A/n: Geez, how long has it been since I updated? It was partially my sister's fault, since she did something screwy with the phone connection which killed the computer connection too! XD I'm really sorry for being so late with this chapter!

I'll also put this here since someone asked about the whole number thing, which I will explain now. Captains only have to spend one day with their lieutenants, the numbers are just for which day. That's why Shunsui was sad, because he has to wait eight days before his bonding day with Nanao, which is Day #9.

Sorry I didn't clear that up sooner! And remember, Keep on Reviewing!

Disclaimer: Bleach doesn't belong to me, but Tite Kubo.

Ukitake's Explosive Tuesday

Ukitake Juushiro swiped a trickle of perspiration off his temple and adjusted the blue bandana around his forehead.

"Unhand the broom, Goat Boy!"

"Taichou, told me to sweep the floor, so I'm sweeping it! Now, Give. Me. The. Broom."

A faint crash was heard outside the bedroom that Ukitake was currently dusting, followed by a string of colorful words.

"Geez, what's wrong with you, booger-girl? Can't you just use the mop?"

"I like brooms."

Ukitake sighed, surveying his room. The bed was made and the sheets were all folded and tucked carefully. The scrolls, books, brushes, and ink pots had been immaculately rearranged on his desk, so that they were no longer scattered all over the place. A small content smile formed on his lips, as he admired his work proudly. The room was surely going to give Shunsui a heart-attack next time he visited.

"Brooms are so much better than mops!"

"What are saying?"

"Look at mops. They're all raggedy, sloshy, cleaning up barf and everything. But brooms are firm, tall, and straight, kind of like our Captain."

"...that has got to be the stupidest thing I have ever heard."

The peacefulness that had just reached his person, immediately shattered into shameful little particles. Ukitake blinked, and walked towards the closed door, trying to wrap around the fact that his subordinate had just compared him to a piece of cleaning equipment.

"What do you know? You're one of those people who have no intellectual depth whatsoever in the art of cleaning, unlike the Captain and I."

"Shut up! If anyone has any intellec-whatsit for sweeping up this crap, it would be the Captain and I!"

"Oh, are you saying you can sweep this floor better than me?"

"I know I can sweep this floor better than you."

"Well then, prove it! Let's go!"

"I don't have a broom!"

"Ha! Should've thought of that before you said anything, huh?"

Ukitake edged even closer to the door as the thumping of footsteps, and the sound of something wooden colliding with something hollow.

"Wow, you really do have nothing in that head of yours."

"I can't believe you just banged that stick on my skull! That friggin' hurt!"

"Good, it was suppose to."

One of his pale hands reached forward hesitantly at the door handle, his brow furrowing in concern at the sounds of wood splintering and a strange cracking sound outside.

"Holy crap, I think I'm bleeding."

"You're not bleeding, you idiot."

"Don't call me an idiot!"

"I'm just saying the truth! It's what you get for hitting a girl."

"...you're hardly a girl."

At the muffled sounds of pain, and the rustling of brush, Ukitake slowly slid open the door. In an almost sadly predictable way, Kiyone was smothering Sentarou's face with the stiff fibres of the broomstick, while Sentarou was yelling indignantly, attempting to defend himself with the dustpan.

Ukitake sighed wearily, letting his dust feather plop on the ground, which sent up a mini dust cloud that surrounded his feet. Massaging his temples, he willed his headache to disappear, the lack of sleep wasn't helping matters.

It wasn't like he hadn't wanted to sleep early. It was just that he had pretty much spent the whole last night, comforting one Kyoraku Shunsui, and listening to him complain on how their sensei was such a mega-geezer and was totally unfair and didn't care about reason and would never understand the budding relationship between Nanao-chan and himself.

And somehow, as it had continued, he found himself from patting the eighth captain sympathetically on the back, to eventually dragging his wasted self home in a wheelbarrow.

"Kiyone, remember what we talked about?" Ukitake said, walking over to the half crazed girl and patting her lightly on the shoulder, "Sentarou says many things, he hardly means any of them."

"I understand, sir. But please, since we're cleaning anyway, allow me to sweep that cheeky mouth of his thoroughly." she cackled maniacally and aimed towards said body part.

Sentarou shouted something nonsensical in a mocking tone.

Ukitake quirked an eyebrow, not understanding.

Kiyone however, seemed to understand perfectly.

"Not good enough, huh? Well then fine, I hope you weren't that attached to your eye sockets!"

At these words, Ukitake quickly snatched the broom away from Kiyone. Sentarou reeled backwards, dust pan smacking his head, when his offender was suddenly removed from his face.

"Kiyone, you must administer some control," Ukitake chided, holding the handle tightly in his grasp, "It doesn't matter how strong the urge to kill Sentarou is. You have to tell yourself 'no.' " he drew an imaginary X with the broom for extra emphasis.

Relunctantly and after making a rather rude face at her fellow third seat, she nodded. "I apologize Taichou."

Ukitake nodded and handed back the broom. Glancing over at Sentarou, who was picking himself up off the floor, he went back into his room and put away his own implement.

Why exactly they were spending their bonding day cleaning, he would never be sure.

All he remembered was that when the two had routinely burst into his room as a quotidian wake-up call this morning, he had made the off-hand comment that it was starting to get really dusty in the room, and thought about tidying up.

Sentarou and Kiyone had immediately stopped their bickering over who was a syllable ahead in greeting their Captain and insisted on helping. Then one thing followed another, and he soon found himself like this.

"Well, we mind as well get the rest of the place while we're at it. Come along, you two." he called to them optimistically, starting down the hall.

"Coming!" they shouted simultaneously and teared after him, trying to trip each other as they went.

Ukitake sighed again, but continued walking as he heard them crash into the rice paper door and effectively destroy whatever had been kept in there.

"Are you half gorilla? You nearly killed me!"

"I wouldn't have fallen on you, if you'd stop kicking my knees!"

"And look what you did! The door's completely ruined!"

"How is this all my fault? If you had just stopped being so--"

"Door-killer!"

"You're the one who started it when you--"

"Door-killer!"

"Stop calling me that, if you could listen for one friggin' sec--"

"Door-killer!"

"SHUT UP!"

Ukitake leaned against the jamb of the Main Office door, waiting patiently as his subordinates rushed over to him, huffing and puffing.

They crouched in front of him, wheezing and ready to collapse.

"See? If you two hadn't started arguing, you wouldn't have had to run across the whole compound." he scolded lightly, wagging his finger at them.

The two gasped out apologies and recomposed themselves while Ukitake slid open the door.

"For the Main Office, we're just going to polish a few antiques," he stepped in and looked back towards them with a sudden pleading expression, "Please, please, please try not to break anything. Some of these things are really quite valuable, and Soutaichou said that we can't afford much more, since Soi Fong is killing the balance sheet with constant refurbishings."

They saluted him, "Yes sir!" their eyes shined with determination.

Ukitake sent them a woeful look, not reassured at all.

"...okay, come in."

The two scrambled in, which unwittingly caused Sentarou's foot to slam into a nearby book shelf, wobbling the water-color vase on top of it, and Kiyone to ram into the couch, making the needlework picture frame above it quiver threateningly.

Ukitake almost bit through his lip, while waiting for the shaking to subside. Not a very good start.

Forcing a smile over his worry, he seated himself down on the couch, while Kiyone and Sentarou managed to sit down on the one across from him.

"Here, you two can start on these statues and I'll do the weapons." he walked up the book shelf and grabbed a statue of a man grilling a barbecue and gave it to Sentarou. Then, walking over to his desk, he snatched up what seemed to be a green horse trying to eat its own foot and handed it to Kiyone.

"It was a gift." he murmured to Kiyone, when she stared at it strangely.

Finally, he heaved out a long rectangular box from the glass cabinet next to his desk. Setting it softly on the coffee table, he gently unlatched the silver buckles and pushed the cover open.

Kiyone and Sentarou gasped in awe at the three gorgeous silver daggers that were revealed. They glinted lightly, while Ukitake unveiled the crimson silk that bedded them.

Catching the gaping looks on their faces, Ukitake couldn't help smiling.

"Well, let's get started. Do you have your rags?"

They whipped the clothes out of their sleeves in a solemn motion, before he could even finish his words. Ukitake blinked, before nodding and taking out his own rag.

As he worked on getting the aged look out of the elephant in the first daggers handle, his eyes darted between his subordinates nervously. It wasn't like he didn't trust them to do it right. He was just a bit concerned about how passionate they could be when trying to impress him, especially when precious irreplacable articles were involved.

So far, nothing had happened, they were both too intent on the statues to compete against each other.

Ukitake relaxed slightly, but still kept an eye on them.

Slowly, as time wore on and nothing happened, Ukitake relaxed a little more. The two actually seemed genuine about doing a good job. Even when Sentarou had finished first and started requesting for another one, Kiyone hadn't even acknowledged it. (He would know, since he spent a full minute trying to stop his terrifed heart from pounding out of his chest).

Soon, he stopped glancing at them altogether and started trying to fix his own half-assed job at polishing.

A hour later, the trio had finished all the statues and weapons and were now working on the vases.

Ukitake smiled contently, obtaining a whole new perspective of his two subordinates. Who knew they could be so focused?

"Kotsubaki, you took my rag." Kiyone uttered quietly, gazing at the greasy cloth in his hand.

Sentarou stared at her.

"No, this is mine."

Kiyone shook her head, "No, I put mine down by the blue vase."

Ukitake could feel his smile practically ooze off his face.

Sentarou scowled, "Well, I found this one by the green vase."

"Then, how come there's no rag by the blue vase?"

"How should I know?"

Kiyone gave him an annoyed look, "Because you took it."

Sentarou glared, "No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did."

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did!"

"No, I didn't!"

"YES, YOU DID!"

"NO, I DIDN'T!"

They stood up together, slamming the rags down, making Ukitake grimace at the sharp sound the vases made on contact.

Kiyone clenched her teeth in frustration.

"If you hadn't taken my rag, I would be three vases ahead of you!"

"Ha! Well you aren't, are you?"

"Only cause your a big fat cheater!"

"How am I a cheater?"

Sentarou spun around and pointed at the water-colored vase he had almost knocked over.

"I'm cleaning that one!" he declared, making his way across the room.

"Not if I clean it first!"

Kiyone stumbled towards the book shelf as well.

Ukitake just watched them go with a blank look on his face. It was kind of funny really, how just ten seconds ago they had all been sitting cooperatively and nicely. He turned his gaze towards the abandoned polishing rags that were left on the table, never having felt such a strong urge to pulverize the cloth.

"Get out of my face, booger-eater!" Sentarou yelled, a vein throbbing in his temple, as he pushed Kiyone away from the shelf. Ukitake almost whimpered when the vase teetered dangerously.

Kiyone growled, and with a scream of effort, tackled Sentarou out of the way while he had been jumping for it. Standing on tip-toes she wriggled her fingers for the ornament, feeling its cool surface before an enraged Sentarou came crashing into her. Kiyone grunted, and jammed an elbow into his face.

"Argh!" Sentarou howled, his hands covering his face in pain, as he backed up slightly. Kiyone smirked, and was just about to make a quip remark, when she paled considerably.

"You idiot!" she screamed pushing pass Sentarou not-too-gently.

Sentarou's eyes flamed, after he reassured himself that nothing was broken.

"Why you--!"

"Not now, Sentarou!"

Sentarou blinked at his Captain, who had sprang from his seat at the impromptu moment. He too, pushed pass Sentarou, but with a much more gentle motion and rushed after Kiyone.

The male third seat stared at them confusedly, before glancing up. His eyes suddenly bulged and he cursed before he chased after them.

Kiyone glared when he caught up, her eyes still on the vase which was using the shelves like bridges as it rolled, "This is all your freakin' fault Kotsubaki! If you hadn't bumped into the damned shelf we wouldn't be doing this right now!"

Sentarou glared at the vase, not trusting himself enough to take his eyes off it.

"Well, if you hadn't decided to stab me with that blade of an elbow, then I wouldn't have bumped into it!"

"You pushed me first!"

"Fight over it later!" Ukitake interrupted, trying not to step on Kiyone's feet and keep Sentarou's feet from stepping on his own. Why did I arrange my shelves like that?

Kiyone suddenly gasped fearfully.

"Taichou, it's going to fall off!"

Ukitake yanked his head away from the vase. Sure enough, the shelves ended in another few feet, and a great gap stood between the edge and the wall.

"What do we do, Taichou?" Sentarou asked, carefully batting away some of his Captain's white hair out of his face.

Ukitake's alarmed brain shuffled for a few minutes, before an idea presented itself.

"I'll keep up with it, in case it starts rolling off in the middle! You two, go to the end and try to catch it!"

Kiyone nodded immediately, speeding up, while Sentarou quickly sped pass him.

"Be careful! That thing weighs a ton! It could give you a serious concussion!" Ukitake warned, his eyes returning to the shelf...where the vase had disappeared. Ukitake stared longer, willing the vase to become visible again.

The vase wasn't here, where was the vase?

A sudden horrifying thought came over Ukitake and he skidded to a stop on the tatami mats. Whirling in 360 degrees turns, he checked to make sure there were no broken porcelain shards lying about.

"I got it, monkey-boy!"

Ukitake snapped his head up, his eyes widening, while Kiyone attempted to outrun Sentarou to the huge gap.

"Like hell you do! Step aside, booger-ball!"

It was by sheer will that Ukitake hadn't screamed when the vase finally got to the very edge and his idiotic subordinates weren't even close to it. Instead, he sprinted after them at shunpo-like speed and used his desk to propell himself towards them. He could feel some wet sticky liquid spill onto his robe, but he paid it no mind.

"Kiyone! Sentarou! In-coming!" he shouted by way of warning, and before either could turn around he had smashed himself into their backs, sending them forward.

"Ahhh!" they screamed in unison as they flew towards the wall, and Ukitake slammed unceremoniously face-down on the mats.

"Get the vase!" Ukitake screamed, snapping his head back up and watching them apprehensively.

They surged forward, just as the vase was lazily toppling off of the shelf. They collapsed side by side in the gap, and watched it teeter above them like a boulder on a cliff, having nowhere near enough time to stand up. They raised their hands above their heads in a pathetic attempt to catch it.

Ukitake scratched at the kneaded straw in the mat in front of him and forced himself not to scrunch his eyes shut.

It was still staggering at the very edge, like it was mocking them.

Then, in what seemed like forever, began descending towards their shaking hands in a lumbering fashion.

Ukitake tore the mat apart, Kiyone shut her eyes, and Sentarou grimaced for impact.

Silence.

Kiyone and Sentarou felt a cool surface touching their hands and glanced at their Captain. Ukitake was staring a few inches above their heads, like if he stopped watching it would topple over and shatter into a million pieces. Gulping, they looked up as well.

They had caught the vase. They had caught the vase.

"Taichou, we caught it." Sentarou murmured the obvious, more to himself than Ukitake.

"What do we do, Taichou?" Kiyone whispered, afraid to speak any louder.

"Okay, I want you to carefully lower it onto the floor." Ukitake whispered back, still gripping the ruined mat pieces.

They nodded, but didn't do anything.

"It's okay, it's in your hands now. It won't fall." Ukitake reassured, though he didn't speak above whispering level and his knuckles had gone even whiter than his pale skin from gripping the mat.

"You...can let it down now."

They nodded again, and slowly began lowering their arms. It was a slow painful process, even though the weight was seriously killing their arms, not to mention the vase was only two feet above the ground anyway.

"Slowly, easy now. Easy." Ukitake whispered, his chin pressed against the floor, his eyes still on the gigantic ornament.

Finally, when an eternity seemed to have passed, the vase was eased onto the ground.

After watching it for forty seconds straight, they all let out a sigh of relief.

"That was more frightening than any hollow I have ever faced." Ukitake said, finally letting go of the peices of the mat.

"I thought for sure it was going to crush us when it fell." Sentarou mumbled, breathing hard, his foot twitching slightly behind him.

Kiyone only nodded, fanning herself with her hand to stop the superfluous panic.

A few minutes passed, where they all calmed down considerably.

"I think we can get up now." Ukitake finally said, noticing that all three of them were flopped on the office floor.

They looked at him sheepishly, as all three of them rose.

Ukitake was dusting his sleeves off, when Kiyone suddenly screeched.

"Taichou, what happened to your haori?!"

He looked up at them strangely. Sentarou was at a stand-still gaping at something on him, while Kiyone was pointing shakily at his chest.

Looking down at it himself, he found a huge blue-black ink stain on the white cloth over his chest. It was still spreading and making weird patterns on the snow white fabric that almost resembled flowers.

If he hadn't been the man he was, he would've been on quite a curse rant, but instead all he did was sigh loudly.

"Thank God, it wasn't sweat." he murmured to himself. He knew there was no way he sweated that much.

To his subordinates he just smile cheerfully.

"Nothing a little bleach won't due away."

"Have you checked everywhere?" Ukitake asked, a little hysterically as he rubbed at the ink stain.

Sentarou cursed as he banged his head on the top cabinet, while Kiyone shut the drawer.

"Yes sir, we checked every single place in this kitchen. There's no bleach left."

"Oh dear," Ukitake said, no longer cheerful, and propped his elbow on the kitchen table in worry.

"Don't you have any spares, sir?" Sentarou inquired, after finally extracting his head from the cabinet.

Ukitake shook his head despairingly

"No, Soutaichou said that we'd only get one haori," he stroke his chin thoughtfully, "Something about how Kenpachi was repeatedly getting entrails all over it."

Kiyone and Sentarou looked at each other.

"I guess I'll just have to explain this to Sensei somehow." he sighed, pressing his fingers to his forehead. Somehow, he knew his teacher wasn't going to believe that the ink had spilled when he had catapaulted from his desk to save a antique vase.

His two third seats gaped at him in shock.

"What are talking about, Taichou?" Kiyone cried, walking up to him.

"There's still another way to get the stain out." Sentarou said, leaning against the sink.

Ukitake looked at them with a vague kind of hope; hope because there was a way and vague because it was Sentarou and Kiyone who were suggesting it.

"There is?"

They nodded their heads together proudly, deciding now was the perfect time to impress their Captain.

"We can make bleach." they said together.

Silence.

"Stop copying me, stupid goat!"

"It was you, who copied me first!"

"Alright, alright, stop." Ukitake stood, holding his hands out in a peace gesture.

He looked at them incredulously.

"You think you can make bleach?"

They nodded.

"The chemistry bleach?"

They nodded again. Well, actually they didn't have the first clue of making bleach, but you know, how hard could it be?

Ukitake studied them for the longest time, before sighing and collapsing back into his seat.

"All right, let's give it a try."

As they scrambled around eagerly in the kitchen, grabbing random bottles and containers, Ukitake looked up at the kitchen ceiling regrettably. Why did he feel like he was going to need a new kitchen very soon?

"Are you sure it's suppose turn black like that?" Ukitake questioned worriedly, as all three of them crowded around the metal pot, while it foamed and bubbled with the murky liquid.

Kiyone didn't answer, while it tried to eat the yellow sponge perched on the sink counter.

Sentarou bravely snatched the sponge away.

"Uh...bleach is suppose to be white, right?"

A light bulb went off in Kiyone's head and she snapped her fingers.

"Of course!" she exclaimed and shoved pass Sentarou to the refrigerator.

The two men quirked their eyebrows at her, while she rummaged through it.

"We've been missing this!" she exclaimed happily, making her way back to the pot, holding up a carton.

They stared at her.

"Milk, Kiyone?" Ukitake inquired politely, half-wondering if she had lost her mind.

Sentarou looked confused.

"We had milk?"

Kiyone ignored him and sent her Captain a striking smile, which was nervously returned.

"Well, Taichou, as your respected, pure, beautiful mind already knows, bleach is white. So we obviously need something white to give it the color," she held up the carton of Moo-Moo Milk, like it all made perfect sense, and proceeded to dump half the contents into the pot, "Besides, milk is one of the few things we haven't tried yet."

Something sharp and heavy dropped into Ukitake's stomach.

"W-wait...the few things?" he stuttered, giving them a horrified look, "What did you put in here?"

They froze, pausing a moment to look back and forth between the stewing pot in the sink and their paling Captain.

"Errrr..." they trailed off awkwardly, staring at anything but his eyes.

Ukitake could feel a thorough blend of disturbance and panic begin to slowly consume him. He stood watching them, as they shifted their eyes this way and that and squirmed under his alarm.

"Maybe, some detergent, liquid soap, moisturizer, lotion, shampoo, and tea." Kiyone finally confessed, in a voice so low, that if Ukitake wasn't so use to tuning other noisier things out (like Shunsui's love ramblings), he probably wouldn't have heard it.

"Perhaps, a bit of takoyaki, alcohol, rice, chocolate, oil, and cream." Sentarou grumbled out as well, eyes staring intently at something two feet above Ukitake's head.

Ukitake stared back, not exactly sure of what to say. What would be the most sensible thing to do? Easy, tell them to back away slowly, run to the farthest place in Rukongai and dump the stuff.

He didn't do that, which obviously meant he had no sense.

Ukitake opened his mouth, having no clue of what he was going to say, when he caught a certain metal pot out of the corner of his eye.

"K-Kiyone? I-is it suppose to be smoking like that?" Sentarou squeaked out, seeming to have noticed the offensive object as well.

Kiyone snapped her head up and shrieked so high and loud that Ukitake and Sentarou had to cover their ears. Eyes wide with shock and fear, she rushed over to it.

The 'liquid' wasn't really liquid anymore, more like a big clump of ashy clay. Black smoke was curling out of a small mouth and it had bubbled to such a degree that it was spilling over the edge.

"Uh...Kiyone, w-why don't you just dump it in the sink?" Ukitake suggested anxiously, when his assistant stood frozen at the spot, gaping at the pot with no small amount of trepidation.

Kiyone nodded.

"R-right, e-excellent idea Taichou." Slowly she grasped the handle with shaky hands, the metal ring embedded into it swishing wildly.

Sentarou groaned, almost hysterically.

"Will it really just go down the drain?"

"Sh-shut up, Kotsubaki. Of course it will." Kiyone shot back uncertainly, and started easing out the gray clump.

HIIIISSSS

Something strange came out of Sentarou's throat, and he backed up a few steps. Kiyone screamed and let go of the pot, where it slammed perfectly back into the sink.

"Did it just...hiss?" Ukitake asked, his eyes crossing slightly, while Kiyone cowered behind him.

Sentarou stared at the substance, and made a resolution. He closed his eyes, gulped, said a quick prayer, and stepped forward.

"Stay back, Taichou! Allow your real third seat to handle this!" he walked purposefully toward the pot.

Ukitake gave him a worried look.

"Just leave it, Sentarou. Later we can--"

"Excuse me, Taichou, but it is my duty as third seat to help my Captain in any way possible," he smirked, despite himself, "Besides, instead of hiding behind someone else like a shameful weakling, I shall assist you to the fullest!"

Kiyone glared at him, behind the sleeves of Ukitake's robe, "I hope it eats you."

Sentarou scoffed, but Ukitake noticed despairingly, how badly his knees were shaking.

Edging forward, his fingers twitched as they drew near the handle. Ukitake's eyes were wide with anxiety, and Kiyone unnoticeably grabbed a fistful of Ukitake's robe.

A second passed...

...then two...

...three...

...five...

...ten...

Ukitake and Kiyone had helped themselves to the chairs. Five minutes. Sentarou had not moved from that spot for five minutes.

Ukitake gave him a dull half-lidded stare, while Kiyone propped an elbow on the table and tried not to fall asleep.

A small bead of sweat trickled down Sentarou's brow, and he narrowed his eyes at the annoyance. He just had to move his hand a few more centimeters.

Finally, Ukitake stood up, "Sentarou, I think you've proven tha--"

He was cut off, when a sudden horrifying rumble vibrated through the room.

Kiyone immediately snapped alive, and sent her Captain an anxious look, "Ta-taichou?"

All three pairs of eyes darted to the pot, that was now choking up enough smoke to engulf the whole room. The shelves quivered wildly, leftover bottles went tumbling all over the place, the pantry door flew open, and the yellow sponge flopped onto the floor.

There was a moment of deafening silence. Then the three erupted into chaos.

"Taichou, please, get to the door, the door!" Kiyone screamed, flying out of her seat and yanking her flustered Captain by the arm to the only exit.

Sentarou whirled around, just missing the greenish glow the lump was starting to emanate, "Go Taichou, escape! It's gonna explode!" he started sprinting after them, when he lost his footing on the slippery sponge and went surging forward.

"Holy shit, Kotsubaki!" Kiyone screeched, forgetting her language, and Ukitake had just enough time to turn his head before Sentarou went crashing into them.

"WHOA!" the three easily broke through the poor defenceless sliding door, and landed in a dogpile on the narrow hallway floor.

"Taichou!" Kiyone screamed in horror from her place at the top and shoved Sentarou aside like yesterday's newspaper. Ukitake groaned slightly, from the breathless impact against the wooden floor, and the combined weight from his two subordinates against his back.

"Taichou!" They screamed again, simultaneously, and tried pushing each other aside to offer their Captain a hand up.

"You'll cause the Captain more harm!"

"Excuse me? I seem to remember, you crashing into us!"

"Not now, you two!" Ukitake interrupted urgently, having stood up by himself. His eyes flickered toward the kitchen.

Kiyone followed his gaze, and added worriedly, "Taichou, it's gonna blow!"

Sentarou bit his lip, "Aw, man. It might take out the whole compound!"

Ukitake's face suddenly smoothed over, "Calm down, you two. We have to evacuate everyone in a calm and organized manner."

"HOLY CRAP! RUN, YOU BOOGERS!" Sentarou shouted as loud as his lungs would allow, as he burst into the many offices and barracks.

"IF YOU WANT TO LIVE, MOVE YOUR BUTTS!" Kiyone screamed following right behind him.

"YOU'LL DIE HERE! LEAVE, IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIFE!" Ukitake lastly called.

Now, as many could imagine how absolutely confused the thirteenth division members were. Why exactly were their top three officers running around like absolute lunatics?

"I just knew Ukitake-taichou was going to crack one day after working with those two for so long." One random member told another random member, and shook his head in lament.

"WHY AREN'T YOU IDIOTS RUNNING?" Sentarou shouted, as they passed by the room for the fourth time.

"IF YOU DON'T RUN NOW, YOU'LL ALL BE IN SERIOUS DANGER!" Ukitake pleaded, skidding to a stop at the doorway.

The members gave him puzzled looks. "Taichou, what is it that's so dangerous?"

Kiyone popped her head in behind Ukitake. "WHAT DO YOU THINK, YOU MONKEYS?! SENTAROU TRIED TO MAKE BLEACH AND--"

"WHAT?" Sentarou screamed incredulously, coming back over to the doorway.

"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SUGGESTED IT!"

"NO, I THINK THAT WAS YOU!"

The argument didn't continue further, as the members were suddenly up on their feet and making a mad scramble out of the compound.

Shelves were pushed over, desks overturned, and vases shattered. Why did we bother to clean anything, if it was just going to all get destroyed at the end?

Kiyone and Sentarou tackled a few loitering people out of the entrance. They landed in a tangle of arms and legs on the green grass.

"Damn! No more time!" Ukitake shouted, and showing some surprising strength, picked up the last few people and literally threw them out of the building and onto the courtyard, before following suit.

In a random district of Rukongai, the thirteenth division cook hummed a catchy tune, and held his bag of groceries closer. He paused as a tremor shook the ground, and his eyes met the gigantic mushroom cloud.

To say the least, he wasn't at all surprised it came from his division's general area.

Dropping the groceries on the floor carelessly, he reached into his pocket and retrieved his cell phone. Dialing in a calm motion, he held the phone to his ear and waited, before saying...

"Dr. Kusajima? This is Mouri Heiji. I'm calling to schedule another therapy session?"

"Oh my, how am I suppose to explain this to Heiji?" Ukitake brushed his chin in distress, while the division members searched through the charred wreckage for anything to salvage. Thankfully, the explosion hit the west side of the compound (meaning that his precious antiques were safe), the hallways were singed slightly, there wasn't even the slightest chance that anyone thought the sliding doors would make it, but the kitchen had been completely obliterated.

Rubble and debris was everywhere, the entire roof had been blown off, allowing the blue cloudless sky to stare down at them, and shattered containers, glass, and metal blanketed the scene.

"Taichou, please accept my deepest apologies! I, from the bottom of my heart, have never been so regretful for anything in my life!" Sentarou shouted in his left ear.

Ukitake winced at the sound, "Sentarou, I've already accepted seven times. I understand, you can stop repeating yourself."

"Oh Captain, if only I had been more helpful, more wise! I am a hundred times more regretful!" Kiyone shouted in his right ear.

Ukitake sighed, and tried not to ponder why he hadn't gone deaf yet after all these years.

"Kiyone, it's all right."

"No, Taichou! You don't have to hide it and sully your pure untarnished mouth with lies! I AM UNFORGIVABLE! I AM UNREDEEMABLE! I AM A MONSTER!"

"DEFINETELY NOT AS MUCH OF A MONSTER AS I AM, TAICHOU!" Sentarou screamed, glaring at Kiyone from across Ukitake.

Kiyone narrowed her eyes, a vein appearing on her temple, "I AM THE MONSTER OF ALL MONSTERS!"

"I AM SOMETHING THAT SHOULD BE THROWN INTO THE DEPTHS OF HELL!"

"HELL IS RESERVED FOR ME!"

"WHO SAYS?!"

"I SAYS!"

Ukitake sighed, and walked away from the two. Why were they never haorse from yelling so much?

He stopped his strolling at the refrigerator--or what once was one anyway--it looked more like a capsized Titanic now. Something white caught his eye behind one of the blown off hinged doors and without giving it much thought, he bent down to pick it up.

It was a white jug, that had swishy sound when he shook it, and felt like it was filled with a considerable amount of...something. There was a burnt up label, that was just barely recognizable. Ukitake squinted, and held it close to his face as the illegible words came into focus.

White King: Premium Bleach

Phew! I rewrote this several times and it still doesn't sound right. Ugh! Don't get me wrong, Ukitake is awesome, but I find him hard to write, since his character is so overly simple. (And nobody start telling me that Ukitake doesn't curse, because I remember in this one episode he did).

Anyway, again I apologize for the late, late, late, update! I made this extra long to compensate!