Title: Finding Life's Purpose
Author: CypressTiger
Anime/Book: Gundam Wing
Rating: PG-13, R for later chapters
Genre: Drama, Angst, Humor, Romance
Pairings: 3x4, 2+5, 2x5?
Date started: May 29th, 2009
Status: In Progress – UNBETAD
Warnings for this chapter: minor swearing, pseudo-sexual situations, discussed violence, angst, bad humor
Author's Note: The point of view changes frequently as indicated by "---". This format can change if it is hard for readers to follow.
***Chapters 2 and 3 were re-uploaded with minor edits. No need to re-read them***
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. All characters are intellectual and legal property of their respective owners.
---
The meeting was … in a word? Awkward. Uncomfortable. We practically danced around each other all afternoon. He never asked me a direct question and even without his sight he managed to avoid looking at me. Wufei was as professional and effective as always but I just knew that the shaky friendship we had was endangered. We went over the steps of the mission carefully. We counted doorways, points of entry, possible bottlenecks and hazards. Things that I saw in a different light now. Unfortunately the mission was complicated enough that we wound up working through the lunch period and well into the afternoon.
Knowing what to look for, I could see things I hadn't noticed before. I don't know how I missed the signs. Wufei never looked directly at the map during the meeting. He always asked for a statistic and then followed with a leading question that helped us spot the danger zones ourselves. To be honest, his blindness had made him a very effective teacher. I don't think a single one of us stepped away from that meeting feeling instructed. We had done all the work ourselves with only a few guiding questions. When the meeting finally came to an end, Agent Diipa reminded us of our training room simulations that were scheduled for tomorrow morning. I hung back. I wanted to walk Wufei back to his office. Hopefully we could work this thing between us out before it got to be a problem. Unfortunately Aiden Diipa, our team leader, waved me off, asking Chang if he would stick around to answer some more questions.
I was mulling over my apology options in the elevator bay when the doors opened up to reveal Sally. She grinned and burst out talking right away. "I was just coming down to get the two of you! You've been holed up in there all day, it's almost quitting time. Where's Chang?" She was still the same assertive, energetic person she was this morning. It seemed like a million years since we last spoke. "Diipa wanted to work on strategies so he's still… in there," I sighed and slouched against the opposite wall, my appetite lost. Sally is a girl so it's only natural that she knew something was up without me even saying anything. Though I'm sure I gave it away somehow.
"What's wrong, Duo? What'd you do? Did you guys fight or something?" Sally looked honestly concerned but the fact that she automatically assumed it was my fault stung a bit. I thought I had grown out of this hormonal teenager stage, easily hurt by the wrong words. Although I was never really a hormonal teenager to begin with; maybe I was relapsing. Is this what a mid-life crisis is? Sally was still staring at me, looking concerned. I realized she was waiting for an answer. "Yea we… kinda fought I guess. I think I offended him," I was reluctant to admit it. Sally pursed her lips, narrowed her eyes and propped her hand on one hip. The ultimate angry woman pose.
"Spill."
The one word made me cringe, just like nails across a chalkboard. I hated that word. Especially when it was delivered by a woman intent on dragging the truth out of you inch by painful inch. I was still pretty miffed that I was being blamed for Wufei's hissy fit. "All I said was that even if treatments didn't fix his eyes they could still replace them with another set of eyes and he said something about rather being blind than looking through a strangers eyes or something like that. He was just being over-sensitive. I didn't mean any offence by it!" Angry and embarrassed, I crossed my arms in front of myself defensively. Sally sighed and grabbed my shirt collar before dragging me forcefully toward the elevator. When the door opened, she proceeded to drag me inside. When we reached the right floor, she kept her grip on my shirt and hauled me across the floor to her shared office. Everyone on the floor was staring at us. A few were shaking their heads, amused I'm sure; but a few were cringing away or hiding behind potted plants. I figured I wasn't the first to upset Wufei, nor was I the first to receive the royal reaming Sally was sure to give me.
When the office door shut behind us with an ominous click, Sally turned me loose. Rubbing at my neck I shied away from her as discretely as possible. Which was pretty darn hard what with her steely gaze pinning me to the spot. Sally took a deep breath and I ducked my head and scrunched my eyes shut; somehow it's easier to get yelled at with your eyes closed. I heard her desk chair creak under her weight and I dared to open an eye and glance over at her.
Sally was sitting at her desk with her head held in her hands. "Duo, I'm sure you were just curious. I'm sure you were just trying to figure out why your best friend decided not to have a relatively safe operation to get his sight back. I'm sure you weren't trying to make a fuss or push him into trying it or anything like that. But Duo," Sally looked up at me and I could see tears in her eyes, "Wufei has been trying so hard to be alright for all of us. Even when it's hard and he's really struggling he keeps on acting like everything's fine and normal… and he succeeds, usually. But the one thing that he can do to make things truly normal again, he refuses to do. I think it's because he doesn't want to go back on his beliefs. I spent time in the traditionally classified 'eastern' regions of the Earth Sphere while I was an ensign with OZ. Wufei has never explicitly stated it but I think I understand why he gets so upset when someone suggests complete eye replacement. For Chinese children, their bodies are gifts from their parents. I think they may have explained genetics by saying something to the effect that the parents give up parts of themselves to make their children. Because of that, the practice of essentially marketing and selling human body parts is seen as an insult. Piercings and tattoos are rebellions and suicide is seen as a shameful waste" Sally paused and looked up at me. I had unconsciously moved closer to the desk while she was speaking, I shifted my weight and rested a hip against her desk, trying to look casual.
"It's just speculation but I'm pretty sure that this is what Wufei was raised to believe. It makes sense that he would rather keep what he believes are his parent's eyes even if they don't necessarily work anymore." Sally bit at the corner of her lip a bit. "I know you didn't mean any harm but I think that we should just try to help Chang feel as normal as possible. He tries so hard for us, it's the least we can do if we do the same for him." Sally leaned back into her desk chair and sighed heavily. A knock on her door preceded a female agent poking her head in the door to say goodbye for the day. Sally spared a glance at the clock before responding to the invading agent. Once the door was closed again, I was struck with Sally's evil stare.
"I think you should take Wufei home today. It'll give you both a chance to talk this out. The last agent that suggested that Chang get the surgery was ignored for a week. He really needs to have you on his side for support. Not that he'll ever admit to it." I shifted uncomfortably when Sally pretty much called me out and put me on the spot. I didn't want to have to admit that she was right. It would just make her impossible to work with.
"I don't even know where he lives and I highly doubt I'll even get him in the car with me let alone getting him to give me directions." Hoping to get out of the office before she could corner me into the chore, I moved toward the door.
"Nice try. I'll give you directions and you can grab Wufei in the elevator bay on your way downstairs. You're not getting out of this one, Duo Maxwell!" She thrust a slip of paper in my face and shoved me out of her office. I sulked the entire way as I walked down to the elevator bay to wait for Wufei to show up. I started to work on my speech while I waited. I knew I was in the wrong but I was unsure how to really apologize for it. I was getting pretty worked up about the possible conversation while I waited for Wufei to show up. 'Fei didn't. Aiden Diipa, however, did. "Hey! Woah, Diipa, where's Chang?" I snagged my team leader's jacket as he brushed by me.
"Chang? He said he was headed home so I walked him to the lobby. Why? Did you need something?" I swore pretty loudly which only got me some dirty looks from Diipa and the other agents nearby. "Yea," I responded, "Shit, I'm gonna go see if I can catch him."
"It's too late, Duo! The bus left ten minutes ago!" Well screw that. I'll just meet him at his apartment. If traffic cooperates I'll even beat him there.
---
After the extremely long meeting with Maxwell's group and the private question and answer session with Agent Diipa I was exhausted. I just wanted to go home and lay down. I just wanted this impossible day to be over. By now Duo and Sally would have met up and discussed my little "hissy fit." I knew that Sally was just going to lecture me on my sensitivity and on forgiveness. Instead of facing that, I just punched out and left. Agent Diipa is a very exuberant person and more than happy to help me downstairs. He's certainly very nice but maybe just a little too eager to make a name for himself. It was tiring. The bus station had more than one person milling around, waiting. The quiet chatter left me feeling a bit more lonely than usual. I was in such a strange mood today. Wanting to be alone and yet regretting it when I got what I wanted. Getting on the bus was difficult today; the driver was new and was impatient.
Snapping at Duo was a mistake. He didn't know how I felt about the subject. He was only trying to help. Duo had to be feeling bad about it too, he wasn't cruel. When it got time for my bus transfer I almost stayed on the bus that would take me back to headquarters so I could apologize. But the trip back to HQ would take twenty-five minutes when I could call Duo from my apartment in five minutes. I was distracted and barely made it on the bus. This driver was also a new one. I just couldn't catch a break today.
"Excuse me. I need to get off at 4310 Forsythia Boulevard, please." I tried to smile winningly. Being nice usually worked better than being myself did. The driver sighed heavily and I swear I could hear him rolling his eyes. "Just pull the cord when we get close." I heard him pull the door shut behind me. I suppose I could work it out on my own. I knew it was a five minute bus ride without stopping so as long as I got off at the right time I should get reasonably close to my apartment building. How hard could that be?
It was almost exactly five minutes when I tried to find the pull cord. Thankfully another passenger needed to get off or I may have overshot my apartment by nearly a mile. I carefully made my way off the bus and moved away from the curb. I stood off to one side, one foot on the sidewalk and one foot on a patch of grass, staying out of the way until the bus pulled away. I wasn't quite sure if I was too far or not far enough down Forsythia Boulevard. Thankfully this wasn't the first time this had happened and I was well prepared. I pulled out my key ring and fumbled for the large piece of plastic I was looking for. Thumbing the largest button on the key fob I heard a car alarm go off a short distance down the street. I got off the bus too early, then. At least I wasn't too far away from my apartment. Following the sound of the alarm until I was nearly deafened by it; I managed to find my apartment building. Disengaging my useless car's alarm I continued forward, sweeping my cane out in a wider arc to find the cross path to the apartment door. This was the easy part, no more surprises or unknown terrain from here on in. Difficult bus drivers aside, I made it home in record time. I started to plan what I would say to Duo when I called him.
Would I start with an apology or should I explain why I reacted that way first? Apology first, I decided. Duo didn't deserve being snapped at and ignored all afternoon. The front door of the apartment building hesitated before it closed but it's been doing that lately. I didn't think anything of it. Working out how to explain my complicated personal philosophy to Duo I easily dismissed the quiet sound of footsteps behind me. When I heard a louder noise following me down the hall I paused to listen for it but all I could hear were the neighbors across the hall arguing…again. Their screaming matches were legendary. I have never fought with a person like that, and hopefully I never will. They must either hate each other immensely or love each other dearly; I'm not quite sure which. I could hear one of them telling the other to leave so I quickly unlocked my front door, hoping to escape them before they spotted me. As my front door swung open before me I felt a hand suddenly grab my shoulder.