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Chapter Four: What Would Happen
Electricity, eye to eye.
Hey don't I know you? I can't speak.
Stripped my senses on the spot,
I've never been defenseless,
I can't even make sense of this.
You speak and I don't hear a word.
What would happen if we kissed?
Would your tongue slip past my lips?
Would you run away?
Would you stay?
Or would I melt into you?
Mouth to mouth, lust to lust,
Spontaneously combust
The room is spinning out of control.
You act like you didn't notice, brushed my hand.
What would happen if we kissed?
Would your tongue slip past my lips?
Would you run away?
Would you stay?
Or would I melt into you?
Mouth to mouth, lust to lust,
Spontaneously combust
What would happen if we kissed?
-What Would Happen by Meredith Brooks
It was another Saturday night at the guys' house. They were throwing a party for Jasper's birthday and invited a bunch of people from school and work. It was fun, but the house was crowded and noisy. I wasn't really in the mood and I made my way through the clusters of people laughing and dancing to get out to the deck on the back of the house.
I stepped outside and stopped short when I realized someone was already out there. In the dim light I could barely make out his face.
"Edward? What are you doing out here?"
"Hey Bella." He turned and looked at me before he took a sip of his drink. "Just hanging out here for a while. It was getting a little crazy in there."
"Yeah, I know."
"Have a seat." He gestured to the chair beside him.
"Are you sure I'm not interrupting?"
He shook his head. "Nope."
We sat in awkward silence for a few minutes and then I blurted out the first thing that came into my head. "How is school going?"
He looked at me with an amused expression on his face. "You're asking me about school?"
"Uh, yeah, I guess I am."
"School's fine I guess. I'm kind of struggling with a composition right now though."
"A composition? What exactly are you studying?" I asked, puzzled.
"Oh, I thought you knew. I'm studying music. Music theory and history mostly. I want to be a composer."
I stared at him, astonished. "Really?"
"Really."
"That's awesome."
He laughed. "It will be if I can find some inspiration. This current piece is not going well."
"So you sing and compose...wow."
He looked vaguely embarrassed. "And play the piano too, remember?"
"Well I'm impressed."
He laughed. "It's not that big of a deal really. And if I can't get this piece done I'm never going to pass this class which means I'll never graduate. And I'll just be a homeless starving composer."
"Wow, no pressure or anything," I teased him and he laughed again.
"I know next to nothing about music," I admitted. "I love listening to it, but I wouldn't have a clue how to play it or write it for that matter."
"What kind of music are you into?"
I shrugged. "A little bit of everything really. Everything from metal and industrial to classical. Country and pop are my least favorites, but there are always exceptions. There is some really fun 80's pop out there, and I love Johnny Cash."
"Johnny Cash is sort of in a category all to himself."
"True."
"So tell me more, what other bands are you into?"
"God...that's always so hard to narrow down."
"I know." He grinned at me. "Tell me what music you couldn't survive without."
"Hmm, it kind of goes in phases. Probably the one song I couldn't live without is "Hallelujah"."
Edward nodded. "Agreed. Leonard Cohen or Jeff Buckley?"
"I appreciate both, but I have to say probably Jeff Buckley. It's a simpler version but something about the song is more...visceral. "
"I agree." He looked at me thoughtfully.
"And "Under the Bridge" by Chili Peppers has always been really high on my list too," I added.
"Yeah, that's a great song." He took another sip of his drink. "What song is stuck in your head right now?"
"Painkillers" by Lauren Pritchard," I answered immediately. "It's an amazing song, but damn it's driving me crazy lately. No matter what else I listen to, it pops back into my head."
He laughed. "That's funny. It is an incredible song though, have you seen the video?"
I nodded. "Yeah, it's kind of trippy but I like it. What's stuck in your head?"
"You'll laugh."
"What, is it the theme song to Spongebob or something?"
He shuddered. "No. It's from an opera actually. "Je Crois Tendre Encore" by Bizet."
"Which version?"
"You know it?" He looked surprised.
I grinned sheepshly. "Uh, I'm a huge Johnny Depp fan, and it was on the soundtrack to The Man Who Cried."
He gave me a crooked grin. "It's the French version by Salvatore Licitra from that soundtrack."
"I love that song," I admitted. " "Gloomy Sunday" is another gorgeous song from that movie."
"Mmhmm," he agreed. "So I'm curious about what other bands you're into. What's playing on your iPod right now?"
I pulled it out of my pocket and tossed it over to him. "Take a look."
He grinned at me and browsed through my music. "Hmm, let's see...Placebo, Green Day, Bill Withers, Atlanta Rhythm Section, Dan Auerbach, Lords of Acid, Nelly Furtado, Nightwish, Pink Martini, Morphine, Dead Can Dance, Rammstein, VAST, Kronos Quartet...you do have some random stuff on here. I know most of it. Not familiar with Pink Martini or Morphine though."
I laughed. "A lot of people aren't. They're both great though, Pink Martini is from Portland actually. They're very...eclectic. Their stuff is this crazy mix of Latin, lounge, classical and jazz and they sing in at least four languages I think. I'd love to see them in concert."
"Interesting. I'll have to check them out. What about Morphine?"
"They were a band in the nineties; a lot of their stuff has some blues and jazz to it. The lead singer played bass too, and they had a saxophone player and a drummer."
"No guitars?"
"Only on some of the songs."
"Hmm."
"It's great stuff. Really mellow...the lead singer had this amazing voice. It just sort of gets under your skin. It's the kind of music you want to listen to during a thunderstorm with the lights turned low..." I trailed off, feeling idiotic for describing my nerdy musical fantasy. I waited for Edward to laugh at me, but it never happened.
He just nodded and said, "music you feel rather than hear."
I nodded in agreement, "Exactly."
"I totally get that. Kings of Leon have a couple of songs like that for me."
"Hmm, I'd have to say "Closer", "Use Somebody" and "Sex on Fire" are my personal favorites."
"Absolutely. They just sort of grab you by the balls."
"I'll take your word for it. I don't exactly have any." I grinned at him.
"Trust me, I know." He stared at me for a moment and then cleared his throat. "But you know what I mean Bella."
I laughed. "I do actually. The lead singer's voice is...compelling."
"That's a good word for it."
"You'd like Morphine then I think," I said. "His voice is a lot smoother...less gravely and rough, but it's the same kind of feeling."
He nodded, looking thoughtful. "This is going to sound weird but do you ever get the feeling that you're just going to be completely overcome by the music? Where you're listening to the music and it gets inside of you...and it's so overwhelming that you feel like you're going to...I don't know...spontaneously combust from it?"
"I do actually," I said softly and he smiled and leaned toward me.
"Thank god...I was afraid you were going to think I was insane." He chuckled. "That's what got me into music though. I was listening to something and I had that feeling...and I realized I wanted to create that."
His eyes were intense and he didn't look away from me.
I licked my lips nervously and I saw his eyes follow the path of my tongue. Electricity crackled in the air and I could hear myself breathing in short, shallow pants.
"No, I get it," I breathed. We stared at each other for a long while until a voice startled both of us.
"So that's where you are," Rosalie called out. We both jumped and turned to face her and she looked irritated. "I was looking everywhere for you Edward."
"Sorry. I was out here with Bella."
"What were you two doing?" she asked.
"Talking about music." He held up my iPod to show her and then handed it back to me.
"Oh. Well you should come inside now."
"I think I'm good out here for a while. I'm not really in a party mood right now, Rosalie."
She sat down in his lap, straddling him. "I'm sure I can put you in a better mood."
She kissed him and I looked away, uncomfortable. And if I was being honest with myself, I was jealous.
"Rosalie, you're being rude," Edward said when he'd disengaged from her.
"No it's fine." I stood up. "I should head back into the party anyway. I want to talk to Alice."
"It was nice talking to you Bella," he called out. "I'll definitely check out those bands."
"Sure. Let me know what you think." I slipped back into the house and took a deep breath.
What the hell had that been about? I asked myself. It had been a totally normal conversation but I was feeling jittery and shaky. I walked into the kitchen and poured myself a drink, desperately needing something to settle myself. I didn't know what had just happened between Edward and I. For a moment I would have sworn that he was going to kiss me. But I had to be imagining things. Edward couldn't possibly be interested in me.
For a moment I felt smug that Rosalie could never have had that kind of conversation about music with Edward. Not that she had bad taste, we wouldn't have gone to all of the live shows we saw if she hadn't been into music, but her tastes were a lot more limited. Currently, her favorite band was Black Eyed Peas. I didn't dislike them, but frankly she didn't know shit about opera or classical or some of the more obscure stuff I was into. I usually detested music snobs, but at the moment I was viciously pleased that Edward and I had a lot more in common when it came to music. Then again, she was the one on top of him with her tongue in his mouth, so apparently good taste in music didn't mean shit. I downed a drink, and then another just a few minutes later. I forced myself to go talk to other people and not sit in a corner and mope. But I was grateful when the party ended and we all went to bed.
That night I was restless. I tossed and turned for nearly an hour before I clicked on the light and dug a book out of my bag. After twenty minutes of reading the same page over and over I gave up. I tossed the book down and turned off the light again. The drinks I'd had earlier hadn't really helped and now I was just frustrated. Sexually frustrated if I was being honest. I kept replaying our conversation, only this time Rosalie didn't interrupt. I touched myself, picturing his hands on my body and his mouth devouring mine. I buried my face against the pillow when I came; it was the only way to keep from crying out his name.
That night I dreamed of him again. When I awoke I ached for his touch and hated myself for it.
A few weeks later I sat on the edge of the bathtub watching Rosalie as she brushed her hair and rolled it into hot rollers. We were getting ready to go out to listen to the guys play that night and I had finally found an opportunity to talk to her alone.
"So how are things going with Edward?" I asked, trying to keep my voice casual.
She shrugged. "Alright I guess. I think I'm getting bored."
"I'm surprised," I said.
"He's just been kind of lame lately."
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know.
"Ok..."
"He's just...so distant all the time. Always focused on school and everything. He's so busy we hardly ever have time to get together anyway. I'm not sure it's worth it." She leaned forward into the mirror and applied mascara to her already long lashes.
"Are you going to end it?"
"Maybe. Why do you care?"
"I was just curious. I just don't want to see this all turn into some big deal. It's nice when we all hang out, I wouldn't want there to be too much drama or anything."
"Oh, I don't think it'll be a big deal. It's not like either of us is in love with the other." She snorted. "I'm sure it'll be fine."
"Well, I didn't know."
She rolled her eyes. "How would you? You've been on like three dates in your life and you've never slept with anyone." She smoothed lipstick on and blotted it with a tissue.
"Well you've got me there. Thanks for reminding me Rosalie."
It hurt, but I was used to the snarky little comments she made. She never meant to be cruel, but she somehow always managed to say the one thing that would bother me. I sighed, it wasn't as though I wasn't interested in dating, but apparently I was only attracted to guys who weren't available.
"C'mon, let's get you ready for tonight. Maybe you'll find a hot guy at the club to hook up with."
"I'm not just going to hook up with some random guy at a club Rosalie." I rolled my eyes at her.
"Well, there's your problem. At least find a guy and give him your number so you can hook up after an "appropriate number" of dates."
"It's not like I have a set number, I just think it's kind of weird to hook up with someone I just met. I'd like to at least get to know them first."
"But most guys, they aren't worth getting to know...except in bed."
"Sorry Rosalie, I'm not the player you are."
She snorted. "Obviously."
I rolled my eyes again. "Fine. Make me pretty so I can find a boy."
She laughed and plugged in a curling iron. "Just remember...you asked for it."
She waved the curling iron in my direction. Apparently she had missed my sarcasm. But I sat still while she worked her magic on me.
"Doesn't it ever bother you?" She glanced at me in mirror.
"Doesn't what ever bother me?"
"Being single all the time."
It was a twist of the knife in my already open wound. She must have seen something in my eyes because she looked momentarily remorseful. "I'm sorry Bella, that didn't come out right."
I sighed. "Jesus Rose, of course it bothers me. It's not like I'm completely asexual. I just...fuck, I don't know. I haven't met a guy who really interests me I guess." I bit my lip at the lie, that wasn't true. I was more than interested in Edward. But I couldn't exactly tell her that when I barely admitted it to myself. Irritated, I turned the conversation to her. "And what about you, have you ever thought about an actual relationship?"
"What about it?" she asked.
"Getting married someday and all that."
She shrugged. "I guess. I mean it's crossed my mind, but somehow I don't think marriage and all that is in the cards for me."
"Not at all? Ever?"
"I don't know. Maybe I'll meet someone eventually who will change my mind. But right now, no. I just can't picture it. It's not like I'd have a clue what a good marriage is supposed to be like. You've seen my parents, they're a train wreck."
"True," I admitted.
"My dad's gone all of the time for work, he's only home every few weeks, and my mom's gone all the time too. With her friends. Or she says it's friends, but I'm fairly sure she's having an affair. Or several. Hell, if we had a pool I'm sure she'd be doing the pool boy too. I don't even know why they're still together."
"Oh Rose, I'm sorry."
She shrugged. "I don't really like talking about it. I'm not sure I get what the point of it is anyway. They never should have gotten married and they might as well be divorced now. I just don't think I'm really the type for a long term relationship, married or otherwise."
"Not at all?"
"No. I have so much else I want to do with my life and I'm just counting down the days until graduation and then August when I leave for New York. I have to get the hell out of this town. It's driving me crazy."
I sighed. "But New York? It's just so far. I'll never see you anymore."
"I know." She reached down to hug me. "And I'll miss you and Al, but I've been wanting to go to NYU since I was like twelve."
"I just can't imagine being without both of you guys."
She sighed too. "I don't even want to think about it. What about you? Are you going to fall in love and get married and have nine hundred babies?"
I laughed. "Fall in love and get married? Someday. I hope. But the nine hundred babies, definitely not. I'm not sure I even want one."
"You have plenty of time to figure that out. However...if you never get laid you're not going to have to worry about it at all."
I laughed. "Ugh. It's so not that big of a deal. I will, I just have to find a decent guy first. Not all of us have the entire male population of Washington State at their feet."
"You could."
I snorted. "Right, Rose."
"I'm serious. You've gotten a lot more confident, and I'm proud of you for that. But you would have so many more guys after you if you just realized how hot you are."
"A single guy after me would be enough," I said dryly.
"Well, we're going to see what we can do about that tonight. Take a look in the mirror hot stuff. I don't think you'll have any problems." I glanced in the mirror. She had done an amazing job with my hair and makeup. Between the messy curls, the dark smudgy eyes and the rosy bitten lips I looked like I'd just been fucked.
"Damn Rose. I look like I already got some."
She laughed. "That was the plan. Trust me...you'll have more boys than you know what to do with." She kissed my cheek. "Now let's go hear our boys play."
The band was amazing. Laurent was better than James had ever had been and he fit in seamlessly with the rest of the band. By the end of the first part of their set the crowd was wild. Alice and I were getting really into the music when a guy came up to me to dance and gave me a brilliant smile.
"Wanna dance?" he asked and I nodded.
"Sure."
We moved a little way away from Rosalie and Alice and he introduced himself, "I'm Joe by the way."
"I'm Bella."
He had bright blue eyes and dark brown hair that was constantly falling into his eyes. He held me close but didn't get grabby and to my surprise I really enjoyed dancing with him. We talked a little, when the music wasn't too loud. He was an engineering student and out with some friends for the night. He was just a year older than I was and didn't blink when I said I was still in high school. After the band finished their first set it switched over to a DJ I found myself relaxing and really letting loose. I wound my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to me. Finally, a guy who was interested in me that I actually found attractive. It was about time.
His hand slid to my waist and his fingertips grazed across the bare skin there between my skirt and top.
"Sorry," he muttered and moved his hand.
"It's okay." I let my lips graze against his ear when I spoke and his hand returned to my waist.
"I really want to kiss you," he said softly.
"Mmm." I murmured in his ear.
"Can I?"
"Yes," I breathed.
He kissed me tentatively at first but it was nice. His lips were smooth against mine and he pulled away after, to judge my reaction. I smiled at him and pulled him back down to my lips. His mouth opened slightly and I responded in kind, liking the feel of his tongue seeking mine. We kissed for a few minutes before he pulled away and sighed.
"I could seriously get in trouble here if I keep that up."
I was mildly disappointed that he stopped but he gave me a sweet smile and kissed my cheek before he started dancing again. I let him lead and we danced for a while. I was breathless and thirsty when we were done and I excused myself to go get a drink. I was just wondering if he'd ask me for my number or out on a date when I noticed Edward and Emmett glowering in Joe's direction. I went over to Joe and asked him to excuse me again for just a moment.
I went over to Emmett and Edward and scowled at them. "What the hell Em? What's with the death glare?"
"I don't like that guy."
"Why? Do you know him?"
"No, I just don't like the way he had his hands all over you."
"We were dancing. That's sort of to be expected. And what the fuck? Why do you care?"
"I'm just concerned about you Bella. I don't want some jerk to hurt you."
"His name is Joe and he's been very polite. Like I said, we were just dancing. Cut the overprotective brother bullshit and let me have some fun."
"I'm pretty sure that kiss wasn't just dancing."
"So what? I kissed a guy. I'm getting sick of being the only one left out around here," I snarled. "I'm kind of enjoying the attention."
"Bella..." Emmett said but I didn't want to hear it.
"Leave it alone Emmett. Seriously."
Edward didn't say anything, he just threw back a shot and stalked back to the stage, still looking irritated. Emmett went after him and I threw my hands up in the air and walked away. God, I had apparently inherited a couple of big brothers I never wanted. What business of theirs was it anyway? I walked back to Joe and smiled at him.
"Sorry about that. Apparently I have a couple of friends who think they're my brothers. They got a little over protective there for no good reason."
He laughed. "The big guy definitely was acting like a brother, but the other one. The singer in the band, I don't think his feelings for you are so...brotherly."
"What are you talking about?"
"Trust me, he wasn't thinking about you like a sister when he was watching you dance."
I shook my head and laughed, annoyed at the way my heart sped up at the thought of Edward looking at me in a less than brotherly way.
"I think you must have misinterpreted, he's just a friend. He's kind of a flirt sometimes, but he's with the hot blond over there-" I pointed at Rosalie "-and anyway, what I do really isn't any of their business."
Joe shrugged. "It's just a lot more drama than I want to deal with right now. Sorry Bella, you seem really great but I don't want to end up in the middle of all of this." He smiled apologetically and walked away before I even had time to reply. It was official. I was going to kill Emmett and Edward. I grabbed Rosalie away from Alice and Jasper and dragged her over to a table at the back of the room.
"I am going to kill those two."
"Who?" She gave me a confused look.
"Emmett and Edward. They both were pulling this overprotective bullshit on me when a really cute really nice guy asked me to dance."
The expression on her face quickly changed to anger. "You're telling me those two half-wits were cock blocking you?"
I laughed. "Basically. They freaked the poor guy out, he went running."
She growled. "I am so going to hurt them. And you were doing so well too. He was really hot."
"I know. And he was interested in me until they flipped out."
She frowned. "I can't say I'm surprised at Emmett, I would have expected that of him. But Edward? What did he say?"
"Oh, he didn't say anything, just glared at the guy a lot."
She nodded. "Well, it looks they're about to go back on in a bit. I'll give both of them a piece of my mind when the show is over."
I shrugged. "It's not the end of the world. I'm just annoyed."
"You really need to get more aggressive, Bella. Don't let them pull that kind of crap again."
I sighed. "I shouldn't have even mentioned it. It really isn't that big of a deal I swear. I just wanted to vent. Let's just go have fun. C'mon, dance with me gorgeous."
I smiled at Rosalie and she smiled back. "Fine, I'll be nice. I am so yelling at Emmett later though."
I laughed. "He'll probably like it, you know."
She shook her head. "I can't believe he STILL has a thing for me."
"Like I keep telling you, you're a heartbreaker Rose."
She and I spent the rest of the night dancing together and we got quite a few looks from the guys around us. A few from the boys on stage too, which didn't fail to make my heart race. I should have paid more attention to all of them, but it was Edward I couldn't take my eyes off as he snarled and crooned his way across the stage. He might not have been planning on this for a career, but there was no doubt that he knew how to charm a crowd. There were dozens of screaming girls panting after him at the front of the stage. But it was Rose and I that he couldn't take his eyes off of. Maybe it was her tits brushing my back, or the way her hips moved against mine, but I couldn't help but feel a little smug that in some way, I knew he'd noticed me.
Were you disappointed that Rosalie interrupted them?
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