Chapter 4: Denied Love
When we left off, These were the couples: Hermione and Myrtle, Harry and Dobby, Dobby and Hagrid, and Ron and his pillow. Everyone else was either too ugly, or was dead. Let's start with Hermione and Myrtle. Being a ghost obviously posed a problem for Myrtle; whenever she tried to jump Hermione, her soul mate, she would fly right through her.
This prevented the destined couple from having "relations". But who cares? Anyway, Harry and Dobby got separated, physically and mentally, after Dobby had he drop of his life off of Buckbeak the hippogriff, which resulted in the happy union of him and Hagrid. After Hagrid ran off holding hands with bikini sporting Dobby, a revolution had begun.
Dobby insisted they should have immediate relations more serious than just holding hands! I mean, holding hands is BABY! Let's get MOVIN'! And that is why Hagrid left Dobby for Fang, his ignorant and talentless dog.
Ron started looking at his pillows differently, and that's when we knew that something was wrong. But nobody cared about his many inanimate-object relations. Meanwhile,
the Spork that was festering in Hermione's overweight stomach was increasing its size, to Hermione AND her stomach's dismay. She concluded that the Spork incident was caused by the consumption of a spoon and a fork, and when they had a baby, it was a Spork. After being forced to end her deep relationship with Myrtle, Hermione's eyes began wandering over to the flower-power Voldemort. Voldemort began noticing, and liking. Myrtle found the pair snogging in HER bathroom stall, and decided to call upon the dark and evil forces that resided in the known magical world. "Komon yaaa, Heti shaaa, Feri yaki, Barty SHAKI!" Myrtle recited. Then everything went black.