Took me longer than I planned to get this up, sorry. Thanks a lot for reviewing.

Chapter 4

He paused and watched her for a moment. It had been a long time since he'd seen Lydia working at the bar. She'd worked here loads of times, of course, waitressing at times, and at the bar when she was legal. She was good at it, he thought, seeing the way she poured a drink with one hand, taking a bottle from the shelf with another, all the while chatting brightly with the customer.

She glanced up, saw him, and for a moment he watched her emotions struggle before a smile settled on her face. Still mad, he decided, still hurt.

Damn.

He smiled back, lifting a hand in greeting, then sauntered towards the bar. He nodded to a couple of familiar faces but didn't speak, didn't pause, because he couldn't be bothered with the catch-up routine.

He reached the bar, leaned against it, and offered his best smile. "Hey. How're you?"

"Fine." She smiled at him, at least. Not quiet as warm as usual, but a smile all the same. "What's your poison?"

"Anything. I don't care." He hated knowing he'd hurt her. Though he knew, rationally he knew, that Lydia was a strong person, there was something very fragile about her appearence that amplified the guilt whenever anyone hurt her. This would be a lot easier, he decided, if she was taller, built bigger. Instead, she was tiny and built like a pixie.

She rolled her eyes at him, then handed him a bottle of butterbeer. "On the house." She said with a smirk. Assuring him, he supposed, that the free drinks for family policy still applied to him.

"Butterbeer? What am I, twelve?"

"You said you didn't care." She pointed out mildly. He rolled his eyes, but grinned and sipped the familiar drink. "Besides, it's only four. Early to start on the real drinks."

"Suppose. You gonna start acting normal with me anytime soon?" He kept his tone as casual as hers.

She blinked at him, and her smile disappeared. "What?"

"C'mon, Lydie. This isn't us." Wasn't, wouldn't be. "We don't do professional smiles and polite small talk. I know what I've done -"

"Do you? Do you really?"

"Yes. But how am I supposed to fix it if you don't tell me how?"

"Figure it out." She snapped. She turned, looked at the young, fresh-faced girl at the other end of the bar. "Joanie, I'm going on my break. Ten minutes."

She didn't spare Lysander another glance, but stormed out of the door to the back rooms.

He pushed away from the bar and followed her.

"Leave it, Zander." She said, without looking back, heading up the stairs. "I can't talk to you right now."

"Tough." He took the steps two at a time, caught up with her at the top. "The sooner we talk this out, the sooner we're fixed, and I'm not leaving until we're fixed."

"Why? Leaving's what you do, remember?" She didn't mean to say it, but couldn't quite bring herself to regret it.

He blinked, almost took a step back. There was such anger and something kin to spite in her tone, and he'd never heard her sound like that. "That was cold, Lydia."

"Maybe." She replied evenly. "But so are you."

She turned, walked to the door that led to hers and her parents' living quarters. He had to run a little, but he caught the door before she could slam it shut and followed her into the neat, small living room.

She threw herself into a sofa, and glared at him. "Talk."

"Yes, boss." He sat, too, looking at her. "I've already said I was sorry."

"Mm-hmm."

"Lydia. You're being impossible." But she so rarely was impossible that it was hard to be annoyed. "And I'm not cold. Maybe I don't have the same warmth as Lorcan or Lily, and I don't know anyone with your warmth, but I'm not cold. I know I should have come home when you asked me to. I know I should have visited more often. But you know, you're making this out to be bigger than it is."

"Right. Because when a friend, a close friend who I care about, leaves the country, refusing to explain himself or see his friends - his close friends who he claims to care about - alone before he goes, even though they're worried about him, I'm not allowed to be mad." Her voice sounded almost calm, but he could hear the underlying anger.

"Look, I -"

"And when that friend starts visiting home less and less, writing a lot less than he promised, and breaking other promises and missing obligations, worrying his parents, his brother, his friends, I'm not supposed to be mad." Her voice was slightly louder.

"Lydia -"

"And when I write to that friend, asking him to come home, to support me, and someone else he claims to care for, to be there for his damn friends and family, I'm not at all entitled to be mad. And hurt." Her voice had risen even more, but the last sentence was quiet.

"I said I was -"

"Of course I'm making this out to be bigger than it is. I'm just being stupid. Overly-sensitive. You've done absolutely nothing wrong."

Finally finished, she sat back and waited. She didn't glare. She rarely glared. Even if a glare would have fit very well right now.

"OK. OK. One at a time then, how about that?" He said finally, because being logically, clinical was the only way he could think of. "I'm sorry I worried you. I couldn't explain my reasons for leaving, and since I knew you'd all try to get it out of me, yes, I avoided seeing you before I left."

"Was easy, since you left a day after you told us you were going." She hadn't realised she was still annoyed at that part, too.

"I had reasons, Lydie, and you've no right to be this mad at me for not sharing them. I don't care how long we've been friends, I don't have to tell you everything. You should just accept I had reasons, and that you don't know them."

"Don't know them? What, now I'm blind and stupid?" She snapped it, and he blinked. Two angry outbursts from Lydia in a matter of minutes, he mused, and wondered if that had ever happened before.

"Of course I knew why you left. You think I didn't see? Your face when Lily and Scorpius got together. And when they got engaged. The way your mood-swings got worse as the wedding approached. I knew Zander, but you know, I'm a good friend, so I never said a word. Not to Lily, to Lorcan, or even to you because I didn't want to embarrass you."

She stopped, and winced. His mouth was open, his eyes wide.

She'd never said a word, he thought, and he'd only ever told one person. It was his deepest, darkest secret, one that had chased him around the world, and all the while, she'd known.

"I'm sorry." She murmured. "I never intended to say anything. Really. You're...entitled to your privacy, and if you didn't want to talk about being in love with Lily, that was your right. But you know, you could've talked to me at anytime."

"You knew. You knew that was why I left?" He murmured.

"Few weeks after the wedding. Big clue. Ah, I figured you wanted to get over it, and not see them together while you did. But, damn it Zander, you abandoned us, hurt us. And, I'll admit, it seemed stupid to me, a stupid way to deal with it."

"It wasn't the only reason. I really did want to see the world, and there was some other stuff, too. Ah, I didn't mean to hurt anyone. And I did plan to come home more often. It just...the less I came home, the easier it was to stay away."

She paused, glanced out of the window then met his gaze. "Are you over her now?"

"Yes. To be honest, I think I made it out to be more than it really was. And I was never - I wasn't actually in love with her. I'd liked her since I was, like, ten, and so after a while it became...just a constant thing. I ignored it mostly, and thought I was over it, until she got together with Scorpius. Then it was like - as if she'd rejected me, even though I'd never even tried...Then I actually decided that when she and Scorpius broke up, I'd try to get together with her. Only they..."

"Never broke up." Lydia murmured. "They got married instead."

"Exactly. I actually told Scorpius about it, when they got engaged. I, um, sort of thought he should know. It was just difficult, to see them together and wonder what could have happened."

"So you ran away." There was no judgment in her voice, he noted with relief.

"Yes." He sighed a little. "I was being dramatic, I think. Tortured soul. It's a nice part to play. Fits with the painting. Artisitic temperment."

"The painting? You're still doing that?" She smiled, sat back a little, and he assumed that the fight was over. And, he thought, she seemed to have forgiven him. With a slight smile, he wondered if a lot of Lydia's annoyance was because he hadn't shared his problems with her.

"Yeah, on and off. There's some beautiful places out there. I sketched, painted, them. But I guess now I've got a job, I won't have the time."

"The shop isn't going to take up that much time. You're a wonderful artist, you should keep up with it. Who knows, maybe you could make a career out of it?"

"Nah. It's just a hobby. I'm not talented enough." He shrugged a little. Too old, he reminded himself, for silly dreams. Too old to believe he could live off his pictures.

"That's what Lorcan said." Lydie told him. "Remember? He always said that about his writing, and now look. A book being published, more on the way. At least look into it."

He rolled his eyes, but smiled. It was good to have Lydia back. "Yeah, maybe. So, who's the chick at the bar? I don't recognise her."

"Joanie? She's Danny's niece. She's covering for him for a little bit, he had to take some time off. His wife - Myleen, you met her a few times - went into labour seven weeks early. Baby's fine, now, but it was touch and go for a little while."

And, Lysander knew - because he knew Lydia - she would have worried about that baby until she was certain the kid was alright. He smiled. "Hey, how about, since we're buddies again, you buy me a drink?"

"Shouldn't you be buying?" She replied, her eyebrows raised, smirking.

"I would, but until payday I'm dirt poor. C'mon, we've been friends forever, you could buy me one little drink -"

"Can't." She interrupted. "Going to look at a house in a little while."

"Look at a house." He repeated. "Why?"

She smirked at his genuine confusion. "To see if I want to buy it, genius."

"You're buying a house? Wow. That's...wow. Can you afford it?"

"Yeah. I mean, I've got my inheritance. Barely spent any of it." She still felt the nerves at the idea of it.

"Oh. Yeah. I forgot. Your great-grandma left you a lot of money, didn't she?"

"Yeah. Dad still doesn't know where it all came from. She must have spent her whole life saving it. Which is why I haven't spent much of it." Lydia couldn't say she'd particulary liked her father's grandmother, but that didn't meant she'd fritter her share of the woman's life savings away.

"Till now."

"Yeah. I mean, I want my own place, you know?"

"Yeah. I guess I do. Would've been cool to hang out though."

"Come with me." She said on impulse. "Come look at with me."

"Oh. I..."

"C'mon." She persisted. "Lily usually comes with me but she's busy tonight. And Ally's all tied up with the baby and wedding plans, and it's Lorcan's date night, and Mitch just points out everything he doesn't like, true to form."

He hesitated for another second. "OK. Sure. Why not?"

"Great." She beamed at him, and he decided that, while looking around a house wasn't his idea of a fun time, it was worth it to see her smile properly at him.

"It's Lorcan's date night?" He asked suddenly, his mind jumping back to the statement.

"Yeah. Rose is working a lot, you know how ambitious she is, and apparently there was a point a little while back where they were barely seeing each other, and, well, their relationship was suffering."

And he hadn't been around, Lysander thought. He should have been there for his brother, and he hadn't.

He hated feeling guilty.

"So they decided to make time for each other. Every two weeks they have a date. It's sweet. Lily and Scorpius..." She trailed off, hesisted.

"Lydie, I told you, I'm fine about them. Really. Go on. Lily and Scorpius..."

"They have a similar thing. Lily reckons they wouldn't work nearly as well without it, and she's determined they'll continue to do so, even when they have kids and everything."

"That's nice." He said, honestly, and was immensely relieved that he didn't even feel a twinge of envy. Maybe, he decided, it was about time he got to know the guy who was now his family.