him here, he can't even find a good hiding spot anymore. Steve dressed in gym gear stayed in the doorway, framed with the bedrooms light.

Maybe if he apologized then Steve will leave him alone to clean up his own mess.

He looked up at Steve "I'm sorry" he said "I didn't mean to, I'll clean it up just give me a chance"

Steve was looking at him with wide eyes

"Tony, you don't have to say sorry, Tony it's not your fault." Steve said like he was saying something important and Tony was confused.

"Yes it is, I'm a grown god damn man" Tony said.

He didn't feel like one.

"Well I don't know about grown" Steve said with a tentative smile "how about you come out of there, you can't be very comfortable?"

Steve held out a hand, big and flat and welcoming and he just wanted to get out of these pajamas and forget this morning ever happened.

Steve nodded encouragingly and Tony took his hand.

…..

After Tony was dressed in clean clothes and artfully avoided eye contact for a while Steve eventually left with instructions that Tony should have breakfast sometime this morning.

With Steve gone Tony had to distract himself.

"Jarvis, is Bruce awake?"

"Yes sir, he is in his lab." Jarvis replied which proved a great distraction because now Tony was concerned that Bruce had spent the whole night in his lab.

"Thanks Jarvis"

Tony ignored Steve's earlier summons to breakfast and made his way down to the labs section of the building.

Just outside the entrance to Bruce's lab Tony paused. The door should have opened automatically when he got here. Maybe they aren't recognizing him.

"Jarvis, can you please open the door?"

"I'm sorry sir but Dr Banner has denied you access to his lab"

A shot of hurt went through him before he realized he was being stupid, Bruce will have an explanation.

"Patch me through Jarvis" He asked

"Hey Tony" Bruce said sounding apologetic.

"Hey Bruce, I can't get into your lab?" Tony questioned,

"Yeah, I – I don't think you should come in." Bruce replied

"Don't you want mini-me in the lab? We could have something for breakfast if you've been down there all night you could do with a break" Tony asked

"No it's not you Tony, I just don't think we can hang out right now." Bruce replied

"What? Why? What's wrong?" Tony asked concerned.

"Nothing's wrong Tony, I just don't think I'm a good person to be around when you're well, small."

Tony stayed quiet for a moment letting it sink in.

"Bruce I'm not scared of the other guy, I'm still the same person. I don't think he'll hurt me."

Bruce paused

"Yeah Tony, I know you aren't scared but that doesn't mean that I'm not. I can't afford for you to be wrong about something as important as your safety Tony. I just can't I'm sorry" Bruce stated

"I miss you" Tony said.

Bruce sighed, "I miss you too Stark. Do you want to hear what I've found so far?"

Tony quickly said yes before sliding into a sitting position in the hall listening to the comforting logic of science.

…

Eventually Bruce virtually kicked him out of his own hallway and told him that he'd have to do more work before he had anything else to tell Tony.

He already felt a lot better; science and Bruce always helped cheer him up. And he still has his very own lab that no one can kick him out of. He may be a midget but he's still a genius.

Nothing is the right height and everything is just plain wrong but that doesn't stop the feeling of entering the Lab of being one of homecoming. He makes his way to his bots stroking a joint and smiling at their curious inspections.

After greeting's are over he made his way over to his desk, clambering onto his chair (wheelie chairs are a challenge but he's not a genius for nothing). Sitting on his knees he has to reach right forward for the full use of the holograph interface but it's worth it.

He opens up the file on the Shield server he knows he has access to and finds what did this to him; some kind of modified ray gun.

He worked on it for a while making slow progress, it must be more complicated than it first looked. After soon he found himself distracted by his holograms; they are amazing after all, one of a kind.

Throwing a virtual ball into a virtual basket is far more fun than it should be, though Tony suspects Jarvis' intervention with the strength of the throws. Laughing quietly to himself he was surprised when the door to his lab opened messing up his throw.

Steve was grinning at him "Having fun?"

Tony blinked a few times "I was working" he said. "I just got a little distracted, what's the time?"

"It's almost 8:30, you've been down here a while. What are you working on?" Steve asked with interest.

Tony smiled and using the desk to pull his chair around pulled up the blueprints for the gun

"This is the wonder gun" he waved his hand making the gun explode out into its substituents.

Steve came over by his left shoulder and seemed suitably impressed.

"I just can't figure out how it worked, I mean what happened to me should be impossible otherwise the whole 'fountain of youth' myth would be a whole lot less mythy and a lot more 'get your second youth here' door salesmen" Tony stated. "The scientist who figured this out should be the richest person on the planet instead for some reason they're using it in the fight against us? Lame villain plan"

"Unless it was just a fluke" Steve said

Tony nodded and stared at the holographic blueprints. He should be able to figure this out. Something wasn't connecting in his head, he knows that he's smart enough to understand some villain's super evil weapon of choice so why can't he-

Tony gasped

"What is it?" Steve asked

"I think I'm loosing my mind" Tony replied weakly

"What? Where did that come from?" Steve asked concerned

"I can't figure it out" Tony said, " I should be able to, it's a weapon, I know weapons! I just – I just played with the freaking holograms." Tony finished his voice panicky.

Fucking mood swings

Steve was talking saying stupid calming platitudes and Tony just wanted to lean forward that little distance it would take before he could stop worrying for a second and lean on Steve. A hug.

Tony jerked backwards and there wasn't enough room on the chair and he was falling and Steve was shouting and the ground was really far away and then it wasn't.

It hurt. There were hands on his face and head and he took a couple cautious breaths before he couldn't help it anymore. He was loosing his mid, he couldn't take baths by himself, Bruce wasn't talking to him, he wet the bed and he couldn't button up his fucking pants. It hurt.

He let the tears that had been threatening to fall yesterday go, streaming down his face as Steve sat cross legged on his workshops floor and pulled him into his lap. Steve's repetition of okay, you're okay, you're okay and the slightly panicked look on Steve's face was too much and he was surging forward and pressing his face into the side of Steve and clinging but he couldn't stop and he couldn't stop the tears.

Eventually, when his head felt groggy and nose was blocked the tears tapered off, but the gentle circles being rubbed into his back didn't stop. Tony didn't want to lift his face from where it was hidden but he couldn't stay here forever, no matter how much he wanted to.

He lifted his head "I'm sorry" he said.

Steve's face twitched.

"You don't have to be sorry Tony. There's nothing to be sorry for" Steve said in a very confident voice.

"I got snot on your shirt"

'It'll wash" Steve relied

Tony didn't say anything but just lets himself imagine that he really is as safe as he feels when he's hugging Steve.

"Breakfast?" Tony asks eventually

"More like brunch I think" Steve replied

"Not everyone gets up as crazy early as you do it's not that late" Tony defended.

…

The rest of the day passed by remarkably smoothly for such a turbulent morning, though that may have been helped somewhat by the fact no one mentioned Tony's puff eyes or a suspiciously shiny path on Steve's shirt.

After brunch and a phone call with Rhodey (he may have shrunk but I can still tell when you're laughing at me, it's not funny dammit!) Tony was beginning to get a little bored and a bored Tony is a not good thing.

He tried visiting Coulson but that was never going to end well, 5 minutes after complaining he was bored in Coulson's presence Tony was fleeing the room after seeing the amount of paperwork he had supposedly created and been threatened with. Bruce had cut himself off from Tony, and Steve; well Tony felt that Steve could probably do with seeing a little less Tony right now. Surely he's got plenty of Captainy stuff to do.

That meant Clint and Natasha (unless Thor popped back from his Asgard visit early). According to Jarvis Clint was up on the roof and that was quiet fun getting to; he should try this with normal human legs some time.

"Hey short stuff, what brings you up here?" Clint asked without looking around.

He was probably doing it to look cool but Tony appreciated that he hadn't jumped up to help him or shooed him back inside.

"I'm bored," Tony said as he climbed closer to Clint.

"Careful, that step's-" Clint warned as Tony's right foot went out from under him and he slid a small distance before being snagged by Clint.

"Welcome to my perch" Clint said grinning

"What are you doing up here?" Tony asked Clint

Clint looked down at Tony, considering.

"Maybe I'm practicing my bird calls?" Clint said seriously "Hawkeye's not just a name" then winking he puffed up his cheeks and coooed.

Tony grinned, "Forget Hawkeye, they should have just called you the amazing Pigeon"

Clint laughed and bought his hands up to his mouth quacking, then bringing his hands down he chirruped and he lay back against the gentle slope of the roof.

Tony laughed and looked out onto the best view of New York. He didn't want to say anything to interrupt the one-man bird chorus going off beside him, and he didn't feel quite so bored anymore.