Hate me.

-----

Chapter Four: To Be Lonesome

It was so much easier for me then. I could do whatever the hell I wanted and not get one disapproval or sign of concern, which made it less hard, of course. My instincts were fading; putting up with others was a lot more endurable than putting up with myself.

It was Winter; trees resembled skeletons, leaves disappeared; the mountains that were easily seen were covered in a light layer of sparkling white and my mood was rather pissed and groggy. I hadn't gotten much sleep last night, and I was simply... bored.

I headed over to the grocery store for some energy drinks and couple other items. I didn't have much money. I was lucky just to have money. But who cared about that? Energy drinks, that's all.

I entered aisle five, grazing all the different options. Taking more notice, it came to my realization that there were a lot more to choose from than I had expected. But no. I wanted the one. The one I had come here for. The one I had an actual intention of buying. But where the hell was it?

Looking, looking. Scanning, finding. There it was. Finally, I thought. Any longer and I would've blown my top off. What sick people would hide this certain energy drink all the way over here?

Assholes.

I brushed through aisle after aisle, drink in hand, doing nothing. Just walking. Searching. But for what?

"Excuse me, may I help you?" I heard a high-pitched, slightly squeaky voice beside me, matching the blonde girl with bleach blonde hair and a tag taped to her shirt to indicate she was a worker here. Mmm, I'd like to have some of that. Look at that face. But what about his eyes.... "Sir?"

Her distinct evaluation of my looks left me vomiting in my insides, and I couldn't help but quietly gag. No one had ever found me attractive.... Not normally, anyway. "I'm fine, thanks," I answered coldly, turning back to the items I was facing. But I couldn't see them. Everything was such a blur.

She cleared her throat, and I rolled my eyes. A little more of this and she'd be sorry.

But wait.

I was Edward Masen. I shouldn't be thinking like this. Especially about some random girl.. woman. I'm sure she didn't mean any harm. Damn it, she only asked me if I needed help. I pulled myself together.

"I just need to uh... buy some things," I answered, coughing. I backed away, holding both hands up, drink still in hand. "I'm sorry, I should go," I murmured. "Thanks anyway." Come back! I could tell she had more --- a lot more --- to say, but I continued walking to the nearest check-out. I was disgusted. This never happened.

I bought the energy drink and before I could completely walk out, I opened it and chugged half into my system. I looked up and instantly smelled something. Smoke.

I turned.

At least four people were out here, smoking their little cancer sticks, thinking their life depended on them. Further disgust pushed itself into the pit of my stomach, but I swallowed. How many people actually smoked these days, anyway? It was terrible.

And Bella hated the smell. I gulped, pulling myself back together. This was ridiculous. Not to mention silly. I closed my eyes at the word, remembering her voice. The way its velvet tone smoothed the angry lines from my face and caressed me into a soft slumber. I needed that now.

No. No I didn't. I was just fine. Five blocks and I would be home. I would be home, and nothing would be coming to get me.

I started walking.

-----

"Mr. Masen? It isn't nap time, no. Not in my class." I was awoken by a deep, annoying voice. It was Biology, the worst of all subjects in the history of subjects. I sighed. School was such a waste of time. Nothing to do. You never actually learn anything, anyway.

"Can you give me an adequate answer to that question, Mr. Masen?" the teacher asked.

"I don't know the question."

"And why do you think that is, Edward?"

"Perhaps I fell asleep. Obviously a man as smart and intelligent as you can see that." I smirked. Like I cared.

"Mr. Masen," he breathed, trying to keep his cool, "do not give me your teenage testosterone-filled answers today. I am not in the mood. Now tell me, why is vision lost when light hits the blind spot?"

I inhaled. Closing my eyes, placing my hood over them, and laying my head back onto the desk, I answered, "Light is only interpreted when it excites photocells in the back of the eye located on the retina. These photocells are commonly known as 'rods' and 'cones'.The blind spot is a place on the eye where the optic nerve, which is a nerve that carries visual information to the occipitial lobe of the brain, and connects to the eye. And because of this nerve there are no rods or cones here. Thus there are no photocells to interpret the light hitting the eye in that area."

When no one answered for the next 30 seconds, I did. I looked up from under my hood, and lifted my head off the desk just an inch. "That answer your question?"

I saw him eye me from under his thick, round, ugly glassed, observing me. "Fine. You got lucky this time, Masen. Any more of that attitude though, and it's off to juvie with you!"

I heard the class explode with laughter, but I didn't find anything funny. Oh well.

I headed to my locker as soon as I could, grabbing things I thought I needed, putting books back, putting some more in. Same old boring as hell routine. I put a pair of headphones on my ears and blasted 'Supermassive Black Hole' by Muse when I felt a light tap at my shoulder.

Never releasing the music from my ears, I turned. Standing in front of me was a tall girl, maybe my age. Her cascades of blonde curls reached her waist, and she held a pair of text books in her hands.

Whatever.

Turning back to my locker, I put my own books inside, got out a stick of gum, and began to chew.

"Excuse me?" I heard a high-pitched, mature voice, but it drowned out with my music. "Hello?"

This girl was getting annoying.

I turned and looked her in the eye, glaring. "What?" I could feel the venom in my voice, the disgust in my tone. Why was I being so rude?

"I was just hoping you could help me open my locker... I'm new here... I... I'm Amanda." She held out a perfectly manicured hand, and I stared at it, wondering what to do. I looked at her, my eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

She pulled her hand back in its place and stared at the floor. "Nevermind," she whispered, and walked away.

"Whatever." I continued chewing, shut my locker, and headed the opposite direction.

"Hey, Masen!" A deep voice called my name, and I rolled my eyes, but turned around emotionlessly. It was Mike; he liked --- no, was obsessed --- with Bella... with my Bella.

"What, Newton?" I continued to walk down the narrow hallway.

"Listen, I know we're not close and all, but I'm having a party at my place tonight. Maybe it'll be a good way for you to loosen up a bit ---"

He shut up when I gave him a stern look. He backed into a wall, and I shielded him threateningly. My voice turned to black as I whispered, "Do I look like the type of guy to just go out and party all night, have sex, get AIDS, and die? Trust me, Mikey, I have better things to do." He backed up, and eased his way around me, power-walking away, looking back then and again.

I continued walking into the darkness, not wondering, not caring about my surroundings. Headphones still stuck in my ear, I contemplated something.

Life.

And what an adventure it should be for me. How I should lose myself, just like any ordinary seventeen-year-old teenager.

"Hey, Newton!" I shouted, grabbing his attention. He turned, frightened.

"What time's the party?"