—o—O—O—o—

Room for Rent

Chapter 4: Familiarity with unease.

—O—o—O—O—o—O—

When the three males went to the Chinese restaurant that afternoon, the chills of autumn seeped through their still summer clothing, making Goosebumps flare on Troy's arm. The sun still shone brightly, yet the rays were weak in their heat.

A bing was heard as Chad opened the door.

Troy and Jason followed the eager curly brunet as the hostess greeted them and led them to a booth table.

Chad and Jason decided to sit opposite Troy. The shaggy brunet felt uncomfortable already. The two across from him stared at him, and Troy felt on trial—as if Chad and Jason were judges and he was a criminal awaiting a verdict.

He was being silly, he knew, but he couldn't help but feel the stand-offish vibe from Jason and the forced comfort Chad was unknowingly emitting. It all reeked of awkwardness. And it made Troy feel really tense.

"Drinks?" The waitress asked, breaking the silence. A young petite woman with wavy brown hair handed each of them a menu. Troy had zoned out for awhile, he guessed, since he didn't even see her approach their table.

"Yeah, that'd be great," Chad smiled at her, "Water, please."

Jason watched as she gave him an attractive lingering smile before she turned to Troy, "And you?"

"Uh, I'll have soda, I guess, Pepsi," He said distractedly. He felt uncomfortable. He wanted to get out of here. He felt trapped. He swallowed thickly, regretting this lunch outing. Why did I suggest this? He needed to calm down! There was no use in panicking now.

"Sprite," Jason said tersely, a little rudely too. Chad watched as Jason turned away, looking out the window beside the table. His chin rested on his fist and his lips drooped into a frown.

"Okay, I'll be back," She said. Chad turned his attention back to the pretty waitress and was rewarded with another lingering smile just for him. The curly brunet was all too pleased.

Chad watched her retreating figure, "She's cute," He said.

"Yeah, whatever," Jason muttered. Chad quirked an eyebrow at his grumpy tone, but Jason's eyes remained fixed out the window.

Troy chuckled, "She was definitely checking you out."

Chad grinned, "Really?" He asked. Then he stretched out in his seat, "Well, who could blame her?"

Jason snorted humorlessly. Chad glared at the raven-haired male, "What's with you?"

"Nothing," he replied, his voice flat. He turned to look at his menu. He felt an unexplained irritation crawl its way into his nerves and it wouldn't leave him alone. He decided to blame Troy for it. Looking up from his menu Jason glared at the shaggy brunet briefly before turning his attention back to the menu in front of him.

Troy hadn't noticed the heated glare anymore than he noticed Chad's look of concern as he zoned out again. His thoughts were centered on trying not to make this awkward. Don't mess this up, Bolton.

"Troy? You okay there buddy?" Chad asked. Great, I made it awkward, Troy thought in irritation.

He smiled, shaking his head of all thoughts. "Yeah, I'm cool," Troy said, looking back at his menu, he decided on Chicken with fries.

Chad watched as the waitress came toward them from a table a little far away. His eyes lowered to her short skirt, black and stark against the white apron, his eyes travelled the length of her body to her knowing smile and dark eyes glinting in amusement. He blushed in embarrassment.

"Decided yet?" she asked, she flipped her wavy strands out of her eyes as she readied her small notepad.

"Yes," Chad smiled widely, "I'll get the Beef with Broccoli."

Jason watched as she jotted it down and gave Chad another smile. When she looked at him Jason glared, "Chicken and rice," he said curtly then he turned away to the window again. Chad elbowed him, and Jason ignored him.

What the hell is up with him? Chad thought in annoyance. He's the one that agreed to come and now he's acting like a wet blanket.

"I'll get Chicken with fries," Troy said simply. The waitress gave him a polite smile.

Soon their drinks arrived and soon after so did their food. As well as more smiles exchanged between Chad and the pretty waitress, Troy watched in amusement.

"Just ask her out," Troy laughed.

"Her name is Cameron," Chad said, his voice suspiciously dreamy. He tried to not look at her chest but the name tag was there, he innocently thought. And so if his eyes wandered…

Jason remained quiet. He ate slowly, stabbing at his rice soaked in duck sauce.

"So," Troy drawled out, looking between both males in front of him, "How's everything? You know, school an' everythin'." His mouth was full of fries and Chad laughed at the sight.

"We didn't get any assignments yet, thank god," Chad heaved out a dramatic sigh. Troy chuckled as he tore into his chicken.

Jason looked up after a prolonged silence, figuring it was his turn to speak, he shrugged, "Its okay," he replied.

Troy and Jason shared an awkward look, and Chad helplessly chuckled, trying to lighten the mood that was already starting to get tenser and tenser.

There was more conversation made, mostly meaningless small talk but Jason was unusually quiet throughout it all.

Jason felt a lingering look in his direction, Chad was probably concerned, he thought in annoyance. Well, let him be then. Jason didn't care. His irritation was growing and it was starting to give him a headache. He didn't want to be here and he was sure Troy was the reason.

He had to be.

The waitress winked at Chad as she passed their table.

Jason stabbed at his rice again.

"Hey, when are we gonna have practice?" Chad asked suddenly. And as soon as that question was uttered Chad noticed the complete shift. Jason sat rigid in his seat, not eating just as Troy's eyes widened.

"Um," Troy cleared his throat in discomfort, "I think around a week or so, I haven't heard anything yet," Troy looked at Jason uncomfortably. Should I ask? No, that wouldn't be right, but maybe it's okay—

Jason matched his stare, "What?" He gritted out. It's not okay, Troy thought anxiously, and he still didn't change his mind, not even a year later.

Chad looked between the two in confusion, what the hell just happened? Chad thought, his eyebrows furrowed as he watched Jason's eyes harden. And Troy looked so …rigid as if any sudden move would get him eaten alive.

The silence was tense.

"Uh," Troy hesitated, "Are you—I mean did you still decide to not be," He trailed off. He averted his gaze from Jason's glowering dark ones.

Jason gave a mirthless chuckle, "What? Say it."

Troy shook his head, "You still …quit?" He sounded dejected.

Chad jerked in surprise, "What?" Chad looked at Jason, "Quit? What? What'd you mean quit?" He's lying…

"No," Jason felt his anger hot against his throat, "I didn't change my mind," he practically sneered. God, he hated being here. He hated Troy.

Troy sat back, feeling his chest compress, "I didn't mean—you still were—I-I'm sorry, okay," Troy finally said, he looked at Jason helplessly.

Jason turned away. He couldn't deal with this. He didn't want him to be sorry, he wanted to hate him. He needed to hate him.

Chad couldn't stop staring, absorbing everything, anything that could clue him in as to what happened between them.

Jason stood up, dropping a ten dollar bill on the table, "Excuse me," he said as he pushed past Chad.

Then he briskly walked out of the restaurant.

Chad watched as Troy looked down, defeated. Why is Jason making this so hard?

Suddenly Chad felt angry, why doesn't Jason just let go whatever it was he's holding over Troy?

Looking at Troy's downcast form, he's been punished enough.

"Troy..?" Chad tried, but Troy shook his head. He would never betray Jason's trust, and that just made Chad even angrier at Jason. So, Chad left a ten dollar bill and left Troy in the booth table.

He didn't even get that waitress's number!

Chad sighed, stepping out of the restaurant and looking down the block.

Damn it. Jason where the hell did you go?

A mop of jet-black hair two blocks away was all Chad saw amid the sea of people in the sideway. Mostly college students from Albuquerque were hanging about, Chad rushed through the lazy crowd in frustration.

"Jason!" He called out. He skidded by groups of people, muttering "excuse me" every few moments or so.

"Jason!" Chad was closer now. After one more call, Jason turned around. His eyes widening slightly in surprise before he narrowed them into a glare and turned back around. He kept a fast stalk down the block.

"Jason!" Chad called again. When Jason walked faster, Chad started to jog, "Damn it Jason! Turn around, you—"

"What?!" Jason yelled. He halted, whipping around fast. He looked furious.

"What the hell happened?" Chad asked, his arms flying about. He panted slightly as he regained his breath. "Jason, you quit?"

"Whatever, it doesn't matter," Jason replied coldly.

"Why are you so—God!" Chad yelled in frustration, "Can't you just try to be friends with Troy?" He pleaded.

Jason looks …sad and frustrated and hurt—"Why can't I just—just make him fade away until he's just an acquaintance–until all I have to say is hi to him?!" Jason screamed. His breath ran out for a moment, panting. Chad stared at him uncertainly and Jason felt his anger grow, "Why are you making me do this?" He asked desperately.

Chad's lips parted as if he was about to speak but nothing came. Jason glared again, for good measure, before he turned around and started walking away from him again.

Chad stood in the middle of the sidewalk, staring at Jason's back as he left him. Damn it! Jason, Chad growled internally. You can't just do that!

Jason walked as fast as he could but the curly brunet always was faster than him. He caught up with him in little time, tugging his arm and making him spin around. "What?!" Jason cried, furious.

Chad tugged on his arm harder, "You think that's the answer to everything, right? Run away from anything that requires work," His brown eyes turned hard, sparked with conviction. "You don't even have a reason to stay mad anymore! You just want to keep things easy," he accused.

Jason snatched his arm away roughly, "You don't know anything!" He narrowed his suddenly jade eyes, "So don't think you're mister fix-it because you have no idea—" Chad grabbed his arm again, "Let go!"

"No!" Chad yelled, "Not until you tell me!"

Jason pushed Chad, "God! You're so irritating!" Jason growled, "Leave me the fuck alone." Then he stormed off.

And Chad looked at the hand he tried to grab Jason with. All he wanted was for him to stay and now he left him all alone.

—O—o—O—O—o—O—

Class was unbearable.

His mind distracted, all Jason could do was remember lunch. His sleeve was stretched from where Chad pulled at it. Jason traced his fingers over it as the professor droned on.

He hated fighting with Chad. And the last thing he wanted to do was make his friend upset with him but he just didn't understand. He didn't get it.

Jason snorted self-deprecatingly. Of course he couldn't get it, could he? Jason didn't tell him a thing.

Honestly, Jason didn't want him to get it. He didn't want him to know.

He was so embarrassed and angry. As he remembered last year, he wanted to just forget it all happened. Yet, at the same time he wished things could have gone differently. If only Troy hadn't let him down, if only—

But Troy did let him down. He said he could depend on him. He said he would be there. But he never showed. He left Jason all alone and all of Jason's hope deflated.

His chance was gone forever.

God, he just wanted a chance to really know, to find out the truth—but now he could never get that chance. He needed to let it go. It's over. He won't get another chance again. Never. Everyone was bent on lying to him anyway, so he should just let it be. Let them all keep him from knowing the truth, maybe it was better that way.

His family was always good at hiding things.

Class was over before Jason knew it. He found himself walking down the path leading toward the residential area and finally into his building.

He wanted to just lay down. He wanted to forget this day ever happened. Seeing Troy brought out his anger and resentment.

His trust in him—in everything—was forever shattered by that one day.

It rained that day. How symbolic, Jason thought sarcastically, how perfect. He remembered nothing but the cold drenched feeling of the winter rain, the dreary sky, the puffed bruised clouds. He remembered looking up at them, the cold water hitting his face sharply as he wondered, "Where are you?"

He shut his eyes as the prickles of chills swept through his body.

Then he open his eyes again, cold drops running down his hair, forehead, cheeks, and neck, until it soaked his clothes.

He had asked the darkening sky, "Where are you?"

I hate that question.

He shivered. He felt so cold.

He kept waiting.

Jason gave a snort at his former naïve self, he waited like a pathetic puppy. All he needed was a friend. All he needed was a god damn dependable person in his whole fucking life. And as soon as the memories flooded his anger burned his chest. He fists clenched. It served him right. He knew better than to trust anyone.

He unlocked the door a bit more roughly than he intended.

Entering the apartment, he was met with silence.

Chad still didn't come back from class, and Jason didn't want to be here when he showed up, so he left the living room and went into his room.

Shutting the door behind him, he collapsed back first into his bed, throwing his arm over his eyes as he sucked in a breath.

He felt his anger burn into hurt and he hated that feeling. When his fury turned into a shaky pain, it reminded him of how his mother would make him feel sometimes. Those times when he would let her bitterness get to him.

Sighing, he lifted himself off of his bed and sat down at his desk, opening up his laptop. He needed to start his English paper, and for some reason he felt better when he was writing. He felt better when he typed. It was mindless. It was perfect.

Last year Chad had found out about his secret love of writing. The curly brunet had a habit of finding out things about him. He was the only friend that really knew him. And that was scary.

It was hard for him to trust someone, even his own family.

His family, Jason snorted mirthlessly, that was the topic that brought all of these problems, his mother especially, his brother occasionally. He felt bad every time he left little William alone with them, yet, his little brother always seemed like he never knew what was going on all around him. Sometimes Jason wished he was like that.

He wished he was oblivious to the underlining resentment and carefully constructed lies his mother was the master of.

The door creaked open. Jason spun around in his chair and watched Chad peak his head in. Jason spun back around and proceeded to ignore the curly brunet.

The noise of his fingers clicking the keys on the keyboard filled the room.

"Hey," Jason heard Chad's hesitant voice, and after some silence he spoke again. "…Jase?"

Jason continued typing.

"Look," Chad's footsteps were faint on the carpeted floor, but his presence was felt as he came just behind the raven-haired male, "I overreacted, and I guess you're mad at me right?" Jason snorted, "Okay, you're mad at me, I don't blame you….Jase? Come on, talk, please," Chad pleaded.

The typing halted and Jason swiveled around again, folding his arms over his chest, "Are you going to keep pushing me to talk to Troy?" He asked pointedly, Chad winced.

"I thought you were okay there for second, you're the one that said it was okay when I asked about lunch with him," Chad sat down on Jason's bed, "What happened?"

"I have a lot of stuff to do," Jason said, spinning around again, his back to Chad, "So," he trailed off. Chad knew it was his cue to leave but something forced him to stay.

"Jason," Chad stated, "Are you …" He sighed and Jason tensed, "Are you ever going to tell me…why?"

Jason said nothing.

Chad sighed as he lifted himself off of Jason's bed, "When you're ready, you can always come to me," Chad said when he stood up and just before he left his room he added quietly, "Just like I always came to you."

The door creaked close, and Jason relaxed. He smiled a little as he went over Chad's faint words. Maybe he owed it to the curly brunet after all the times Chad trusted him. But… it wasn't that easy.

He trusted Chad, he did, but it was hard. It was hard to really depend on someone again…to be vulnerable

And to tell Chad what happened between himself and Troy, it was going to lead to more questions…questions about his family. And those were questions he really didn't want to answer, not yet. Maybe never.

His family, it was a sore and sensitive topic to Jason. He would rather have the illusion everyone else created of them than the reality of it all.

Jason just hated his family.

—O—o—O—O—o—O—

The night air was cool. The wisps of wind were barely felt as they brushed against the tan skin of Troy's arms and neck.

Troy gazed around the park. The darkness made it impossible to see anything far ahead except under the circle of light surrounding the street lamps.

He took a deep breath.

His chest filled with the cool air and lifted the ache in his chest slightly but when he breathed out the ache returned again. He felt a little better though.

He heard faint footsteps but he didn't move to see who it could be instead he looked up at the sky.

Strands of his hair fell out of his eyes and into his hair as he gazed at the millions of small lights scattered across the blue-black sky. Looking up at the vast sky made him feel small suddenly.

It made the ache in his chest lessen as he considered the insignificance of his problem compared to the hugeness of the sky. He imagined millions of people looking up at the same sky with millions of problems of their own.

He sighed, wishing he could feel better about his own situation but it was never really easy when you weren't someone else. Things always seemed easier from an outside perspective.

It always seems so much worse when the moment is in the present instead of the long past, he thought. He hoped for the future to come faster already. He was ready for all this to be in his past.

The sound of the faint footsteps grew louder and then they suddenly stopped.

Feeling a little startled at the cease of noise, Troy turned to see this stranger. He was a blond male.

Troy squinted slightly, standing up straight. He watched as the man about his age looked up at the same sky.

The little light only showed the color of his hair and slight glimpses of his clothes. The suit he wore was dark and covered by the shadows of the trees.

Suddenly the blond looked straight at him. Troy saw the other male's eyes widen slightly. It felt so familiar. And then the blond started walking quickly into the building. Troy watched closely, trying to see any other details, anything more familiar.

As the blond walked Troy could see more clearly his silky blond hair, a pale blue dress shirt, pale skin, rosy cheeks—

"Ryan?"

Troy said the name before he had a chance to think it. He watched as the blond—Ryan slowly turned around.

Troy noticed his hair fell just above his chin. He looked confused, "…Troy?" His lips parted just a breath a part. His eyes narrowed at Troy as if confirming it was actually the brunet.

Troy walked closer, tilting his head and smiling, "Yup, that's me." He took in the full sight of the blond male before him and felt his mouth dry. He didn't remember Ryan looking this good in High School, Troy thought distractedly.

Suddenly, Troy wanted to hug the blond, a familiar face, one that didn't bring feelings of regret. He didn't give into the urge though. Ryan was a friend but not someone he was close to. Ryan always seemed out of reach in High School, someone who wanted his space.

Ryan smiled, a small lift of his pale reddish lips, "Wow, Troy." He seemed a little out of it. "I just can't believe you're here," he said then he laughed a little, "I mean here," He gestured to the area around them and Troy found himself laughing too.

"Me? I can't believe you're here, I thought you were in New York," Troy said, and then Ryan's eyes changed. His uplifted pale blue eyes flattened and hardened but his smile remained. Troy felt he said something wrong, he could see it in the way Ryan forced the smile to stay on his lips, the way he averted his gaze.

"I'm going to Albuquerque University now," he said looking at the tree just behind Troy. His voice light but his body tense, "I guess we'll be seeing each other a lot, huh?" He looked at Troy, his eyes glowed, "I didn't think I'd see you so soon though."

"You're going here?" Troy asked stunned, "Oh, I didn't think—I mean," Troy chose his words carefully, "I didn't expect that." Something told him asking questions as to the reason for his sudden return to New Mexico might be too personal, if Ryan's eyes were any indication. It was obvious the blond didn't want to talk about it.

Ryan stared at him for a moment, and Troy felt warmth that had nothing to do with the weather. He knew his body well enough to realize he was attracted to Ryan. He turned his focus away from the blond and instead looked at his building, "You live in there," he said surprised, and when Ryan nodded he grinned, "Me too."

Ryan jerked, clearly surprised, his eyes were wide, "Really? Chad and Jason never mentioned it."

"Chad and Jason?" Troy asked in confusion, "You see them?"

"I live with them."

Troy felt anger wash over him briefly—in all of their lunch together they couldn't mention a thing.

Then he realized how brief lunch actually was not to mention how it ended.

Feeling deflated, Troy held in a sigh, "I don't really see them that much," Troy said flatly. "I live in A6." He thought it best to change the topic from the two jocks.

Apparently, informing him about their new roommate wasn't important or Troy wasn't important enough to be informed at all. Whatever their reasons he felt closer to Ryan then he did with them. And he just saw Ryan for the first time today, how pathetic was that?

"I live in E4," Ryan smiled faintly. And after a quiet moment, Ryan watched Troy closely. Troy didn't know for what until Ryan said in an amused voice, "You haven't changed much, Troy."

Troy felt his face heat, he was thankful for the darkness. "Your hair," he said dumbly, "I mean, you grew out your hair," And you seem quieter, Troy thought.

Ryan seemed to be silenced and Troy didn't know what to make of it. Sure Ryan wasn't talkative in High School but he was more expressive, now, he seemed different.

"Yeah," Ryan chuckled, "I guess I wanted a change, you know?" He turned back to look at the entrance of his building, "You going in? It's getting pretty late."

"Yeah," Troy said, feeling lighter than he did when he stepped out. "I think, I just might," he smiled.

"So, rooming with Chad and Jason, huh?"

"Yeah," Ryan chuckled, "It's not as bad as I thought it would be."

Troy laughed. For the first time this week, hell, this year, he felt at ease with someone familiar.

And it felt great.

TBC

A/N: Hope you guys liked it! And thanks for the reviews!