Nathan stood at the rivercourt looking up at the net - no ball with him, no want to play, he just stood there looking up at it. Nathan should have been in school, but when he got there today something took him away from there he couldn't be there, he knew Peyton would wonder where he was, but she knew that he did this sometimes, he just had to get away from it.

He had been trying to avoid he's Dad since he's Mum left town, it was easy in that big house and he spent time at Peyton's to avoid being there. He knew he couldn't avoid it forever, and he had to go home at some point.

He started to make he's way there, thinking about Peyton being at school on her own, he hated the thought of her being alone at lunch having all her so called friends talking about her and now judging her. He knew she hated it too, she never said it, she never said much about it, any of the Lucas situation, but Nathan knew it all from the looks on her face, when he walked into a room, every time she saw him kiss Brooke, every time she saw him smile, her face would change, from no emotion from a blank face, to so many all at once, anger, envy, want...

He knew because he felt the same every time he thought about Haley, every time he saw something that reminded him of her, all the places he went etched with moments from their past, sometimes that what hurt more than anything else, was that everything was a constant reminder, flickers of what once used to be, a completely different life to what he had now, a completely different person to who he was then.

He thought about who he used to be before Haley. Was he any better of a person now? Did he really need to change that much in order to feel worthy of being loved? Had he been such a bad guy before? He had treated Lucas badly but looking back now Nathan knew that was only he's own insecurities, everyone used to say how much Haley changed him... how much she had done for him.

What about what Nathan had done for her? There was nothing... she had found him altered him and then broke he's heart. Maybe thats what he had deserved for being a bad person for all that time, maybe he deserved to be feeling like this.

When he arrived home he's dad wasn't home yet, he walked around he's empty house, through the kitchen to get a drink, the to the lounge, pictures of lies hanging on the walls. Smiling faces, playing happy families, everything looking perfect from the outside. The clicking of the door made Nathan jump out of he's daydream, the reality that he'd have to speak to he's Dad sinking in.

"Nathan, nice to see you actually turn up at home for once."

Nathan sighed heavily, it was typical that the first words he's Dad spoke to him wouldn't be to say hello or ask how he was doing, but just to have a dig at him. "Nice to see you acting like you care Dad"

"I do care Nathan" Nathan just shook he's head, he had no reason to believe that from him, what reason or actions had he shown to prove that he could believe that from him

"Have you heard from your mother?"

Nathan turned he's back on he's Dad, he didn't know what to say to him, Dan hadn't exactly been disappointed when Deb had left so acting like he cared about it now, seemed out of character for him.

"If she contacted you Nathan, I hope that you would tell me."

All he could do was nod, he turned back to stare at he's Dad, wondering if he would actually ask how things were in he's life right now, ask how he was doing, ask how he was coping, but the blank expression on he's Dad's face gave Nathan all the answer he needed.

"I'm going to my room"

"Nathan... Hows basketball?"

Nathan was already out the room, part of him thought that he was actually going to talk to him, but no straight back to basketball. "Same as everything else in my life. Messed up."

Nathan left he's father standing alone in the lounge, he walked upstairs to he's room quickly, shutting the door, and crashing down on he's bed. He closed he's eyes trying to drown out all the images filling he's head, shutting off the noise of he's thoughts. He's cell phone rang bringing him back to reality. There was no one else it could be it would only be Peyton, no one else ever called him.

"Hey P"

"Not quite." The voice on the end of the line shocked the hell out of him, mostly because he couldn't remember the last time Lucas had gone out of he's way to contact him at all, he sighed – just what he needed another confrontation from someone who gave up caring about him.

"Lucas? What the hell do you want?"

"I'd like to talk to you. Its kinda important."

"Not interested"

"Its about..."

Nathan hung up slamming the phone down on he's bedside cabinet. He was so angry with Lucas for the way he had treated him since Haley left, so angry with him for how he was treating Peyton, he didn't want to hear anything he had to say, just another story to fill he's mind, another lie to be told. He shut he's eyes again, hoping to sleep, but again the cell phone rang, and ignoring it didn't help. Why now all of a sudden was Lucas trying so hard.

"Lucas! Take the hint, I don't wanna talk to you alright? You made it perfectly clear how you feel leave me the hell alone!"

"Hello to you too" this second voice shocked him even more than the first. He stood up from the bed, walking around the room, checking that he was hearing right, that he was awake that this was actually happening. He had pictured this happening so many times, to pick up the phone and hear her voice, but now after so long and after so much waiting, the sound wasn't as comforting as he once hoped.

"Nathan... are you still there?"

"Yeah."

"How are you?"

Nathan laughed at the stupidity of the question – had she actually just asked him how he was? Where should he begin, miserable and feeling completely alone, and a attempted murderer for a mother.

"Oh I'm just great Haley! How are you? Hows the tour?" the bitterness was ringing through Nathan's voice and he knew it.

"Don't be like that..."

"Don't tell me how to be Haley"

He heard Haley sigh down the other end of the phone and he could feel himself getting more and more angry, for so long he had waited for this phone call, to hear her voice on the other end of this line, but now all he could think about was hanging up the phone. H e waited until she began to speak again.

" I just wanted to... I'm back in Tree Hill Nathan... we have a show and I thought I'd come and see Lucas and..."

"Well thats a great story but I'm kinda busy."

"I thought maybe we could meet up before I leave.."

"You thought wrong."

" I'm here for two weeks so..."

"Well we really have no need to speak to each other. Have fun with Lucas."

Nathan shut the phone, in a complete daze, unsure if the conversation was even real, not sure what to make of any of it, not understanding any of it. He felt like he couldn't breathe, and suddenly he's body had no control of what he was doing he moved out of he's room, out of he's house. He knew where he was going.

Haley was here just a few minutes away probably going to see Lucas, maybe thats why he called, why did she call? What was there to say? The divorce papers had spoken volumes. Was there anything else left to say.

He turned up at the door, he let himself in and walked up the stairs the familiar journey to see her, she was sitting where she usually was, by her computer staring at her blank sketch book, tapping her pencil lightly, he curly hair pulled back off her face, he didn't speak just watched her completely lost and transfixed.

She noticed he's presence, as she turned and saw him she smiled, a smile that was only kept for him, he's face remained expressionless.

"You just missed my Dad. He had to go again. He said to say goodbye."

With no words he moved towards her, lifting her up out of her chair, he ran he's hand along her arm touching her bare skin, he moved in closer and kissed her softly. Peyton pulled away tilting her head, smiling.

"Hey to you too."

He kissed her again but this time with more urgency and passion, still no words being spoken by him at all, he kissed along her neck and let down her hair, she shook her head and grinned slightly, he pulled her in closer and led her to the bed.

This wasn't like before this was different, something had taken hold of Nathan, he never understood what always drove him here, he thought it was he's pain he was feeling for Haley, that he needed to be with someone to stop him thinking about her, when the realisation hit him, he hadn't been thinking about her at all.

He didn't worry about where she was or what she was doing, or if she would be upset by he's actions.

It was Peyton. And he didn't understand what that meant, if it had to mean anything, but he knew that in these moments when he wanted Peyton more than anything, it was the best he had felt in the longest time.

He lay looking up at the ceiling - he could feel Peyton fidgeting next to him, like she did when she was trying to get comfortable, he stroked her back softly then pulled her in close to him, she rested her head on he's chest. She stirred and woke up and kissed he's chest and shut her eyes again.

"Are you gonna talk tonight?"

He didn't know what to say, what could he say? So many things needed to be said, there were so many things he wanted to say, but the only words that came out were the ones that to Nathan strangely seemed irrelevant to him.

"Haley's back."

Peyton waited until Nathan had fallen asleep and she got up out of bed, got dressed, left her house got into her car and started to drive.

She had no idea where she was going, she just had to get out. This was what she had worried about the most, the last thing she wanted in her life was more complications, and it seemed like this was just another thing that was becoming that.

But when she was with him when it was just her and Nathan it was like everything else on the outside had gone and it was just the two of them, she didn't know when it had happened that Nathan had become the person she relied on, when she became the person he relied on back. But what was it?

It wasn't love. Peyton knew that much.

She ended up at the Rivercourt - sometimes she did, it seemed to happen like instinct and she knew why. Lucas. She had driven by here so many times and he would be there playing basketball, sometimes just there reading - she would pull up in her car far enough way and just sit there somehow being there with him - he fear of her feelings for him keeping her away.

She had tried not to think about the fact that Brooke had made up some kind of story about Peyton trying to split them up- the truth was Peyton wasn't surprised that Brooke had done that, in some ways she suspected that she had and in a twisted way she was grateful - she knew deep down Lucas would never love her the way she needed him too and she had to get other him, and with him being friends with her would have made it harder.

So although Brooke's actions weren't meant to be mean and spiteful in some ways they had helped Peyton more than ever.

She got out of her car at the rivercourt and went and stood in the middle of it looking out across the river, it was so peaceful here at night, she took the letter out her pocket...

"Dear Peyton,

I didn't know how else to get you to listen and even right now I'm not under any illusions that you haven't ripped up this letter and thrown it away.

But in case you decide to read this, I just wanted to apologise, I understand that your angry at me, I'm angry at me too, and I know you have no reason to want to see me, but I feel like I need to explain to you, like I owe you that.

Maybe your not interested, maybe you don't care. But if you feel like you would want to talk to me, even just once. I am here until Friday and then I am leaving.

Ellie"

It was Friday. And she was gone. Just another what would've been to add to Peyton's list. She sat there for the longest time starring at the letter, it started to get light when Peyton realised she better get back home, when she arrived Nathan was gone, this time there was no note, he was just gone.