Chapter 4

If I was sincere
And whispered my fears
Would you still be here?
-Michelle Featherstone, Stay

"Starbuck, I'm sorry I have some bad news to tell you," a young mechanic told her as she stepped onto the flight deck.

"Well, what is it about?" Starbuck said impatiently, not wanting to hear the latest frak up of the deck crew.

"It's about Zak. He crashed and well, there was a fire and there were no survivors," the mechanic told her sadly, unsure of what to do.

Kara felt like her stomach dropped out from under her as she ran to the crashed viper. They were pulling a charred body out of the cockpit and laying it on the cold concrete ground. Kara ran over and dropped down next the body. The corpse was blackened in places, but there was some resemblance of a human. Kara grabbed his upper body and started to cradle him, and it was at that moment that she realized something. The body was slightly heavier and had a bigger built. She let her hand run across the charred flesh and she caught a glimpse of blue eye under the half closed lids.

Somebody from the crew noticed what Kara had. "This isn't Zac Adama, it's Lee Adama. He must have been covering for his little brother not being here."

Kara felt like her world crashed around her. She started sobbing, rocking the body back and forth. "Why do you always have to do what's right Lee? I can't do this by myself. I need you here. Why did you go? Why? Why? Why?" Her voice became steadily louder, to the point it was screaming.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"Kara wake up. KARA!" Lee yelled while shaking Kara's body that was thrashing around uncontrollably. "It was just a nightmare, you are fine," Lee continued, trying to knock sense into her.

Her eyes darted open suddenly, her eyes filled with fear. She glanced around her, taking in the surroundings, trying to comprehend she wasn't on the flight deck but in her personal room. Her eyes finally rested upon Lee. Tears spilled out of her eyes as she realized that Lee was standing over her, alive and without a scratch on his God-like body. Her body relaxed as she fell back into the bed crying, not able to drop the terror that gripped her heart when she had been holding Lee's dead body in her dream. It had seemed so real. She even thought she could smell burning flesh.

Lee didn't know what to do. He had never seen Kara like this. Ok, he has seen her cry on a rare occasion and he has even seen her unsure of herself, but the look of fear in her eyes. It made his blood run cold as he thought of what it would have to take to frighten her. This was new territory.

Luckily, Kara spoke up before he even had to decide what to do. "Will you stay with me?" Her voice was pleading and uncertain. She sounded like a small child that needed her parents.

"Of course I will," Lee said without hesitation. He climbed under the covers and laid down facing Kara. Tears were still streaming down her face, but her crying had subsided. Lee reached out to wipe those tears away, his callused hands grazed her soft cheek lightly, making her shiver under the warm covers.

As her breathing became more regulated, Lee couldn't keep himself from voicing his curiosity. "What was the dream about?"

Kara tensed for a second, her mind flashing once again to Lee's burned carcass. She didn't want to tell him about that specifically. It felt too personal to tell him that her worst fear was losing him. However, she opted to tell him her second greatest fear right now. "I had a dream that I was left alone to raise this baby."

Lee looked at her, confused, not completely understanding. "You won't be alone, you know I will be here and the rest of Galactica is behind you having this baby."

"I know, but it just scares me that I will frak everything up like my mother did." Kara inhaled quickly, wanting to take the words back that she had spoken.

Lee tensed, as the words dawned on him. His father had mentioned one time or another that Kara's childhood had been hard, but he never pushed the issue. He always brushed it off as having parents that were never there or they didn't approve of her life. It had never occurred to him that it might have been something worse than that. "Were you abused by your mother?" Lee questioned hesitantly, not knowing if he really wanted to know the answer.

Kara closed her eyes for a moment, trying to avoid Lee's demanding eyes. She had always kept this part of her life private. She hadn't even told Zak about her mother. The only person that knew was Adama and that was because he had seen her records. They said that she had run away numerous times, only to be taken back to her mom. There was also her medical records that had numerous visits to the hospital after one of her "accidents."

Finally collecting herself a little, Kara opened her eyes slightly and in a weak voice Lee had never heard before, she simply state, "yes."

Lee didn't want to push, knowing that this was causing Kara pain, dredging up the memories of her childhood. But, he felt that if he truly wanted to know her hesitations of being a mother, he had to know the whole story. He reached out to her hand that was laying between them and grasped and pulled it to her his lips kissing it. He held onto her hand, tracing small circles with his thumb, trying to give her a small amount of comfort before going on. "What happened to you Kara?"

Kara bit down on her lip softly, wondering if she should tell Lee about something she had buried a long time. At first, she didn't see the point in telling him anything, but then it occurred to her how much he cared and this would be an opportunity to make sure that he was going to stick around. "My mother had always been strict when I was growing up, however the first time something really bad happened was when I was 11 and I had just come home from school…"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"I'm home!" Eleven year old Kara yelled as she threw her backpack on the ground while she came running in to the house. Kara continued on into the empty kitchen and started to make herself a sandwich while humming quietly.

A minute or two later, a tall thin figure stepped into the room, smiling slightly as she looked at her daughter. "Why so happy Kara?"

Kara looked up in surprise at her mother, not hearing her enter the room. She looked at her mother and briefly debated if she should say anything, but being naïve, she decided to speak. "School was really good today."

"What was so great about school. If I remember correctly you aren't too fond of it."

Kara grinned at her mother. "That was before Aaron."

Her mother's smile became very thin as she heard those words. "And who is Aaron?"

"He's my boyfriend," Kara said as her face lit up with the thought that a boy liked her. She always got along well enough with them, well that is when she wasn't fighting them. However, she never thought that one of them would notice that she was a girl. She hadn't even the slightest idea that she wanted that type of attention, that is until Aaron came along. Kara was brought back to the present as she looked at her mothers stricken face.

"And what have you and this boy done. Have you held hands, kissed?"

Kara felt her stomach do a flip flop as she finally realized her mother wouldn't approve of her actions. "No, we didn't do any of that. He just passed me a note in class, asking if I wanted to be his girlfriend and I said yes."

Her mother's face didn't show any sign of relief at these words. If anything, her eyes seemed to bulge out and her face all of a sudden became very red. "I don't believe it," her mother said through clenched teeth. "You did dirty things with him." She started walking towards Kara slowly.

Kara backed away, moving to the front room, trying to put space between her mother and herself. "I am telling the truth. I haven't done anything wrong."

"You're lying! The Gods do not approve of such behavior. You are acting sinful," Kara's mother seethed as she moved in on Kara.

Kara didn't know what to do. She kept backing up, but she was stopped by the couch. Her mother was blocking the exit, so the only thing she could do was stand there as her mother approached. Kara was trying to act strong by looking her mother in the eye and not crying, but she couldn't keep tears of fear from falling down her pale cheeks. She tried one last time to plead with her mother. "Please, I swear I didn't do anything. I wouldn't do anything."

"You're lying, you filthy little whore," her mother spat out while raising her hand. She let it fall and in the silent room there was a resounding smack as it came in contact with Kara's face. The force sent her reeling, but she caught herself on the couch. However, her balance did not last long as Kara's mother reached out and grabbed Kara's hair, throwing her to the ground. Kara then heard a loud crack as her mother's shoe collided with her abdomen.

Kara no longer held back the sobs as her mother beat her, yelling obscenities at her. She tried to keep her hands over her head, waiting for the nightmare to end. Eventually, she blacked out, waking up in the hospital, where doctors believed that she had fallen from down a hill.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"That wouldn't be the last time either, I was in and out of hospitals until I was 17, old enough to finally get out of there. Sometimes I wonder if that was the reason I became a pilot. At night when I would be looking out my window, planning my next escape, it always seemed that in any direction, they could come after me. However, if I could just get up to the stars, they wouldn't be able to catch me any more. It was a silly thought, but somehow, that was my hope that I lived with, that someday I could reach the stars," Kara confessed something that she hadn't told anybody else, and she was nervous about it. Nobody knew this side of her. She stared at Lee, waiting patiently for his response.

Lee shook his head, not really knowing what there was to say. What was the right response to a situation like this? "You should have told me this. It would have made me apologize to my dad a long time ago, makes him look like a barrel of laughs."

Kara smiled at Lee, knowing that sarcasm was their safe ground between them. "This doesn't change your mind about me being a mother?"

Lee was quick to answer this time, "not at all. You think that just because your mom was frakked up that you will be too?"

Kara laughed, "I am frakked up."

Lee chuckled, "but in a good way. You are a beautiful disaster. That in no way is going to make you a bad mother. I don't know why I have to keep telling you this, but you are going to be fine, even if you had to do this alone. You are the strongest person I know, and I know for a fact that if anybody could do this, it would be you."

Kara felt something twist in her as she heard these sweet words come from Lee. She leaned forward and hugged him, burying her head in his bare chest. She felt so comfortable and content with being honest with Lee, she decided to take it one step further. "Lee?"

"hmmm?" Lee mumbled through her hair, as he held her close to him.

"The dream was about you dying," Kara stated simply.

Lee pulled back, holding Kara at arms length, confusion written all over his face. "What do you mean? I thought you said that your dream was about you being alone."

"It was, but I was alone because you had died in the crash instead of Zak," Kara started to cry again. "I had been holding your burned body, and it was horrible. My worst fear is that I will lose you." Kara couldn't continue any further.

Lee's heart started to speed up as many different thoughts went buzzing through his head. It dawned on him that she was telling him how she felt. Not directly, maybe, but in her own way nonetheless. He felt at peace, finally hearing from her lips that he was important to her. He had always known it, or else they wouldn't always be back and forth, fighting and making up. But it was nice to hear for once, and maybe, just maybe she felt the same way. The thought gave him hope and courage to do what he did next, kiss her.

Lee leaned in slowly, giving her a soft kiss. It was short and sweet.

Lee leaned back, pulling Kara into a tight hug. "You aren't going to be without me. A life without you isn't worth living."

Kara sniffled and pulled her face back so she could look in his eyes. "But, things are going to be so frakked up. You didn't ask to be a father of your friends child."

Lee smiled sweetly at Kara, taking a deep breath. "No, I didn't ask for it, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I am very excited to be a father. Not to mention it means staying with the woman I love."

There was a heavy silence in the room as those last few words hung in the air, waiting for Kara to fully grasp them. "But..."

Lee shushed her, putting his finger on her lips. "No, don't try to brush off those words or to push past them. It is obvious to everybody else on this ship how I feel about you. I think you may feel the same way and we could have something if both of us would stop being so stubborn and childish. I love you Kara, I really do."

Kara let the tears roll down her face as she looked at the man that was being so wonderful to her. She didn't deserve it, yet here he was nonetheless. All she wanted to do right now was give him her heart, but something was holding her back, something she couldn't ignore. "But, Zak..."

Lee quickly started to speak, "Kara, we can not keep coming back to him. He has been dead for over two years. It's time we both moved on."

"I know, I just can't help but feel we are betraying him," Kara admitted.

"But, we aren't. He would want us to be happy, Plus, he would probably would find it hilarious that his fiance ended up with his brother," Lee smiled.

Kara laughed, it did sound like to Zak. He would definitely see the humor in the situation. In all seriousness, though, Lee was right. She did want to be happy, and Lee could make that happen. Kara took a deep breath, "Lee, I love you too."

They both lay in the comfortable silence after those words. There really was nothing else to say after all. They knew they had each other and this baby, and that's all they needed. Somehow they knew that everything else would fall into place.

A/N-Well, sorry for the long wait. I fell off the wagon with my writing because of the beginning of the new quarter. So many excuses...and not enough time, lol. Mainly three things I want to say. One of my distractions was I was making a fan-mix for Kara/Lee and so if you are interested in those you can find it at Livejournal, and it is called Battlestar Galactica Fanmix community or the actually user name is bsgmix. Mine is the top one right now, and my user at livejournal is the same as my pen name, Chrisfaithalin. Second, my updating may be slower than usual, because like I said, I am in a new quarter at college and I am doing an overload which means 19 credits. My classes aren't too hard, but it just gets distracting. However, I will continue this story, I still have a couple more chapters at least and I have a decent idea of what is going to happen next. The last thing I want to say is THANK YOU! I could never imagine such positive feedback for one of my stories. Like I said, I have gotten a lot of reviews for my hp stuff, but nothing as enthusiastic and genuine as the feedback I get from this story. I love it, and love you guys for it. You have really lit a fire under me to continue this story, so thank you. Please tell me what you think and hopefully you will be hearing from me soon.