Until The Stars Fall - 1778
They hadn't spoken in months. Not that Hinata could blame him or anything - - in fact, she often wondered (alone in the dojo or training by the lake) if he felt the same dull ache in his chest as she did in hers. Like their naive little dreams were destroyed now and it was pointless to continue some doomed love affair.
But that was the problem, Hinata thought sadly to herself, it was a love affair and love couldn't be turned off like water from a faucet. Well, at least her love couldn't. Sometimes Neji seemed the type (so cold and faraway), yet at other times she couldn't fathom his eyes ever looking at her without such secret warmth and blatant heat. It was like dying that he never touched her anymore - - not when they trained, or ate together, or played shogi, or anything.
He locked his door at night. She was barred even that comfort, the one only found in his strong arms.
As she stared across the table at him, both quiet and with impeccable manners, Hinata felt that arrow sharp pain in her heart widen exponentially. She wondered if Neji could rip the damn thing out as he'd already done so in the figurative sense, because she was getting quite tired of the hormones and sickness that jangled in her slightly rounder belly. Her nerves were scratched so raw.
She couldn't even keep the food down (damn nurse said it might continue throughout the entire pregnancy - - just like Neji Hyuuga, his offspring seemed to want her to suffer as well) and it tasted like ash anyway. She wanted to throw the plate at his head and stomp off for a good cry.
Neji just cleared his throat and kept eating. It was so quiet Hinata was sure he could hear her barely stifled sobs, dry and quick breathed. She hated how the Hyuuga compound was so cold to her. The temperature, she silently sniffled, and the people in it. Hinata hadn't felt properly warm since her last encounter with Neji four months ago.
Why did winter have to come so quickly upon their little section of Konohagakure?
"Stop it Hinata-san. You're mewling's giving me a headache."
Four months of his curt words which had only worsened from even before they'd become lovers (she felt it was on par with his rudeness during their genin days) four months of cold silence, her body betraying her so utterly, and Hinata couldn't take it anymore. She did exactly as she'd wanted to do (without remorse or censure) and chucked her full bowl of food at him. It cracked and splattered all across the wall behind his cooly tilted head.
"Now why did you dodge Neji? Your cousin only wished to help relieve your headache." Hinata spat the words with pure venom and misery (though, even she found it out of character) willing to blame it on hormones later if she had to. Right now, however, she blamed it entirely on herself and the anger in her heart - - the bitterness of their position and how she just couldn't tell him. She might hurt now, but it wouldn't even compare to the pain she'd feel if he knew the truth, the look on his face.
Neji had so much pride. How, she thought angrily, how could she expect him not to claim what was his, even at the swords of the entire main branch? She wouldn't watch him on his knees again by that fucking seal, she wouldn't and she couldn't, not again.
They'd kill him - - because as much pride as Neji had, so did her husband. Kindness only stretched so far, and she doubted any man could stand the degradation of being cuckolded.
"Hinata." It was said with such dark warning, she felt the tears spill over before she could stop them (because it was the first time he'd said her name in months, her name without the oh-so cold delegation of respect). She wanted to run over to him and kiss him and apologize for her stupid body messing things up, ask him to run away with her so she could tell him who exactly her baby belonged to, who she belonged to.
Yet her feet wouldn't move, she just kept on crying - - even as a servant came to see what the loud noise had been about, even when Neji had angrily sent them away.
Even when he'd slowly risen to his feet, clad in his every day attire that always seemed to make her blood rush. A pair of faded gray sweat pants and a white tank, hair customarily tied into a short pony tail. Hinata still cried even as her heart beat sped at his sudden nearness, and when he cupped her face and pressed a kiss to her forehead. She was afraid to put her hands on him because she was sure she'd never let go - - and it would be worse than anything she ever felt if he looked upon her with annoyance, or god help her, apathy.
Then his mouth was on hers and she didn't think of anything, because it was Neji touching her again, touching her as if she'd never let go and he'd never left. It was angry, harsh, biting, so much like their first time together, and Hinata accepted it all with an equal passion, sucking his tongue when he'd shoved it into her mouth. She knew it would be like that with other parts of their body as well. He'd shove and she'd take it, so hot and so sweet.
The tears dried on her cheeks because he had that amazing power to make her feel so very out of place.
She had no idea how they'd gotten to his room (though a vague suspicion led to her believe he'd carried her while she'd been kissing and tugging at his clothes) but it didn't matter much because she was naked and he was naked and they were together again. Even for a little while, something whispered at the back of her head, even if it was only superficial.
His stare had lingered on her stomach too long and just when Hinata felt like hiding or crying again, she caught a flare of jealousy behind those deceptively white eyes. God, why did her heart have to scream so loud - - why did the words have to be on the tip of her tongue, half way through her lips? Why did lying have to hurt so much? And the Hyuuga, she thought with fleeting resentment, had to be so good at it, all of them, except for her.
She knew she should be appalled by the emotion, but it made her insides flutter when he looked at the child he thought wasn't his with envy - - because she knew he wanted it to be. Then Neji hauled her onto his lap and begun sucking her lips again, as if familiarizing himself with a taste he'd forgotten. He ran his rough thumbs along the underside of her breasts, so soft she felt a shiver race down her spine and curl her toes. Hinata decided she could like being on top if it meant Neji always grunted her name like that, when all she was doing was rubbing against him, shallowly sliding herself up down his length. With each quickening breath she decided she could probably come without even fully taking him in - - and the thought brought a cute smile to her face.
Neji must've caught it though, because suddenly she was on her hands and knees in plush cotton. He'd done it so fast, so delicately Hinata hadn't even felt his touch.
"Ah, Hinata, I don't think so. I give you way to much freedom I think." He chuckled in her ear and Hinata knew a really horrendous blush was working its way up her neck and face. Then he was easing into her from behind and she could barely support her weight, her arms were shaking so bad. God, she silently moaned, she'd been so sensitive and so needy these past weeks it felt like everything had culminated into the one perfect moment Neji was inside her again. Hinata moved at his slow steady pace, panting and moaning as the world went out of focus. Tears pricked her eyes when she came because he'd so gently splayed his hand across her stomach, his other banding across her chest, just as her legs went out.
She felt his own orgasm warm and wetly slipping down her thighs.
"God, I love you." As soon as the words were out Hinata wanted to shove them back in again, horrified that a little sex had somehow loosened her tongue to stupid proportions. She'd never said it to him, not once and she hadn't planned on telling him those three little words until the day she died.
And, she thought with a slight catch to her throat, it was silent again - - that heart crushing silence which threatened to drown her.
Hinata couldn't look at him, and though she felt like a coward for doing it (she'd been feeling like a coward so much lately) she curled up on her side and pretended to fall asleep. Again, she hated the cold after so much blissful heat.
She knew Neji hadn't been fooled, and maybe because he wanted to forget it or he didn't know how to respond, he let her get away with the farce. Then he wrapped her up in his blankets and tucked her underneath the familiar warmth and weight of his arm. If she hadn't already begun to make her act a reality, Hinata was sure she would've started crying gain.
Perhaps, her mind sleepily mused, she could never tell him, perhaps he would grow to hate her, but at least he knew the reason why - - because there was only one reason she would ever lie to him.
It was because she loved him. She loved him so damn much.
"I know." She felt a big, infinitely careful hand push a couple sweaty strands of hair from her face. It lingered for a moment before moving down to wrap around her stomach.
The warmth seeped slowly but surely into the deepest parts of her soul.
She'd missed him so much.
...o0o...
What Hinata couldn't even begin to imagine was how much he'd missed her. On her way out the next morning, Neji accidently snapped the lock off his door and after she'd beamed and kissed him breathless, he muttered something about cheap locks and how you just can't trust contractors anymore (nevermind that he'd been the one to put the latch on his door in the first place).
A/N - cough, cough. My hopefully good attempt at a lemon. (ha ha pregnancy sex) I wanted to make it as tasteful as possible, while still doing a good job – plz leave reviews, they make my day! God the fluff and drama of this story. My emotions run the gamut by the end, whew. I hope you guys like the little bit of humor at the very end too, and I'm sorry I'm still making these chapters longer, even though there never really seems to be anything going on. Tell me I don't suck, plz. Mercury's in retrograde or something and my week has sucked so PLZ tell me I don't fail as a writer.
Okay! The pity fest is now over! I wanted to say I absolutely love 'Clip My Wings' by x-Hyuuga-x and totally recommend it as a good read! Bop over and read her (or him, I'm not sexist) story and totally leave a review! SHAMELESS PLUG, B/C LOL I'M IN LOVE WITH HER (or him). The fact her (his) chapters come so quick make me happy.
Song of the day - Paula Cole - I Don't Wanna Wait. (Because I was listening to it when I finished this chapter.)
Errr, next is (scratches head) Neji style? I think I'll do them in couplets or something. Eh. I kind of like writing from Hinata's point of view, but I kinda miss Neji's biting angst.