Keith wasn't in his dorm- or the training room- the cafeteria…

Lance had found him by following the sounds of screams and yelling coming from the teacher's lounge. The red jacket culprit causing the commotion had the principal by the shirt, slamming him into the ground with more strength than most were probably expecting from the young cadet.

"Keith-!" Lance slide into the room, stopped instantly by the hands of a few other instructors as the others attempted to pry Keith's cold determined grip off the one he was assaulting.

"Crew error?! Shuttle error!? Like hell Shiro messed up! Like hell he did!" Keith roared, his face contorted in a way Lance had never seen- ruthless rage.

"Keith! Calm down-!" the instructor got an elbow to the gut.

"You should have made sure! If you are going to send someone out that far you make 100% sure the shuttle can get them home! Why didn't you do that?! It is your fault he's dead!" Keith kicked and screamed wildly as 6 other men had to pull him back, using everything they had to restrain him.

They held him down until he exhausted himself, placing him into the infirmary when his screaming had stopped. They allowed Lance in, assuming he was a friend and asked him to try and talk some sense into Keith.

Lance wasn't sure he could- but he didn't disagree to go and try.

When he entered, he found Keith huddled in the corner, fists clenching and unclenching. He looked horribly exhausted, and it was amazing that he still found the strength to stand up at all.

"Keith?"

"Leave me alone." his mumbled.

"Keith-" Lance extended out a hand.

He slapped it away, "I said leave me alone! What about that don't you understand?!"

Startled, Lance retracted his stinging hand. Stepping back, he held his breath for Keith to say something- anything. When he didn't, Lance ended up sitting across from him.

The silence was torture- but Lance endured it, his eyes never leaving Keith until the instructor came in and told him to return to his dorm. He refused her at first, but she insisted, saying that Keith would be returning to his dorm as well.

They didn't even say goodbye.

In the halls the next day, Lance ran to Keith's room, exhausted from zero sleep. His hope was that Keith had calmed down, if only slightly, and would talk to him- he got the cold shoulder.

Lance wondered if Keith could even hear his voice at all.

For days after, Keith never went to class. Despite Lance's best effort the closest he got to seeing Keith would be the quickly disappearing form down the hall.

Resorting to ditching his own piloting class to find him, he managed to corner Keith towards the back of the school.

Approaching him as one would a wild animal, Lance kept his voice low, "Can we talk?"

"I have nothing to say," Keith seethed, his gaze wild. His face was bruised horribly and Lance had to wonder exactly how many fights he had gotten into these past few days.

At a lost for words, wanting nothing more than to embrace his boyfriend and tell him it was okay- knowing that wouldn't be enough, he says, "I'm here, Keith."

"Why does that matter?" Keith laughed coldly,

Lance frowned, "What?"

"You'll leave! I know you will- I always thought you would."

"Keith, calm down." Lance says, "You aren't making sense."

"I'm perfectly calm!"

"You are not."

"What the hell do you know?!"

"I know you, Keith." Lance held up his hands. "I know this is hard-"

"Don't even start," Keith warned.

"I want to help you, Keith. I know Shiro was important to you-"

"You don't know anything!" Keith exploded, "Nobody does!"

"Of course I know! You even said it yourself; Shiro and you were like brothers! He is practically family to you-"
"Don't talk about him!" Keith stepped towards him and Lance stepped back. He wasn't afraid of Keith, but the action had caught him off guard.

"I-" he gulped, "I just want to help you, Keith."

"Help me…" Keith says dryly, his tongue rolling over the words. There is a dark look in his eyes that Lance had never seen before. Taking another step back when Keith go closer, he could feel his back hit the wall behind him.

"Yes... Help you."

"Then make me feel better." Keith grabbed his chin. Startled, he tensed when Keith kissed him. It was rough and demanding, nothing like any kiss they had ever shared before.

"Wait-" Lance yanked away. Keith was relentless- pushing him farther and farther, pressing every square inch of his body against him, and stopping all movements. "Keith, stop- we can't do this right now." Lance felt himself starting to panic, a foreign fear bubbling in his stomach.

Keith bit at his neck- it hurt. Wincing, Lance felt frantic, pushing against Keith as much as he could to get away.

"Why are you fighting?" Keith hissed.

"Because this would mean nothing," Lance explained hoarsely.

Keith stopped, "Nothing?' he seethed.

"N-No- that isn't what I meant." he cringed, "This wouldn't be healthy Keith. It'll just end up making this complicated-"

With heavy and uneven breaths, Keith gripped Lance's wrists, tugging and pushing them in some sort of irrational pattern. His mind couldn't seem to make up its mind on pushing him away or pulling him closer. In the end he did nothing, his trembling from his unstable emotions- it had to be making him irrational. "Complicated?! Well, maybe I am complicated, Lance!"

"Stop yelling at me! I'm trying to help!"

"You could help by shutting up!"

"And just let you do whatever the hell you wanted? This is a two-sided situation, Keith-" he grunted when Keith shoved him back, "Stop manhandling me! This hurts!" he didn't care if the entire school heard him at this point- he wasn't putting up with this. "I don't want this to be nothing!"

"Then I guess we were nothing!"

Lance stopped cold, "No," he says quickly, "That isn't true. I just don't want this to be something we do in the spur of the moment because you are sad-"

"What is the difference between now and later, Lance? We messed around before- that's all we did. I don't see what is so different about this situation. We're just messing around!" Keith almost sounded hysterical.

"We aren't messing around! It is more than that and you know it." Lance was quick to anger.

"What else is it Lance? Tell me!" Keith was in his space again, hands painfully gripping his hips. Forcing Lance's face towards him, he leaned in to kiss him.

"I said stop!" Lance punched him before he could stop himself, throwing Keith to the side, "This isn't you!" he screamed. Half a second later, he was seeing stars.

Stumbling over, a stinging sensation bloomed over his face. It didn't take a genius to realize what just happened.

Coming to terms with the fact that he has just been punched across the jaw, Lance could taste blood pooling into his mouth. With shaky knees, he got to his feet, eyes narrowed to Keith's trembling form. He didn't look apologetic, but he seemed frozen in place. Maybe he was still trying to accept what he had just done…

"Stop acting high and mighty-" Keith said with a low tone, "I'm sick of everyone pitying me- pretending to care-!"

"I do care, Keith!"

He scoffed, "You care? Since when did you care?"

Had Keith just forgotten these last months or was Lance taking crazy pills, "I've always cared!"

"Always... Stop lying. Don't tell me you suddenly love me, Lance." he said, sounding downright disgusted.

Lance couldn't describe his own expression, but the startled one Keith gave him must have meant it was bad. It felt bad. The last couple of months hit him like a brick and the fear that this had all just been something to pass the time to Keith…

He loved him.

Granted, he never once told Keith that he loved him- at least not yet, but couldn't he tell? Couldn't he tell just how infatuated Lance was with him during every second of the day? How Lance never even gave anyone else a second look since they had started dating? Once known as a flirt, Lance couldn't even imagine trying to catch the attention of anyone else but Keith ever again.

"I… I do." he felt like he was breaking. "I love you, Keith."

As if Lance had slapped him, Keith took a few quick steps back. "...Shut up. Don't tell me that right now."
"When am I supposed to say it then?" Lance demanded through a sore throat.

"Never!" Keith was backing up; almost tripping over himself when lance moved to follow him, "Stay away from me."

"Keith…" Lance pleaded.

"Don't say another word! I don't want to hear it!" He covered his own ears. There were two options running through Lance's head- Keith was either acting this way because everything was too much and his wild emotions just couldn't handle being confessed to… or it repulsed him that Lance loved him.

Dating never had to lead to love- and sometimes people did it solely for the sake of being lonely and just needing some physical contact for a while… Was Keith one of those people?

Dreading ever saying anything, Lance desperately tried to fix this, "K-Keith just- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to- I just-"
"We can't keep doing this." Keith cut him off, his voice crazed, "We should end it now or else…"

Lance swallowed hard, "What?"

"Break up. We should break up.'
"No!" Lance argued, "If this is about what I just said, then-"
"It isn't just that Lance. I can't do this- you can't do this. So we should just break it off now!"

"I don't want to!"

"Don't be difficult!" Keith roared at him, cheeks red and eyes puffy.

"I'm not- you are! You are…" he would not allow himself to cry right here and now, but it was becoming hard not to. "Keith, please."

"No." he was turning away.

"Keith!" he yelled, his voice cracking horribly.

"It's over Lance!" He sprinted around the building side and never looked back. With that, he just ran away. Lance tried to follow after him, but Keith had always been the better runner of the two. Lance never stood a chance.

He found himself collapsing behind the storage closet, grasping and pulling at his hair. His chest was tight- too tight. It hurt so much- like his whole body was cutting it two.

How he managed to stumble his way back to his dorm, Lance would never know.

Hunk rose from his chair when he arrived, horror dawning on his face when Lance stepped into the light, "Jeez, Lance! Your face- what happened?"

Lance collapsed then- a shuddering exhale releasing everything he couldn't bare to hold onto.

Hunk froze up when he began to sob, slowly but surely wrapping his arms around Lance. "It's… It's okay…" he stammered. "Everything is going to be okay." They sat there for a long time.

He hadn't cried so hard since his grandmother had passed away when he was 10. Honestly, he couldn't tell which pain stung more. Losing someone and never seeing them again, or losing someone and having to see them every single day- knowing that your best efforts weren't enough to keep them around.

Both felt pretty horrible.

In the end, he got sick and was stuck in bed for a few days. Hunk would come and go, continuing to go to class and bringing him soup or water during lunch hours. He was one hell of a cook.

"Hey, Lance." Hunk tiptoed into the room, carefully carrying a small bowl with him.

"I'm not hungry…" Lance said quickly.

"You have barely eaten anything the last three days." Hunk insists. The curtains were closed, making it hard to make out his friends face. "Just eat a little bit, for me."

Forcing himself to sit up, Lance sighed, "Okay." as he ate, Hunk placed the back of his palm to Lance's forehead.

"Your fever still hasn't gone down…" he said, worried. "I should go get the nurse again."

'I'm fine…" Lance felt the urge to throw up. Covering his mouth, he reached aimlessly for the spare bowl Hunk kept next to the bed in case Lance couldn't make it to the bathroom. Hunk was quick to react, handing it to him.

"I gotcha buddy."

Gagging into it, Lance desperately sucked in air, "T-Thanks Hunk-" he looked up, noticing an odd purple blemish on Hunk's left eye. "Hey-" he reached for it. Hunk flinched and stepped back. "Did someone hit you?" Lance couldn't believe it. "What happened?"

"It's nothing." Hunk insisted.

"No- who did it?" Lance was ready to get out of the bed and march to whoever dared!

"I got in my own hits, don't worry Lance. It is nothing." Hunk said with a low tone. Lance went still. Was Hunk angry? He never got angry.

"Who was it?" he asked again. When Hunk didn't answer, Lance knew who. "Hunk…" he shook his head, 'You didn't."

"You are my best friend." Hunk shrugs, "If someone messed with you, they mess with me. I had to make sure Keith understood that."

Biting his lower lip, Lance looked down in and hopes that would stop him from sobbing like an overemotional teenager..., which is what he was. "...Thanks for the soup Buddy." he took another spoonful. "It is great."

When his sickness had passed, Lance returned to class. He had tried several times to talk to Keith during small breaks within the class, but Keith cut down each one.

Lance couldn't bare to keep trying after attempt 5…

It was over, wasn't it…? They broke up, and Lance hadn't even gotten a say to it.

But he had only spoken the truth… was that so wrong of him?

With every passing day, Lance felt heavier- how did people keep going after something like this? What are you suppose to do or feel when you see the very person who is causing your heartbreak day after day?

Do you scream? Stop? Beg and plead? Let it go?

How does one let this go?

Someone tell him- please. Tell him how to stop looking at Keith and hoping for something. The pain of receiving nothing- not even a bat of the eye was killing him. Keith was killing him.

The more Lance watched him, the less he could focus on his own studies. He ended up falling behind, going from 2nd best to the bottom of the barrel, almost completely getting kicked out of Garrison for his grades. Hunk tried his best to help, which Lance appreciated, but it was hard.

In the end, he didn't pass his Fighter pilot test. It was over for him. Because he lost sight of his goal and got distracted he lost his dream.

How could he go home and face his family?

At least Hunk had passed his and would be placed into a crew. Lance could at least celebrate that. And it wasn't all that bad- his counselor even tried suggesting other careers he could follow- Things that would match his skill set. His little to nothing skill set.

Lance almost cried during the session and had to leave halfway through.

"Lance?" Hunk tapped on the bathroom door he had locked himself into, "You- you okay buddy?"

Using his sleeve to whip his eyes, he took a few breaths, "I'm fine." he looked at himself in the mirror, eyes narrowing. "I'm fine."

A week later, Keith had been expelled from Garrison for a disciplinary issue.

Lance tried his best to act as though he didn't care- but that was just a lie. Honestly, when he heard the news, he bolted to the front of the school, watching from the upper windows as a sleek black car pulled around the entrance.

A woman from Social Services has stepped out, adjusting her dress shirt and pulling back her hair. Lance felt as though he would throw up as she moved towards the building, knowing full well that she would be leaving with Keith for good.

Waiting for at least an hour, Lance was surprised to see the woman walking back to the car alone, frantically typing on her phone. It didn't take long for word to spread of Keith's disappearance. With his hover bike gone, Lance could only assume that Keith ran off. He alway seemed like the guy who would prefer to try and make it in the world solo than return to Social services.

He didn't even come to say goodbye- but it wasn't like they had said a word these past 3 months, so why would he have? It only hurt to have fake hopes like that.

"So Keith ran off…" Hunk gave him a cautious side look during dinner.
"Guess so." Lance shrugged.

"Have any idea where he could have gone?"

"Don't know, don't care."

"Really?' Hunk frowned.

Lance didn't move for a long time, feeling too tired to continue having these conversations. He knew Hunk was just trying to help- and maybe talking about it would- but his heart felt too heavy to try. If he did, he was positive he would break and Lance had no idea how to glue something this big back together.

"I don't want to care." Lance sighs, going to bed without a word

The Dean approached him the next morning, saying that due to Keith being expelled, he was next in line for a Fighter pilot position. Lance was in.

He was in solely because Keith left. He hadn't earned it, he just so happened to be there when they needed a replacement.

It stung more than any blade, but he agreed.

"I'm a fighter pilot." He forced a smile as he pointed to the screen. Hunk looked at him nervously, but wrapped his arm around him and pointed to the screen.

"I'm your mechanic!"

Lance nodded, "That's good."

"It… it is. It is good! You made it!" Hunk insisted, hoping to get some sort of laugh or smile- any real sign of joy out of his friend. "And- And look here, our communication officer is Pidge Gunderson."

Lance shrugged, "I don't know who that is."

'Uh, they're… I dunno either."

"I'm right here." They turned at the sound of an unfamiliar voice. It was a rather small cadet with fluffy light brown hair.

"Oh, hey!" Hunk waved, "I'm Hunk, your mechanic."

"Lance," Lance says.

"..." Hunk chuckled nervously, "He is our fighter pilot."
Lance straightened, "Y-Yeah. I'm your fighter pilot." They all shook hands. "Nice to have you on board."

When Lance fell silent, Hunk was quick to pick up the conversation, "WELP! We should probably go uh, bond, or something, right? Crews need to be close! We could go get pizza, or get something to drink, or… go sit quietly together somewhere?" neither seemed to be paying attention to him.

When Pidge suddenly saluted, all of them straightened when their commanding officer appeared from behind them, barking at Pidge, "Wrong arm, Cadet."

When he passed, they shared a breath of relief. "...So? How does all that sound?" Hunk asked.

"Sounds uh- sounds great buddy." Lance nodded.

"I don't have time to mess around with you guys." Pidge grumbled, "I'll see you in the simulator."
"Sure." Lance and Pidge both moved in different directions.

"Wha- hey wait, guys!" Hunk insisted. Unable to cut himself in two, he followed after his best friend, "Lance. Come on pal."
"Sorry Hunk I'm just- I'm not feeling too hot right now. I should go study…"

"You just made it to fighter Pilot, why would you need to study?"

"I- I just need to. I need to make sure I don't screw this up." Lance huffed, shuffling ahead, exhaustion evident in his voice.

"Lance." Hunk frowned.

0000-000-0000

They worked in silence during most trainings, only talking when it was absolutely required.

"So- isn't this great?" Hunk cheered, "Awesome time, great crew."
'Uh, yeah, sure." Pidge grumbled, eyes focused on their screen. Hunk frowned a bit.

"You uh-" he cleared his throat, "I really hate to always have to be the one to point this out guys, but we are a team and we should really try some bonding exercises some day."

"Sounds awesome, Hunk." Lance didn't even look at him.

"Aww come on Lance. We all have a day off tomorrow, maybe we could- I dunno, head to town? You love to go down to down."

"Not really interested." Pidge rolls their eyes.

"I have to study." Lance agrees, typing furiously on the screen.

Hunk bits his lip, "All you do is study."

His hands stop and he stares blankly into the distance, "...I need to study."

"You can spare one day for fun Lance. Remember that word, fun?"

"Course I do, Hunk." he sounds a little agitated.

"You sure?"

There is a bite in Lance's tone, "Yes."

"So then we'll go." Hunk grins, "It'll be great, I promise. You'll feel better if you get out into the sun again Lance."

"Will I?" he inquired dully, almost sounding shocked at the very suggestion.

"Pidge is coming too." Hunk agreed.

"I didn't agree to this." they scowled.
"Too late, you are going." Hunk patted his back.

With that Hunk managed to get all three of them onto the bus after training- it was a miracle on his part. The day however, was painfully long.

They walked from store to store, barely talking. At least Pidge would point out something from time to time.

At one point Lance stopped to stare at some shirts. Knowing Lance's love for clothes Hunk had hoped he had found something interesting- but he recognized the shirt. Lance had one back at their room… it was the one Keith had bought for him.

Feeling tense, Hunk could see Lance's expression slowly morph from a blank stare to slow resentment, fading through time to a silent pain.

"L-Lance look!" he turned his friend around so fast Lance stumbled. Lifting his head, Lance frowned at the ponchos in front of him. "...Ponchos~' Hunk wiggled his fingers.

"...They're nice." Lance says.

"Haha!" Hunk forced a laugh, "Who is hungry?!"

"No thanks," Pidge says.

"Food it is!" he drags them out without another word.

As they order their drinks, Lance pushed the menu away. "I already ate." Hunk knew that was a lie- Lance had hardly been eating lately.

"At least get something small." he pleaded with him, "Like- oh look, they got a lot of yummy salads."

"I'm not hungry." he glances at his watch, "I should really head back- I need to study."

"You really don't." Hunk insisted.

"I'll fall behind or get someone killed if I don't know everything I can about the Fighter planes. I can't waste my time here..."

"You are a ball of sunshine, Lance." Pidge grouches. Lance doesn't reply and continues to look out the window.

"Pidge, come on man." Hunk turns to him.

"I'm just saying. We came all the way out here so that he could have fun and all he's done is just mope around. What, being a fighter pilot not good enough for you Lance? I'd hate to make your day boring. But hey, if you don't even like it, why do you even stick around, huh?"

Hunk opens his mouth, "Pidge- seriously."
'I like being in Garrison." Lance says.

"You sure about that?"

"...I gotta go to the bathroom." Lance slides out from the booth, "Be back in a sec."

"Take your time, buddy." Hunk calls to him. When he is gone, Hunk glances at Pidge, "Dude."

'What?"
"Can you at least pretend you are having a little fun for Lance's sake, and cut him some slack, please?"

"Wha-" Pidge looks insulted, "What do you mean?"

"All you've been is moody and grumpy since you joined the team." Hunk insists, "You don't have to like us, but we are going to be on the same crew from now on. The least you could do is give a smile every once or a while."
'I don't see Lance doing that." Pidge snorts.

"Lance is-' Hunk slouched a bit, "He's going through a rough time."

"Well, maybe I am too."
'And that is fine." Hunk insisted, "But Lance hasn't once called you out on your attitude and you've been nothing but a jerk since you got here. Lance isn't complaining, so I am trying not to either, but Lance is my friend and I won't sit by any longer with everyone bringing him down." he pointed a warning finger to Pidge, "So if you got something on your chest, then say it to me, but stop mocking him for his pain."

Shocked at the dark look that they were getting from the usually gentle Engineer, Pidge felt their mouth go dry, "I- I'm sorry. I don't mean to- I never meant to do that."

Hunk blinked a few times and nodded, "I know. You don't seem like a bad person Pidge. I want to be your friend too, so if you have an issue or something- you can tell us."
Pidge seemed torn at the suggestion and looked away. "It is just- some family issues. I'd rather not go into detail."

'That is fine."
"...What about Lance? What's gotten him so down?"

Glancing at the Bathroom, realizing his friend might not be out for a while he says, "He uh… got his heart broken."
"Girl issues?" Pidge looked like they were really trying not to roll their eyes.

"It's not just some random girl, Pidge. He was different."

"He? Wait, so then Lance is-"
'Bi, yes." Hunk nods, "His name was Keith and it was serious between them. Then one day he just- turned away. A lot of stuff happened and he tore Lance apart without any warning. After that Lance's lost his edge in flying. He didn't love it as much anymore and almost got kicked out of Garrison. He got back in because Keith got kicked out."

Pidge opened and closed their mouth, "So then… he is only here because the guy who broke his heart left."
"Lance use to love everything around him. The smallest thing was an adventure to him. Being a pilot was his dream! But knowing that the only reason he is able to have his dream is because the love of his life left him behind- well, I can't even imagine how that feels."
"... I didn't know."

"He knows that. Lance is a good guy Pidge, and he is used to people pushing him away or not liking him, as horrible as that sounds. He is never going to yell at you for how you act towards him. But- I'm not Lance. So I am trying to ask nicely as his friend and someone who wants to be yours- Don't make him feel any worse than he already does."
'I… I won't." Pidge stammered.

"...Good." The two sat in silence until Lance returned.

"Sorry that took so long." his voice sounded raspy, "So uh- what are we going to eat?"

Pidge glanced from Lance to Hunk, then said, "I was thinking maybe- burgers?"

"Oh. They are good here." Lance agreed.

"You should definitely get one." Hunk gives him a little look. Lance cringes a little but slowly nods.

"... You know, I can show you my secret to getting a free salad here." Pidge announces. Lance and Hunk look up curiously. When the waiter arrived, Pidge ordered their burgers, quick to add a little something extra to the order.

"So it says here, I can order as many veggies as I want on my burger?"

"That is right, sir." The waiter nodded.

"Good, I'd like four times the regular amount you put on." Pidge smiled. The waiter looked shocked and slowly wrote that down.

"A-Alright. And you boys?"

"...We'll have what he is having," they say. Frowning suspiciously, as if he knew what they were planning, the waiter retreated back to the kitchen. 15 minutes later they received their burgers and watched in awe as Pidge scrubbed off the large layer of diced veggies onto the side of the plate and dabbed a little ranch on it. "Tada~"

"I never thought of that," Lance said in awe.

"Me either! You are brilliant Pidge!' Hunk cackled.

"Eh, I do what I do," Pidge smirked. Moving their fork around their salad a little, he watched Lance curiously from below their bangs. He was currently moving the veggies out from his burger, struggling to get everything to the side as neatly as Pidge did- but failing horribly.

"You are making a mess." Hunk snorts.

Lance suddenly smiles and Pidge can see it- the sparkle in his eyes reflecting a normally kind and joyful personality. Quietly they hoped Lance could go back to that one of these days.

00000-00000-0000000

"I do… I love you, Keith."

Keith shot out of his bed with a jolt. Double taking his surroundings, he flipped the light on- taking in the sight of his new rundown shack of a home.

Skin sticky with sweat, Keith rose from his makeshift bed and stumbled outside. It always got chilly out here this late at night, but the cold felt refreshing against his heated skin.

Sighing, he tilted his head up, closing his eyes. He hated to look at the sky- it reminded him too much of that night. The night he first kissed Lance-

Even simply thinking his name had Keith leaning over. With a sudden rush, he straightened and scrambled to stick his hand into his pocket. Feeling a sense of relief when his fingers wrapped around something, he pulled out the blue ball pen.

It was a ridiculous memento but the only one Keith had.

Lance had confessed to him. Keith had never thought anyone ever would and the idea that Lance did had scared him. Everyone who loved him left him or died. His parents- Shiro- any friend he ever had eventually turned their backs on him.

When Lance had confessed… Keith's mind went into a manual overdrive, pushing Lance as far away as possible in hopes of assuring neither of those things ever happened to him.

In the end, Keith still lost him. He was alive… Lance was alive somewhere- so that was enough.

He was lying. No one was here to see his emotional turmoil but he managed to lie to himself within this chaos. And did it make up for what he did? Not even close.

At least here, after some months in solitude to collect himself, he could honestly and truly say- He loved Lance Mcclain too.

Sometimes Keith even wondered if he should return to Garrison and tell him this- but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He made his choice and he should stick with it- no matter how it hurt. No matter how lost he felt now that Lance was gone.

And that look- the open and broken look Lance had on his face when Keith commanded they break up. At the time Keith didn't stop to analyze it- his own fear commanding every fiber in his being. But now- it was all Keith could think about. It kept him up at night, torturing him through every second.

Lance was someone who should never cry, but Keith did the thing all others failed to do- he broke that smile. The smile that had warmed up during cold night and held him when he felt lonely.

God... what has he done?

Sucking in a breath, his grip tightened around Lance's pen when he felt something. There it was again- the energy.

Within these canyons was something- Keith didn't know what, but it was out there. It was calling to him, pulling him closer and closer to it. It was the soul reason he was staying out here and he didn't have a clue to what it was.

He admits to using it as a means of forgetting Lance for a few hours, but Lance always came back. Always.

For now, Keith would find whatever this energy was. It might be nothing in the end, but he had to put his time into nothing. If he didn't, Keith was positive he wouldn't be able to survive another day.