So sorry for the wait! I didn't get home until 8 both on Monday and Tuesday (today) so I didn't get the chance to update. I told you guys I'm busy, but I'll try and update as soon as possible!
Chapter 4
"Alright, so what can I do to help?" she gave me a sympathetic look. Great. "Well I'm not really telling people about this, Simon Lewis is the only one," I swallowed. "Besides my family. Do you mind keeping this between you and me?" I received a warming smile that relaxed a tension I didn't even knew I had. "Sure, but I want to give your teachers a heads up, in case you have to make a quick dash to the bathroom, or if you need to just lie down." I froze; I do NOT want all of my teachers knowing. She must have noticed my tension because she added "Don't worry," Too late. "I'm not going to say anything specific. I'll probably say something vague about how you're not feeling well. Is that ok?" I nodded as I headed out the door.
"Oh, and Clary?" I turned around and she rose to give me a motherly hug. I embraced her hug as one tear slipped out. I smiled, happy to have someone close to a motherly figure. I reluctantly let go, and stumbled out of her office. Third period was over and I have lunch next. Yay. I took as much time as humanly possible to stroll to the lunch room. I grabbed a small lunch and a water bottle.
I tried to concentrate on something else but my thoughts kept running back to Jace. I should tell him, it would save him a lot of heartbreak, but I can't do that. He won't be able to handle something that he can't control. I've learned over the years he likes to control things (not in a bad way, I still can make my own decisions.) He's always been kind of protective over me and thought I should be treated right, like one time some guy was talking to me about how I should 'get with him.' Jace threatened him and told him to back off. He could always protect from those types of guys but this is something he can't control. I'm going to die whether he likes it or not. I know on the outside he will try to be strong for me but inside he will be secretly breaking. I can't even bare that thought. If the situation was reversed though I would be in the same situation he would be. Except if he was dying he would tell you. He wouldn't want to keep this from you. He would want to spend as much as possible with you. He wouldn't want to keep you in the dark. He will eventually find out. Why can't you tell him now? I can't handle the heartbreak from him, that's why. I love him too much to do that to him.
I looked up and I saw Jace strutting over to our table. He kissed my cheek and sat down next to me. All of the girls shot daggers at me. I smirked because he's the hottest guy in the world and he was all mine. Not for long. My smirk quickly faded into a frown.
Isabelle joined us, along with Simon and started blabbing on about some new fashion thing that happened this weekend. I zoned out, not wanting to listen about fashion. We may be best friends, but that does not mean we have all the same interests.
I could feel Simon sneaking looks at me making sure I was ok. I appreciate him being so worried, but I am a big girl. I gave him a reassured smile and he seemed to calm down a bit. I looked over as Jace and noticed he was in deep thought. I wonder what he's thinking. He catches me staring at him and smirks, making me blush. His smirk then transforms into his concentrating face and his eyes start to flick from my food to me. He looks confused and then looks at me; I mean really looks at me. His eyes flick up and down my body and then he looks back at my eyes as if he's trying to decipher something. His face morphs to sympathy. He knows. How can he know? I've only told two people and they both promised to keep it a secret. I looked to Simon and he shrugged. If this disease is soooo 'unknown' how did he figure it out? Looks like we are having a big discussion later. He stares at my food "I know that my face is so beautifully distracting, but it's lunch. Eat." I looked down at my food and gaze back at him. He must not know that it's hard to eat. I take a small bite and force it down. Ugh…. Who knew eating can be so difficult. He casts me a satisfied grin and I glance at Simon for help. He nods, knowing to change the subject.
"Hey, Isabelle?" She stops talking and looks at him with a questionable twinkle in her eyes. "Yeah?" "I was wondering..." he swallows and I note he looks nervous. OH MY GOD! HE'S ASKING HER OUT! My jaw dropped, but they didn't seem to notice. I knew he liked Isabelle, just from the way he looked at her, but never thought that he would ever actually have the guts to ask her out. "if you wanted to go out with me Friday?" Her eyes widen. Please say yes. Simon doesn't need any more things to go wrong in his life. She nods, still shocked. Wow…she must have been blind. "Yeah, sure Simon." He grins ear to ear, something I haven't seen lately. I'm about to get up and throw my lunch away but Jace has other plans. He pulls me back down and kisses me. I'm about to deepen it when I realize where we are. Jace is the only one that can do that, make me feel like we are the only two people in the room.
I pull away and he pouts. I giggle at his facial expression, "We are in a room full of people Jace, not here." I lean my head on his shoulder and he whispers into my ear "Ok, but you owe me." I almost give in right then and there but I stop, reminding myself that I'm not the biggest fan with doing things...public. I lean in close and am about to kiss him when I whisper "Maybe." I pull away, and he playfully growls.
I stand up and quickly walk out of the lunch room not wanting to be followed.
The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. I didn't really do anything besides my oh so fun trips to the bathroom and get annoyed by the sympathy looks of my principal, but each time I gave her a reassured smile.
I walked home, happy to be out of the school and fill up on fresh air, well as fresh as air can get in New York. I walk in and drop my bag by the door. I'm about to sit down on the couch when I get a text from Jace.
Want to hang out? (: ~ J
I smiled. Jace comes over a lot, but he always asks where my mom is. I know he wants to meet her, especially since I've met his entire family.
Sure (: ~C
Cool, I'll be there in 10. ~J
I'm pacing in my kitchen, because I know what he wants to talk about, even if I don't. He figured it out; I can tell by the pitying and confused looks I got in the hallway and during class. And each time he gave me one of those looks, I just smiled back, pretending not to notice.
I heard the doorbell ring and I sensed who it was. I could've automatically known it was him even if had hadn't texted me. I stumbled to the door (I seem to be doing that a lot lately) and jerked open to reveal a very calm Jace, not what I was expecting. He came in and I led him to that couch.
We sat there in a very awkward silence. Then he abruptly got up and started pacing. This is how you knew he would react, I reminded myself. He turned toward me and I met his gaze, which was filled with concern and determination. What is he determined about? Finding a cure? No, he just knows I'm sick. Is he going to try and find something? Oh No! I didn't even think about this. He won't stop. He won't- "Clary," he began and I tilted my head to look at him. Damn my shortness! "I know something has been going on with you, and I know what it is." He eyes molded into anger, and hurt. "Jace, I'm-" He cut me off. "No let me finish" I silenced and waited for him to continue. "Clary, you obviously need help. Why didn't you come talk to me? This is something you should've come to me too." His golden eyes still flashed anger and hurt. I paused, making sure he was done. "Jace, I don't need help, I can still do things on my own." He looked at me like I was crazy. "You are planning on going that far?" That far? "Jace, I can't stop this. I want to still do things on my own until I can't and I need help. Could you understand and do that for me?" "No, Clary, I won't." My face fell. This is why I didn't want to tell him; I won't be able to do anything on my own. He must have noticed, because he sat down and added "Clary, I won't help you starve yourself." I almost got lost in his dreamy eyes, and then I processed what he just said. Wait…what?