Hello all! I just wanted to say one quick thing. The timeline for this story is not exact to the shows. I have taken liberties with it along the way. Just an FYI. ; )
ENJOY!
Chapter Four: Life and Death
Wiping the sweat from my forehead with the back of my wrist, I listened to the sound of Hannah's laughter, accompanied by Mozzie's happy play barking. Pulling the potatoes from the ground, I brushed them off and put them in the basket next to me. Looking up, I couldn't help but grin at Ben. He was doing the same, only he was putting carrots in his basket. We had waited as long as we could. This would be the last good harvest before winter came. We'd made good throughout the months I'd been here. Moz and I had settled into a life of luxury with Ben and his daughter. As well as all the farm animals and the garden that we'd babied as if they were human. This was our survival and from the looks of it we were going to be just fine.
"You're staring again." Ben smirked without looking up at me.
Laughing lightly, I continued my task, "I know."
"You've been doing that a lot lately." He added.
"It just means I kind of like you a lot." I told him and laughed.
When he was silent, I looked up only to come face to face with him. Then his lips were against mine, his tongue pushing in to meet mine. Grinning, I kissed him back, gripping the front of his shirt to keep him close to me.
"I love you." He whispered to me, meeting my eyes.
"I love you, too." I whispered back.
Working in the garden for the majority of the day, we took a break around noon for lunch. Sitting on the porch, Ben massaged my feet as we sipped come coveted lemonade that I'd found on my last run. It tasted amazing and in this moment I felt so relaxed. Watching him fondly, I couldn't help the happiness that flowed through me. Pulling my foot from him, I stood and straddled his lap, taking his face in my hands I kissed him slow and deep, letting my lips linger against his.
"I'm glad you finally let me in." He told me softly.
"You're lucky. It doesn't happen often." I smirked and kissed him again.
"I love you."
"I know." I smiled and kissed him again.
"Tell me you love me." He whispered, keeping my eyes.
Kissing him passionately, wrapping my arms around his neck, I pressed as close to his chest as I could get. I didn't fall in love often. I actually had only loved one man before him. I knew that I loved him. He had become my world. Only, with the way that world had become, what did that mean? Did it mean the same or was it just a sense of security? But the more I kissed him, the more I felt the heat between us; I knew that it meant the same. This world couldn't take everything from us and this was something we would hold onto.
"I love you." I finally told him.
"Where's Hannah?" He asked.
"Out back with Mozzie, playing with the chickens." I replied.
"Do we have time?"
Smirking, I shrugged a shoulder at him, "And rush it?"
He didn't say anything; he simply started to kiss me, lifting me into his strong arms before he took me inside. Glancing out the window, Mozzie was keeping an eye on Hannah while she pet the chickens, the horses dipping their heads down to see her. Smiling, I was kissing him again as we both started to undress. Then we were amongst the sheets, our bodies rubbing against each other as we made love. His muscles rippled underneath my hands, making my breath shudder as I arched against him, climaxing before he rolled off of me, a grin on his face.
"See? Plenty of time." He smirked at me.
Laughing, I rolled over and started to kiss him. "You're so smart."
"I know." He grinned. Laughing again, I got up and started to get dressed again. "So soon?" He frowned at me.
"Hannah is bound to wander in here any minute." I smiled at him.
"Dad!" Hannah called.
"See?" I said with a raised brow.
"Linny!"
Pulling my shirt on, I leaned down and kissed him once more, "Love you."
"Love you."
"In here, sweetie!" I called out to Hannah. She bounded into the room. "What is it?" I asked.
She launched herself onto her father, shrieking as he caught her and lifted her into the air. Grinning, I watched them, dropping back onto the bed and started to tickle her as she flailed in the air. Only then her foot caught her father's stomach, making him jerk and launch the poor girl into me, sending us both to the floor.
"You guys okay?" Ben asked as he leaned over the edge, holding his stomach.
Hannah was on top of me and she quickly rolled off, running from the room laughing. Smiling as I watched her, Mozzie bounced at her side, having waited for her in the living room. They disappeared back outside, leaving Ben and me once again alone. He folded his arms on top of my legs, looking down at me. Pulling my legs free, I rolled onto my hands and knees, turning to him and swiftly pressing my lips to his. Continuing to kiss him, I finally stood and returned outside, checking on Hannah and Mozzie before starting to pick the garden again.
It was amazing how normal our life felt. We hadn't seen a walker in weeks and I'd managed to find enough food to see us through the winter. When the day the snow arrived, we were happy in our little nest, knowing that we could relax and survive without anything happening. The snow would slow the walkers, leaving little worry in our day to day life. We played games and colored and read, all within our little home, passing the time as best we could.
More than that, the nights spent with Ben were the nearly the happiest I'd ever had. He was amazing and he made me feel amazing. I never thought I could have a life like this. Especially when the world went to hell. All I knew since then was pain and death. I used to kill people all the time. Only now I realized that I had it all wrong. I didn't need to kill. I didn't need to fight as ruthlessly as I thought I did. Ben showed me that good people still existed. There was still good in this world worth fighting for. And I was going to fight for it.
"I am so sick of this cold." I told Ben as I looked out the window, sipping the hot chocolate.
Hearing Ben step up behind me, he slid his hands around me, pressing against my back as he pressed his face against the back of my shoulder. Smiling, I brought my hand to his face, turning my head and pressed a kiss against his forehead.
"Let's go to bed then and I'll make you warm." He told me gently.
Smiling, I set my mug down and started to follow him toward the bedroom. We were nearly to it when pounding started on the door. We both froze, turning to it. I reacted first, rushing to it, grabbing the knife that was in a sheath above the door. Looking out the window, I flipped on the light, only to see a shivering human being pressing against the door.
"Who are you?" I called out.
"Please. Please let me in." He said pleadingly.
"Not until you tell me who you are." I stated.
"Bill. My name is Bill."
"Are you alone?"
There was a long pause before he replied, "I am now."
Sighing, I looked at Ben. He looked unsure but nodded at me. Opening the door, he fell to the floor. Looking outside, there were walkers in the distance. Feeling annoyed, knowing that he had just ruined a perfectly good evening. I looked at Ben again as I put my boots on, stepping outside, shutting the door behind me. Jogging forward, I stabbed the first walker, then the three that were starting to move toward me. Standing in the snow, listening, I turned back home, letting myself back inside to see the man drinking from my mug.
Raising a brow at Ben, he frowned at me, clearly unsure, "So, Bill, what brings out all the way out here?" I asked him with a hard tone. "Where did you come from?"
"The dead brought me here. Me and my family were attempting to find shelter and they surrounded us. I had no choice but to abandon them."
"So they're dead?" I asked.
"Caroline." Ben said gently.
I shrugged at him, "Well, are they?"
He nodded, "Their deaths distracted them long enough for me to escape."
Sighing, I nodded at him. "You can stay till morning. We'll give you a day's worth of supplies but then you have to be on your way."
He nodded, "Okay. Thank you."
Nodding again, I looking at Ben and went to the bedroom, as soon as the door was closed I crossed my arms and faced him. "I don't like him."
"His family just died."
"I don't care. There's something off about him. Something feel's wrong, Ben."
"You have to trust someone at some point, Linny."
"I did." I nodded at him. "I trusted you and so far that's worked out. I don't trust anyone else."
"You need to try." He replied.
"No, I don't. I would have died a long time ago for trusting the wrong people. You don't understand, Ben. You weren't out there long enough to figure it out. You've been living pretty cushy since this whole apocalypse started."
"So have you."
"Not until I met you."
He sighed and crossed his arms, "So what do you want to do?"
"What I said we'd do. Let him stay till daylight and then send him on his way. And we can't show him everything we have. We don't know if he's telling the truth or not."
He nodded, "Fine."
"Thank you." I replied. "And one of us is going to have to keep watch."
"Linny." He frowned. "You can't be serious."
"I'm dead serious." I told him, not leaving any room for argument. "I'm serious, Ben. We do not leave him alone tonight. Especially not with Hannah here."
"She has Moz."
"Ben, I'm not arguing about this. I'm stating the facts."
His brows furrowed and he took a step toward me, "This is still my house, Caroline. You don't dictate what we do and what we don't. I let you in and that's worked out. We can't just abandon everyone. You do not rule us."
"If you want to live, I do." I told him.
"No, you don't." He replied and left the room.
Standing there, I knew I'd crossed a line, but I was simply protecting the things I cared about. And I cared about him. I cared about Hannah. I didn't want anything to happen to either of them and this felt like a very bad idea. Joining the two men, I sat in the corner, listening to Ben talk to him, frowning and shaking my head every time I thought he was giving too much away. Even after Ben went to bed, I stayed up, watching Bill with suspicious eyes. He felt it. He had to have.
"I appreciate what you're doing for me." He smiled. "You're giving me a chance." I nodded at him. "You don't talk much, do you?"
"I do." I nodded. "Just not to people I don't trust."
"I'm not here to hurt you."
"You can tell me whatever you want to. I won't believe it until you prove it."
"I don't think that'll happen by morning."
"No." I said shaking my head. "You should sleep."
"So should you."
Smiling, I simply crossed my arms, "I'm used to going a couple nights without sleep. And I can sleep after you leave in the morning."
He nodded and laid on the couch, shutting his eyes. He appeared to drift off pretty quickly. Watching him intently, it was a few hours later when I was starting to feel the effects of no sleep. Standing, I paced the room before checking on Hannah. It was a few hours later when I finally opened the door to the room I shared with Ben. Leaving the door open, I stepped up to his side of the bed, looking down at him. Smiling, I leaned down and pressed a kiss against his forehead. Then I pressed a kiss against his lips before making my way back out to the living room, shutting the door so he could sleep.
As soon as the sun started to come up, I started to put together the rations I'd promised. Grabbing an old potato sack, I filled it, added two bottles of water before loudly walking toward the door, setting the bag next to it. Coughing, Bill stirred and woke up, sitting with a frown on his face. I stood in front of him with crossed arms, smiling down at him.
"You weren't kidding about staying till morning." He told me still groggy.
"It's morning." I stated. "I put a bag together for you. Take it and go."
"Linny?" Ben said as he came out.
Looking up at him, I smiled, "Bill was just saying how he was gonna get going."
"She's kicking me out." Bill stated as he stood.
"Caroline." Ben frowned.
I shook my head at him, "It's morning."
"I can go. It's okay. Thank you, Ben." He told him before moving toward the door.
"Good luck." I smiled as I opened the door for him.
Ben sighed and stepped forward, "I'll walk you out."
"Ben." I frowned at him.
"Care, I'll be fine." He told me and grabbed his jacket, following Bill outside.
Rushing to the window I watched them closely. If Bill tried anything, I was pretty sure I was already too late. Ben was probably safe but I still had a very bad feeling about it. There was only a few weeks of winter left and I was sure the man was going to be fine. We still needed to be careful. Ben wanted to see the good in people but before Ben I'd only ever known the bad. He couldn't blame me for being overly protective of him and of our little life here. Something was bound to happen eventually. He was lucky that I didn't kill Bill on sight. Part of me felt like I still should.
"Linny?" Hannah said as she and Mozzie came out of her room.
"Hey, sweetie." I told her before rubbing Mozzie's ear as he looked out the window. A small growl came from inside of him. "I know, buddy."
"What's Daddy doing?" Hannah asked.
"A man stopped by and Daddy is sending him away."
"Why?" She asked. "Is he a bad man?"
"No. But we have to be careful who we trust."
"And you don't trust him?" She asked.
"Sweetie, the only people I trust are you and your dad."
She wrapped her arms around me as I stared at Ben, watching him smile and chit chat with him. I didn't realize that I'd been holding my breath until Ben started to walk back toward the house and I let the breath out. I watched Bill walk away; making sure it was the opposite direction as Ben. As soon as he was inside, I finally relaxed, nodding at him with furrowed brows.
"Is the bad man gone?" Hannah asked.
He sighed and frowned at me before he smiled at his daughter, "He's not a bad man, sweetheart. He was just passing through."
"Linny doesn't trust him." She stated.
"Linny isn't always right." He told her. "Now do me a favor and go get dressed." She smiled and walked back to her room. "What right do you think you have to tell her not to trust people?"
"The right I took upon myself to keep her alive." I frowned at him.
"She's my daughter. Not yours." He shot at me. "You do not get to pass what you believe onto her. She's a good person and she needs to remain a good person."
"You're killing her, Ben." I told him. "She needs to know that she can't trust everyone. People will take advantage of her and she will lose everything, maybe even her life."
"You don't get to decide that." He replied, pointing his finger at me. "If we believed what you did than I should be asking you to leave too."
"I told you to leave me alone the day I met you. You're the one who wanted me here. We talked about this and you told me that you would trust me when it came to the people who showed up here."
He sighed and nodded at me. "I know we did and I did agree. But we haven't seen anyone in months."
"That doesn't matter. It doesn't mean we can trust them."
He nodded, "I know."
"I know you know, Ben. That is why I need you to be careful. Please tell me you didn't tell him anything you shouldn't."
"I didn't." He replied. "But I still think we need to give people a chance."
"I don't."
"I know." He nodded. "Can we not fight?"
"Yeah." I nodded.
It was our oldest argument and it still got both of us going. I understood his feelings and I wished I could have faith in people the way he did. But I couldn't. I couldn't trust people and it sucked. I trusted Ben. I really did but that was special circumstances. There had been plenty of people I'd come across that would have killed me if I hadn't killed them. I still believed in my kill first and ask questions later mentality. There wasn't common curtesy anymore. There wasn't Good Samaritans. There was only survival and what people would do to obtain it.
Waking to the sun on my face, I felt for Ben but he wasn't there. Getting up, I looked out the window to see green on the ground. Spring had finally come. Going out into the living room, Ben was making breakfast, Hannah was yammering on about something while Mozzie shadowed Ben in hopes of getting scrapes.
"Morning." I smiled.
"Linny." Ben smiled and stepped up to me, kissing me deeply and repeatedly. "Love you."
Grinning, I kissed him once more, "Love you."
It had been weeks since Bill had appeared and we were officially fine. Better than fine. We were happier than ever and now that spring was here it just made everything seem that much better. Sitting next to Hannah, I listened as she explained to my why she liked her cereal and anything else that came to mind. Humoring her, as soon as she had eaten, her and Mozzie were allowed outside, enjoying the spring weather.
The door had barely closed behind them when Ben came around to me, staring to kiss me as I laughed and wrapped my arms around him. He pushed between my legs, making me wrap them around him as he cemented himself to my chest. Pushing him back, I wrapped my arms around him in return as I got to my feet, ready to take him to bed. Taking too long, he scooped me up and brought me to bed, making love to me until I couldn't walk.
Feeling exceptionally happy, we got dressed and started to clean up the kitchen. Checking on Hannah and Moz, they were playing fetch with a stick, making me smile. I loved my life. Going to Ben, I ran my hand along his back as I started to dry the dishes. We were talking about arbitrary things when I heard Mozzie start to freak out. Looking at Ben, I rushed to the door and yanked it open.
"Bill." I said as I took in the man from a few weeks ago. Only he wasn't alone. "What are you doing here?"
He simply smiled at me. "I'm here for everything that's yours."
"What's going on?" Ben asked as he appeared at my side.
"You should have listened to her, Ben." He smiled.
Looking around, there was five of them. Two men and three women. My mind immediately went to the weapons we had and how long it took me to get to them before they rushed us.
"Hannah." I said and she swiftly rushed up the stairs. Mozzie followed, standing at my side with a growl in his throat. Disappearing inside, I swiftly grabbed my gun and my knife. "Stay away from the windows. Get your gun and shoot anyone that comes in here." I told Ben.
"What are you going to do?" He frowned.
"I'm going to protect our home." I told him.
"You can't do it alone."
"I can." I nodded, my mind trying to figure out if I could. "I can do it, Ben. I have to."
"I'll go with you."
"No!" I yelled, making everyone jump. "You need to stay here and protect Hannah. Mozzie will stay to make sure you're both safe."
"No, take him with you."
"Caroline!" Bill's voice came from outside. "Come out, come out, wherever you are!"
Now I was pissed. "Stay here."
Rushing to the door, I let myself out, closing the door behind me. Stepping down the stairs, they had already come halfway up our property.
Knowing full well that if I let off a shot, the dead would come calling. At the same time, I could handle the dead. The living was far more unpredictable and far more dangerous. Slowly stepping across the porch and down the stairs. I held tight to the hilt of my knife. I could take them. I would probably not go unscathed but I could live through this. I would live through this to keep my family safe.
"You should have been nicer to me, Caroline." Bill smirked.
Smirking back, I just shrugged, "I should have killed you on sight."
He nodded, "That, too." They were slowly closing the distance between us.
"Let's just get this started."
Breaking into a run, I slid my knife into the woman who was closest to me. She screamed and fell to her knees as I slicing my knife through her side, disemboweling her. Then Bill was reacting, feeling a knife dig into my shoulder blade. He'd missed. If he had stabbed me where he wanted to than I would be dead right now. Hearing yelling and gunfire, I turned to see three more starting to swarm the cabin. The distraction caused another to slice across my chest.
Stumbling backwards, I regained balance as another woman came at me. Slicing her arm, she faltered just long enough for me to stab her in her neck, blood hitting me as I pulled it out. Then the other man had me round my middle, taking me forcibly to the ground. Feeling his fist against my face and sides, his knee digging into my abdomen, it took a long time for me to defend myself against him. He stopped with his hand against my throat, hearing a gun click as he brought it to my head. Deflecting his wrist, the shot hit the ground; dirt hitting my face, stinging as it hit my eye. Punching him, I forced him off of me, his gun now in my hand and I shot him through his forehead. Swinging it up, Bill and the other woman was already running. Looking at the cabin, I saw Ben shoot one of them, hearing Mozzie barking. Knowing he could handle himself, I rushed after Bill and the last woman. Following the frantic breathing of the woman, I was right behind her, pushing myself just a little further before I shoved her to the ground.
"Wait!" Bill yelled as before he was rushing into view. "Please!"
Shooting next to her head, I kept my eyes on him, "Please?"
"She's my wife." He said dropping to his knees.
"I don't care." I told him and blew her away.
He screamed and lunged at me. Swinging my knife up, I stabbed him in his temple, taking both of us to the ground. Sitting back on my heels, breathing hard, I pulled my knife from his skull, cleaning it on the shirt of his woman. For a moment I just sat there, catching my breath, realizing how jaded I'd become. I didn't care about killing anymore. If anyone even remotely threatened me or the people I cared about, I'd shoot first and ask questions later. Good people would die, but at least we'd be alive.
Finally getting to my feet, I felt good knowing that we'd cut their numbers down by half. The rest would hopefully just leave us the hell alone after this. Only then I looked up, smoke rising up above the trees, right before the flames.
"No." I breathed before I was running.
Racing back toward home, I was still several yards away when I saw the cabin on fire. I'd never been more afraid in my life.
"Ben!" I screamed as I launched myself over the fence. "Hannah! Moz!"
Nothing.
Rushing toward the fire, I ducked underneath the flames as I went to the window. Looking inside, there were multiple bodies on the floor. For a moment I didn't think my family was amongst them. Only then I saw a man with his arm around a small form, both being engulfed with flames. Screaming, in the next second I was blown backward as the window burst, rolling over the railing before crashing to the ground. Blacking out, when I came to, fire was burning my side, my left shoulder bloody and burned as well. My arms were littered with cuts and guessing from the pain on my face, I knew I was either cut, burned, or both. Rolling until the fire was out; I staggered to my feet, turning toward the still flame engulfed cabin.
"Ben!" I screamed. "Hannah! Mozzie!"
Attempting to make it up the porch, I couldn't make it past the flames. I was screaming my family's names, praying to God that somehow I was wrong. But I'd seen them. They had been there. I'd told them to stay in the cabin. I'd left them to die because I was so sure that I didn't need help. I told him that I didn't need his help and now he was…
"Ben!" I screamed again.
There was a second explosion and I was once again thrown backward. The air was knocked from my lungs, my vision speckling as I attempted to roll back onto my feet. Coughing, slowly crawling away from what was left of my home, I froze when I heard the growling, finally looking up to see the dead moving toward me.
Forcing myself to my feet, I stumbled as I attempted to rush away from everything that I cared about. The dead had arrived to claim anything that was left. In just a matter of minutes I had lost everything.
Everything.
I'd never felt so broken.
Ben.
Hannah.
…Ben…
He had been perfect. At least perfect for me. And I loved him. And now he was gone. His sweet little girl along with him. I'd loved her just as much. God was cruel. He gave me the family I thought I'd never have and then took them away from me. Thinking of Mozzie, I started to yell for him, screaming his name. But he never came. He wouldn't have left them. He would have stayed at their side.
Still attempting to move, I knew that I couldn't stay here. Pulling the knife from my thigh, I looked at the dead. I was going to have to make a run for it. I didn't know how I was going to get out of this. I didn't know if I wanted to. I had no destination, leaving me once again to roam this dying world alone. Not even my dog for company. It was gone. All of it. Everything I cared about was gone. Stumbling toward the fence, fear was flowing freely. My body hurt and I knew that if I couldn't escape somewhere, I was going to die, and it was going to be horrific.
Stabbing two in the head, I threw myself between the rows of fencing, scrambled back onto my feet, and attempted to run into the woods. The fire would keep them distracted if I could just get far enough away from them to hide. Dodging the decaying corpses, dangling arms hit me as they twisted their deformed torsos toward me. Hands gripped at my shirt as I tried to avoid them. One finally took hold, making me spin and stab it through its temple. Another, who used to be a woman, was pulling itself across the forest floor, gripped tight to my pants, the suddenness of it made me fall to my stomach. It seemed to move faster than normal, clamoring up my body to get to the good meat. Trying not to scream, my knife hand was stuck underneath it as I gripped its hair with the other, the scalp started to separate as it pulled against my grip. Finally freeing my hand, I stabbed it anywhere I could, finally managing to shove my knife through its chin and into the brain. Pulling myself free, I attempted to stagger to my feet, falling before I managed to stay vertical.
Ready to fight any that were coming for me, I stopped as they all started to move around me, drawn by the fire. Frowning, unsure what was happening, I looked down to see myself covered in the walkers' blood. Slowly stepping forward, they passed me by as if I were one of them. Not caring in the slightest that I was still a living human being. Deciding not to press my luck, I wandered toward the spaces with the fewest of them, walked several yards after I'd left them all behind, and then I started to run. Running until my legs gave out, I laid on the ground, shaking as grief started to take me over. My surroundings started to fall away and I lost consciousness, my entire being aching.
Waking slowly, my eyes took longer than normal to adjust. My lungs felt like they were on fire. My hands were sore and cut. My whole body felt like I'd tumbled down a rock face and landed on a pile of cactuses. Looking around the room, it was white, beds on either side of me. Attempting to sit up, my head pounded, and pain shot up my arm from the crook of it. Looking down, I took in the needle and clear line, following it up to the bag hanging above me. Frowning, I brought my hand to my head, swallow hard. My mouth was so dry.
You're okay.
"Ben?" I said with a raspy voice. Turning my head, I smiled as I looked at him. "I thought I'd lost you."
Never.
"Ma'am?" A voice said.
I jerked and Ben disappeared, "Ben? What? Who the hell…?" A man stepped toward me, "I'm not a ma'am." I frowned.
He was tall, brown hair, kind face. He pushed up his glasses and smiled at me. "How are you feeling?" He asked kindly.
"Like shit." I replied.
"I'll have them bring you some morphine." He told me, pressing his hand against my forehead.
Frowning, I attempted to cower away from him but there was nowhere to go. Not unless I rolled out of the bed, yanking the IV from my arm. Nothing about that seemed appetizing so I simply laid there.
"I won't hurt you." He told me. "My name is Milton Mamet." I eyed him suspiciously. "Will you grant me the pleasure of your name?"
Still frowning, I told him, "Caroline."
"Caroline…?" He said clearly wanting to know my last name.
"Does it matter?" I retorted.
He kept my eyes for a long moment before he replied, "No. I guess not."
"Where am I?" I asked him.
"Woodbury." He replied.
"What the hell is Woodbury?"
"It's a town." He smiled. "You're safe here." Laughing, I sat up, fidgeting with the IV. "Leave that there. I'll get a nurse."
"You do that." I told him, still swinging my legs off the bed, gripping the neck of the IV pole as I stood up.
Pacing the room, I looked out the windows, seeing a place that appeared to have never been touched by whatever was taking over the world. A shiver ran down my spine and I swiftly stepped away. I didn't like the feeling that was going through me. I knew what the world was like. To pretend that it never happened wasn't going to do anyone any favors. If anything, it would only hurt those who lived here. They would never know how to defend themselves. They wouldn't know how to react to the world around them. If they only knew a life that was eerily normal, it would only kill them faster. Not only by the walkers, but by those who wanted what they have and would do anything to take it from them.
Then the door opened and another man came in. He was taller than Mamet had been, with an air of arrogance about him. He strutted in like he owned the place. "I hear you'd like to leave."
"I hadn't said the words, but yeah, I'd like to get the hell out of here."
"You're safe here."
"No one is safe."
"We have walls and can protect you from what's out there."
I glared at him, "Do you even know what's out there? Do you have any idea how to survive without walls and protection?"
He just watched me for a long time. "You look like you've seen hell."
I slowly stepped up to him, "You have no idea what I've seen. Let alone what I've done. Now Mamet said he was getting a nurse. Let's do that or I'll rip the IV out myself and leave of my own accord."
He smirked at me. I was about to lay into him when the door opened and a nice woman came in. She didn't say anything as she took out the IV, nodding and smiling at the man in front of me. As soon as she was gone, I stared up at the man before attempting to move around him.
"Three days." He told me.
"What?" I asked.
"I'm asking for you to give me three days to make you want to stay."
Glowering at him, I let it sink in for a few minutes, "And why would I do that?"
"You're exhausted. I can give you a place to stay. You can sleep without worrying about anyone or anything coming to get you. You can enjoy three meals a day. You can shower and get new clothes. We can offer you as normal a life as anyone can in this new world."
The thought was enticing. It was true, I was exhausted. But this place wouldn't last. Nothing gold can stay. "This place will never last."
"Even if that's true, why not enjoy what amenities it can offer while you can?"
"Because the world sucks, and pretending that it doesn't will just hurt me in the long run."
He chuckled lightly, nodding, "That may be. But I still implore you to stay."
"You know nothing about me. Why would want me to stay?"
"Because you're a survivor. You'd have to be to make it this long out there."
"I was managing just fine. Then people ruined everything. It's not the dead that are killing the world. It's the living who are destroying it by fighting to put claim on everything that they see. Water. Food. Clothes. Shelter. It doesn't matter anymore. It's the living that are making it so easy for the dead to kill us." I told him before scoffing, shaking my head, "I trust you and this place less than the dead that now roam the earth."
He just looked at me, nodding slowly, looking like I'd struck some sort of emotion inside of him. But I honestly thought his whole demeanor was some sort of rouse. I didn't know what he really wanted, but giving me a safe place to live didn't mean that I was going to survive. At this point, I didn't even care if I survived or not. I'd already felt more pain than one person should. One spark of happiness seemed like a betrayal to those I'd lost. This world had already sucked whatever happiness I had in me out of me.
"That may be. But for now, I'll ask you to stay within these walls. I'll send someone to help you and show you around."
All I could do was nod. I'd said my piece and wasn't interested in speaking to him anymore.
"Wait here." He told me and moved to the door, letting himself out.
Pacing the room, my arm had a slight throb, but that was taking the pain away from the rest of my body. I'd done a pretty decent job at beating myself up. But who could blame me? I'd lost Mozzie. I'd lost Ben and Hannah. I'd lost my friends before them. My family was probably long dead. All the people I cared about were dead and every time I connected with someone they ended up the same way.
Dead.
When the door opened again, a woman with long curly hair walked in with a smile on her face. She looked to be around my age, and I couldn't decide if her smile was forced or if she actually wanted to be here. Something told me that she wasn't the type to mother-hen someone. Or maybe she was. Maybe she was a perfectly decent human being that was legitimately here to help me and show me what this place was like. Maybe…there we go with the damn maybes. Now I just felt depressed…
"Hi, I'm Karen."
"Caroline." I nodded at her, keeping my eyes to the ground.
I could feel her eyes on me, but she didn't reply right away, "Come on. I'll get you cleaned up and then I'll show you around." Lifting my eyes, I just looked at her suspiciously. She smiled and took a step toward me, "No hidden agendas. No one is going to hurt you. This is a safe place."
"Nowhere is safe!" I yelled at her, feeling myself start to shake as tears sprang to my eyes. "You don't know what it's like out there. Look around you, Karen! This isn't safe! This is a slow death for the idiots that don't know that the world is dead!"
Breathing hard, I just stared at her with wild eyes as tears ran down my cheeks. She was looking at me with both shock and sadness. Still shaking, I finally lowered my eyes as I crossed my arms. I took a deep breath, shutting my eyes, the breath shuddering as I pushed it out. Covering my eyes with my hand, I started to sob, doubling over as I dropped to my knees. Pressing my forehead against the floor, I wrapped my arms around my bed, screaming as the pain flooded every part of my being.
Karen just stood there and waited for me to calm down. I couldn't deny that she was patient. She waited for the tears to stop and then allowed me to wallow as I lay on the floor, moving to the wall as I stared off, imagining the Ben, Hannah, and Mozzie were here with me.
Linny.
My head jerked toward the door and Karen actually started, turning toward it. It was his voice. But he wasn't there. The tears started again and I brought my knees up against my chest as I once again wrapped my arms around my head, attempting to disappear.
"It obvious that you've been through a lot." She told me softly as she sat next to me.
"Don't." I shot at her. "Don't try and understand what I'm going through. You have no idea."
"You're not the only one who lost someone." She replied gently.
Looking at her, I couldn't help the glare that was on my face, "I'm not a good person. If you were smart, you'd walk me to the gates and let me out."
"How would you survive?" She asked.
"By doing exactly what I've been doing since this whole thing began."
"Killing?"
I looked at her, "Sometimes you have to kill."
"You don't." She smiled.
"Just one more thing that you don't realize."
"I've been out in the world." She told me. "I could surprise you with the things I've seen."
I couldn't help but laugh at her, "I'm sure." The depressing moment had passed and now I was just pissed off. "I can't leave here, can I?"
"You need to rest." She told me. "You're hurt."
"I would've been fine."
"You're burned and cut and just lost your family." She reminded me. "You need to accept our help."
I wanted to fight her but I was just so tired. Looking at her, I nodded, not having the energy to go rounds with her. She smiled and nodded back, getting to her feet before offering me her hand. Ignoring it, I frowned and got to my feet. She smiled and nodded again, motioning me toward the door. I crossed my arms and just looked at her. She sighed and nodded once again before she led the way out of the room.
I followed her, going out into the open street. Stopping, I took in the bizarre world that they had going on here. There were people laughing and soaking up the sun. Dogs were being walked. Footballs were being thrown. This was so surreal. Places like this didn't exist and they sure as hell didn't survive in a time like this. It was a ticking time bomb. This was unsustainable. Walls like this would draw in anyone that passed by. How could they control their population if they let everyone in? How could they survive without some set of rules? This wasn't right. Something wasn't adding up and I didn't want to be around when it all fell apart.
Karen gently touched my arm, making me jerk away from her. She just smiled and led me into an apartment building. Following her up two flights of stairs to the second floor, then down the hall, she stopped in front of a door with a shiny 7 on the front of it. She pushed the door open to a small one bedroom apartment. It was fully furnished and everything looked like it hadn't been touched. It looked like any apartment would that was being rented out. Made me wonder what the rent would be on this place. How many hours of work would I have to do? How much food would I have to bring in? How many orders would I have to take? None of that was something I was interested in. I might give, whoever that fucker was, his three days, but after that I was going to be gone.
"It's nice." I told Karen.
"And it's all yours." She smiled. "The Governor told me to make sure you felt at home."
"Is that what you call him? The Governor?"
"Yup. He's been a good leader."
"He's a cocky prick." I replied. She just smiled at me, obviously not feeling the same. "Why does he want me to be comfortable?"
"We need all the people we can get. There is strength in numbers and it's clear that you know how to survive in this new world."
"I do." I replied. "Meaning that being here will only suffocate me. I don't belong in a community. I belong out there where I can fight the dead and just…move on."
"From what? To where? No one can make it on their own. We all need someone to lean on. Once you find people you shouldn't just walk away."
"I did have people." I shot at her. "And the only reason I'm here is because I lost them to other people."
"I'm sorry."
Scoffing, I shook my head, "It doesn't matter. I'll give the Governor his three days and then I'm out of here."
"Are you hungry?" She asked.
"I am. But more than that I'm tired." I replied.
She nodded, "Get some rest. I'll check on you later."
Nodding back at her, I slowly walked toward the bed. "Okay."
As soon as I heard her leave, I laid down on the bed, resting my head on the comfortable pillows. Staring out the window, when I finally shut my eyes, I was so exhausted that sleep took me almost immediately. A dreamless sleep to help me forget everything that I'd lost. Everything that I would never have again.